1) What do you personally look for in a man?
Most likely some mix of status, looks, behavior, personality, wealth, lifestyle, etc. Which things do you objectively give more weight to and why?
How much weight do you specifically give to emotions and to how a man makes you feel?
For instance, would you prioritize a man who grants you with a wide range of emotions over a man who'd be a good partner and provider from a more logical point of view?
How would you describe the drive behind your romantic decisions?
Would the same apply to when you were younger?
What I look for in a man distills down to 2 questions that must be answered in the affirmative. 1. Do I desire him sexually? and 2. Can he lead me?
There are lots of things that go into those questions being answered "Yes". For the first criteria I have to find him attractive and sexy and I tend to respond best to men who are overt and direct and confident/unapologetic in their sexual nature. Typically I like the "tall dark and handsome" archetype and I tend to date the player archetype because that type of man often embodies the desire nature that I prefer. But beyond that I like to really get to know a man, I like to be his friend and confidant. As far as emotional flux, it is a hook I suppose as much as emotional flux is a hook for most people. I see that and I understand it. The man I am currently dating would swear blind that he hates drama, but actually he lives for it and he needs it himself or he'll get bored. I could do with less drama than my current relationship provides but it is engaging and anything but boring, so it's good. I recognize the dynamic and I understand it and how it refreshes the relationship over time.
For the second question about leadership to be true I look for a certain set of traits that dovetail into my own life path. As a financially independent woman who built wealth on her own I look for a man who has his act together, is financially well off (six figure income and up), who has a business or career he has built, has life experience that I respect, and is already a father himself. I have a 7 figure net worth myself that I have to manage and grow and I need a man who has a level of understanding about that sort of responsibility and financial status. I am not interested in being a cougar or a sugar mama and I expect any man that I become involved with to be at or above my level of experience and success in life. Otherwise I am going to think I know best in the relationship, and that will erode the relationship and the respect a man needs. I need to be able to defer to the man, respect him and his accomplishments, and appreciate his knowledge and experience. This makes my dating pool very small statistically speaking. That's OK.
I give the most weight to sexual desire. It doesn't matter how successful or good looking a man is. If I do not have desire for him I can't do it. It doesn't matter if he's got a gazillion dollars and a private jet. If I don't find him sexy, it's baked. I've always been that way, but I also will not get involved with a beautiful loser. I can find a man devilishly sexy, but if he's an empty sock beyond that, pass. That has to do with standards that I think were ingrained in me growing up. If a man can't comport himself with class and elegance I won't date him either. Call me a snob but I like refinement in a man. Some of that is upbringing, some of that is learned through life.
I find very very few men who meet both criteria but I'm patient and I know they are out there and I know I appeal to such men based on experience. I've been this way throughout my relationship history. I have high standards, I know I have high standards, few men will meet those standards, but I tend to be a relationship woman, and men tend to like me more and more as a relationship progresses rather than less. I have been the one to break things off in my relationships if my standards are not met. I've been "the one who got away" several times in my life for several long term relationships, including my marriage. I am very patient and loyal when I am in relationship but I also know that I can't do for the other person and sometimes the best choice after giving every opportunity for the other person to grow/deal with life/etc. is to leave. I respect myself and I respect my man. If I lose respect for my man I will wait quite some time for him to correct course, but if he does not, the only sane choice is to leave the relationship.
I seek intimacy, friendship, play, desire, and compatibility in my relationships. Particularly now that childbearing is out of the way. I have no trouble letting the right man lead. I quite like it actually.
2) When you were younger, how much "credit" would you have given to man who's working on maximizing every aspect of his life (wealth, health, self development, etc)?
i.e. how much credit would you give to the promise of a certain future or at the very least to the honest attempt to create such a future? other than the ambition which is already a given in such a case.
How understanding would you have been towards a man sacrificing important aspects of his life in the present (e.g. toning down social life, moderate lifestyle) in order to achieve his future goals and how willing would you have been to accept it?
Would any of that be any factor in the attraction to the person (both sexual and not sexual) as a possible companion? If so, to what degree?
When I was younger I looked for potential and self discipline and intelligence (this is assuming I found the guy attractive/desirable). I looked for men who were like the successful men in my family. My first boyfriend had a degree in electrical engineering and was working toward an MBA. He went on to get a PhD. A man I dated for 5 years in my 20s had a finance degree and was working on an MBA until his father fell ill and he had to go take over running his family's large cattle ranch for a while. I've been out with lawyers and doctors and businessmen, but that is what I grew up around, so those professions and those types of men were familiar to me. Comfortable. Another man was the top sales producer nationally for a Fortune 500 company. I'm currently seeing a retired military man who was an E9, which is top rank for a non-comissioned officer. My BF used to command a battalion of men. He's got a business degree and a year of law school under his belt. I've always screened for high achievers and I've also understood that accomplishing something takes discipline and effort. I'm an avid supporter of the required effort and I'm happy to do with less while someone is working toward more.
3) Does the guy you're in a relationship with has any kids of his own?
Yes. He has 3 children. They are all grown.
4) What drove you to find the red pill community?
About a year after my divorce I met a *great* guy in Southern CA. We ended up seeing one another for 18 months but it was long distance and he had an awful situation with his middle child, a teen daughter, and he had an extremely rich, extremely vindictive, extremely crazy diagnosed BPD ex-wife who would blugeon him through the court system. I was trying to learn more about BPD to better understand what he was dealing with regarding his ex-wife and the dynamic at play in his life and I stumbled across a BPD thread here that described *exactly* the types of behavior my beau was experiencing. I got to reading and learning and eventually joined in order to comment on a post I found ridiculously arrogant which was written by one of the members here...and incidently I've enjoyed a great ongoing communication with the member who I originally joined to comment with. He has grown and matured tremendously and it's been a delightful conversation over time. I stayed around because I like what this site stands for in the way of encouraging men and to contribute where it might be useful to someone else.
5) How would you define upper circles? Do you have any concrete examples of such upper circles? (I suppose the old fashioned nobility?)
People who value achievement. This crosses over into status and wealth because where you find status and wealth you invariably find people who value achievement. Think of any affluent community and you'll see this trend. There is 'old money' and there is 'new money', but the 'moneyed' set values achievement and the associated financial gain as it's natural outcome. Get around groups of businessmen, white collar professionals, medical professionals, finance professionals etc., and you'll see that these people place a premium on achievement.
The good news is that in a society that encourages equality of opportunity those who value achievement can indeed rise into upper eschelons. That is why I note achievement as the emphasis. If a woman is willing to learn the social calibration established in these "upper circles" she will do fine. But she will be best served to have humility while she learns her place in the matrix. This can be a challenge. In fact I myself find it challenging sometimes because I do not always relate to the women who are married to high powered men. I relate more readily to the men because of my own journey...but I've had to sit back and be humble and learn too, and I do very well in those circles with the women these days.