Woman invites me to sleep over but no sex, need advice

[MobbDeep]

Been seeing this woman, not exclusively, for about 5 weeks. We had sex at my place on our first two dates. Since then, interest level has been high and she's invited me around a dozen times or so to sleep with her at her place but there hasn't been sex. I have tried but she shoots me down or there's an excuse such as her period or super tired. When we are in bed she is very affectionate and there is lots of spooning but sex isn't happening.

What do you guys make of this? Is she trying to put the genie back in the bottle (put out on first two dates but now trying to prove she's not easy)? Why invite me to sleep over if she isn't interested? What's the best move and best way to handle this?

 

[JoeMarron]

It doesn't matter what her reason is. The fact is she's not giving you what you want but you're giving her what she wants. Stop putting so much effort into her if you're not getting what you want. If she continues drop her completely.

 

[MobbDeep]

It doesn't matter what her reason is. The fact is she's not giving you what you want but you're giving her what she wants. Stop putting so much effort into her if you're not getting what you want. If she continues drop her completely.

I have called her out on the no sex directly but she never gives a direct answer and acts aloof and tries to guilt trip me by sarcastically saying that she's sorry for actually wanting to get sleep when she has to be up early and not wanting to fall asleep at work the next day.

 

[Peaks&Valleys]

I'd start making excuses of why you can't come over. Easy subtle way of letting her know you're not going to put up with it.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Two thoughts while reading this:


1) You said you have been seeing her non-exclusively for 5 weeks. Did you tell her openly that your seeing other women? Or do you think she doesn't know know?

2) She's not putting out for 1 of 2 reasons:

a) she's aware that your seeing other women & is trying to withhold sex to see how invested you are in her & taking things further

b) your not getting her horny enough -I doubt its this, but just putting it out there.

In either case as others pointed out, you shouldn't REWARD her with your time & attention, when she's not giving you anything in return. If she has strong interest she will chase once you back off, if she doesn't, then you have other plates that I'm assuming your banging as well anyways.










PIMP

 

[LorenzoVonM]

NEXT. She is using sex as a weapon rather than something that is awesome and done between two people for fun.

 

[MobbDeep]

She is aware I do see other women. Last week when she couldn't get a hold of me one evening, I let her know that I was on a date with another woman. She tried hard not to show her jealousy but it was evident. She then proceeded to invite me to sleep over the next few nights after that as if trying to keep me away from the other woman I went on a date with.

 

[Iceberg]

Basically, what the other guys said.

She's wasting your time. She's trying to re-gain the upper hand in the dynamic between you two. The more you continue to reward her with attention, the less reason she has to actually EARN your attention.

I'd back off of her. She's trying to make you chase her again. F**k that. Make her chase you. Either she falls in line, or you drop her completely. But no more wasting time with a girl who isn't putting out.

Also - I know some guys say to be honest about dating...but I've never flat out told a woman "Hey, a little busy right now. On a date." It might actually work for you, but that's a little more honesty than I'm comfortable with.

 

[muhnkee]

LEAVE.

The art of getting anything you want in life is to always be prepared to walk away. Worst case scenario, you miss out on being tortured by some chick who will never screw you. Best case scenario, she immediately freaks out and asks you to come back.

I did this once to a chick who was insistent upon playing coy with me. Heavy makeout followed by lots of "gee, whiz, gosh, maybe" stuff. I told her I was leaving. As I went to leave, she grabbed my arm, pulled me to the nearest chair where she threw her legs over her head, pulled off her jeans and panties and presented the goods. Because I'm a complete *******, I dumped the loaded condom on her carpet and left immediately afterward. Never even bothered to talk to her again.

 

[Bokanovsky]

I have called her out on the no sex directly but she never gives a direct answer and acts aloof and tries to guilt trip me by sarcastically saying that she's sorry for actually wanting to get sleep when she has to be up early and not wanting to fall asleep at work the next day.

If she tries blue balling you again (and make no mistake, that is what she's doing), simply say "okay, I'm going home". This will lead to one of two things: a) she will beg you to stay and will put out or b) it will be your last "date". In either case, you will be better off.

 

[nismo-4]

Your princess is in another castle. Leave now. Unless you want to be in the friendzone.

