Women at Work

[Buddha_Mind]

Probably posted originally in wrong forum...I value the older more experienced gentleman's input on this forum...posted a thread about women at work, how to gauge situations of attraction, etc, in the main forum.

Not sure if you older dudes navigate that way so I thought I'd proposition the question here (mod's you can move my original thread if you want):

What are your boundaries with women at work? Obviously depending upon the job, place within the organization, etc these experiences can vary a great deal...however: What are your experiences with this? Have any had good results? Anyone here have this really bite them in the ass? Give a young man who is surrounded by nature-beauties here in the mountains a reason to keep his head on straight not to let sex/short-term gratification destroy a good long-term opportunity... (or maybe I've already found my own conclusions here)

But is sex with women at work always a destructive force?

 

[evelsteve]

I never found work romances to be good, because if they go bad, you have to see that woman the next day, and it may get awkward/negative/stressful, etc, being around them, and it may even affect your work, which you DON'T want. Anonymous women, outside of work, is the way to go for me. No jealously, no drama, no gossip, no embarrassing memos, or nerve-wracking "come see me in my office" meetings with the supervisor, nothing. Just stress-free fun

 

[backbreaker]

What are your boundaries with women at work?

100% off limits.

In my experience it's a paradox. keep your work at work and keep your private life private.

People talk to girls at work for 2 reasons, 1. they are "easier" because you have an automatic "in" which makes the chance of rejection lower and 2. because they don't have enough time to do anything else.

that's a good litmus test IMHO. if you don't have enough time to talk to women AT ALL (and i've been there) to the point where your only chance of intimacy.. if you are looking for it, is to get it at work, you need to cut back and have a more balanced life. Again that's if you are looking for it.

But is sex with women at work always a destructive force?

the most important thing my dad ever told me (Besides bet pat day at Churchill), was that "Brandon (my real name), every relationship you have with a woman, is going to end. sit back and think about that.Every last relationship you have with a woman except 1, is going to get one, and some guys don't even get that one"

when you put it in that type of light, it just doesn't make sense.

at are your experiences with this? Have any had good results? Anyone here have this really bite them in the ass? Give a young man who is surrounded by nature-beauties here in the mountains a reason to keep his head on straight not to let sex/short-term gratification destroy a good long-term opportunity... (or maybe I've already found my own conclusions here)

When i had my first company and we had got our first real office and had our first real employees, I am a workaholic, make no mistake about it, but my old business partner, made me look lazy lol. it go to the point if i wanted to find him, i didn't even bother calling him anymore i don't care what time it was he was going to be at work. NO life. I work hard, i was working 70 plus hours a week, but when i left work, my work phone was thrown in the glove compartment and i had my "me" time as well. I didn't want to be bothered unless of extremely emergencies on my off days, i didn't want to talk about work on my off days i needed that mental break.

anyway, it's a tale of 2 cities so to speak. I had a balanced life. I left work at about 7 on a good week day, on Fridays i sold do pay roll and be out the door at noon and not come back to Sunday, we would have a 1 hour meeting, and i would continue my off time. I went out all the time.. at our highest point we had about 16 employees, about half of them women, and honesty none of them were ugly.

Anyway, my point was, I am the more socal of the 2 of us. IAs the most approachable, when someone had a problem they would come to me3 rather than him even if it was about him, i was really the only one who could talk to him. So girls would inquire about my availability, overtly and covertly. girls were asking if i wanted to go grab a drink after work, inviting me to get together and **** all the time. i wasn't having none of it. i had a nice rotation outside of work. Girls would stop by and see me while i was at work, my oneitis would just camp out in my office someday, everyone would be whispering "that must be his GF no that is his GF", which just drove the girls at work wild, but again, wasnt' going.

My partner, could not have been any different. "The sad thing is, he's good looking (I wish the "looks vesus game guys debate guys in the general forum could read this). Actually i would eve go so far to say he was better looking than I was, and i'm not gay. Dude was naturally very handsome "((he had a pretty cute ssiter as well who i knocked off in high school). 6'0 even, about 160 pounds, done, very strong features. A guy who should not have any problems getting women. this mother****er was off the chain lol. he basically looked at the office as his personal playground.

But because he was so socially awkward, i mean i 'got' him but hell we lived together basically for 2 years. i got the inside jokes and ****, everyone else didn't, girls really didn't... he just tried to hard.

he had the nicer apartment of the two of us. he spent (company money) about 15 grand on furniture when i moved out the apartment we shared, all Japanese custom furniture (bad ass). He had the nicer car of the two of us, he had matching lexus SC300's but his was 2 years newer and had rims and a bunch of aftermarket ****. he did all this **** to impress basically the girs at work. I'm like dude, you are the ****ing CEO of the company, you don't have to impress anyone here, your job title should speak volumes (i was the CFO, i have no ego and he honestly we both knew what we were and were not good at).

