You just CAN'T approach?? Guess what...

[squirrels]

You're out at a club or some other social event, socializing, drinking, whatever. You spot a girl across the room who you think is mighty fine-looking. Maybe you check her out, maybe you make eye contact, look away, or flash her a smile.

But when you feel that pressure to go up and talk to her, your fear gets the better of you. You decide, "Oh well, I'll just sit back here...there are other girls, and if I don't go and talk to this ONE it's not like I've lost anything."

You're wrong.

You've already approached her.

And you lost.

As I was reading Pook, something jumped out at me: Guys, the girls are more clever then you think. They WILL SPOT YOU if you check them out. If you like a chick, she will eventually know it.

Think of the implications of this...if you spot a girl and are interested in her, chances are she KNOWS it. You may sit back thinking, "If I don't talk to her, she won't know that I'm interested. No harm, no foul." You're DEAD WRONG. As soon as you pause to check her out, the APPROACH BEGINS!

I was in a yuppie-type bar last Friday night and got into a conversation with a random guy, who turned out to be VERY astute in reading women. He suddenly started pointing out all of the women who were "checking me out." I never would've noticed on my own that they were looking, but he started pointing them out...the brunette in the corner, the nerdy looking girl at the bar, the hot blond and her two friends...occasionally it was just a casual glance, or I would see her head turning away as my gaze shifted, but sure the f**k enough they ALL had taken notice. It was like seeing the code in the matrix for the first time...these women were LOOKING FOR MEN. And in this case, they were looking at ME!

What does this mean? It means that chances are, unless you're unattractive or boring, when you enter a social situation where hot women are mulling about, chances are they've ALREADY checked you out and, if they like what they see, possibly even thrown you an indication of their interest. A flip of the hair, a coy smile... Even if they do it subconsciously, without ANY awareness on their own part, it's like a female animal indicating she's in heat. As breeding-age females, they DO it.

As SOON as you pause to check her out or note her attractiveness, chances are VERY good that she knows. If you make eye contact, she DEFINITELY knows. Like all other breeding-age males, you've subconsciously flashed your colors at her and she's naturally and socially programmed to see that mating call.

She knows she likes what she sees, and she knows you like what you see. The quarters have been dropped, Start has been pressed, THE GAME IS ON. Your approach has begun.

So what does it mean if you fail to go talk to her? It's the equivalent of stepping into the ring, taking a punch or two, and climbing out. She's left wondering, "WTF?! This sucks!" You forfeited before the game even really got underway. You weighed in, climbed into the ring, the bell rang, and you immediately left the arena. What a letdown...even more shameful a loss than if you hadn't stepped in the ring in the first place.

What's worse is that SHE isn't the opponent here. Because you lose doesn't mean she WINS, SHE is a loser as well. She takes it as a personal failure to have failed to identify your inadequacy as a mate. This means she will NOT show you any signals again and she will start looking for someone else. She is thinking, "Dammit, I engaged the wrong man. He doesn't know what he's doing, or he's too scared of his ego to do it."

But sh!t, isn't that what you were trying to AVOID by NOT talking to her? Seems that in running away from defeat, you've already been defeated.

Someone on here once cited the movie "Top Gun" and compared the voice in his head compelling him to talk to women to the voice Maverick hears from his co-pilot yelling, You won't last out there alone, Maverick! Get in the fight!

You've already suited up, climbed into the ****pit and launched. As a male of breeding age, as soon as you check your target out, you have announced your intention.

You CANNOT simply sit back at this point and hope the enemy will fly away. You HAVE ALREADY ENGAGED, and you WILL get shot the f**k down without even having made an effort. Get in the damned fight and take a shot!

-----

I'm honestly not talking down to anyone in here...I'm almost talking to MYSELF in this one. Somewhere along the line I lost faith in myself. I don't believe I CAN "win" in the love game...and this happened to me TWICE last night. Not once, but TWICE.

Whether you acknowledge it or not, you ARE already in the battle. Get back in the fight.

 

[earthshyne]

I gotta admit, when I first saw this, I thought, "Oh, geez, another us-versus-them post." That was, until I read and absorbed this:

Originally posted by squirrels
What's worse is that SHE isn't the opponent here. Because you lose doesn't mean she WINS, SHE is a loser as well.

