With my GF in the club. WTF!

[handle]

I hope you know that this sounds weird...

LOL that was the standout for me... Your girlfriend only kisses closed-mouth? What? WHAT?

 

[CaptainJ]

Listen to Warrior, his advice is ace. You care too much and are invested too much in this relationship. You need to stop caring about her, start flirting with other girls, even in front of her.

 

[LittleRiverBand]

I have a question for guys who've done a lot of dating/LTRs. Is this type of game playing, one upsmanship necessary with a 6 or 7 (a 6 or 7 that isn't self-absorbed and doesn't act like a 10) or is only with the AW type of hotter girls and the OP is a little out of his league?

 

[slaog]

OP, when you were dancing your GF's focus was not on you. Take that as a warning sign. You seem to be afraid to take any action and also worringly you seem to making excuses for her behaviour. Your weakness means that she can flirt with other guys and go off upstairs with them knowing that you'll do nothing about it. Women want a confident man who is in charge not a boy who sulks when they're behaving badly.


You need to set some boundaries. When she is in clubs (clubs are bad news IMO) she is not to dance with any guy but you and also she should not be getting drunk. How old is your GF?

Look, my current girl is really hot. Whenever I leave her for a min a guy approaches her. I'm not even talking about clubs, where I can't go to the bathroom without 5 guys going up to her in the meantime. However, I've never seen her straight out flirt with any of these guys. In fact she always gives me the "please come save me from these creeps" look every time i get back to her, which I do by entering the convo and marking my territory in a subtle, humorous way.

Indeed thats the best way to handle "competition".

 

[slaog]

I have a question for guys who've done a lot of dating/LTRs. Is this type of game playing, one upsmanship necessary with a 6 or 7 (a 6 or 7 that isn't self-absorbed and doesn't act like a 10) or is only with the AW type of hotter girls and the OP is a little out of his league?

Theres no need to play any games. Games are actually bad and causes more harm then good. If you play games with someone they'll either leave you (if they are high value) or play the game back (lower value people) and that only leads to resentment and bad feelings.

 

[PSYCHO]

There are 100's of psychological (study of the mind) insights into your scenario! But let me be blunt with you.

Your girlfriend is a hor!!!

Is that really such a grand revelation to you?? It shouldn't be! For she has already hored with you! Is she a virgin? No? Then tell me., what is to stop her from horing with another besides you? Principles? What principles? She has already decided that she can open her legs to someone who is not her husband, you! So what principle should a hor be loyal to? Tell me, please!

You were disrespected greatly! In fact, you knew that you were disrespected greatly right away - when you saw how provocatively she dressed!! Do you know the mind of a hor??? I do!

Her dress reflects her mind! KNOW THIS!!!

So she, with malice of forethought, wanted the attention of men!!! You knew this right away when you saw her hor attire!! But you stayed silent - because you didn't want to look "jealous". You were taught that you shouldn't be jealous - obviously! Since jealously is a natural mind trigger that tells you that something is not right - either with the action of "your" girl, or the action of the pursuer of yuor girl! Jealousy is not bad - as the feminist, and effeminate men want you to believe! It, jealousy, is a trigger for concern!!! When an object does not match the intended design of a thing, then it triggers a mental response of the observer, that someone is not coinciding with her innate, intrinsic, naturally designed nature!!! So when a woman acts as a hor - it is unbecoming of her - it, her dress, behavior, does not suit her designed nature!

You saw this incongruousness right away - her incongruous hor dress with a woman's femininity - but you were silent of her infraction because you didn't want to appear "jealous"! Huh???

You denied your masculinity by not correcting her unfeminine hor dress and action! So of course you feel bad - you not only did not correct her, but you allowed yourself to outright deny your own masculinity - because you caved in to your wrong thinking and went along with THE MATRIX thinking of not correcting a hor!!! "I don't want to appear jealous" thinking, is part of the feminist hor agenda of weakening the male and making the hor superior! to the male - it's an usurpation of power!! Only corrupt dumbasses don't see this agenda!

