Yet another boot camp diary (YABCD)

[MrNiceGuy]

right, major one-itis upheaval and so on.. I realised I've been here 7 months and while my attitude and way of thinking has all changed, my actual actions haven't I need to force myself to do more approaches..

well they have a bit, my conversation, flirting, kino and so on is all alot better but theres still 2 major sticking points, approaches, and instinctive number closes...

so in an effort to get over one-itis and improve myself generally its boot camp time. I just hope you guys arent sick of these diaries, because I know if I don't keep posting in this one I will probably give up. like everyone thanks to waldens journal for inspiring me that its worth doing this, I like his terminology SWSnc etc. as I find theres alot of differences in my confidence depending on context.

So anyway, week 1, day 1 was today.. easy peasy I thought.. eye contact and 'hi', I can do that.. eye contact is no problem I do that all the time anyway, and a 'hi' cant be that hard.. WRONG!
walking into town to apply for jobs.. eventually spot hb walking towards me.. 'here we go' number 1... just as shes getting close enough to make eye contact she turns to cross the road.. later another hb coming my way.. shes certainly looking in my direction, 'this is it, I'll say hi, or maybe good afternoon' but as she gets closer I realise shes not making eye contact and I choke on saying something..

get into town, manage to make eye contact with plenty of women (this has never really been a problem for me, its the courage to speak that is hard) but none of them will hold my gaze for more than a second.. and at the point where we get to speaking distance and as they pass shes never looking at me.. so speaking just seems wrong.. it also seems alot harder because town is so busy and there are so many people around, its not like it would be just the two of us passing anymore..

Hand in my application form for HMV, wonder if I can get chatting to the girl I give it to, but she just goes 'thanks, I'll give it to the manager' and immediately walks into the back office.

Then head off to the wetherspoons pub I'm going to apply to, passing the local 6th form on the way, so there are hundreds (ok tens) of attractive young women around, but they are all 16/17 (6/7 years younger than me) and all in groups with mates talking, barely make any EC at all.. despite trying.

back in town wander round some of the shops, see no single girls I can approach.. then spot one girl sat on her own on a wall.. ah-ha I can go talk to her! but what'll I say?? shes not carrying any bags or anything.. I choke and move on.. do the same a little later when I see a girl sat on a wall having a fag.. theres no context, and the wall is huge "surely it'll look odd if I sit down right next to her" I'm thinking.. so move on..

Then after sitting down and having a think I realise I'm being a big wuss about it all.. as I'm walking back spot girl sat on a bench either drawing or writing in a book, "brilliant! some context at last!" but I only notice her and make ec just as I pass.. she glances at me for a second as I pass.. I think "sh*t, I'll need to completely turn around to go sit down now.. thats far too obvious," so I go wander into the virgin megastore to think and come up with a plan, come out and shes still there, so.. I decide I'll go buy a drink then sit down (with drink) and ask her about what shes writing, perfect! I'm feeling very confident about it, I have a plan and I'm going to do it! go to buy a drink, realise I have no cash on me.. so come out the shop and see that shes leaving, didnt really feel up to chasing after her, so I left it..

walked back home.. didnt have any opportunities at all... and felt pretty pissed off with myself... couldnt even manage one single hello.. I wish I'd started this boot camp while I was still at uni, plenty more women around and all my own age.. still cant change the past.. but I know one thing, I WILL go out tommorow and try again.. there is no way I'm giving up, and I'm determined to get at least one hi or something.. it shouldnt be too hard, I dont have problems striking up conversations where theres a context e.g. bus stops, supermarket queues etc. but saying hello to a complete stranger? why should this be so hard? Think I need to apply the 3 second rule, count to 3 and speak.. anyway, more job searching tommorow in town.. and more women hunting too, wish me luck.

just looked back at waldens posts and other journals.. seems a first day of choking on the hi's is natural.. at least I'm fine on the EC I never look away first.

 

[SamePendo]

Punish yourself.

Not this time, but tomorrow. You will say ¨hi¨ 10 times.
If you fail, you will have to say ¨hi¨ 12 times the next day. If not, 14, and you will add 2 days each day.
The punishment? Not coming here until you achieve your goal.
Just grab your balls, and say hi. Even if they dont answer, each hi counts.
Great luck!

