I wish to thank all of you who replied and offered their insights and advice. It surely gave me more angles to think from, and brought greater clarity.
I especially find the readings of NewMan and GangsterOfLove to be very pertinent!
ApocaypseCow, I appreciate that you posted though I came down rudely at you. I'll reply to your questions in the next post.
you assumed far to much of her. You assumed she had the same moral base as yours.You assumed she would think and act like you
Both perhaps true. Though, I admit it might not be very wise to do that.
But I guess it's kind of an unavoidable handicap -- unless you have copious data, you can never predict accurately how someone will think or act. It's certainly a tall order while you are still in the process of collecting that data; though eventually things do fall in place.
you assumed she would call you on that Sunday
I didn't. I'm not that gullible a fellow.
I again knew that 95% she wouldn't call.
My point of insistence is simply that
I never say that I'd do something and not do it later. At least not without offering an apology.
In my opinion, anyone who's clear in his/her mind and knows what he/she is doing, would make that call, and inform that, upon deliberation, he/she decided against proceeding any further. Anyone who doesn't do that simply gets labelled as a confused mind in my book.
You would assume she wanted more from you than a work friend.
This is putting the cart before the horse.
I wanted more than just a work friendship, which is hardly the same as my assuming that
she would have wanted it. My idea when I asked her out was merely to continue all those conversations that I had to interrupt in the cubicle because of work. I'd never have been heavy with her if she had come -- I am a very cautious person in general, and measure all my steps.
If you really just wanted to be friends - then you would have not been hurt like you were.... you would not have been so into her and would not have posted here.
I never said that I wanted to be 'just friends' with her. I liked her a lot, found things in common, and I have told that I was already romantically getting involved with her, and surely the turn of events hurt me, hurt more than I had thought initially it would.
I merely offered to remain as close friends -- still not 'just friends' --
after I knew that she was already seeing someone, that too provided she wanted it. It wasn't an afterthought -- that was what I had in mind from the beginning. It wasn't my 'gameplan' for this particular case, as some would want to believe -- that's what my general philosophy about life is. I don't hang around with people who are 'just friends' -- people are either close friends for me or no friends at all.
She backed off for a number fo reasons. 1) you got bent out of shape when she didn't email or call. 2) you asked to move. 3) your mood swings based on her 4) your pressure - I can feel the pressure from here - so she probably didi as well.
That observation about the pressure is very interesting for me! I don't think anybody else in my workplace noticed anything abnormal in my behavior though I guess you are correct that she might have felt the pressure.
Though I must clarify that it was for nothing other than following common codes of civility -- I don't know why I should feel strongly about it, but I do. I was initially quite angry with her, but later when I found that she wasn't deliberately behaving so and was trying to make up in other ways, I just thought that she was just a child and forgave her. I started having friendly/teasing chats with her. But somehow things just got out of hand, though I guess none of us actually may have wanted that to happen.
Mind you, I didn't move away to punish her. I did punish her (just reactively) in the first week when I strictly cut down on any talk that wasn't work related, and I know from her body language of at least one day that she was completely shattered. But towards the end I acted merely to protect myself . Protect myself from those things which perhaps weren't very intentional on her part, but came across as slights for me. I know, I was probably oversensitive, which I understand may be unwise but, unfortunately, is still part of my DNA.
In these past few weeks you've know her - what have you done for yourself? have you travelled anywhere? seen anything? done anything?
Haven't travelled. I am not a very outgoing person. Though I do plan to go and meet my friends in another city perhaps coming fortnight.
My usual interests are playing chess online, following professional chess tournaments, and a bit of reading. Each of these weekends I had a scheduled match from a tournament that we are playing in our internet club where we also participate in message boards. There are participants from all continents there and we have a good time!
Apart from this, I go for long walks everyday. Have actually doubled that after all this -- walk for at least 2 hrs everyday now. On weekends and nights drown myself in music.
I also read Shaw's Man and Superman this while. I find it surprising that though this site is dedicated to Don Juan wannabes there is never a mention of this play, in which Don Juan actually makes an appearance. I think it's a highly recommended read on questions of attraction and romantic relationships, apart from being incredibly entertaining.
Bingo ! and here is the article:
Do you really think that conceding me to be a genius (as that article talks) merely to prove that I'm a failure, is good bargain for you?
And why are people assuming that only I was the one who lost something here?
I'm willing to learn about my mistakes. I thank all of you who pointed out things. But was there anything that I did correctly too, or was there nothing?