This is brilliant. I don't know whether it was by accident or design, but this is about the smartest thing I've seen on this board.

Freakin' brilliant.

 

[Blue Phoenix]

Great Squirrels.

What a mind opener!

I once had a friend who would tell me some girls were checking me out or were interested in me and I was like WHAT? Where do you see that?

I thought he was just being nice to me. Maybe I have some self-image disturbance.

After reading your post I pictured my old friend could be right. I am terrible in reading SOI (signs of interest). You're right, It's like "seeing" the matrix!

Five stars!

 

[Climax]

Nice + My 2c....

squirrels: A good post, and its SO right! I also tend to have a similar problem... I sometimes let my ego get the best of me too and then instead of approaching, I will think to myself that I am better than them, and I will need up not approaching them, even if they give me obvious signs that they are interested in me. In the past I use to do this a lot, but with time and the right attitude, I’m happy to say that I do not have that problem any more, I realised that I only live life once, and opportunities only come along ONCE! Life is not a movie that you can rewind and have another go at something, it happens ONCE, and we need to do our best to make the MOST of that opportunity!

Nice post squirrels, I hope others on this board take the time to read this, and personally i think that squirrels's post should be put in the bible, this kinda thread is what inspires people to actually go out there and better themselves!



Laterz...

 

[skeeloo]

dont get carried away with these women, some times they are attention *****s, even if they give you the eye, there's a slim chance she's just testing her level of attractiveness on a cute guy to see if she's still maketable thats if she's taken. overall this is a great post.

i wonder why most guys can not stop girls that fancy them.
when i see a girl i fancy i just assume she fancies me. it's like already implanted in my head. and most of the time they really are.(unless they are just attenshion sluts) if a girl does not fancy me , its not worth it to me i just move on, sometimes you cant creat attraction.
the part of my game that is lacking is building attraction with a girl that isnt attracted at the get go.

 

[OpenMind]

Great post Squirrels

 

[Mojo604]

Awesome post.... should be immmortalized in the Bible.

 

[Nex]

I SECOND THAT.

Bible material.

 

[dastal]

yea. Me too.

Whats amazing is that neither side does this conciously

ahh...the complexities of the human mind

 

[il_duce]

Great post, I like the Top Gun analogy, very true.

 

[defiancy]

this is a great analysis on approaching

not that I just noticed

 

[yunghova35]

i think this is the greatest post i ever read by someone other den david d, or swingcatt, its dat damn good

 

[pimpin_since_85]

good post...never seen it put that way

 

[squirrels]

I was writing this as a PM reply but I figured it couldn't hurt to elaborate a little...plus it was too long for the message limit on a PM.

Name Removed wrote on 03-15-2005 11:40 AM:
once again man great post but enuff being gay, i have a question you said you were thinking of this while a guy was showing you who was attrached to you.

i would like to know what do you look for when you see girl that are noticing you because i would like to get better at that, i always ususally just feel every chick likes me but i would like to know for sure who checking me out is it just payin attention to whats around you or what could you go a lil into detail on getting better at seeing this?

Haha I'm not in it for props, man. It's basically a matter of looking so hard for the forest that you fail to see the trees.

This is all truth spit to me from some guy who struck up a conversation with me in a bar the other weekend. I was sitting at a bar, drinking, minding my own business...looking over the crowd from time to time, seeing if anyone was making eye contact, but not really LOOKING. After talking to this guy for 15-20 minutes he started talking about how he couldn't believe I had missed the two blond chicks checking me out back toward the DJ table. I was like, "WTF, I didn't see any blonds checking me out!"

I'm not going to say girls are going to necessarily check you out straight off the bat unless you REALLY send a vibe. I'm like 6'5, 250, big shoulders, nice smile...I get noticed by default. I didn't really REALIZE it, though, until this guy pointed it out to me.

Assuming you ARE attractive to women...well-dressed and decent-looking, good smile, good attitude, etc...you need to become aware of your surroundings. Free your mind of anything that's running around in there, stand back and absorb the crowd next time you're in there.

Women will check you out, but they do NOT do it directly. Just like you try to sneak glances at them, they'll look over at you, flip their hair, motion in your direction while talking to a friend, change their posture, but they won't do it while you're staring them down. Sometimes you'll focus on a girl and see her looking in the other direction...she may have been looking there the whole time. Or she may have seen your focus shifting and looked away quickly.