 

[Tiger Eye]

Right on, MrNiceGuy, glad to see you're doing this. It will be tough at times, just stay with it, focus more on the successes than the failures.

 

[MrNiceGuy]

week 1 day 2

SamePendo, I think you're right I defintely need to set myself some sort of punishment, but it cant be not coming here.. I need to be able to read waldens journal and stuff for motivation.. plus I need to keep posting these reports.. once I start getting more successful they should be shorter,

tiger eye, thanks for the support..

anyway, today I improved infinitely on my shoddy performance from yesterday, but I'm still not 100% happy with the results..

went into town far too late in the afternoon, theres a pretty woman walking towards me with some shopping, "here we go I think" I somehow decide 'good afternoon' sounds more natural than 'hi' and quickly blurt it out... but we're both moving so quickly shes practically passed me by the time I've finished saying it.. needless to say she wasn't making eye contact while I said it but nevermind, I think that one counts!

A little further on, theres a girl walking towards me holding some shopping, make EC then she looks away, as we get closer we make EC again, and I blurt out 'hi', just as shes passing. I think I need to work on my timing with these, unless they stop completely I dont give the other person a chance to say anything back.. maybe I shouldnt walk so fast either.

when I get into town, theres a problem, its late in the afternoon, so the sun is shining directly down the high street, meaning whenever you pass someone one of you is always either squinting into the sun or staring at the ground to avoid being blinded.. meaning no EC..

I notice most guys seem to hold eye contact alot more if you make it with them (i guess its a macho thing) they dont glance away after a second like most of the girls do, but, I dont feel comfortable saying hi to a guy I dont know, not just passing in the street anyway..

I need to work on timing and keep smiling, pass another girl who I end up having ec with at speaking distance, I open my mouth and start to exhale but stop the sounds from coming out, shes not particularly attractive and she looks miserable.. so I dont say anything, then I spot a few couples walking around, and somehow I'm reminded of all the crap I've been thru in my love life in the past and my motivation just goes to sh*t..

go into a clothes store to ask about a job (dont think I can count that) but theres no-one around except for one girl, I say 'hi.. do you work here?' even though she clearly doesnt, she has a shopping bag by her feet and is waiting for someone in the changing rooms!

then go to get a coffee, a couple of girls come in and stand behind me in the queue, I'm set to just say 'hello' but they're already involved in their own conversation, and once they're finished it seems stupid to speak when I've been stood there for a minute or two.. should have though.. there were plenty of lines I could have used.. will rectify when I go for coffee again tommorow..

theres still the problem with the sun as I'm walking back.. choke on two women passing me on the way home.. although again, I miss timed with EC so they were looking somewhere else by the time they got close..

so only 3 hi's really, and one of which had the 'context' safety net.. meaning I have 47! to go..

anyway.. will try again tommorow.. still confident I CAN DO BETTER (its only day 2).. will also be enquiring about joining the gym tommorow, which will open more opportunites too..

am also starting to understand how doing this is all kinda fun.. kinda. In the same way that nearly killing yourself by going too fast on something is fun.. you feel the fear, you do it anyway, and then when you are still alive after, WOOHOO! must remember that tommorow, and not let myself get in a downer by thinking about the past.. Looking forward to going out to bars/clubs this weekend and forcing myself to get thru loads, it'll feel alot easier with the alcohol and bar context but I wont rely on it, more street attempts tommorow!

 

[an X there]

MrNiceGuy, keep it up. Even if they don't eye contact you, say your line and most will say Hi back if you say it loud and clear.

I like the way you divide your journal into many paragraphs, easy to read. I will check up on your journal daily.

 

[MrNiceGuy]

I've realised something else I can do tommorow,

instead of just going thanks to the nice shop assistant / barmaid and walking off when I hand in/receive my application form, I can (provide its not too busy) get a convo going..

