Women do not comprehend apologies. Don’t do it.

[_sideways_]

Why did they call you scumbag?

Because i made out with her mom.

 

[Glassguy]

I don't apologize. I just bounce.
Apologies are weak. Most women just use them against you.

I bounce and she pursues or I am gone to greener pastures.

 

[_sideways_]

This.....
I am already making plans to get away for a week.
Come back to nice things or im moving out.

I really am a nice guy, but i gotta take care of my mental first.

 

[_sideways_]

Thing is.....they both take care of me.
Like buy me a shirt she thinks i look good in.
Or....hypoallergenic soap.
Or cook and bring it to me.

But my mental has to come first

 

[Willie Naylor]

Bump

 

[manfrombelow]

I have mixed opinions about this.

For example, if I know for sure that I indeed said or did something wrong to a person, no matter if that's a man or woman, and my words/action hurt said person, 100% I would apologize sincerely because that's the right thing to do.

 

[RangerMIke]

Apologies are meaningless. People apologize and apologize.... blah blah blah. You always see some celebrities apologizing... and you have people demanding apologies. It's stupid if it is meaningless.

Women do not like apologies because most of them are a form of emotional manipulation.

If you did something wrong and you really hurt someone, then go ahead and apologize... once... then let it go. But if you are really honest you are seldom REALLY sorry for anything you might have done. Oh sure... you might regret consequences, but are you REALLY sorry?

 

[Stoic]

Interesting thread. And I have noticed this as well and so I know it isn't just theory.

I have a hard time apologizing when I have done something wrong.

For example, say you are meeting for a date and you are 10 minutes late. What do you say then? Admittedly, I would and have apologized every time. If it was a meeting where I was meeting a male for business I would too. What's the best way to do that?

 

[AureliusMaximus]

An apology to a woman is often (but not always) an open invitation for her to 100% blame you for the situation. It’s a “confirmation” in her mind. Yet, most women still feel a very visceral gut-level distaste for a man apologizing, to the point that it either annoys them or confuses them. They will often register being completely puzzled on their face.

You guys will get a kick out of this: Since writing this post, I apologized twice to my wife. One was because I opened the front door as we were going out and a piece of two-by I had squirreled behind the door fell forward and hit her knee. “Oh, I’m sorry, are you ok?” This was entirely appropriate and as I think if it now, entirely situational. But then my wife plays ZERO mind games with me. It’s like apologizing to a man whom I respect, because I know without a doubt that my wife respects me. She takes it the way it was given: as a genuine concern for her well-being.
The other time was some other kind of situational, practical thing. I can’t remember what it was.

Having confessed my apologetic sins, I notice that I have learned over time to NEVER apologize for interpersonal misunderstandings, disagreements or fights. That is the arena where women will become dazed and confused snd annoyed. Instead of “Sorry, I misunderstood you”, I will say “Oh, I misunderstood you.” Instead of “I’m sorry I was short with you”, I will say, “I didn’t mean to be impatient”.

In conclusion, I have discovered that a “Sorry” plays well if you accidentally hurt her or cause a pain or injury, but by-and-large, in most cases of interpersonal situations, “I’m sorry” TRIGGERS a negative response in women. NEVER apologize to a female who is a stranger. This will green-light her for any number of insane thoughts and accusations. Remember, when you apologize to a woman you don’t know, she will despise you and consider it a green light to blame you for anything real or imagined.

When you apologize to a man, you are apologizing to a sane, rational being who is grateful for that show of respect. You will be elevated in his eyes. The direct opposite happens with women. They do not even remotely possess any innate sense of right and wrong (their locus of control is virtually entirely outside of themselves). Therefore an apology from a man does not “compute”. Just apologize to a woman for how you conducted yourself in an interaction with her and observe the complete confusion on her face. I know a few of you guys don’t agree with this, but I submit with all confidence that this is because you haven’t yet noticed the phenomenon.

I urge you guys to experiment with this. Have fun with it. You will undoubtedly find yourself saying to yourself, “I didn’t believe it at first, but Uncle Atom was right! Women hate and are completely confused by apologies. The next time Uncle Atom writes from the porcelain throne, I will take heed. As for now, I will immediately contribute to his PayPal account for his humanitarian efforts!”

Joking aside, post here if you experiment or inadvertently let an apology slip out, and let us know your observations.

The only woman you you ever apologize to and say sorry is your mom. Period.

 

[TheProspect]

For example, say you are meeting for a date and you are 10 minutes late. What do you say then? Admittedly, I would and have apologized every time. If it was a meeting where I was meeting a male for business I would too. What's the best way to do that?

10 minutes late?

You can give them a courtesy text/call just saying "Running late, didn't account for traffic. Be about 10 more minutes. See you soon!"

