Winning Girlfriend BACK!

[kinjo]

I need advice.
My girlfriend left me a few a weeks ago. The fault is all mine and I accept and agreed with her. She is now seeing someone, and I want to try to salvage the relationship. I create this imaginary person of whom I indirectly communicate to her that I'm also courting. I don't know if that affects her, I did this with SMS trick that I accidently sent to her's, she never replied or questions it)

During the relationship, I have been hanging around her too much, almost daily, every night. I bet she is bored, and sees me as conquered. She did said that I gave her no challenge no more. And she is tired of the relationship and the burdens that she has to carry around.

I wrote up all mistakes I did and provide solution to her, but It's a little too late she said.
But she did said that she might going to give me a second chance that I asked her, but not now. She doesnt feel love, but only care for me.
Now, she never contact me anymore, and I'm trying to do the same to win respect and trying the rubber band effect. It's only a few day that I withdraw myself from her, so I wouldnt know the effect.

What strategy do you think I can follow to earn her back?
I'm thinking of purchasing a program at www.doclove.com is it any good?

 

[tomyv]

ouch

Forget her. Move on. That's the only strategy.

 

[bugsquish]

Yup, look on the bright side. You're free!

 

[John Juan]

i've been in your shoes. i know how it feels, and what you want to try to do here. now as much as you can try, sometime soon you're going to need to face the reality of life without her. i know this is going to hurt, but you AFCed your way out and she dumped you. you're no longer a challenge. that isn't going to change for now, and long term there's little hope of going back. she said it herself that she won't get back together with you now. she needs distance, meaning MINUS YOU, and if you keep hounding her that's a guarantee she won't ever have anything to do with you relationship wise again. but that's all irrelevant really, because what did you come here for? to get yourself on the right path!

here's where the good news comes. you'll seriously improve if you read up, take it in, and overcome your fear in application of it. you will get out of making AFC mistakes. but the main thing you should focus on is improving yourself REGARDLESS OF HER. that means that you're doing it for yourself, not to get back with her. so read up on the forums, and the sosuave homepage, and hell even buy the tapes and dictionary if you like (I found them somewhat helpful), but whatever you do don't inflate your hopes up about getting back with this girl. there are so many more out there for you to get when you learn the practice. so as much as it hurts, you've just got to cowboy up, take responsibility for your past AFC behavior, and move on because it surely sounds like she already has.
good luck to ya,
-jlc

 

[lynx]

First of all, don't try to win her back. I know this is easier said than done, but, once a girl makes it clear that she doesn't love you, why prolong and increase your pain by continuing to pursue her? Your situation has happened to me and other members of this forum at least once, and the reason why it happened is because we were clingy and, in many cases, way too mushy. You were probably a lot more loving with this girl than she was with you, and you did not hold anything back. She possessed you and you were her willing slave. Once a woman knows she has you in her power, she no longer has respect for you. Maybe she'll still respect you as a friend, but not as the boyfriend that she can be proud of. I know this sounds harsh, but that's just how women choose their mates no matter how sweet and innocent these women sometimes seem. Learn from this experience and never again make any woman the central focus of your life because, once you lose her, you will feel like your world has come apart. Next time you're in a relationship with a woman, let her be the one who gets all mushy, clingy, and demanding while you keep your cool and enjoy the ride. Also, since you're on the rebound, don't pursue just one woman. Go out with as many women as possible, get to know them, and don't become exclusive with any one of them until (or unless) she's really hooked on you and you really like her. As for ordering the doclove system, I suggest you read the dj bible and other articles on this website. Save your money.