'so how long you been working here for?'
'whats it like then?
'so, where you from?'

etc. etc.
although I doubt I'll have the confidence to go for # closes.. but I'll try..

will give it a shot tommorow.. would be a shame to waste all this free context while I have it..

just been reading digitz journal and stuff.. wish I'd started this bootcamp when I was at uni.. (I've just left) everyone is much more friendly there.. towns are so f*cking impersonal.. I may actually head up to the local campus next week when they start, despite not being a student, I reckon I could get off loads of hi's, but I'd need an excuse to be there if I got into a convo...

 

[MrNiceGuy]

week 1, day 3

well, today was weird started off in fantastic mood but couldnt maintain.. this is looking like the worst boot camp performance so far.. well at least among those who are posting results..

left the house in a very good mood with a smile glued onto my face.. feeling quite happy about getting thru loads of hi's today.. first trip is to the jobcenter spot no one on the way, get off two hi's in there but they are both easy, its just people sat waiting next to me... end up speaking to advisors in there for about an hour or so.. and by the time I come out of there my good frame of mind seems to have gone..

Its not like I've suddenly gone into a downer or anything, and I'm not stewing on my past or anything, but I just dont feel psyched up for it anymore.. I'm thinking about how I'm going to find a job, whether I'll have to spend a long time being unemployed and so on, will I have to take a job I'm not happy with? etc. I realise I've passed loads of hbs without realising it because I've been thinking about all this other stuff.

I make plenty of EC while wandering around the town, this still isn't a problem for me.. but I'm always making stupid excuses not to speak.. 'too young, people'll think I'm a paedophile', 'too old', 'slapper', 'really ugly', etc. etc. occasionally when I do actually pass someone I think is attractive, I usually get to the stage of opening my mouth but I always bottle it..again, with stupid excuses 'traffics too loud, I'd have to speak far too loud for her to hear, wouldnt sound casual,' etc. etc. and again they usually do the looking away thing as we pass, occasionally they make EC again just at the point we pass, but by then it seems to late.. It also seems weird with town being so busy, it seems easier to speak when the streets arent so busy and therefore you give each other more attention,

Only manange to fire off 2 hi's and these are again timed so they are far too late, and they've practically passed me by me by the time I speak..

I take some breaks and sit down and try and give myself a mental pep talk, but it doesnt seem to work.

I'm starting to get pissed off that I havent got a job or much of a social life at the moment, and I'm running out of friends to call and talk to.. its not like I've got much new to add to a conversation if I only spoke to them yesterday.. which ideally should only motivate me more to actually get out there and talk to more women, I'd have more fun, and more to talk about.. but you need to be in a good mood to start..

Would have liked to have started my 'how long you been working here?' lines with the barmaid in a pub I went to, but there were people waiting to be served so I had to just go 'thanks' and leave.. Decided its time to start smoking casually again, theres plenty of hbs around that seem to be taking fag breaks on a bench, so the old 'got a light?' line can be used.. maybe it'll stop me thinking too much about my approaches too..

I think tommorow, I will make sure I'm in the good mood I need to be in when I leave the house, and then make myself get at least 10 hi's before I allow myself to go buy some lunch or do anything else (eg apply or ask about jobs). no more stupid excuses, if I make ec with someone I will spout off some sort of greeting as they pass even if theyre not looking at me. full stop. what the f*ck have I got to lose anyway?? I need to stop caring about everyone elses opinion of me, its not whats important!

so another 4 down, meaning, 43 to go!! 43 in 4 days... should be do-able.. and I should be going out on saturday night so I can get thru a load then.. anyway at least 10 tommorow.. thats essential.. apart from breakfast tommorow, no eating or drinking untill I get 10! then more in the afternoon!
I mean for f*cks sake, the women are just out there waiting for me, its not like I'm an ugly guy or anything, statistically speaking in all likelyhood at least one of the women I made ec with that I found attractive probably would have said I met her standards to sleep with. I Just need to start making the effort! screw other peoples perception!

 

[SamePendo]

Originally posted by SamePendo
Punish yourself.

Not this time, but tomorrow. You will say ¨hi¨ 10 times.
If you fail, you will have to say ¨hi¨ 12 times the next day. If not, 14, and you will add 2 days each day.
The punishment? Not coming here until you achieve your goal.
Just grab your balls, and say hi. Even if they dont answer, each hi counts.
Great luck!