The Matrix (The LIE) thinking, is one who accepts the hor as natural, and thus feminine!

Have some dignity and dump your hor - NOW!!! You'll regret it if you don't!!

She is not really "your" hor - because hors "love" every body, and no one at the same time!!

A man's greatest flaw is that he loves that which should be hated!!!

 

[young pat]

Warrior said it best, but IMO NEXT is the only option here, it's not worth your time and energy

 

[EA Gold]

You denied your masculinity by not correcting her unfeminine hor dress and action! So of course you feel bad - you not only did not correct her, but you allowed yourself to outright deny your own masculinity - because you caved in to your wrong thinking and went along with THE MATRIX thinking of not correcting a hor!!! "I don't want to appear jealous" thinking, is part of the feminist hor agenda of weakening the male and making the hor superior! to the male - it's an usurpation of power!! Only corrupt dumbasses don't see this agenda!

The Matrix (The LIE) thinking, is one who accepts the hor as natural, and thus feminine!

Great Insight into one of the hidden agenda's of the Rocka.

I started noticing more girls wearing so called "hor clothing" in the late 90's but I have to agree that after Britney Spear's first album with a provactive music video, it exploded.

if you don't recall, youtube britney's first music video, almost everyone is wearing hor clothing. This goes to show you that the music industry has a hand in shaping culture and is in bed with the evil agenda.

Op, if you take the initiative to be the man who has everything his way and does not care if she stay's or not. Then you will be successful either she will submit to your authority or you will find new girls who are willing be under your authority.

 

[playaslaya]

I've had a very similar situation with a girl that I dated a few years back (she was hotter than hell). What you do is you ride this puppy to the bitter end, and when it does end you SHOULD be glad that u got as much physical action as you could get. Sorry mi amigo, but this sounds like the beginning of the end

 

[jonwon]

Your brother sounds liks a cool dude.

But your woman sounds like a royal pain in the ass.

It does not take 20minutes+ to smoke a fag.

What was she doing in that time?

I'll tell you what she wasn't doing, she wasn't coming to find her man thats for sure.

You have a problem kid, everyone here is spot on.

Your girl may look hot and all that ****, but it is clear your girl is -

100% definate.

Friends with a girl who loves male attention.

Regardless of what may or may not be - that much is clear - you cant deny it-

you could play down the interactions with the guys, brush it off and make excuses for it - you could make excuses for the dress sense.

But you can't deny (unless your a freaking moron) That your girls Best friend is an AW of the upmost degree - And since you can't deny this then it also proves that your girl loves the attention, i.e the actions and the personality of said AW so much that she would rather be around her then she would with you, especcially in an environment where there is other dic* the AW can get attention from.

You have a clear problem.

With one solution.

You need a new GF, this one even if you manned up and turned it around is bad news.

I could give you tips on how to act or what to say!

But why bother?

Your girl is in a club with YOU, going for 20min + smokes with random dudes who she has spent a good 30min prior to dancing provocotivly to - Can you read that shi* -

Does that sound normal to you?

Stop making excuses, the girl fuc*ed up.

The worst thing is, and this is the worst thing and this is what seperates the guys here from people like your brother (who means well and as great advice too) - The worst thing - you acted like a whiny brat when you found out, you absorbed her excuses, you make excuses for her and you ignore your gut, your instincts and what people with a shi* load of experiance are telling you. When your brother said 'it was just Mary', here is news for you bud, your GF was there right alongside her.

If you rob a bank and take BoB along - the courts dont say "Bob your free to go, your just following the other guy".

I understand girls are protective of other girls and want to look after each other, but your GF using this as an excuse communicates a few things:

1: She is more concerned about her AW behaviour then she is about you.
2: She did not at the time give a flying monkey fuc* what you thought about the situation - the only reason she got upset is because she had been 'caught' - not because she felt guilty, its because she felt guilty she had been 'caught' out -
3: With number 1 and number 2, combined it equals a girl who did what she did because she really did not at the time give a fuc* what you thought, wanted or how you'd react - Thats a bad place to be.

