Women who want to keep their last name when they get married

[Bigpapa]

If those are your terms, I respect that. But they're not everyone's - and I doubt it's a universal tradition, though I don't know enough about other cultures to back that up.

First of all , I do not care if she keeps her last name or takes mine . The only thing I care is that I make an educated bet when the time will come to get married or to have a serious relationship . Not because I want to be right , but because if things go south it will cost me a lot of money , and has the potential to change my life in a negative way for a very long period of time

I come from a society where this is usually the norm ,like most of us do , and I think that women who do not do this , unless there is a serious reason , are just reframing from the get go the dynamics between you and her

and like @Pan87 puts very well , they do not this because they have a motive , they do this because of feminism and other crazy things

don”t take me wrong , feminism till a certain point is a good thing , but there is a point from where things Start to get toxic

 

[TheProspect]

Lol I knew a guy in high school with the last name Weiner and he was dating this girl named Anita who was an exchange student.

Not sure if they're still together today, but if they got married I wouldn't have blamed her if she was a little reluctant to take on his last name, especially considering her first name

 

[Bigpapa]

Lol I knew a guy in high school with the last name Weiner and he was dating this girl named Anita who was an exchange student.

Not sure if they're still together today, but if they got married I wouldn't have blamed her if she was a little reluctant to take on his last name, especially considering her first name

sounds like an American pie movie ahahsh

 

[TheProspect]

sounds like an American pie movie ahahsh

Speaking of the name Weiner, there was a politician a few years back who also had Weiner as a last name and he ironically ended up being a sex offender lol.

 

[Kotaix]

It all depends. Most women these days do it because of feminism telling them what they should think. It's a red flag for sure, but only because it shows that they are NPCs.

Sometimes there are practical reasons though. My old boss' wife didn't take his name when she married because she published a lot of papers before they married.

I've had multiple women I've dated "try on" my last name, essentially saying they wouldn't mind marrying me

Now, men who take a woman's name. Yeah, no...

 

[Bigpapa]

It all depends. Most women these days do it because of feminism telling them what they should think. It's a red flag for sure, but only because it shows that they are NPCs.

Sometimes there are practical reasons though. My old boss' wife didn't take his name when she married because she published a lot of papers before they married.

I've had multiple women I've dated "try on" my last name, essentially saying they wouldn't mind marrying me

Now, men who take a woman's name. Yeah, no...

I would take a woman last name and put it next mine if i could use it in my advantage , but this is an exception as most last names are quite worthless ( men or woman )

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Maybe. For a lot of women, this is like letting the baby have his bottle. They'll be more than happy to let you think this. I'm not saying they're bad or evil, just a lot more in control than a lot of guys (even red pill guys) believe.

In general their control of themselves should add to your positive efforts. If the addition of her causes too much friction or backsliding then her agenda is not compatable and she's not complementary.

 

[RickTheToad]

Funny story, when I agreed to get married, she agreed to take my name. When we announced our engagement, her aunt asked, who's name are you going to take? She said mine. After marriage, she never did the process. There is even an online service that will do all the forms for like 30 bucks. Lesson learned.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Funny story, when I agreed to get married, she agreed to take my name. When we announced our engagement, her aunt asked, who's name are you going to take? She said mine. After marriage, she never did the process. There is even an online service that will do all the forms for like 30 bucks. Lesson learned.

Id assume that marriage failed with other negative signs from the start of it.

 

[Lookatu]

Just like marriage is a tradition, so is taking on the man's last name.

Women should be willing to honor both or you don't marry them. If tradition is what they want, they need to take the whole thing.

Girls need to realize that we are doing THEM a favor if we are marrying them. They need to comply, submit and show that, and this is one way for that.

With that said, my wife was happy to change to my last name but due to business reasons at the time, I told her to keep her maiden name. It's not even combined with mine in any way. I just had her keep her regular full name with nothing of mine merged with hers. But the point is she would've at the drop of a dime if I wanted her to.

 

[Bigpapa]

Just like marriage is a tradition, so is taking on the man's last name.

Women should be willing to honor both or you don't marry them. If tradition is what they want, they need to take the whole thing.

Very nicely put

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Funny story, when I agreed to get married, she agreed to take my name. When we announced our engagement, her aunt asked, who's name are you going to take? She said mine. After marriage, she never did the process. There is even an online service that will do all the forms for like 30 bucks. Lesson learned.

Imagine if you were bf/gf with your wife for four years before marriage. That you had sex at least once a day and sometimes two. If you missed a session she would hop ontop of you. She would pull down your pants and take it.

Now imagine literally on the night of the wedding you hear "good, now I don't have to do all that anymore". Imagine if the sex and good treatment was completely shut down from that point going forward. How would that process?

I'm sure when you first hear it, it would have no way to gain traction in the reality. Then you go to bed that night sexless. Then the next and the next. It's still not painful because after all you've fvcked everyday for years on end. A few months go by. Treated like your a criminal in your own home. You are getting zero care and assistance, actually target practice for sniping remarks. Imagine that.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Did this happen to you?

