LESSON 5:
Delivery, Part 1
There was a teacher at my old school, a short, old teacher who wore glasses and looked like Woody Allen. No, he looked like a personification of Woody Allen. Like a cartoon. The man never shouted, and was quite quiet.
He was a pretty good teacher, but this was accentuated by the fact that most of the other teachers were rubbish. As I said, he was quite quiet, but he wasn't afraid to talk. What he did say was pretty much genius, and he's sort of the reason I realised i could write this post- that you could teach wit.
He once held a lecture on public speaking. This was basicly a guide to delivery. It was pretty short, and to the point, and sadly I'm not sure if I can remember all of it, but I'll make up for that with stuff I'll add to it. This is good stuff not only for being able to deliver a joke, but being able to talk in general. I think he would agree that in fact, all talking is public. Unless you're mad.
So, you're telling a joke. You've been able to observe you're surrondings. You see a girl with a mini skirt so short it begs you to say something. You walk up by her with a smile, and with a slight nod and say ...hmmm..."nice belt."
Visualise me saying that. There's a lot that goes into that, not just saying it. And what isn't simply saying "nice belt" in one tone to her face is what we call delivery.
In this post,
Delivery, Part 1, I want to give you a crash course in what my teacher called "public speaking". I will deal with timeing and becoming mentally quick in my next post probably, but for this one I wish to concentrate on delivery. Some of these ideas may be more for telling a joke, talking to a group, or something that is not really making a witty comment. I know this, I'm just giving you more lovely information.
Tip No. 1.
JOIN A DRAMA GROUP. Guess what? There are people you can pay money to for this information. And give you proper lessons in posture, delivery and lots of other great stuff. You can probably do a course. It will help, a lot, so if you can get some cash together (might be able to blag it to your parents...? ie. you not pay? Comprendez?)
Tip No. 2. Silence is powerful. This is basic pausing. If you wnat effect, shut up before you say it.
Tip No. 3. Work on your voice. You delivery will suck if your voice blows. If you talk to fast no one will understand what you are saying. If your accent is very odd and people have to ask what that last word you said was, you've got work to do. Plus a deep male voice sounds sexier, so work on it. Same goes for if you speak very quiet.
Tip No. 4. Know what tone/voice/volume to speak in. If you're telling an...Englishman/ Irishman/ Scotsman joke, do the ****ING ACCENTS! Some things are funnier shouted, some are funier whispered. Just add some stuff to the mix, and get some variety. Be interesting!
Tip No. 5. Tell a story. People love them, this post started off with one. They just generally rock. Repetition is good in jokes too, but if you're saying something funny, recalling a funny story or what ever, DO NOT JUST STATE WHAT HAPPENED. Set the scene, make your story as cliche'd and over the top as possible. Make it wacky. Unless you're telling it sarcasticly, or darkly, then make it so dark and sombre its funny. In a book I once read, the character's description of a room was-
"It was quite musky, a square room, fitted out in browns and greys. There as an old, un used fireplace, unused as the heart was home to decorative, wilted flowers. There was a dull chair, a drab desk, and a boring bookshelf. On the desk was a picture, its bright red frame the only thing in the room to catch my eye. Well, that and the mutilated body nailed to the wall..."
You see? Its so sombre, and intensely descriptive, that you could not image a human being walking into the room and noticing things in that order. Hence a very black humor emerges.
Tip No. 6. Delivery is not just words. Its body language. You MUST accentuate what you are saying with hand movements, your expression, and every part of your body. Want to tell a good joke? Get up and mime it. Look silly, you're only looking silly if you didn't intend to look silly in the first place. Be creative, be fun.
A little personal advice...
Ok, so you can follow all this, but its a lot to take in. I just want to tell you something I do, which makes things work very well.
Actually, I do two things. I learn how authors create literary impact (by paying attention in english lessons....damn, can you sence the effort i put in?!) and I create characters.
Authors are cunning people, they have a load of different weapons in their arsenal to be interesting and create impact. These are concepts such as repetition, onomatopoaeic words and phrases (where a word sounds like the noise it denotes- such as a dog's bark, a bell's ring, and the thud of a dropped case), anti-climax or bathos, suprise in plot twists, and creating tension and elicting emotions from the reader.
All can be used in speach, and probably easier. But you mush, and this is a huge must,
EXPAND YOUR VOCABULARY! Read a dictionary if you have to, and write down interesting words. This is good because it increases your ability to describe things, make's you a better linguist, makes you sound smarter than you are, and big words (or should I say polysylabic? Screw spelling, I can say it
) can be funny, or add to humor, especially when you...
...USE THEM IN A CHARACTER! One thing I find very funny at the moment is going into a really out of place voice and using lots of stupidly big words. Recently, my dad pointed out my mum had bought this rele crappy new clock and stuck it on the fireplace. It's a really cack clock. Anyway, he asks me "What do you think of it?" I turn to my mum and say "Well done mother, you have further defiled this ornate sanctuary of a dwelling". This is in a voice that makes it sound more like "wewl dun mova, you av futha defiled dis sanctuary of a dwelling." Think any character from snatch, two smoking barrels, or the italien job. It works because it sounds so out of place.
And it doesn't matter if the words are a bit out of context, no one gives a ****.
So, try saying things in an odd character for comic effect. Like using a "dirty old man voice", I dunno what would be suitable in the US, butin Britain, the word combine harvister must be said in a yorkshire voice. Its basicly law. That's basicly what I'm talking about, dont just use voices to add to a joke, use them to MAKE the joke.
Just to let you know, I'm planning on two more lessons, one on timeing and actually becoming quick, and the last on little tricks of the trade or things that dont fit in anywhere else.
Also, a habit I have to break and that annoys me to no end, is going "heh" at the end of every joke. I try not to laugh at my own jokes unless the other person is cracking up or unless they actually think I'm serious. Jokes are much funnier when they stand alone. Any um, like, or something like that, chuckle to finish off a sentence, etc. should be dropped from your vocab anyway.
Bit like that really...