Or if you meet up without the courtesy text, you could say something along the lines of,
"I didn't intend to keep you waiting, I should have accounted for traffic. I'll make sure I do next time I come this way again. So, how's your day going?" Leave it at that.

Alternatively, you can choose not to even acknowledge your failure to be punctual, and just compensate with a warm, enthusiastic greeting. I'd say this would only work better in situations where your perceived value or status is above theirs.

 

[Konada]

Ass hole behavior is not cool at times. I follow the mantra of “Own Your Shjt”. I own mine (I agree this may be unusual for a woman) and I expect my man to own his too.

My guy is anything but a weak man. But he does apologize if it’s warranted. It’s an apology that goes like this:

“I could have handled that differently. My bad.”

And then we drive on. If something he did hurt my feelings (which is going to happen at times in relationships) he will say:

“It was not my intent to hurt your feelings”.

This is important. It allows him to acknowledge my perspective without taking responsibility for my feelings. My feelings are MY responsibility, not his. So he clarifies his intent, does NOT take responsibility for my feelings (which I agree too many men accept this responsibility but it is misplaced and you should never accept responsibility for someone else’s feelings…only for your own actions.)

This is where I think men get into trouble. Don’t accept responsibility for things you cannot own. But most certainly own your own behavior.

An important distinction.

Hope all is well AS…warmest wishes as always

Cheers

Good stuff. From a man's perspective, I hold my woman accountable to her own feelings and made it very clear before we even got into a proper relationship.

The next level is leading them out of their own feelings. Its always easy to pin the blame on others, but what I do is to support her to become aware of what is causing those feelings and how to navigate them. E.G. "What can I do to support you with this?".
I immediately shut down any proposal of behavior that enables her feeling that way or avoiding her feeling that way, the principle is growth and confrontation of those feelings

Not many men are able to do this, being emotionally mature enough to lead your woman out of their own emotions puts you a notch above the rest.

 

[Scars]

Any apology I've given a woman is usually sarcastic, or unattached with true heart-felt emotion. We both know that sh!t will probably happen again, but it makes her FEEL good for the moment.

 

[manfrombelow]

Women dont have a moral compass that works like our.

A mistake or an abuse doesnt come from the "action" but from the man doing the behaviour.

An alpha male that smash his fist on the table cause he is being provoked is right and those who provoked him somehow stepped outside the boundaries.

A beta male that shouts after a further unfair abuse gets reported to the police or the HR cause his behaviour is "unacceptable".

This defeats the whole purpose of apologies that consists on realizing a wrong behaviour and admitting it.

Also if you pay attention is very hard for women to apologize themselves, its more likely that they get defensive or aggressive if asked for an explanation.

In my opinion when women complain the best policy is mock their complaints, apologies only encourage them to keep the complaing to continue...which is why husbands that apologize even when they are right only to close it, have a terrible surprise.

I learned this the hard way.

Even with my own mother, who's very good at verbally claiming how much she's always loved me, she's literally unable to apologize, even for things that hurt me. I literally had to beg her to say apology to me for how sh!tty she was at upbringing me. SMH

 

[Fortune_favors_the_bold]

I have found in my young life that women are baffled by apologies from men and have a negative reaction to them by-and-large.

I have seen time and again that women will usually show a puzzled, confused look on their face both when they see a man apologize for something, and also when they themselves are apologized too.

Those of us who have mastered the craft of handling women realize that when you apologize to a woman, you can literally feel her respect for you diminish. Her respect for you deflates like a leaking tire.

This is incomprehensible to us men because unlike women, we value politeness and respect. When a man apologizes to me, my respect for him grows immensely. And I know that when I do the apologizing, most men will usually respect and welcome that.

I remember once in the grocery store in my haste I walked right in front of a man who was looking for some bread on the shelf. I snatched up what I needed while blocking his view. Of course we know that women do this rude thing all the time.

I walked to the end of the aisle, realized how rude I had been (accidentally), and went over to him and apologized. He welcomed my apology in a friendly, appreciative way, but every single woman nearby (there were about 7 of them) either looked confused and puzzled, or annoyed. They literally can’t comprehend a man showing respect by apologizing.

The takeaway here is that it is almost never a good idea to directly apologize to a woman. She 100% WILL look down on you as weak. Instead, verbally acknowledge that you could have done something better now that you’re thinking of it, or make a brief, detached comment (more to yourself than to her), that you wish you had done such and such a little differently. These detached comments will elevate you in her sight, while a direct apology will almost always greatly diminish you.

I have peppered this overly-long and characteristically repetitive treatise with “almost always”, because there can be a time when you massively screw up where a direct apology is best. Your screw up truly has to be huge for this to be the case.