In one of my situations something similar. It was very close to that. If you saw the movie "War of the Roses", that was the overall energy. It was all precipitated by the "not changing of the name" and that was announced first, and I pushed forward like an idiot even though I was given more queues that it was going to be bad.

 

[Bigpapa]

In one of my situations something similar. It was very close to that. If you saw the movie "War of the Roses", that was the overall energy. It was all precipitated by the "not changing of the name" and that was announced first, and I pushed forward like an idiot even though I was given more queues that it was going to be bad.

you live and you learn , and maybe be able to give good advices to the younger lions

 

[mrgoodstuff]

you live and you learn , and maybe be able to give good advices to the younger lions

As a younger and dumber, i could be stupid behind sex or allow it to "smooth" something over or go against good judgement and reason. What I know now is to NEVER allow that.

The other thing, is I am not AGAINST relationships. In these times having a actual relationship where the woman is on the same mission as you and she's complementary is a buffer against feminism and the system. But a bad relationship will literally stall or end your growth or even your life. There's quite a few stories of men discarding a bad situation and blossoming as a result.

Some women are more succeptable to being controlled by their groups or gossip. But in the end women do what they really want to and they will be figuring out a way to make it happen. If what they want is to truly please you and assist you where she's can, then that's a great thing. Anything less than that and I don't think it's wise to be close to them.

They can be and have been mans greatest distraction .

 

[RickTheToad]

Imagine if you were bf/gf with your wife for four years before marriage. That you had sex at least once a day and sometimes two. If you missed a session she would hop ontop of you. She would pull down your pants and take it.

Now imagine literally on the night of the wedding you hear "good, now I don't have to do all that anymore". Imagine if the sex and good treatment was completely shut down from that point going forward. How would that process?

I'm sure when you first hear it, it would have no way to gain traction in the reality. Then you go to bed that night sexless. Then the next and the next. It's still not painful because after all you've fvcked everyday for years on end. A few months go by. Treated like your a criminal in your own home. You are getting zero care and assistance, actually target practice for sniping remarks. Imagine that.

I am sure a lot of people have had that experience, I've read dead bedrooms on reddit. I take full responsibility in hoping things were to get better, but knew there's a good chance I'd have to end the marriage. I also was under a lot of stress from work, accident which left me in the hospital for a bit, reserves and lost two family members during this time period. It was a perfect storm...

The final draw came from as a double whammy from her. 1st, she said, I want children, just I am not sure if I want them with you. Second, was we should be able to have relationships with other people, just not bring it home. I said, okay, I want a divorce, and you out of my house by Monday. I filed for divorce that Friday. I cannot say she ever denied me sex or we had a sexless marriage. One, it was only for 1.5 years (we were together prior for 3 years). Two, what she said was even worse. Just typing that out still provokes negative reactions in my mind.

It's one of the reasons why I will never allow myself to be in that position again. Sorry, not worth it.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Amen. I've been in ostensibly "good" relationships where things like subterfuge, jealousy, guilt, gas lighting, you name it, have been used as weapons to stifle my growth. Live and learn. I guess I grew one way or another.

It's funny... I've been in that situation. You see before I was ever in those type of situations, I was with women, who it was not in their nature to behave that way. I was fortunate. So the ones do all the jealousy, guilt, gas lighting, reframeing t,hings negatively that was out of my scope of awareness... Back then. I know most of the bullchit that they pull now.

Amen. I've been in ostensibly "good" relationships where things like subterfuge, jealousy, guilt, gas lighting, you name it, have been used as weapons to stifle my growth. Live and learn. I guess I grew one way or another.

So that would be "fake" "good" relationships, huh? It was setup to appear "good"?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I wouldn't say fake. They weren't 100% good nor bad. Just a mix, but in the end not right for me. Overall I think they were time well spent - I had fun and grew. I just don't think they were built to last (clearly).

And I don't consider it a setup so much as me not being able to handle myself better. Nobody forced me into any relationship. I went in willing. I don't think there was any bait and switch, just me realizing that it wasn't going to work.

Do you think the behaviors and actions which would stall or deaden your growth were "intentional" or do you think it was just how they naturally were?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Good question. Maybe not always consciously intentional. With one, it was just an undercurrent of paranoia and clinginess. It was like she didn't want me spending time outside the relationship. With the other, it was a little more intentional, I think, because she was actually jealous of my direction and confidence and tried to undo it. Or she would constantly question my interests and decisions.

To get you to second guess yourself and wear down your resolve. It's in their secret playbook.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Yeah. I don't want to malign all women based on the actions of one. She had serious issues that went way beyond jealousy. I stuck it out with her longer than necessary.

The girl I'm with now, for example, is 100% supportive of my pursuits and gives me space to do my thing. My frame is definitely a lot better, too, but I think it helps to be more careful when screening. We've been dating 1.5 years and I can't remember a single disagreement we've had. By now I can tell it's just her nature to be chill.

Congrats, you deserve it