Your cry-baby act as also awarded her more tools against you - she can now call you jelouse, possesive and controlling - next time she does this, next time, it will be 'your fault' - or your just seeing things because you've got jelousy issues (you don't have jelousy issues, you have GF issues).


Your p***y actions with regard to what she did has simply confirmed to her that she can keep doing this, not only will she be rewarded with attention, validation - she can also flirt as much as she wants whilst knowing - no matter how far she goes, all you will do is act like a whiny b**ch - that is placated by a few tears, when you object to her slutty actions.

Why are you carrying on in this drama - what does she have that another woman cant offer, apart from a AW of a friend and the desire to be with other guys then yourself -

What if she goes out on her own with this Mary, will you be comfortable with that? Do you really need thas shi* in your life?

I will tell you now - I've slept with a good few girls with BF - the BF never find out - A girl on a night out can fuc* a guy and be home before the clubs close. Just because your girl walks in do-eye'd 20mins after the nightclub closes, means fuc*-all - she could have been sucking coc* from 10pm.

I don't mind my girl going to clubs because she does not act like your girl - If she did, she wouldn't be my girl.

Your girl is the type of girl I would avoid like the plague (for a relationship, but would keep as a fuc* buddie). She is easily replace-able.

Edit- Also let me tell you something - Your girl knew EXACTLY what she was doing.

Your need to 'educate' her is laughable but something that alot of men do when confronted with slutty behaviour - it's like a mechanism that goes off, on one side your girl is acting like a slut on the other side, its your girl, she can't be doing that it's clearly a mistake. So the BF goes on to 'educate' the GF (slut) on her actions being slutty, about the nasty, nasty men who just want sex - whilst under the impression the GF is simply a do-eyed girl who does not know wtf is going on -

I can tell you now this girl knows what's going on more then you do.

Also the 'B**ch' excuse as to be the most insulting thing about the whole thing (Can't tell guys no because i'd be a bitc*) - She actually thinks (knows) your stupid enough to accept that excuse - What sort of fuc*ing excuse is that when her BF is in the club with her (who is the bitc* in this situation)- Jesus. Your girl does not even have 'good excuses' there weak, lame and pathetic and your the one accepting them.

Also not sure about the 'lion leaving the carcus', she didn't give a fcuk when you where there anyway.

For all you know that 20mins fag break could have been 20mins in the toilets sucking coc* - And don't think for one second a girl won't do that with a BF in the club, wome woman would be even more turned on by it.

 

[Commandante]

LOL that was the standout for me... Your girlfriend only kisses closed-mouth? What? WHAT?

The GF who kisses closed-mouth is not a woman. It´s a child. Doesn´t matter how old she is. And now she is turning to a real woman, maybe influenced by the b!tchy friend of her.

The only thing the thread starter can do is not acting like an AFC any more. But he will high probably loose this girl. Anyway, not being an AFC is healthy.

 

[DJDamage]

jonwon great post, but I doubt the OP will listen your advice.

 

[TheSplat]

Umm...am I the only one who doesn't think he should dump her? It's not that big of a deal. So what, she played wingman and had a conversation with guys other than her boyfriend? I do that all the time and I have a great relationship with my girlfriend. She does it for her friends too. If you trust the girl OP, then you're still good. If this is her first offense, don't next her.

It can take a while to smoke a cigarette if a conversation arises. OP, you could have been more alpha and went up there and hung out with the group.

 

[vachir]

there are a lot of good explanations but they are "after-the-fact"

how should he have acted DURING or IMMEDIATELY AFTER to make sure this doesnt happen? or damage control

just wondering to learn too
thanks

 

[Faded Image]

(Not actually rules of Sosuave)

Rule #1: The first rule of Sosuave.net is not to talk about sosuave.net.

