Women do not comprehend apologies. Don’t do it.

[roaming shark]

Unfortunately this is completely the case. I wish it wasn’t. And all of us men were raised to always acknowledge our mistakes and take ownership.

This reminds me of a girlfriend I had. We were super into each other for about 6mo. Always said yes to me and our sexual chemistry was intoxicating; the sex with her was a firestorm of passion. Well, one day I texted her something distasteful and uncalibrated (we all make mistakes). And I assumed that I likely disrespected her and could have hurt her, based on her lack of response and silence. So, like a man, I called and left her a brief and direct apology, (in her phone voicemail.)

Well, let’s just say I only saw her once more after that. Like a light switch. Game over with that one. In hindsight, I should have doubled down! And owned it! Apologies to romantic partners should only be used in extreme cases of physical, monetary, or emotional distress/damage.

 

[EyeBRollin]

I don’t find this OP accurate at all. Granted, I only apologize to people if I legitimately did something wrong. That doesn’t happen often. If you were wrong, owning up to your mistake is as masculine as it gets. We apologize once then we move on.

 

[zinc4]

I have found in my young life that women are baffled by apologies from men and have a negative reaction to them by-and-large.

I have seen time and again that women will usually show a puzzled, confused look on their face both when they see a man apologize for something, and also when they themselves are apologized too.

Those of us who have mastered the craft of handling women realize that when you apologize to a woman, you can literally feel her respect for you diminish. Her respect for you deflates like a leaking tire.

This is incomprehensible to us men because unlike women, we value politeness and respect. When a man apologizes to me, my respect for him grows immensely. And I know that when I do the apologizing, most men will usually respect and welcome that.

I remember once in the grocery store in my haste I walked right in front of a man who was looking for some bread on the shelf. I snatched up what I needed while blocking his view. Of course we know that women do this rude thing all the time.

I walked to the end of the aisle, realized how rude I had been (accidentally), and went over to him and apologized. He welcomed my apology in a friendly, appreciative way, but every single woman nearby (there were about 7 of them) either looked confused and puzzled, or annoyed. They literally can’t comprehend a man showing respect by apologizing.

The takeaway here is that it is almost never a good idea to directly apologize to a woman. She 100% WILL look down on you as weak. Instead, verbally acknowledge that you could have done something better now that you’re thinking of it, or make a brief, detached comment (more to yourself than to her), that you wish you had done such and such a little differently. These detached comments will elevate you in her sight, while a direct apology will almost always greatly diminish you.

I have peppered this overly-long and characteristically repetitive treatise with “almost always”, because there can be a time when you massively screw up where a direct apology is best. Your screw up truly has to be huge for this to be the case.

You can always tell that an Atom Smasher post comes from his relaxing on the toilet by the length and the repetition of ideas, and for that I apologize. You guys are always very gracious with me and extract the meat out of my essays and disregard my frequent long-windedness.

But seriously I admonish all men to ponder the point here. Women literally do not comprehend apologies from men and they find male apologies vaguely emasculating and annoying.

Women dont have nor understand honor. They simply understand what they perceive as strong or weak. Alot my ex gfs use to constantly tell me dont say sorry. They seriously do look down on you when you do.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Alot my ex gfs use to constantly tell me dont say sorry.

You have dated sociopaths.

 

[zinc4]

You have dated sociopaths.

Most women are very sociopathic by nature. Not all ofcourse.

 

[zinc4]

Here is a glimpse into one woman's mind about apologies. Be ruthless in making decisions on boundaries. Read this one. Most of them have this lurking in them. Its a nature mechanism.

Lol this woman is the definition of garbage tier. Unfortunately most think this way. And if you cheat on them you are pure evil according to them.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Most women are very sociopathic by nature. Not all ofcourse.

They are wired differently. Their level of care scales with interest level. If she has low interest level, she could run you over in her car and be mad that you got in her way. If she has maximum interest level, you could run her over and she would apologize to you and say it was her fault.

They are incredible.

 

[zinc4]

They are wired differently. Their level of care scales with interest level. If she has low interest level, she could run you over in her car and be mad that you got in her way. If she has maximum interest level, you could run her over and she would apologize to you and say it was her fault.

They are incredible.

Yes. Which is sociopathic by nature. It all boils down to their feelings.

 

[DonJuanjr]

Read this one. Most of them have this lurking in them. Its a nature mechanism.

It just proves that when a female puts herself into situations where she can succumb to the advances of a male, and seduce herself as a result. That she will reverse engineer a justification for it. The woman you showcased is just lazy with the reverse engineering of a reason, and telling the guy to figure it out haha.

 

[DonJuanjr]

I guess the best acknowledged apology would then be "ehh, shjt happens".

 

[Stuffnu]

It’s also very dependent of your relationship. If you‘re in a LTR and you did something legitimately wrong - then of course apologize.

With OLD‘s nowadays, men are quick to say sorry to align themselves with a woman’s interest even if it’s against there own values.
If a girl calls me out for my conservative, meat eating, behavior, attitude, “pro this or pro that“, etc., I will never say sorry or change my views to accommodate.

 

[Von]

Women are limited To their perception of their world, their frame.

So a women wont understand Why you apologize To someone else.

The only apologies they understand are:
1) when you acknowledge crosing a limit or doing something "harmful"
2) its concern them.

Respect is a man thing , you still have to respect them .

Never apologize for minor stuff

PS: bill Murray in lost in translation is son alpha to the point hé didnt even apologies on cheating and bad food choices

 

[The Duke]

The one who cares the least wins. Apologies put you in the loser bracket. Do so sparingly. I didn't make the rules, its just how it is.

