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Woman is making man jump through hopes to "win her heart"

ThisNThat

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Man, just when I posted that indy woman thread, another situation came up. I was talking to this woman from south Africa. She was in the states for a short time. Single for a while, career woman.

She told me that she's making this one guy "jump through hoops" win her heart and "get her attention"

This kind of counters the whole "getting and keeping her attention" posts by some of the men here, but it's interesting about her perspective

I asked her, "Isn't that like playing games? I mean, when I hear someone say, "I'm making him jump through hoops", there's something very unhealthy about that.
 

Masculinity

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Man, just when I posted that indy woman thread, another situation came up. I was talking to this woman from south Africa. She was in the states for a short time. Single for a while, career woman.

She told me that she's making this one guy "jump through hoops" win her heart and "get her attention"

This kind of counters the whole "getting and keeping her attention" posts by some of the men here, but it's interesting about her perspective

I asked her, "Isn't that like playing games? I mean, when I hear someone say, "I'm making him jump through hoops", there's something very unhealthy about that.
She's playing games indeed--likely to feel desired and in control. How did she respond to your question?
 

ThisNThat

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She's playing games indeed--likely to feel desired and in control. How did she respond to your question?
She gave me her response that she assured me it wasn't about control, but after having been through a 25 year abusive marriage, she wants to make sure this guy is authentic. That he can show is own strength and maturity, nothing to do with playing games.
 

devilkingx2

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She told me that she's making this one guy "jump through hoops" win her heart and "get her attention"
she's a cruel person and she doesn't like the guy very much
 

sazc

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OMG what a b1tch!

So you are saying that she had a bad experience with a man isn't n the past and has decided to screen? That she is performing emotional push pull tactics on him? Not returning his texts for six hours, being ellusive about herself and if she is dating anyone else?

Next thing you know she will be withholding attention on purpose to make him miss her!

Horrible!! Wh0res!
 

sazc

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What's that you say there? Playing games to feel desired and in control? No! Surely THAT never happens....?
 

devilkingx2

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OMG what a b1tch!

So you are saying that she had a bad experience with a man isn't n the past and has decided to screen? That she is performing emotional push pull tactics on him? Not returning his texts for six hours, being ellusive about herself and if she is dating anyone else?

Next thing you know she will be withholding attention on purpose to make him miss her!

Horrible!! Wh0res!
men do that for a reason, and that reason is that getting women is hard.

women don't need to do that, they choose to just to make men's lives more difficult
 

ThisNThat

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OMG what a b1tch!

So you are saying that she had a bad experience with a man isn't n the past and has decided to screen? That she is performing emotional push pull tactics on him? Not returning his texts for six hours, being ellusive about herself and if she is dating anyone else?

Next thing you know she will be withholding attention on purpose to make him miss her!

Horrible!! Wh0res!
She's not doing any of what you mentioned. Just wants to make sure the man that likes her is authentic. A gradual process. Plus, she's a professional psychologist, which I am guessing she just picked the wrong phrase of "jumping through hoops", probably poor choice of worrds.
 

sazc

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men do that for a reason, and that reason is that getting women is hard.

women don't need to do that, they choose to just to make men's lives more difficult
I understand the essence of what you are saying and the argument that you are making, but let's get real....

Man or woman, it's EASY to get laid IF you eliminate, reduce personal standards. Both you and I can find someone tonight to sleep with. Yes, you can too, you just don't want a gutter rat.

You guys perform your "acts" because you want to find someone that you feel suitable. You've had bad experiences in the past.. The tests everyone talks about on this website are a way of testing to determine suitability. You prefer to meet a female that meets a level of your standards and, most of you, would prefer she have genuine affection and affinity for you.

The female he is referring to is in the same position. She's not looking to hook up with a make gutter rat. Sge could get a man of she wanted, but she wants to get one that lives up to get standards She's had a poor experience with a man in her past and wants to test to make sure that doesn't happen again.

It's the same thing.