Rule #2: Never believe that your significant other would not cheat on you regardless of how great you think they are or what you believe their morals are. Dopamine is a hell of a self creating drug (actually a brain Neurotransmitter) which causes thrill seeking in every human being and no one is immune.

Rule #3 (on this situation): Listen to to what R. Kelly says in the video posted by Warrior.

Rule # And so on and so on

Rule #1,000,000,000: Never bring up an issue you have with your gf and then try defending her when you read something someone else says that doesn't sit well with you.

 

[Phoenix]

Honestly, I have a thing for women with partners. When I'm in a club your girlfriend would instantly be a much more interesting prize for the night. I know alot of guys will think differently, and I know alot guys will think the same. Girls in clubs will get hit on... if they have boyfriends and don't tell other guys who are hitting on them... they ARE attention *****s..

 

[Accension]

Lay down the law with your expectations of her.
Tell her how what she did made you feel.

But most of all tell her that if she doesn't meet your expectations, your standards in the future that she no longer meets quality control and you will act akwardingly.

She won't like you doing that, it will probably lead to a "Fine, well fuc* you." fight but if she comes back she's yours.

If you get her back, make it clear that the same thing will happen if she acts out.

Other than this, you can't turn a h0e into girl friend material.

Recognise that right now she isn't making you happy, I don't care how many good times you've had together because she has to realise how it's affecting you and if she doesn't care; you've saved a lot of time.

When a girl goes outside my barriers severely like this, I try salvage and if she still insists; I'll just go along with it and use her for sex but her status is immediately down graded to a disposable plate.

 

[Robert28]

ive been in situations like this MANY times before. i even acted very similarly to the way you acted and forgave her the next day after her sob story. i'm still learning, but here's what i would now do had i been in your situation that night. forget the dress, forget her stupid friend tagging along, forget all that jazz. the moment she paid no attention to me when we were dacing, i would have walked away. not pouting or going to sit in a corner and suck my thumb, but to scan for other single chicks in the place. then i would make my way over to where they were and let the good times roll! let her go smoke with other guys and hang around with her skank friend who seems to be headed towards loserville. the moment my g/f walked up to me with the wtf look on her face, i would have smiled and said "hey(insert name here)! these are my friend(s) (insert name of girl(s) here)" i PROMISE you she wont leave your side the rest of the night(if she truly cares about you). it doesnt matter if Mary falls down and breaks her leg, your g/f is still going to stay by your side like shes joined at the hip because she learned her short lesson about leaving you alone. it shows her if she can go have her fun, you can too. girls are jealous people by nature. they HATE competition. she'll even wonder why you didnt introduce her to your new friends as your girlfriend. which you later tell her, well you sure werent acting like my g/f. ive done this and it WORKS. like a charm! now, youre way of handling it only pushes her to other guys that are there having a good time like she wants to have. so make the most of it, you have fun too! life is too short to be worrying over some broad that wants you to sit there waiting on her while she goes flaunting her stuff all over the club. shes not the only chick in the world, and i bet you everything i own there were 10 hotter girls there that night then her. go be friends with those! youve got to worry about YOU first and HER second, otherwise youre going to be misserable. i also wouldnt buy her little story she told you. cry me a river is what id say to her. heck, i probably would have dumped her that very next day.

 

[jonwon]