As the years go by and relationships come and go, its becomes more clear to me who the better human is.

 

[Grounded eagle]

Women demand you apologise, the moment you do they lose all interest for some reason. A lot of men think they should continue apologising even more to get her back.

They don’t know what they want.

 

[_sideways_]

.....so....
When the 27 year old daughter saw me making out with her mom....the mom backed away.
It was just the second day i started kissing her.
And this is the daughter that climbs in my bed in the middle of the night.
According to this theory, i should just stay quiet and let the daughter come to me?
I had already spoken to the daughter about making a baby girl...and she agreed.
So i worry her feelings are hurt. But the mom is a really good kisser.
And the daughter fvcks nice and shes so soft and feminine in bed. And during the day she can be a bytch, but i just go out for walks.
Im not sorry cuz both of them initiated everything that has happened. But i dont want to hurt the daughter cuz there might be a strong future there with her not letting me sit on my laurels.

 

[_sideways_]

Another forum called me s scum bag and now i feel bad

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Another forum called me s scum bag and now i feel bad

Why did they call you scumbag?

 

[BeExcellent]

Ass hole behavior is not cool at times. I follow the mantra of “Own Your Shjt”. I own mine (I agree this may be unusual for a woman) and I expect my man to own his too.

My guy is anything but a weak man. But he does apologize if it’s warranted. It’s an apology that goes like this:

“I could have handled that differently. My bad.”

And then we drive on. If something he did hurt my feelings (which is going to happen at times in relationships) he will say:

“It was not my intent to hurt your feelings”.

This is important. It allows him to acknowledge my perspective without taking responsibility for my feelings. My feelings are MY responsibility, not his. So he clarifies his intent, does NOT take responsibility for my feelings (which I agree too many men accept this responsibility but it is misplaced and you should never accept responsibility for someone else’s feelings…only for your own actions.)

This is where I think men get into trouble. Don’t accept responsibility for things you cannot own. But most certainly own your own behavior.

An important distinction.

Hope all is well AS…warmest wishes as always

Cheers

 

[Atom Smasher]

An apology to a woman is often (but not always) an open invitation for her to 100% blame you for the situation. It’s a “confirmation” in her mind. Yet, most women still feel a very visceral gut-level distaste for a man apologizing, to the point that it either annoys them or confuses them. They will often register being completely puzzled on their face.

You guys will get a kick out of this: Since writing this post, I apologized twice to my wife. One was because I opened the front door as we were going out and a piece of two-by I had squirreled behind the door fell forward and hit her knee. “Oh, I’m sorry, are you ok?” This was entirely appropriate and as I think if it now, entirely situational. But then my wife plays ZERO mind games with me. It’s like apologizing to a man whom I respect, because I know without a doubt that my wife respects me. She takes it the way it was given: as a genuine concern for her well-being.
The other time was some other kind of situational, practical thing. I can’t remember what it was.

Having confessed my apologetic sins, I notice that I have learned over time to NEVER apologize for interpersonal misunderstandings, disagreements or fights. That is the arena where women will become dazed and confused snd annoyed. Instead of “Sorry, I misunderstood you”, I will say “Oh, I misunderstood you.” Instead of “I’m sorry I was short with you”, I will say, “I didn’t mean to be impatient”.

In conclusion, I have discovered that a “Sorry” plays well if you accidentally hurt her or cause a pain or injury, but by-and-large, in most cases of interpersonal situations, “I’m sorry” TRIGGERS a negative response in women. NEVER apologize to a female who is a stranger. This will green-light her for any number of insane thoughts and accusations. Remember, when you apologize to a woman you don’t know, she will despise you and consider it a green light to blame you for anything real or imagined.

When you apologize to a man, you are apologizing to a sane, rational being who is grateful for that show of respect. You will be elevated in his eyes. The direct opposite happens with women. They do not even remotely possess any innate sense of right and wrong (their locus of control is virtually entirely outside of themselves). Therefore an apology from a man does not “compute”. Just apologize to a woman for how you conducted yourself in an interaction with her and observe the complete confusion on her face. I know a few of you guys don’t agree with this, but I submit with all confidence that this is because you haven’t yet noticed the phenomenon.

I urge you guys to experiment with this. Have fun with it. You will undoubtedly find yourself saying to yourself, “I didn’t believe it at first, but Uncle Atom was right! Women hate and are completely confused by apologies. The next time Uncle Atom writes from the porcelain throne, I will take heed. As for now, I will immediately contribute to his PayPal account for his humanitarian efforts!”

Joking aside, post here if you experiment or inadvertently let an apology slip out, and let us know your observations.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Ass hole behavior is not cool at times. I follow the mantra of “Own Your Shjt”. I own mine (I agree this may be unusual for a woman) and I expect my man to own his too.

My guy is anything but a weak man. But he does apologize if it’s warranted. It’s an apology that goes like this:

“I could have handled that differently. My bad.”

And then we drive on. If something he did hurt my feelings (which is going to happen at times in relationships) he will say:

“It was not my intent to hurt your feelings”.

This is important. It allows him to acknowledge my perspective without taking responsibility for my feelings. My feelings are MY responsibility, not his. So he clarifies his intent, does NOT take responsibility for my feelings (which I agree too many men accept this responsibility but it is misplaced and you should never accept responsibility for someone else’s feelings…only for your own actions.)

This is where I think men get into trouble. Don’t accept responsibility for things you cannot own. But most certainly own your own behavior.

An important distinction.

Hope all is well AS…warmest wishes as always

Cheers

Thanks for the warm wishes, and the same to you.
It sounds like your boyfriend is handling his business properly.