Trust me, it's NOT easier to find a quality man. Abundance is one thing, but abundance doesn't ensure quality.

There are an abundance of females out there that WILL hook up with you. We all know that. You just have standards
 

Masculinity

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She gave me her response that she assured me it wasn't about control, but after having been through a 25 year abusive marriage, she wants to make sure this guy is authentic. That he can show is own strength and maturity, nothing to do with playing games.
She probably would never admit it even if it were about control and validation.
 

SgtSplacker

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The whole hoops thing is tricky right? Girl wants to feel like she is a prize to blow up her ego. But it's bad to show too much pursuit and blow up her ego. What do you do?

What I do is to keep my intentions private, like that i'm not out there singing in her rose garden next to Mr. Chad while i'm being judged. I'm here for the company and fun, if it evolves into something else by then I should know what she is all about. Like that it's never a sure thing for her... it can never be a sure thing for her.
 

devilkingx2

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I understand the essence of what you are saying and the argument that you are making, but let's get real....

Man or woman, it's EASY to get laid IF you eliminate, reduce personal standards. Both you and I can find someone tonight to sleep with. Yes, you can too, you just don't want a gutter rat.

You guys perform your "acts" because you want to find someone that you feel suitable. You've had bad experiences in the past.. The tests everyone talks about on this website are a way of testing to determine suitability. You prefer to meet a female that meets a level of your standards and, most of you, would prefer she have genuine affection and affinity for you.

The female he is referring to is in the same position. She's not looking to hook up with a make gutter rat. Sge could get a man of she wanted, but she wants to get one that lives up to get standards She's had a poor experience with a man in her past and wants to test to make sure that doesn't happen again.

It's the same thing.

Trust me, it's NOT easier to find a quality man. Abundance is one thing, but abundance doesn't ensure quality.

There are an abundance of females out there that WILL hook up with you. We all know that. You just have standards
the flaw in your logic is this: there are only two types of men who jump through hoops for women

1. passive betas who are so desperate for pvssy and brainwashed by rom-coms that they'll be putty in any mildly attractive woman's hands.

2. experienced players who've banged 1,000 girls and mastered any and all games, these men always have 3 plates spinning at all times and thusly have infinite patience to casually win any game, get the pvssy and get out of there.

which of those two do you think is the quality man the woman in the OP is looking for?
 

sazc

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Lol, just because you say it doesn't make it so. There's no flaw in my logic, I was answering your statement that's it's 'easier" for females to get men. That's untrue. If we don't mind bottom feeders then we have abundance.

You are reading something into my response that wasnt there in an effort to tell me my logic is flawed. Tsk.

I agree 100% that the man who is going to allow this to happen it's okay with being the beta in the relationship.

I wasnt trying to justify her tactics, just point out that she has decided to take on the role of alpha in this relationship.

As usual, when the shoe is in the other foot, and the same games promoted on these boards are being played on men, all of a sudden everyone on these boards is outraged about it.

Double standards
 

Alvafe

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I understand the essence of what you are saying and the argument that you are making, but let's get real....

Man or woman, it's EASY to get laid IF you eliminate, reduce personal standards. Both you and I can find someone tonight to sleep with. Yes, you can too, you just don't want a gutter rat.

You guys perform your "acts" because you want to find someone that you feel suitable. You've had bad experiences in the past.. The tests everyone talks about on this website are a way of testing to determine suitability. You prefer to meet a female that meets a level of your standards and, most of you, would prefer she have genuine affection and affinity for you.

The female he is referring to is in the same position. She's not looking to hook up with a make gutter rat. Sge could get a man of she wanted, but she wants to get one that lives up to get standards She's had a poor experience with a man in her past and wants to test to make sure that doesn't happen again.

It's the same thing.

Trust me, it's NOT easier to find a quality man. Abundance is one thing, but abundance doesn't ensure quality.