 

[JoeSchmuck]

Yo man , i was going through the same thing you are goin through a few weeks ago. I even posted my problem on this forum too. Since then i cut off all communication with her and blocked her out completely. It hurt alot at first but after a while i started to accept it.The problem that comes with this situation is you tend to feel like you cant find someone else that will make you as happy as she did but guess what man. Your wrong.
Take the time to focus on yourself. Get your **** together.
This girl chose to go somewhere else. You shouldnt blame yourself
if she loved you like you wanted her to she wouldnt have left.
There is someone else out there who is always better.
Funny thing after i cut this girl off. She started calling me.
But by then i had a new outlook and i was focused on myself.
Dont let a girl ruin the way you feel about yourself and life.
Its not worth it and your not being fair to yourself.
The same way you found her you will find someone new.
Dont focus on getting her back. Focus on getting you happy without her. I did it and i thought i wasnt gonna make it man.
Good Luck !

 

[kinjo]

Thank you all. That is heart and ego shattering, but highly appreciated indeed. I'm letting her go. At least I'm trying hard.

A few days ago, I made a purchase of this ebook Stop your divorce at www.stopyourdivorce.com Quite good stuff about reverse physcology. The site has many quote's (actually major) from the eBook where you can read it. Let me know your thought on these. I'm applying some of it.

I know, I still have high hopes, especially she lost her virginity to me, and she is religious and still lost all the faith and all to me.

 

[kinjo]

Hey Joe!
I read your original post! Learn something too from replies people given you!


Can you share more of your experience of before and after you cut her off? What exactly and how did you do it? Right now I'm a bit confused of how to go with this. Should I cut off now, entirely... or I actually plan to meet up with her tomorow to return somethings and tell her I'm sorry for corrupting her principles and all.

Did you two get back together now? What did you do when she did calls you?

Thanks Joe!

 

[bugsquish]

Originally posted by kinjo
and tell her I'm sorry for corrupting her principles and all.

Oi, kinjo... NOOOOOOOOO! One thing you gotta learn from this site is to get a firm grip of your self respect. Trust me man, I've been where you are now. You're in limbo. Get your stuff, keep your self respect, forget she exists, read the bible, and start enjoying your freedom.

 

[JoeSchmuck]

Sure man no problem. Well you probably didnt notice it but this girl was most likely feeling this way longer than you think. Did you tend to have habits that she didnt like? Did she seem unattentive to what you had to say sometimes. Did you argue often?I had the same problem myself and this girl hung out alot, which was something she wanted in the beginning. The thing with women is they are unstable with there feelings , why do you think they like to watch mushy girly movies or like flowers and being told how good they look.Guys dont need that , sometimes we do but more than we like to admit and we are cool with that.As long as they are there and we know they are we are cool with that. This girl started showing signs at least a year before everything went bad.
My problem began after my friend passed away. I lost who i was . I didnt want to have fun anymore.I became very jealous and untrusting toward her. IE: callling her constantly asking her were she was , making comments that were unnessary and most of the time just so i could say something nasty to her when it wasnt her whom i didnt really have a problem with. It was myself.Self confidence is very important as you will see many DJ`s and up and coming DJ`s will verify. Women can smell a confident man like a shark smells blood.
The problem started when we had a big fight, and the worse thing i did was say things to test her. That was my first mistake.
You can be slick and say things to see what they say. BUT NEVER say things that you dont mean that could make things worse.
For example: "Hey its ok ,you can find someone better than me anyway" " or pretty soon it wont matter cause i may not be around" these are threats. a big no no
to make a long story short she said she needed space and didnt know how she felt or what she is feeling.The whole time i had a feeling someone else was on her mind (and to this day i still think that even though she denies it). But we didnt see each other for 2 weeks. This was my first mistake. i sent her flowers . called her begging her, making promises , the whole " i cant live without you speech.IT DID NO GOOD MAN. It made things worse.
So what i did was stopped calling her. I went out to a few concerts (which i recomend , music was my strongest shoulder during this whole thing) hung out with friends and concentrating on NOT thinking about her.Funny thing was i made ammends with myself and started a new agenda. I started taking care of myself better enjoying the little things and walking around with my shoulders stronger and my head up. I started noticing that the smile on my face was one i hadnt had for a long time.
Then she called me. Here was the test. DONT SOUND HAPPY TO HEAR FROM HER. sound surprised (which you will be )dont mention the relationship, talk about neutral things. Dont sound depressed. Be strong. most likely she is calling you cause she is wondering why you arent still stressing her and most likely she is worried that YOU might have found someone else.DONT LIE ABOUT THAT EITHER. She doesnt need to know much about what you are doin. Just show her you are ok and you are not still stressing her. Dont be rude or be cold either . I call it being " regular" . I kept the conversation short, as if i was in the middle of doing something or i had somewhere to be ( even though i wanted to still talk) dont tell her you love her dont tell her you miss her unless she says it first, and dont change your tone when you say it , say it the same way you said "hey whats up "when the phone call started.Avoid any arguements too, if she starts to argue tell her you have to go now.After you hang up be proud of yourself and stay on track to making yourself happy for you.
This is just how i handled it , i hope some helped and i hope it will help you come out a happier stronger more confident man after this , with or without her.