Ok, you started punishing yourself with the no-eating thing. Yet, I think itd be better for you to punish yourself with NOT coming here? Why?
Because this is your batcave, no one can harm you here, you are safe here. Youve allready read lots and lots on how to get women, you know how to do it. Now do it.
How hard can saying hi 20 times in a day be? Maybe 50% of the ¨hi´s¨ wont be replied, maybe even more. But who cares?
I say that if you dont get 20 his in one day you dont come here.

 

[Walden]

It's easy to put a lot of pressure on yourself to do well.

Remember that you don't have to do this. You're doing it cos you want to because meeting hot women is great fun.

Think about the kinda guy you're being when you're money , I find that it's a lot more fun being that guy than the guy I am when I'm being a scared little AFC beotch.

Stick at it and keep posting.

 

[MrNiceGuy]

week 1, day 4

Samependo, we're going to have to agree to disagree on me not coming here if I'm not doing well enough, mainly because If I wasnt posting this diary I'd probably be making excuses to give up right now. But thanks for the idea to punish myself, it seems to have worked.. the eating/smoking thing seems to work because as well as being a punishment when I'm not doing it, its a reward when I do.

Walden, true, the fact that I want to do this is important.. and yes, when the hi's were flying out today, my smile just kept growing, thanks. Hows things going with you post BC anyway? been on many dates or have you taken a break?

-----------------------------------------------

Anyway, today was better, perhaps a miniature breakthrough of sorts..

I think stopping myself from doing stuff till I get thru some hi's was a good idea, it means I remain focused.

anyway, ended up sleeping in so by the time I left the house I'd already eaten.. even so, I was determined to go for at least 10 hi's today and decided I'd not buy myself a coffee or cigarettes or anything untill I got some..

So left the house feeling pumped for it, but walking thru the high street still found myself choking all the time, and people not paying me much attention, Its then I realised what the problem was.. its just too darn busy there! Theres too many people around, meaning usually people only pay a second of attention to each person they pass or usually none at all, if I head somewhere with less people then it'll be easier to ensure eye contact and when I speak its obvious I'm talking to them and doesnt look weird either that I've singled them out from the tens of others around..

So I head away from the high steet and down towards the quay and canal where there should be people just strolling around taking a walk, and then it gets remarkably easy.. I wish a cheery 'good afternoon' to an old couple walking the other way on my way there, when I get there I fire off two more greetings to people, ignored once and a smile from the other, and then realise that theres no one else around! aargghh!! well there is a big group of teenagers riding bikes around but apart from that..

sO I start heading slowly back towards the town, although now I'm in a much better mood, the 3 quick hi's in succession I got off before, each one just boosted my mood, so I fire off another greeting to a guy leaving his house with some dogs, he ignores me, but I dont care.. then just as I'm about to get back onto the high street I spot a woman walking toward me, all the hi's I'd done so far today were to older people, who I had no interest in, this woman is probably older than me by 2 or 3 years but shes definitely f*ckable.. we make ec from a distance for a moment or two and as she passes I shoot her a 'hiya' and a smile, and what does she do? ignore me? no. look at me as if I've got two heads? no. she turns and smiles back.. this is what we like! get back into town with a big smile on my face..

back in town its still difficult just saying hi at someone whos passing, especially when the streets are so busy, it seems its easier to just say 'hi' at someone whos passing when the two of you are more... I dunno 'connected'. the closer you are to each other when you pass, the less other people are around (ideally its just the two of you) and the longer the ec you hold. The easier it seems to greet someone, at least those are the factors I find.. in the high street apart from the closeness it seems hard to meet those things, especially when there are SO many people around (this I think is the biggest thing, it seems odd that you should single one stranger out to greet from all the others passing at the same time) which also means you make less ec.

anyway, enough analysis of all that, I'm starting to realise I can do this.. I manage to get off another 4 greets of some sort, although all these have some sort of context with them.. e.g. sitting down next to someone, or asking for a light..

finally I manage a spontaneous 'allright?' in the high street (I'm ignored) and start to head for home.. by then its started to rain and as I'm walking back theres a girl legging it along, obviously concerned about her hair or something.. so I tell her 'slow down, you'll need to use your hairdryer now anyway'

so thats a total of 11 today (or 12 if you count the couple as 2).. 32 to go. I think I'm slowly starting to get in the swing of it.. more tommorow, and also since I should be going out tommorow night I should get plenty more.. I've always been fairly comfortable saying 'hi' to people in bars. Starting to look forward to the following weeks in boot camp too.