Anyway let me try to wrap this up. He hires a (bad as hell) Brazilian assistant, damn i forget her name, but she was super sweet, extremely easy on the eyes. First he pays her way too much, which we could afford it but still he was just trying to show off. He came up with some bull**** about how she has access to stuff and blah blah blah whatever the ****. Then, and i am not bull****ting whatsoever. goes on a 2 week vacation to Europe, takes her with him. mother****er came back with **** from Germany, France, London, they had a great time. he's just wining and dining her and what not.

Anyway, Saturday night out with one of my plates at a bar, i get a call on my personal from a number i don't know, i pick it up, it's the assistant. I'm like **** what the ****, is something wrong? she is like look, i do know how to tell you this, but... i'm on a date with a guy and i'm pretty sure kent (business partner) is outside stalking me.

So, i have to end my ****ing date short, and basically go and drag this mother****er from her house. He gets mad at me telling me i didn't have the right to do that, blah lah blah, we almost went to blows actually. i'm like dude get a ****ing hold of yourself. you are acting like a chump.

this was what really made me sale my part of the company. I was getting tired of it all honestly but he wasn't make it any better and i couldn't' control him. his pursuit of trying to impress women was going to drive us in the red sooner or later.

I knew i could never stay in a business with a guy that was so driven by ***** he was willing to stalk a ****ing assistant. I actually made the decision to get out on the way home, i had been debating it but that was the final straw for me.

lol the next day after our sunday meeting i ahd her meet me at starbucks for coffee to get the low down on what was going on between them, so i can make my final decision or whatever, come to found out, he has bough her so much ****, she hasn't even ****ed yet lol. I didn't know rather to laugh or cry becuase i am quite sure it was company money he was spending.


don't dip the pin in the company ink. I know it's convenient, god I know it's convenient, but don't do it.

 

[macagent]

what if you're the new guy? is banging the HR girls OK then?

 

[SecondHalf]

I've nailed two women from work and both have ended poorly.

While it was happening, it was hot!

However, people catch on and it changes the way they interact with you.
Not a good career move and at the end, you'll likely wish you never did this.

Now (older and smarter than I was), won't touch anything from work with a ten foot pole! Just not worth it in the end.

SH

 

[Colossus]

But is sex with women at work always a destructive force?

Not necessarily. The rule of thumb is of course, don't sh!t where you eat. But this isn't universal to all situations. I think you have to look at the proximity you have to the girl(s) in question. Also, how important is the job to you? How great is the risk of getting reprimanded or even fired? How often will you see her if it fizzles? Lots of factors.

I've banged several girls at past jobs. It was never an issue; BUT, I also didn't see them every day AND I didn't work with them directly. Key factors in workplace-hookup success.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

Opinions and thoughts here greatly valued. You gents have provided insight that may have prevented me from being rather foolish. Thanks guys, I can't argue or disagree with anything stated here.

Backbreaker -- thanks for that story, very interesting, crazy too, this man allowed an assistant you guys hired, to fck with his mind--I'm sure he was oneitis deep over her and couldn't get why she didn't want him. Eitherway bad juju for sure.

Thanks guys.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

I've slept with more than a few co-workers. Usually it wasn't a problem. It's all based on your situation. I worked in television for many years where there's a real free-for-all sensibility. Hooked up with interns, nailed a coworker who had a boyfriend, even slept with a boss over the course of a few months. In each situation I deemed the risk to be minimal - either I didn't care that much about the job, or I just did not see it blowing up, which it didn't. Even on my current job, which I value much more, I slept with a woman in another department, but we were able to break it off without drama. However being older and liking my job more (and working in a more buttoned-down environment) I would definitely avoid the situation with anyone in my department.

I hear you man. Already second day I am picking up on vibes of others and the relationships that are occurring around me. IDK, I'm just surrounded by natural beauties and unfortunately work with all of them. This position could lead to better things here. I ought to protect myself but part of life is exploration too. But as Epsi pointed out in my original thread, I am likely trying to rationalize my way into gaming these chicks and it probably is not the best mentality.

But if something flows naturally, I suppose I may let curiosity explore a bit -- but being very aware of consequences, etc, is very important to keep in mind.

 

[SecondHalf]

Beautiful chicks typically have beautiful friends.

Friend 'em, and capitalize on their friends, sisters, cousins ...
Even to go out with them as the harmless male at a bar, other women are drawn to you.

I've done this long ago and it works wonderfully.

SH

 

[Buddha_Mind]

SecondHalf -- I hear you man; it's still definitely a struggle not keep my reigns in with some of these ladies...a friend of mine says, "don't turn donw a new experience", but not sure if he's the most trusted female resource. There are fine lines between business and pleasure I suppose. More than anything I just want to contribute some good things, learn, roll with it, enable things.