Here was my outcome.
We are still talking, but guess what? we only see each other once and a while and im not really sure if she is the right person for me anymore. I am keeping my options open and i have my life going the direction i want it. I can be the one who says " sorry but this aint working for me anymore "now I still care about her but i wont let her bring me down and feel like s**t ever again.
Remember you can only decide if you are gonna be really happy if it works out cause ive found that too much was lost and once youve been hurt like i was and you are now. You owe yourself better.

All situations are similiar yet different. The outcomes change.
But most important man. Make sure you are the Winner wether or not she comes back to you.
Good luck man, keep reading the DJ Bible!

 

[Ser_i]

saidly I'm seeing all kind of signs that I did to my ex.. both of us have done what 99% of all others in our AFC situation did before.

You should change your views of her for a moment.. and realise how low you are going to make it up with her, imaginary girlfriend... excuuses to get near her.. or to talk to her..

just think of how unbelievable stupid things you are doing to just see a responce from her. SHE is doing the same thing but her advantage is that she's the PLAYER in this situation and you are the AFC, she secretly enjoys your sorry act and lousy behaviour it is only confirming what she is allready thinking, that you are no longer worthy of her.


try to get her out of your head.. focus on other things, it will be very hard.. and I know even though all of us are here saying you should skip her, you will probably not do so... don't worry most of us have probably done the same with our one-itis problems..

just to cheer you up.. heers my story.

first time in my love went with this girlf for 2 years.. she lost her virginity to me, in those 2 years she has cried multiple times when I did not have time for her. or I got back from holiday. I was the one for her, I one day started to fall in to the AFC behaviour and she started *****ing at me for stupid things like not doing EXACTLY as she told me.. or being 10 minutes late. or forgetting a minor thing... she was just looking for an excuse to ***** at me.. and the only thing I could say was I'm so sorry. please forgive me...

I mean what the f$ck?!

who is the man here ? I was the ***** and I realised how many stupid things I was doing for her and how much disrespect I was accepting from her and I was the one saying I'm sorry. though my situation is little differnt.. I dumped her by waking up and breaching her trust and saying things I never should have said or will ever say again to a woman.. I was still the one missing her. I could not let go and I chased her for 2 months.. I did everything to be at those places she could possibly be at that moment.. I made sure to drive by her house every now and day just to catch a glimps of her... she was so fed up with me she started ignoring me.. I realised what a fool I had been giving her that what she realy wanted...

SHOWING HER THAT I WAS NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR HER OR ANYONE ELSE.. I was only chasing her.. I was doing pathetic things to see her.. why ? I loved her very much but it only showed her she was right all along and that she could do better.

the past 3 months I haven't talked with her. the last time we were kind of "in a situation we had to talk with each other concerning other people. I said.. look "insert favourite nickname here" even though I have the time to talk to you, you are not worthy of my time. she has seen me with more then a dozen other women, and her girlfriends inform her of my acts all the time cause I know they are checking me out... my ex girl now makes new msn accounts just to get a reaction from me... different people pop up from no where telling me to leave her alone that I'm hurting her, even though I haven't spoken with her for months.. you see the irony here? I don't want her back and she is now the one not leaving me alone..

and I am confident that you will one day reach this point and go beyond!

the only way of winning back your ex girl is to not want her anymore..

it's a hard game and harts will be broken, you don't need her to be happy, if you can't be happy with your self.. you need to work on yourself before you can get her back.