 

[RobbieSurp]

I'm Down! week 1 day 2

Yo MrNiceGuy, Very Inspiring stuff. I found this site 3 days ago and started the BC yesterday. I can't believe the difference that this has made already. I'm still kind of struggling with the HI thing. It is harder than I thought. Got 4 yesterday and 1 today so far. I'm going for a break thru at the grocery store. I want that 3 in row! Judging from the rush I get from 1, 3 must be awesome!

The crazy thing is that 3 of them resulted in fairly long conversations. Not with many babes yet but that is coming. I can feel a change in the way people are relating to me already. This is so dope! It seems to be affecting many aspects of my life not just chicks.

Keep it up man, we are in for the ride of a lifetime.

 

[Walden]

Re: week 1, day 4

Originally posted by MrNiceGuy

Walden, true, the fact that I want to do this is important.. and yes, when the hi's were flying out today, my smile just kept growing, thanks. Hows things going with you post BC anyway? been on many dates or have you taken a break?

Hey man, I haven't been putting as much time into my DJing since B/C. I've got three chicks on a playbuddy tip (I don't know how MOTU manages ten at a time , three is heaps!) and I'm slowly getting around to dating the 8's and 9's I got digits on. I only ever have mad sargin sessions when I'm out with my friends and they need someone to go break the ice with groups of chicks and so on.

Skillswise my big focus is learning more about how SS works (it's a really interesting idea) and learning to make really tricky CAs (GMS , SWMnc and so on).

Good thread , keep it up!

 

[RobbieSurp]

week 1 day 3

Day three has definitely gotten better. Sometimes the hi's just come out. Kind of like auto-pilot. The fear is subsiding, but i'm still struggling half of the time.

I have also found myself going into to places that I hadn't planned on or taking another walk though a store just to get more EC and hi chances. And something I never would of done pre RAFC, is notice the best looking women and deliberately put them in my path. Like making a point to walk past them and make eye contact or get in a checkout line behind them. I used to be such an AFC that I wouldn't even look at them unless I knew they couldn't look at me. Before I started this BC I didn't even realize what I was doing.

Not a lot of hi's today, but definitely better. I got 2 at the grocery store in the morning. Then went to lunch, did some thrifting and got another 3 and 1 more while I was running.

I also got a girl to call out to me while I was sitting in a car at a stoplight. With just EC! I used to be such a chump that I didn't even think this was possible. I also managed to pull this off in a bar on day 1. As I was leaving with a friend of mine, 2 girls (HB7, HB8) that I had been doing the EC thing with, yelled out to me as I was leaving. I hadn't talked to either one of them. All did was make EC, look confident and I lit one's cigarette. After they called out, my friend just looked at me in disbelief. It caught me off guard and I turned, smiled and said "later" and kept walking. The look on my friends face was priceless. He never expected that from me. That felt good.

Hi=15 35 to go
Gotta get busy and rock those hi's...

 

[MrNiceGuy]

week 1, days 5 and 6

good job Robbiesurp, I certainly noticed you get into a swing of it.. the more you do the easier they get..

back to me, I'm tired..

anyway,

Saturday,

was busy at home most of the day, so didnt really have much of a chance to get out there. Early evening I wandered down to the local gym to ask about membership, got out 2 hi's.
Then later a couple of my friends came over and we went out, got out plenty of hi's during the evening while walking thru town and in the pubs/bars etc.. its alot easier in the context of a night out..

Queueing to get into a bar with a late licence I get talking to the group of girls behind us in the queue.. convo goes pretty well but it doesnt take me long to realise I'm not actually that interested in the girl I'm chatting too, meaning I forget to keep the convo focused on her and wind up talking about myself far too much when she asks questions about me, eventually she mentions a boyfriend and I give up on making the effort.. should really have tried to talk to her friends that she was with but I felt like I'd focused on her and ignored her friends for too long to suddenly start chatting to them. I usually dont have problems with convos, its going for the number and keeping everything flirty rather than friendly that is the hard part, week 4 will be interesting when I get there!