ive been in situations like this MANY times before. i even acted very similarly to the way you acted and forgave her the next day after her sob story. i'm still learning, but here's what i would now do had i been in your situation that night. forget the dress, forget her stupid friend tagging along, forget all that jazz. the moment she paid no attention to me when we were dacing, i would have walked away. not pouting or going to sit in a corner and suck my thumb, but to scan for other single chicks in the place. then i would make my way over to where they were and let the good times roll! let her go smoke with other guys and hang around with her skank friend who seems to be headed towards loserville. the moment my g/f walked up to me with the wtf look on her face, i would have smiled and said "hey(insert name here)! these are my friend(s) (insert name of girl(s) here)" i PROMISE you she wont leave your side the rest of the night(if she truly cares about you). it doesnt matter if Mary falls down and breaks her leg, your g/f is still going to stay by your side like shes joined at the hip because she learned her short lesson about leaving you alone. it shows her if she can go have her fun, you can too. girls are jealous people by nature. they HATE competition. she'll even wonder why you didnt introduce her to your new friends as your girlfriend. which you later tell her, well you sure werent acting like my g/f. ive done this and it WORKS. like a charm! now, youre way of handling it only pushes her to other guys that are there having a good time like she wants to have. so make the most of it, you have fun too! life is too short to be worrying over some broad that wants you to sit there waiting on her while she goes flaunting her stuff all over the club. shes not the only chick in the world, and i bet you everything i own there were 10 hotter girls there that night then her. go be friends with those! youve got to worry about YOU first and HER second, otherwise youre going to be misserable. i also wouldnt buy her little story she told you. cry me a river is what id say to her. heck, i probably would have dumped her that very next day.

Nice post - But sometimes guys are too in the zone to approach another girl, when they see there GF disapear with some other dude for a smoke (wink, wink).

This is how I would have re-acted.

First when she disapeared, I would have done two things.

I would have enjoyed myself with my brother and waited to see how long she took to come back down to see me -

Then i'd judge her actions when she came back down.

This is what I would be expecting.

1: I'd have a time-frame for the smoke - lets say 10mins, to allow the girls to do their thing (even though my interest level is starting to hit rock bottom at this stage just because A: she was dancing with some other dudes and B: she went off with them).

2: When she comes back, i'd be seeing exactly how long it took for her to do it - anything after 10mins, means my interest in her is seriously hitting very low now -

The only way this could be rectified would be if she came back - after 5-10 minutes - and asked me to join her, told me her friend was flirting with some dudes and she did not want to leave her alone but wanted me there alongside her - That is what I would have been waiting for.

After the 5minute zone, I would be starting to loose respect for her - for a number of reasons -

1: Its disrespectful - dancing with other guys and going off with them (I can live with the dancing, but pis*ing off with them, just makes that seriously uncomfortable, it takes an innocent dance to a whole new ball-game)
2: Its even more disrespectful when its done in your face, whilst your actually in the club with her.

Because I'd have this going through my mind, the last thing I would be thinking about is:

Gaming her, or trying to win her over.

At the end of the day, she has crossed a line - A line that I would not be waiting around for her for.

After 10minutes - I'd be pissed, i'd be with my brother, cursing the b**ch and trying to calm myself down for when she came back.

When she comes back all innocent - I'd ask her.

"Where have you Been"

Wait for her reply.

"Been for a smoke with some random dudes, with Mary, you know the guys I have been dancing with, whilst ignoring you for 30minutes (translate into girl speak)".

This is what I'd say back.

"So you think its appropriate to piss off with random horny dudes for 20minutes, you've just met "?

Then i'd wait for her reply.

Unless she had a solid reason for disapearing with these guys, I'd probably get shut of her there and then, in the club.



Unless she had a solid, 100% positive response to that question -

No arguments, no nothing -

It would be a simple :

"fair enough, I aint comfortable with that s**t, so let's call it a day, go find your mate, me and my bro are fu**ing off home soon".

Then i'd piss off to another side of the club, order a drink - talk to my bro about what a cun* my GF is turning out to be - then probably go home -

Then i'd give it week for her to come crawling back on her hands and knees, make her suffer some - think about taking her back - waigh the pro's and con's about how much of a decent girl she is against what I just witnessed and decide only after she has begged forgiveness to take her back.

To me it's the only way.

Getting pissy, upset, laying down the law - does not work.

They either do it in secret, or they will use your pissy attitude against you - its just ammunition for them.

You Literally have to walk away from the bitc* and tell her why - I don't care where it is - I'll make a scene, fuc* it, my girl just pis*ed off with some guys she was dancing with - total strangers - That is not shi* that I like - hence I wouldn't hesitate for a second to drop some bi*ch over that.