You can always tell that an Atom Smasher post comes from his relaxing on the toilet by the length and the repetition of ideas, and for that I apologize. You guys are always very gracious with me and extract the meat out of my essays and disregard my frequent long-windedness.

But seriously I admonish all men to ponder the point here. Women literally do not comprehend apologies from men and they find male apologies vaguely emasculating and annoying.

The thing is that process the "offence" in a different way and that also explains why women NEVER apologize.

If you do something wrong your focus is on the action or the outcome of the action therefore you apologize about it.

For women the focus is the emotion and feeling that such damange creates on the target, thats why instead of apologizing for the mistake, they buy you a cake or make a bj...cause that cake and that bj will improve your mood and fix your "anger.

That's also why they dont consider harassment as an action but the emotional effect that it has on the person therefore chad is fine slapping asses but beta bob is not despite the action is the same.

If a woman does something stupid, you get mad and she tries to fix your madness instead of apologizing and you're still mad cause she doesnt get it...she will get overemotional and mad at you for being mad at her.

This lack of logic and nonsense is one the reasons why older men are often skipping relations after libido and sexual attraction no longer balance the headache.

Then as I probably wrote previously (not sure if this thread), women weight men in a hierarchy and are usually disgusted from behaviours that are more common on low status men than upper ones and since apologizing is seeing from them as a lack of status, it dries their respect.

 

[Barrister]

There are a number of posters who have left over the years that have truly left a void. Atom Smasher is one of those guys.

His OP here is gold. The older I have gotten and the more women I have interacted with over the years the more I have seen this is 100% true. No, it doesn't mean you can't make a simple apology for being 15-20 minutes late somewhere as a simple courtesy and nothing more. But never apologize for your convictions that you have. Never apologize for your stance on your relationship with the woman or anyone else. And never apologize for leading YOUR life the way you want to lead it. Never apologize for what you find important and meaningful. If that makes her upset, you tell her that is too bad and she can fall in line or fall away. A leader doesn't apologize and sometimes there are tough decisions to make. That is just how it is.

 

[TheGambino]

I have found in my young life that women are baffled by apologies from men and have a negative reaction to them by-and-large.

I have seen time and again that women will usually show a puzzled, confused look on their face both when they see a man apologize for something, and also when they themselves are apologized too.

Those of us who have mastered the craft of handling women realize that when you apologize to a woman, you can literally feel her respect for you diminish. Her respect for you deflates like a leaking tire.

This is incomprehensible to us men because unlike women, we value politeness and respect. When a man apologizes to me, my respect for him grows immensely. And I know that when I do the apologizing, most men will usually respect and welcome that.

I remember once in the grocery store in my haste I walked right in front of a man who was looking for some bread on the shelf. I snatched up what I needed while blocking his view. Of course we know that women do this rude thing all the time.

I walked to the end of the aisle, realized how rude I had been (accidentally), and went over to him and apologized. He welcomed my apology in a friendly, appreciative way, but every single woman nearby (there were about 7 of them) either looked confused and puzzled, or annoyed. They literally can’t comprehend a man showing respect by apologizing.

The takeaway here is that it is almost never a good idea to directly apologize to a woman. She 100% WILL look down on you as weak. Instead, verbally acknowledge that you could have done something better now that you’re thinking of it, or make a brief, detached comment (more to yourself than to her), that you wish you had done such and such a little differently. These detached comments will elevate you in her sight, while a direct apology will almost always greatly diminish you.

I have peppered this overly-long and characteristically repetitive treatise with “almost always”, because there can be a time when you massively screw up where a direct apology is best. Your screw up truly has to be huge for this to be the case.

You can always tell that an Atom Smasher post comes from his relaxing on the toilet by the length and the repetition of ideas, and for that I apologize. You guys are always very gracious with me and extract the meat out of my essays and disregard my frequent long-windedness.

But seriously I admonish all men to ponder the point here. Women literally do not comprehend apologies from men and they find male apologies vaguely emasculating and annoying.

I approve, it’s true.

 

[Manure Spherian]

Perhaps. If I mess up, I apologize, regardless of the recipients of my apologies and how they handle it. I don’t like being rude or mistreating anyone. If most women can’t accept apologies, I don’t care. Come to think of it, I don’t care if many women don’t like me.

I think these pervasive hangups with “what women want,” and, “what women think,” in male spaces aren’t good.

 

[Manure Spherian]

Never apologize for your stance on your relationship with the woman or anyone else. And never apologize for leading YOUR life the way you want to lead it. Never apologize for what you find important and meaningful.

This I agree with, though he mentioned an example not as serious as this.

During the first month of dating my wife I played a clip of a video that expressed some of my non-PC stances. Apparently she didn’t care. And I don’t think most women care about a man’s personal convictions, even offensive ones, so long as he is steadfast in them.