Hi guys,
To start off: everything written below is my interpretation of the situation and maybe not the complete truth. Just as how I experienced it.
Saturday night I went out with my brother, my girlfriend and a girlfriend of hers (let’s call her Mary). My brother and I were both a bit exhausted because we already went out Friday night and we hadn’t slept much.
The four of us went out for a drink first and later went out to a club. My girlfriend was wearing clothes she never wears: showing a lot of skin, weird colors she never wears (neon green :S), a lot of big fake golden bracelets she never wears. In her opinion it was "cute", in my opinion… euhm…. far from stylish and even kinda slutty. I hate to say that about her clothes, but it was just how I felt it. I didn’t say anything about it, cause she can wear whatever she wants and I do the same. (It’s really weird cause she has a pretty nice and conservative but stylish fashion sense. Never too provoking. But this one I didn’t get. It was like the black sheep of her clothes. Whenever I was lifting her up in the club, the strapless thing would come down, almost showing her bikini-bra.)
Okay, at the bar Mary was already pretty drunk and my girlfriend cannot really handle alcohol very well either. After we had the drink we went into the club, where only a few people were. I tried to get in state as quickly as possible and started dancing like a maniac even though nobody else was dancing. My girlfriend loved that and started dancing close to me and kissing me using a lot of tongue (she never does that sober, because she hates that kind of kissing). I realized that she was more drunk than I thought she was and I was still pretty much sober. Soon after me everybody started dancing.
The night went on and soon a lot of guys were dancing closer to my girlfriend and Mary and looking for contact with them. Mary also has a boyfriend by the way. Mary was really drunk and started provoking the guys and flirting with them, trying to dance as close to them as possible without touching them and making belly dancing kind of moves. My girldfriend stayed with Mary all the time and also had a good time. I was really in doubt that time if she also liked the attention a bit too much. Anyway, I tried to dance with her and marking my territory. I also did the complete opposite by walking away to dance somewhere else to see if they would leave the six guys dancing around them. I felt really uncomfortable. That b*tch Mary kept flirting with all those guys even though she has a boyfriend! I don’t know the guy, but I had the urge to grab her by the arm, slap her in the face and tell her to snap out of it. I also felt really uncomfortable about my girlfriend following her all the time.
I didn’t really know what to do because I know jealousy is a no-go area. I didn’t want to make a scene for no reason, but I also didn’t want to let the situation walk all over me. But to grab her by the arm like a daddy and drag her away because it annoys me? It were horrible minutes. This is the reason I don’t want to go out with my girlfriend because I know that a lot of guys will come and talk to her with all the well known intentions and I don't know how to respond.
At a certain point a few guys went to Mary and apparently asked her to come and smoke with them in the smoking area upstairs. This was the most disturbing part to me. Mary asked my GF to come with them as well and she went with them. Mary and my GF both smoke and my brother and I don’t, so we stayed in the club. I felt really annoyed because they are both not stupid. They KNOW that these guys only ask them to smoke with them because they want to f*ck them. What the f*ck is the reason to let these guys buy them cigarettes when they know they won’t do anything and giving me a horrible time? For cigarettes? What the ****!? They’re not even real addicts. Only when they’re drunk. When I saw her walking away in those *@#%^! clothes with that drunk b*tch Mary and those guys for cigarettes I felt so…… Because she’s one of the most intelligent people I know and this was just too ****ing corny and disrespectful. My brother quickly tells me:
“don’t get jealous man!” After twenty minutes of dancing with the two of us he asks me:
“do you want to go upstairs and kick their asses?”
The guys didn’t do anything wrong. It is just that the girls think that they can do anything they want… with me even standing next to them! Previously my girlfriend even felt really jealous when a girl I used to go to school with talked to me in a club for five minutes and she couldn't join the conversation. Somehow I have to accept that she goes upstairs with a bunch of guys for half an hour for smoking? I bet she would go insane if my brother and I went there with a group of girls and she had to stay down in the club.
Really, I was/am pissed, angry, jealous and also sad and disappointed. I hardly slept that night and had all these nightmares.
The next morning I still felt like ****. My GF noticed that and asked me what was wrong. (I cannot really hide those things). I didn’t really know how to bring it, because I didn’t want to come over as a jealous f*ck, but I also had to tell it because I felt like **** and had to show her how I felt about it. I told her I thought it was weird of her and Mary to go smoke upstairs with random guys for half an hour and letting my brother and me stay downstairs. Etc.
I explained her how girls in a club can stay really passive and guys will come to them anyway. For a guy to reach the same thing he has to actively go to a girl, “flirt” with her and get her number. (I used Mary’s boyfriend Steve as an example because it would hurt her too much if I used myself as an example)
“How would Mary feel about it if Steve went into clubs and go to three or four girls, hit on them and get their numbers? Is that also acceptable? It's the equivalent for a guy to reach the same thing you girls can reach without doing anything” and
“Would you think it was normal for me and my brother to go upstairs in the smoking area with five random girls we just met and you and Mary had to stay downstairs?”
Well she started crying and said she felt so sorry I had a horrible time. She told me she also was so worried about Mary because she always drinks too much and she is turning into her older sister, who is drunk many times a week and waking up in police cells or at random benches in the city because she was to drunk to walk, ride her bicycle or forgot where her house was. She also told me that as a girl in the club you cannot say
“no, I have a boyfriend, go away” to guys who hit on you because that is
“b*tch behavior” and you will be treated as
“the b*tch” for the rest of the evening and get sneary comments. Well I didn’t know that, but you can also don’t get along with every plan of every guy without being a b*tch. :S
Well she kept saying things like:
“You know I would never do that to you baby” and
“you are the only one I want”. I know she really feels like this. We’ve been together for more than one and half years now, went on three holidays, including one of a month last June to Southeast Asia. We both love it and she tells me constantly, especially the last weeks, how crazy she is about me and how much she loves it when we spend time together. And I know she means it cause she is really bad at pretending things.
After yesterday morning, things went back to normal. Still I kinda feel like ****. I don’t want to hit the clubs with her very soon. The behavior, the clothes she was wearing, all the make-up, all the guys surrounding them as vultures waiting for the lion to leave the carcass and dig on it as soon as he leaves. I’m pretty jealous I guess, but then again, I also thought the behavior was too weird. You don’t walk off for cigarettes and attention from random guys when you drank too much. That is, in my opinion, just so disrespectful towards me. Still I KNOW how she feels about me.
Well I was just wondering if you guys had any thoughts, advice or something else on this. If I should bring it up again or not. I don’t really know. But to me it’s really important to just forgive someone and then also not bring the subject up ever again. But still I was raging a few minutes ago from the adrenaline and anger.
Thanks guys.
Cheers,
Guoy