My friends had chatted briefly (ie 1 or 2 lines of convo only) to a couple of girls in front of us.. they got in before us and then left 5 mins later (while we were still in the queue) on their way out they said something to my friends, I later found out that they were telling them that it was rubbish in there and they were going on somewhere else. I almost slapped my mates.. from what they said the girls had practically invited us to tag along with them to some other bar, and one of them was HOT! One of my mates shrugged and said.. "I wasnt much in the mood for chatting anyway" ah well..

I also remembered somthing else I've known for a while.. meeting or talking to attractive single women in bars/clubs is HARD! Most of the girls are there with some guys allready, and the women that are out without men very quickly get approached by other guys.. you gotta stay sharp to spot the hotties that arent already being monopolised by some other guys, at least thats how it is in my town anyhow.. always a very bad ratio of guys to girls in whatever pubs/clubs you go to.

so that was saturday.. ended up getting quite drunk so I lost count of the number of hi's I got out.. definitely double figures.. at least 20, maybe more.. especially if you count groups of girls as multiple..

Sunday..

Woke up with a bit of a hangover.. then had to go and spend all afternoon at grandparents having dinner and so on.. so no opportunites for DJing at all.

Anyway.. although I normally would have chatted to those girls on saturday pre BC, I've noticed that I am just generally alot more friendly and welcoming to everyone I meet thanks to the last week of BC, so probably all positive so far..

Tommorow.. more job related chores.. may actually get off my ass and actually join the gym.. will aim to get off some more hi's and start looking out for convo opportunities.. I'm getting impatient, I want to start getting #s!!!

 

[MrNiceGuy]

bloody one-itis

I hate mood swings.. really pisses me off..

Almost every morning over the past week I've woken up and my one-itis chick has suddenly popped unprompted into my head.. meaning I'm in no mood to get out of bed and get on with the day..

anyway, same thing happened this morning.. but I managed to cast those thoughts aside and get out and about.. 1 short convo with a couple of people in the job center this morning, and then later wandering round the virgin megastore I spot a Colin Farrell calendar on sale.. and instantly remember the conversation we'd had where she'd been telling me he was her number 1 guy type thing.. and then I'm just in a foul mood and I cant shake it.. so I came home..

Need to remember there are OTHER women, and they are not THAT hard to meet, I was talking to some of them on saturday night remember!!

Still off to the gym later this afternoon, plus a few other chores to do in town.. hopefully I can get in better mood soon..

 

[Julian]

Ive been reading your posts Niceguy, and ive come to the conclusion as i know you have that you hold back too much.

Sometimes you just need to grab your balls and jump into the lava. Its good that your giving alot of hi's and are getting accustomed to rejection, but it sounds like you never do it when it counts.

That chick that looked back and smiled at you? You should have gotten her number, you got a madly positive reaction.

Keep at it, and maybe for more of a challenge try and only "hi" HB's. It will keep you on the prowl.

 

[MrNiceGuy]

week 1, day 7

Julian, you are right, the hi's are getting a little too easy now, most of the ones I've done recently haven't moved me out of my comfort zone.. and most (not all) of the ones on saturday night I was fairly comfortable with due to levels of EC and alcohol...

The girl that smiled at me, it was just as we passed each other, plus I had no line in my head ready to actually stop her to talk to me, we both just kept walking.. sure If shed been stationary I'd maybe have chatted but I'm not sure how to stop someone whos walking in the opposite direction.. (i wish I did, another time this week I caught someones eye just as she was passing, didnt even have time to say 'hi' but she sure showed some interest)

from now on, a special effort to hi hbs, definitely.. similarly with convos in week 2, I'll give the hbs priority. I dont think chatting to pensioners will teach me much. anyway to what I prepared before I came online...

aaaarrrrgghhhh!!

Despite everything I'm still being a complete AFC chump when it comes to my emotions.. I suppose at least now I've noticed I'm doing it and I can try and stop it..