It's like one of those Magic Eye books...once the image starts to come in, if you try to focus ON the page, your eyes will snap into position and you'll lose sight of what they want you to see. You have to kind of lose focus...which means you STOP thinking about, "OMG, is she looking at me?" Suppress your internal monologue.

Then just relax, stand tall, smile, and look around.

 

[squirrels]

Let me give you an example...I went into this place last Wednesday.

As I was standing in line, this shot-girl was talking to some guy in a suit, probably a manager...when she looked in my direction, I noticed her suddenly straighten up and walk by as if she needed to get "back to work".

When I walked in, I was kind of surveying the room, I noticed out the corner of my eye that this cutie had turned around from her table of friends...I focused in on her casually, we locked eyes, she smiled and looked down.

As I went to get a drink, another girl and her friend were coming off the dance floor, weaving their way through the crowd...as she was looking around, she locked on me a second more than was natural. I noticed it...a couple seconds later she and her friend were talking to some dude, I started walking her way and she looked up with this "deer-in-headlights" kind of look...I walked behind her and she kind of pressed up against me. I'm still kicking myself for not talking to THAT one.

Later on, this one girl and her friend kept throwing glances over at me at various times of the night. The one I was interested in would only scan by me seemingly casually...her friend would look much more directly, which I think is because I was being checked out by proxy, if you get my meaning.

Could I have misread one? Yeah, probably. Two? Maybe. FOUR??? Not likely at all. It's that kind of natural mechanism that keeps the species alive, so it's got a pretty solid success rate...much more so than conscious thinking. Even if you misread, it's not the end of the world.

The IMPORTANT thing to think about is that as the night progressed and I continually got these signals and DIDN'T respond, the women lost interest. They KNEW I was looking back...just like I could sense them checking me out, they were aware that I was looking back. I wasn't man enough to continue from there...I had acknowledged the game as "on" but I wasn't playing, so they started looking for men who would.

I can rationalize it all I want...is it possible I just wasn't attracted to ONE of them? Probably. TWO of them? Maybe. All FOUR?? Definitely not. They know I've either got a girlfriend back home or I'm chumping out on them.

Attraction isn't a thought-process...all this crap about hitting the right switches with "C&F", all the other bull, working her "IL" up over time...it only works if at some point she recognizes you as "romantically attractive." In a bar or club, this happens almost instantly. Are you or aren't you??...Time's a wasting. With a girl you meet on the outside, MOST of the time it's pretty quick, too. She considers you for the first time...does she say, "Damn, that guy is cute!" or does she just acknowledge you and move on?

I'm rambling a little now..I'm trying to pack all my ideas into one reply. LOL

 

[squirrels]

The bottom line is the more you CARE about what they're thinking, the more you try to CONSCIOUSLY consider, rationalize, evaluate, focus, etc, etc ,etc...the more you will MISS the natural signals being sent that this girl:

-wants to mate
-wants to mate with YOU

It's not something you can THINK. If you see it, you won't find yourself thinking, "Was she checking me out?" or "I think she was checking me out."

You'll say to yourself, "SHE WAS CHECKING ME OUT." It'll be that definite. You'll know. This is a MAN'S attitude. Anyone can detect, analyze, and come to a conclusion. Only a MAN is designed to project eligibility, receive signals of attraction from a woman, and acknowledge and most importantly ACT on those signals.

That's the question she's asking:

-Is he a MAN?
-Does he see the signal?
-Is he interested?
-Is he afraid?
-Can he act on it?
-Is he trying to make up for it by thinking?
-Is he trying to make up for it by guessing?
-Can he make it natural?
-Will he make it an awkward pickup attempt?
-Is he concerned with his ego?
-Is he searching for a "vanity lay"?
-Does he want someone to make him look good in front of his buddies?
-Is he secure with his self-image?

THIS is the kind of thing people are thinking about when they talk about something you "can't fake" and that "has to be natural". Regardless of what you consciously do, your essence is responding at a subconscious level, and since you haven't said a word yet, this is ALL she can read.