Women withholding sex have other motives. And this girl is trying to get you to chase her. You need to drop her ass and stop giving her undeserved attention. Don't tolerate female bullsh*t. And always spin plates.

Case closed. Stop letting her use her golden vagina to control you.

 

[bluenorther]

I quit seeing an old client of mine partly because of this. We never got to do other enjoyable stuff, so if I spent the night, I hoped there'd be a treat included. The night she asked "Do you just come over here to have secks?" was the last straw. It's not like we were shagging every time, either, more like once or twice a month. I genuinely liked her, but secks just isn't her deal. She wanted me to move in and everything, too.
When a woman throws the old "All you ever think about is secks" at you, head for the door.
That was four months ago, and she hasn't tried to call me. Her old ex is moved in with her, not having secks, either, I'm sure.

 

[Kailex]

From past experience, let me tell you... you're already in the FZ. And not the Kailex FZ.

You are basically what bridges the gap between her and her loneliness. You are always willing to go over to her place and cuddle with her. You think it might go somewhere and she might even tease it as so.

If you have the willpower, try once more and if she says that she needs to get up early, you just get up, get dressed and leave. Not a word.

You are not this woman's cuddle-buddy, so stop acting like one.

 

[Jaylan]

Dont be this chicks teddy bear OP. Spin plates and let her chase you. Ive had this happen to me once, and it is maddening and leads nowhere good.

 

[Wolfgang D]

I doubt most people took the time to scroll down and read this before writing the standard reply:

She is aware I do see other women. Last week when she couldn't get a hold of me one evening, I let her know that I was on a date with another woman. She tried hard not to show her jealousy but it was evident.

And you wonder why she won't have sex with you? Seriously? She is obviously interested enough to want you in her bed, but she is hoping that you will stop going after several women at the same time. As long as you do that and actually tell her you're doing that, of course she won't have sex with you. She doesn't want to be just one of several you have sex with at the same time.

I don't see any reason whatsoever to tell a girl you are dating other girls at the same time. I don't know what made you think it was necessary to give her that information.

 

[Dominance]

Calling her out on it is a good start.. but take that further and leave. You sleeping in her bed shows her you accepted that and shes thinking "Oh I can get away with this crap".

And you wonder why she won't have sex with you? Seriously? She is obviously interested enough to want you in her bed, but she is hoping that you will stop going after several women at the same time. As long as you do that and actually tell her you're doing that, of course she won't have sex with you. She doesn't want to be just one of several you have sex with at the same time.

I don't see any reason whatsoever to tell a girl you are dating other girls at the same time. I don't know what made you think it was necessary to give her that information.

I disagree with this. Tell her "I am seeing those other girls because you won't put out".

It's just a way of her to try to control you by withholding sex, and you've shown her that it's okay for her to do it. When she knows you won't put up with it she will most likely stop the crap... but be prepared to walk away completely.

 

[Bible_Belt]

I find that jacking off on her is a nice compromise.

 

[ludis]

Wolfgang D, It's his -and anyone's- unquestionable prerogative to have multiple women if that is what he wishes, at least he's frank about it.

The fact that she uses her vagina as a bargaining tool for power play should instantly disqualify her for an LTR position.

MobbDeep, put her on the backburner unless you like her that much that you're willing to spend enough time on her to whip her into shape, metaphorically speaking. Or literally too, on occasion.

 

[Your_Royal_Flyness]

EXACTLY

NEXT. She is using sex as a weapon rather than something that is awesome and done between two people for fun.

ADVICE? Move on. Your purpose in her life is free attention, a cure for boredom, or a substitute for a male, gay friend. And I say that respectfully. Move on. 5 weeks and no a$$? You might as pay $100 to a prostitute just to talk.

 

[Wolfgang D]

Wolfgang D, It's his -and anyone's- unquestionable prerogative to have multiple women if that is what he wishes, at least he's frank about it.

Yeah, that kind of chestbeating is common here. It is also common to be unable to read a post, and give a reply to something that wasn't said. Go back and read again. I didn't say he shouldn't date several women. I said there is no reason to tell her about it. No wonder she won't have sex with him.