When I went into the local virgin megastore (a few days ago) to ask about temporary work I spotted a girl working there who was really cute, and from the look she had I got the feeling she was the type of girl I'd get on with, I've seen her a couple of times around town and in the store since (although once in town I saw her with a guy, clearly her bf so shes not available) and then today walking back from town I noticed her along way ahead of me, and she was walking alot of the same way back as me.. and I realised despite never having even spoken to her I'd started to concoct fantasies of the two of us getting together and so on, even though I'm pretty sure she's not available anyway. I guess the fact I know nothing about her has allowed me to imagine her exactly as I'd like her to be.. It s the psychology of mystery we try and use with girls working against me. If I get the slightest idea that I could have a good time with someone, its not long before I've constructed plenty of imaginary scenarios. I gotta stop this.. I put some girls on pedastals before I get to know them properly, and then when I do start to discover their faults its sometimes too late..

I suppose the reason this happened today is also cos its been a tough day on the one-itis front, for no real reason.. just one of those days.. meaning I'm that much more desperate to find someone to replace her, I suppose deep down I'm finding it hard to shake the feelings that I'll never meet anyone again who can make me feel as happy as she did which is nonsense of course... Current Eastenders storyline isn't helping either, it just brought up the ideas again that I should have tried harder and not taken no for an answer or maybe acted sooner. I have to remember I cant change the past I need to forget about it and look to the future.

Anyway, like I said in the post earlier.. no real hi's (ie none that I wouldnt have done otherwise) this morning and one short convo..

this afternoon, no real hi's either, wasnt really in the mood for it, certainly not to go looking anyway. another short convo with a shop assistant in a shoe store, although this was a conversation about finding it hard to find the right size shoes, so it dont really count. Choked on a couple of HB hi's or rather remembered I should have talked about 5 seconds too late, again a better more upbeat mood would have helped.

Still I have now joined the gym and am going for my first workout there tommorow, so hopefully they'll be some hbs there, I need to get a job soon though, need some structure in my life and a reason to get up early in the morning rather than sleeping away my life.

So did I get my 50 hi's? Possibly not.. but I sure got the idea and I wasnt too far off, and I'll keep with the saying hi over the next 2 weeks too so it comes completely natural, but I think I need to move onto week 2 now, like I said I need to move out of the comfort zone and grab my balls to up my confidence a bit.

10 convos in a week, so I must get at LEAST 1 a day, may be harder than week 1 but then thats the idea I suppose.. you dont get anywhere without making the effort.. working out usually puts me in a better mood, so hopefully the gym will help me out with all this..

 

[Walden]

I'm not sure how to stop someone whos walking in the opposite direction.. (i wish I did, another time this week I caught someones eye just as she was passing, didnt even have time to say 'hi' but she sure showed some interest)

Stopping a crossing woman is a beotch to do and if you find a smooth way to do it then let's hear it.

One way I've used is to have some numbnuts observation to make "beautiful day uh?" (best when it's hosing down with rain).

If she gives you a response you laugh/smile (if it's "funny" ) and say "hey what's your name?"( like you only just noticed her and are curious).

A lot of the time yo won't have time for this.

But if she tells you , you are in. You follow up by asking what she's up to today or something.

Now this one can clang like a dustbin lid , and I'm willing to admit it ain't the smoothest but if you were geting EC and she has a reasonable IL it will work. Rememebr all you have to do is create the opportunity for her to talk to you (and carry the first 30seconds of the conversation)

 

[MrNiceGuy]

week 2, day 1

so.. convos with strangers..

this doesnt seem too hard provided there is some context, and that I'm on the lookout and aware of it.. as it was I wasnt really looking out for it much today, I certainly didnt wander aimlessly like I have before looking out for women.. so I only managed one convo and that was with the guy in the gym who was going through all the safety drills with me.. I guess maybe it does count because if I hadnt started the convo we wouldnt have got talking about his job, my job (or lack of), the local economy etc. etc. but its not like I had to do an approach or anything, I certainly wasnt moved out of my comfort zone, but I guess it all helps to reinforce the habit of starting a convo in any situation

Spotted a couple of hbs in the gym and plenty of not hbs , so hopefully the gym will give me some more chances to strike up convos.. to be honest I'm finding it hard to believe that I'm going to be able to find HBs that I can approach to talk to.. most of my hi's to them were when they were walking the other way and as we discussed its hard to know how to get them to stop, I think I'll just be looking out for girls sat alone on a bench and see if I can approach them..