So learn to relax and flow with your natural side around women. If you see her looking at you, you "lock gazes", and she smiles, don't think, "SHOULD I??" Because your body has already been placed in motion toward this event. "Should" and "should not" are irrelevant...you are engaged in a course of action and any conscious decision you make from that point out just disrupts the flow. This engagement has led to the survival of mammal species the world over. Follow it to its conclusion. Think about how to surf the waves instead of whether the sea should move at all. Thinking "whether" is a waste of energy...the rollercoaster is leaving. Ride or get off.

 

[Oxide]

Great post squi, very good illustration how a woman knows you are interested..


Few things to watch out for:

From my experience, women do not think the same way we do in this case. When we look at a girl, and lock eyes with her, we think "She is hot, i should go for it, cause i want her".

When a woman locks eyes with a guy (notices him checking her out).. she evaluates him (is he attractive or not. if she is not attracted she will not check you out again) THEN... she thinks something like this:

'Well, i see you checking me out. Good. " and that is IT! There is rarely a "I want you to come over and talk to me' follow up...but, there is rarely a "Do not approach me' follow up. See what im saying, women dont make a big deal out of catching some guy's eyes.

(I might be COMPLETELY wrong here, but this is the way it seems to me)


Another thing to really watch out for is the "every girls i meet wants me" syndrome. This one is a b1tch and really hard to recover from... actually almost impossible. When you got your sh1t together, girls do check you out. Soon you start assuming that every girl checks you out. Not even kidding, this is fukking crazy.

It usually annoys the people if you tell them "this girl was checking me out".. they say you are full of yourself, so i'd recommend keeping that to yourself. On the other hand, telling your bud that some babe was checking him out is a good idea


Again, good insight bro.

-Oxide

 

[Ever onward]

I was in a yuppie-type bar last Friday night and got into a conversation with a random guy, who turned out to be VERY astute in reading women. He suddenly started pointing out all of the women who were "checking me out." I never would've noticed on my own that they were looking, but he started pointing them out...the brunette in the corner, the nerdy looking girl at the bar, the hot blond and her two friends...occasionally it was just a casual glance, or I would see her head turning away as my gaze shifted, but sure the f**k enough they ALL had taken notice. It was like seeing the code in the matrix for the first time...these women were LOOKING FOR MEN. And in this case, they were looking at ME!

Okay so I'm a guy that never gets checked out (to my knowledge). When I look at girls they usually just go about their business without checking me out. I take it then that they check you out when you are NOT looking at them right? So how do you pick up on them checking you out if you can't be looking at them?

Alright that seems a bit confusing, but seriously squirrels did this guy give you advice for picking up signals? Elaborate man, this stuff is golden!

Also is it better to engage the girls with a direct gaze and have them break eye contact first? Or is it better to check them out peripherally and watch for the signs?

 

[dastal]

Originally posted by Ever onward
Okay so I'm a guy that never gets checked out (to my knowledge). When I look at girls they usually just go about their business without checking me out. I take it then that they check you out when you are NOT looking at them right? So how do you pick up on them checking you out if you can't be looking at them?

Alright that seems a bit confusing, but seriously squirrels did this guy give you advice for picking up signals? Elaborate man, this stuff is golden!

Also is it better to engage the girls with a direct gaze and have them break eye contact first? Or is it better to check them out peripherally and watch for the signs?

get a friend to look around for you, and do the same for him. Thatll be fun.

 

[LoneSilver]

Originally posted by squirrels

What's worse is that SHE isn't the opponent here. Because you lose doesn't mean she WINS, SHE is a loser as well. She takes it as a personal failure to have failed to identify your inadequacy as a mate. This means she will NOT show you any signals again and she will start looking for someone else. She is thinking, "Dammit, I engaged the wrong man. He doesn't know what he's doing, or he's too scared of his ego to do it."


Ok, so what this is saying if a lady has made strong eye contact with me and I return the eye contact in a daylight setting at her work and I am a customer (read first post of mine) and I don't approach her then or even for days or so and the next time I see her she no longer gives eye contact this means she's on her way to looking for another stud and she judges me as having inadequacy and possibly less the man?

Is this always the case with women? I'd hate to think a woman is that shallow just because a man doesn't approach her early on but what if he approaches later say days even a month or so later? This of course is a day time setting and not in a night club.


Anyone here had any experiences like this where you approach a lady days, months later after she had shown strong interest but had stopped giving the eye contact? I will be doing this in the days ahead I will keep you informed of the results anyone want to make a prediction?

LoneSilver