There are an abundance of females out there that WILL hook up with you. We all know that. You just have standards
someone is in a bitchy mood

and not its not the same, if a woman now yell I want to have sex men will show up in places you not even know there was a dude there, and if she tells she will go with everyone they will start a line and wait they time if not you can bet some sort of competition will start

if a guy yell the same he will be lucky if 3 gays show up for him

you could put the whole but men can pay so, with still means its will be more costly to a men in any case

now lets get real here too you really can't take what her is saying by face value, she could be lieing just to not look like a loner or the "cat lady" or even she is thinking in something the other dude don't even know, plus lets get real here if a dude go for this hoops like she says its all about her ego, if she wanted him, she wouldn't risk losing him, she only want to have her play thing till something better shows up.

and serious if a woman tells me she lived years in a abusive marriage, chances are she was the abuser, and when he finally get tired of it, she pictures like him is the bad guy, with also can come with in the end of a relationship is always the other who is the bad guy, no one would say I was the bad guy.
 

devilkingx2

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Lol, just because you say it doesn't make it so. There's no flaw in my logic, I was answering your statement that's it's 'easier" for females to get men. That's untrue. If we don't mind bottom feeders then we have abundance.

You are reading something into my response that wasnt there in an effort to tell me my logic is flawed. Tsk.
well you brought up finding a quality man and how hard it is to find one, so I asked you how her tactics are going to help with that search, because it seems like she's shooting herself in the foot and screening all of the quality men (from her perspective) out

I agree 100% that the man who is going to allow this to happen it's okay with being the beta in the relationship.

I wasnt trying to justify her tactics, just point out that she has decided to take on the role of alpha in this relationship.
alright, we on the same side then, duly noted.

As usual, when the shoe is in the other foot, and the same games promoted on these boards are being played on men, all of a sudden everyone on these boards is outraged about it.

Double standards
I for one, am against unnecessary game playing. lots of men get too used to playing games and do it with women who like them for basically no reason (you'll see posts like that from time to time), so I'm merely being fair by saying that a woman playing games for no reason is equally bullsh!t
 

taiyuu_otoko

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A long time ago (mid 90's) a female coworker friend of mind tried setting me up with one of her friends. We went out twice, and for each date I had to call about three of four times. After the second date, I kept calling, she kept saying she was busy. At one point she actually said, "I'm busy that day, but keep trying, though!" and she sounded like she was being sincere, like encouraging me to keep trying and failing. I never spoke to her again after that.
 

mrgoodstuff

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A long time ago (mid 90's) a female coworker friend of mind tried setting me up with one of her friends. We went out twice, and for each date I had to call about three of four times. After the second date, I kept calling, she kept saying she was busy. At one point she actually said, "I'm busy that day, but keep trying, though!" and she sounded like she was being sincere, like encouraging me to keep trying and failing. I never spoke to her again after that.
She was fluffing her ego
 

mrgoodstuff

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A long time ago (mid 90's) a female coworker friend of mind tried setting me up with one of her friends. We went out twice, and for each date I had to call about three of four times. After the second date, I kept calling, she kept saying she was busy. At one point she actually said, "I'm busy that day, but keep trying, though!" and she sounded like she was being sincere, like encouraging me to keep trying and failing. I never spoke to her again after that.
She was fluffing her ego
 

Urbanyst

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Women who do this are very insecure.

The ironic thing is the insecurity comes from the fact that they are REALLY into the guy and worried about the outcome. When a woman has low interest, the outcome doesn't matter to her, so games are not worth the energy unless she is trying to exploit him for MONEY or something else.
 

BeExcellent

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Nothing wrong with having standards. You think a man like @Desdinova isnt making his girlfriend jump through hoops?

I don't see a reasonable screening period as a problem at all. I'd want to observe enough behavior to be reasonably assured I wasn't getting involved with someone incompatible with me.

The idea that men should have standards and women shouldn't is schoolyard childishness.

We ALL have standards & criteria, deal breakers and things we are willing to deal with.

How is this news? If anything having standards should be encouraged. Men respect a woman more if she has standards.
 
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