I still dont really see how I can get talking to people in the supermarket or whatever, apart from the cashiers... I went thru a few looking for hi's and didnt get any, everyones too interested in looking at food labels and prices and so on. A record or bookstore, maybe but I dont want to have to just hang around in those places for hours waiting for hbs to walk in.

I hope I get a job in virgin megastore, seems like a few hbs work in there, and I'd get to chat to hb customers about music, an ideal way to save up some cash over the next few months before moving to the big smoke, I'm almost tempted to not apply to other jobs till I find out about it.

Anyway, convos, convos, convos, tommorow should be a day of wandering aimlessly looking out for them, hopefully I'll spot some opportunities and be able to force myself to go for it.. like I said I'm starting to get impatient again, it feels like I shouldnt have gone for a week without getting #s, but I cant really see how I'd have gotten any last week, apart from those girls we didnt go to the bar with, or the girl on the bench I didnt approach on day 1.. still we'll see what the future holds..

 

[MrNiceGuy]

week 2, day 2

weird day today. Started off stressing about 1-itis again, so had to walk in to town rapping pharcydes 'otha fish' to myself in my head to get it out of my mind, which worked, which is cool.

not motivated enough yet though, definitely, choked a coupla times, not as many opportunites as I'd hoped, and I was concentrating so hard on looking for chances to start convos I forget to get any hi's in.. Think this week may be difficult, although hopefully like with the hi's I should slowly get in the swing of it.. provided I keep putting myself out there.

was raining in town.. first stop was virgin megastore to drop off a CV, in there I spot the first girl that I consider approaching.. browsing the sale CDs, but I can't bring myself to say anything, she's concentrating completely on all the CDs, and theres so many other people there I just think its gonna look really wierd if I single her out to ask 'found anything worth buying?' I guess I should have tried to 'accidentally' bump into her so that 'sorry' is my initial ice breaker.

Anyway, the convo with the girl I give my CV to I just missed the opportunity completely, there was no one else waiting to be served at all, the convo continued to the point where the social expectation was for me to go 'ok, thanks' and walk out... I thought, I don't want the convo to end yet, but she was just staring at me waiting for me to say something.. so without thinking I succumbed to the script, said 'ok thanks very much' smiled and walked out, I'd been looking for this sort of chance last week and now that it finally came up I completely forgot about it till afterward! waldens comments about having to carry the first 30 sec of convo seems to hold very true..

Wandered a supermarket looking for opportunities but couldnt really think of a smooth way to break the ice with someone reading food labels, especially when I didnt need to buy anything.

Then went to go get a coffee, as I hoped the coffee shop was packed with very few free tables, there was a table with a hb sat on her own, but by the time I got my coffee a huge group left leaving loads of free tables, and the hb started gathering her stuff to leave.. so I took a free table. one thing I did learn for future, if you are going to choose a table on your own, at least pick one and the seat on it that puts you closest to the other tables rather than the wall.. will give you the chance to chat casually to the hb sat on her own while her friend is in the queue.

last chance is when I'm in the queue in boots, the girl in front of me looks quite cute, but she never once even looks at me when I join the queue, and to be fair I never saw her face either, I look at what shes buying to see if its interesting and I can say something clever about it, but its just a bag of crisps.. so I say nothing..

Clearly I'm not demonstrating anywhere near the level of courage needed for this week, the no eats or drinks tactic may need to be used again, I think it could be a little tricky, suppose due to the rain there were none of the girls sat having a fag break on a bench with their shopping which was one of my planned openers, sit down, light up, ask if they've bought anything nice etc.

Anyway I hope I can get this down, I want to be able to try everyday/street pickups, I dont want to have to rely on clubs and pubs for my game, cos I dont think once a week (or occasionally twice) is enough practice. Off to the gym again tommorow, hopefully I should get some more opportunities there.