Thanks for the perspectives.

 

[bmp2cpm]

You don't necessarily have to avoid women you work with. You can go out with them after one of you leaves the company.

I've gone out with 3 women that I worked with, but it was 1 to 6 years AFTER I worked with them.

Dating when you 2 work together ends up being a train wreck that you have to revisit every work day. Avoid at all costs.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

bmp2cpm,

Those are good points -- you never know what seeds I could be planting now for the future.

But right now I have the internal mantra, "dont fvck girls at work"..

I've had enough female drama the last few years to need that sh!t in my face all day at my work place...

I have definitely been Mr. Smiles with all of the ladies -- but really I've been this way with all of my co-workers simply because I'm so pumped to finally be within this organization...it's an honor and has been a long-held dream of mine.

Now I just have to follow through.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Woman pursues and initiates sex with co-worker: "Office Romance"

Man pursues and initiates sex with co-worker: "Sexual Harassment"

Caveat Emptor.

 

[Kailex]

There are thousands of women out of the workplace ready to NOT nail me on account of sexual harassment.

I'll take my chances on those and just happily trod along with my career.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

There is truth to your guys points.

I'm sure when the relationship is going well, or in its beginnings, it would be great to meet a chick at work -- shared passion or similar direction in life.

But it's not so much about when things are going well -- that's fine and dandy -- it's more so when things get complicated, rough, or fall apart all together. This is where the sh!t can hit the fan.

I was literally just invited by one of my female co-workers to go on a bike ride this afternoon. She is a fellow intern and was discussing how it is unlikely they'll form her a solid position after her internship ends. Part of me wants to go on a bike ride with her to get to know her better -- hell, maybe even just be "friends" (with sexual undertones) and see where it takes me -- if she ends up not working there any longer, I might have some good rapport with a very cute girl (a genuine connection) and ask her out or advance a bit further later on when we're no longer co-workers...

So part of me says (a) hell yes go on the bike ride life is short this chick could potentially treat you very very well, and the other part of me says (b) if she does stick around post-internship and sh!t hits the fan between you two, or you don't connect as you intended, you'll be in an uncomfortable place for sure.

So g0ddamn hard when the testosterone in my body and all of my biological urges would like to shag this chick even today...she's a bit young, cute, and is younger than me enough where she already interacts with me from a place of me having seniority and authority (not that I want to be some g0ddamn iron fist but really it's wonderful when a woman looks up to you -- sometimes I definitely think those can make stronger relationships). IE, I'm older and wiser and more experienced...

It's like my brain and penis are in a wrestling match and my brain really wants to win but my penis is just a complete assh0le willing to talk my brain into whatever it needs to here to follow through...

But then the flip side of the coin in my mind is: isn't it possible to meet a really great person at work and have it become a fruitful relationship in the future? Maybe I'm just too SS inundated or too jaded to be optimistic or positive about this...or as I noted, I'm just trying to rationalize what I'd really like to do (get with her).

Blegh. Maybe I oughtta just go burn one down on a backroad and spend time with the mountains and trees instead and know my workplace will be woman-drama-free.

(I also had some sexy redhead wink at me admist a meeting out of left field...god help me here...)

PS--and in some ways it is that similar interests and similar direction thing that seems to be appealing about these women (same interests same place) as opposed to lots of women I've gone with or the few I've had LTRs with where it seems like everyone is working in opposite directions (often towards their careers) which can make having a relationship work very difficult...seems like a chick moving in the same direction as myself would be a good thing -- but again, that's assuming things actually work -- which clearly this board is not a favor of those odds at the workplace..and deep in my psyche, I have to agree....but then I often ask myself: wtf do I know anyways?

 

[Buddha_Mind]

Maybe I oughtta just go burn one down on a backroad and spend time with the mountains and trees instead and know my workplace will be woman-drama-free.

This is what I'm off to do. I'll send her a nice text saying maybe another time. She seems like such a good person I definitely don't want to hurt her -- I just don't know if this is a good path to go down right now. I could be screwing up any potential for the future by canceling on this plan (I know these dynamics have a certain flow to them that once impeded can throw a wrench into their rhythm into the future) -- but it would be even worse to have sh.it get complex. I suppose if I am doing things right, and continue to do things right, once we are no longer co-workers I still might have an open door.

Brain won. Penis very unhappy about it. Brain sort of unhappy about it too, per compassion for penis.

peace dudes.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

Update --

I went out and did my thing -- there was however a massive work party afterwards. Everyone ended up getting rather drunk; I danced with pretty much every hot chick I work with, simply walking to them on the dance floor and just grabbing them -- this worked well -- and I took the lead dancing and they seemed to enjoy following (one woman apologized for her tendency to lead and allowed me to take the front).