Now there is a difference between a girl being friendly - i.e being friends with guys, these girls 100% with a BF always, always, ALWAYS include the BF in that - And girls being friendly, usually more often then not don't get friendly with random horney guys that are gyrating round them -

I knew some such girls - the hate the horny guys, but are friendly to the friendly guys, but they always included the BF in that 100% - the only time i've ever witnessed what the OP is talking about, is when dealing with a couple of slappers.

Also, i've been out with girls who wear sexy s**t on a night out, I actually encourage it - I love the attention I get knowing i'm with a hot girl who looks stunning, dam I've even gone out with girls and told them to wear slut wear and not once, ever has these girls ever put me in the situation like the OP - or if they did, its a friendly thing, and i'm part of that - they do not disapear or ignore me when i'm out - thats a sure sign of dis-respect and that aint good in a GF.

Next time she does this, dump the bitc* - when she comes crawling back, thats the only language women seem to understand, not complaining, crying 'logic' in trying to educate her on her slutty actions - you decide what stuff you accept and what you don't accept and you do not BEND that for no woman -

You will find then your bit** is not chatting to random dudes, for the 'fear' of loosing you.

In actual fact you can even kiss good-bye to the friend.

When you keep bending yourself to women, when you keep making excuses for there actions when they do something you don't like, each time you do this - women always 100% keep pushing for more, keep doing more, keep getting away with more - because at some stage you allowed your woman to treat you like this - you ignored it, you forgive her and you made excuses for her - her bad behaviour is making you feel like ****, but your too invested to actually take some 'real' action, hence after a time she just gets away with more and more and more - becuase you've been too much of a 'needy' ***** to lay the law down hard.

You don't get emotionally retarded over it, you just make a choice - you send a clear shot over her fuc*ing bow and you don't excuse yourself for being who you are - if you don't like your woman chatting to random horney dudes in bars then pis*ing off with them - You don't then change your mind when she tells you some total bull-**** - you stick to what you are - hence you drop her - replace her - or if you really like her wait until she comes crawling back saying she is 'sorry' and she wont do it again - and you make sure if she does it again she is out for good - no second chances - You give that bitc* second chances she will just translate to the fact she can do it, get away with it and you'll keep taking her back!

I'd also never stop my Girl from doing something dis-respectful - i.e when she walked off I would have left her too it, because I want to know exactly what type of girl I am with, because I cant be there all the time - hence these situations are great times to know exactly what type of girl your dating.

In this situation, my trust in the girl would be very low, she would have to do something amazing for me to trust her, especcially when going out with Mary - Making excuses for her and accepting ****&y excuses would not cut it - it would just pis* me off and make me want to dump her more - it shows what type of girl your dating.

 

[jophil28]

But should I bring it up again? We had a talk the next morning and I sorta forgave her there, but after giving it a good thought it still bothers me. I mean, even when I'm not in the club with her, I don't want her to go talk to random guys for cigarettes and attention. I mean, ****! :nono:

You do not need to 'talk' about this any more .She knows your feelings on the matter.
The question is whether she cares enough to give your grievances due weight and change her ways. ALL that static about how much she "loves you baby ..only you" counts for nothing if she continues acting in ways which are incongruent with her words.

She disrespected you in that club in two ways.
Firstly, she left you behind so that she could bask in the sexual flirtations with other guys.
Secondly, by going off like she did ,she placed her friend Mary ahead of you in priority.

IF I were in your place I would formulate some eject stategies to be used should she pull similar stunts. Your relationship is in trouble because she is taking you for granted. She 'owns ' you, dude (or so she believes).

IF that happened to me I would either grab another chick and head for the dance floor and have a fine time ,
OR, I would just walk out of the club without one single word to anyone.

You stayed , and that sent that message that you were willing to tolerate her crappy behavior. Then when you protested, she cried ( a manipulation) and insulted you with some of the lamest excuses and sugar coated nonsense that I have heard.

Do you live with her?
How long have you two been together?