These were good times. Unfortunately, everything simply ended with dancing. Definitely was thinking of this thread, the forewarnings of those before me, of not getting involved with chicks at work.

Unfortunately this community is very small, and it seems about 90% of the area's hot babes happen to be employed at this place.

This leaves for slim pickings.

I definitely had a good night -- definitely saw progress in my own self being confident grabbing very attractive women, some of them my older superiors at work, some of them younger. I was definitely just trying to enjoy myself and think an abundance mentality to women and not get caught up on any single cute face.

Still sucks though honestly -- am feeling bummed at this particular moment -- seems like things either have to be cheap meaningless sex with someone I hardly know, or some deep intertwined relationship that seems to become twisted on its own through time...

It's funny how I imagine lots of these single girls here too are lonely or simply looking to 'get fvcked' (curt language, but honestly seems to be the truth). It seems that if all of us had our choice, we'd probably all have multiple sex partners at this place (and that would probably lead to disease transfer too), the animalness I could see in every person (man or woman) on that dance floor, lots of good times, alas the barrier of WORK stood as bricks between most hooking up or others venturing down the road of relationship...

Well so be it. Part of me just says fvck it. Honestly. Why not invite one of these cuties back home? But for reasons of "safety" I stay away...IDK. How are you supposed to be in your late twenties and surrounded by attractive woman at work all day and not be incredibly tempted to intermingle. Just seems like all the pieces of the equation facilitate it. Stick 20 mixed gender/sex people into a room all in their late twenties, add alcohol, and well, the rest sort of speaks for itself.

Despite some good times this past weekend, I can't help but feel presently depressed as shi.t when it comes to women -- seems like loving and fvcking all ends in the same -- the trash can. Or if loving and fvcking are even correlated I don't know. I'm not sure what most people, or what women particularly, view "love" to be. Deep down inside a desire for genuine connection exists, that can be enjoyed in the physical realm also; but sometimes it sort of feels like believing in santa clause or god or some other nice idea in theory but absent in reality. Failure can make a person jaded -- a jaded place is not the most productive, that is for sure. And I also know that without failure, rarely is there success.

Be well guys. Keep going for what matters to you -- and most importantly just be goddamned happy to be, for what you have and where you are.

/bm.

 

[Zarky]

If you don't care about the job, then by all means go to town. I run my own business but stay 100% away from all women in my entire PROFESSION, so I'm sure I'd stay away from women I work with.

I also don't date friends of friends either. That's a good way to either 1) get married, or 2) alienate whatever mutual friends you have when you split up, or 3) 1 then 2

 

[Buddha_Mind]

Unfortunately this isn't socal...I'm in some of the least populated areas of the united states...beautiful here...but lots of big women with tweety bird shirts!

 

[Buddha_Mind]

I'm replying to this thread for myself -- mostly to serve as a reminder:

It definitely sucks being in a small town where it seems people enjoy one another's business and finding available women seems somewhat scarce. I'm here for life experience and trying to gain some work experience too that is benefiting me -- and truly the place I am working is pretty sweet despite I am jockeying a desk for the first time in a very long time.

Lots of cute women around all day -- definitely have probably deviated from my plans of not "getting deeper" with any of them. Mixed results. Some awkwardness. I am keeping myself disconnected. Going to focus on what I am there for and why I came in the first place -- but still being somewhat open to the people I may meet and how long I may be here I am still unsure -- so there is value in the life experience.

However; man women are a fvcking trip -- and young women are definitely flaky and wishy washy and indecisive.

I probably experience about 15-20 sexual thoughts per day at work -- usually around 4-5 different women whom I'm sexually attracted to or mentally attracted to..women I would like to know better.

I have mixed feelings about long-term employment at this place. I don't want to give up a "bird in hand" for the time being, but the website business I've been working on in my freetime is growing and could eventually provide for me entirely...this would not be as convenient as employment by a larger group who can provide benefits, etc...I would have to make enough and continue getting enough clients to keep things like health insurance, whereas hopping onto some bigger organization can provide these things at lower costs...

I suppose some broken workplace romance would definitely put the damper on my time at this place. And I suppose I am here truly to keep pushing myself forwards...I am definitely expanding my skills...I ought not to deviate my focus onto women too heavily, while keeping some opportunity open for exploring genuine connection.

Anyways same chick who wanted to get together awhile back, spent some time with her today, sent her some follow-up text that I felt stupid about afterwards -- probably over analysis -- but going to backoff and just take care of business. I'm not sure she has any idea what she wants anyways, and is young. Seems like a good person, but I probably know at this point especially after a lack of text response, things aren't going to move forwards--ought to shift my focus elsewhere and zen disconnect from the whole damn thing.

Women at work -- tread carefully -- tread lightly -- recognize what levels you are taking things to; these are my current lessons.