 

[Frank Zappa]

Ser_i, that was beautiful... I was going to write something almost identical to yours until I realized that you hit all the points I wanted to. The point I will make is that we think all our situations are so individualistic and maybe people on sosuave don't understand what love is or the relationship we have because we can't be like everyone else. The truth is, the more stories I read concerning this, the more I realized that we all lived the same lives and same relationships almost to a T. Your relationship and fvck up is almost the same as everyone else's and that's when you realize so is your solution. ~Zappa

 

[8ball]

A relationship is a living thing.

Once it's dead..you may as well try to resurrect a dead body.

You must first 'kill your old self' ( break off all contact for a time ) before you have ANY chance of getting her back.

There is no other way.

 

[Ser_i]

Originally posted by Frank Zappa
Ser_i, that was beautiful... I was going to write something almost identical to yours until I realized that you hit all the points I wanted to. The point I will make is that we think all our situations are so individualistic and maybe people on sosuave don't understand what love is or the relationship we have because we can't be like everyone else. The truth is, the more stories I read concerning this, the more I realized that we all lived the same lives and same relationships almost to a T. Your relationship and fvck up is almost the same as everyone else's and that's when you realize so is your solution. ~Zappa

thanx I have been giving a lot of thought about things like this.. why people are allways thinking of "why me?!" while if we realy look around there are millions of others doing the same.. we have to be different from the rest.. WE ARE DIFFERENT (well I am )

on a side note..bah if english was my native langauge I would rock sizzors and make them dance.. ( yes the funny part was left out in the translation from my native language)

 

[kinjo]

Thanks!

Thanks for all the support guys! and thanks to you Joe! I've got the idea of what is going to happen in a few months to come.

Well, I just erase all digital images of her in my computer and pack all things reminding me of her, plus some of her stuff in a plastic bag. Gonna drop it off to her today and will never contact her ever.

I just wish I have you guys along with me just a couple weeks earlier so I would have the knowledge of NOT doing stupid things I have did. Now, the damage is done, and I don't want to know id she will ever respect me again for being such a *****, needy, lingering person she sees in me for these last few weeks.

I also print out the DJ Boot camp and will concentrate on that along with other things to get myself together again.

Thanks again for the great support!
Jim

 

[Ser_i]

lol... you are sooooo f00king acting like I did with my ex it's funny and scary the same time

I erased those little promo movies I made for her "moddeling work" I dropped of her stuff the next day.. hell I even drawn a devil of her face on 1 foto> with the text. > YOU LIED ON ME, WHEN YOU TOLD ME YOU LOVE ME.

never contacting her again is a good thing, it will be hard and you'll have these moments of the phone in your hands and you're like shaking all over and sweating in your hands... and have the though should I call her ? no I shouldn't?? yes I SHOULD! no I shouldn't aaarrrgghhh!! then you call up and you mess up even more.

The wish for having met us guys a few weeks ago would not have changed anything - unfortunatly biggest reason, you probably were to much in love with her to believe anything we would have said to you. I know from experience cause I warned this AFC buddy of mine not to mess it up the way he was doing it.. AFC. he flipped out and started yelling at me for being jealous and stuff like that cause I lost my ex.. I ignored him and he came back appologizing on his knees.. bah.. :S

and about her respecting you.. at the moment you care to much for her, but it's not about her respecting you.. will you feel better when she does ? NOPE if you can't be happy with your self how is she gonna make it up for you? 'but if I could only hold her in my arms" dude she doesn't want to touch you. YOU need to respect YOUR SELF. you are not a needy lingering person, you just messed it up this time but from now on you know what to do you just need to realize it accept it's over and start living your own life...

btw.. I also suggest you read another thread in GC.. "when she sais goodbye" it'll make you understand why there is no more chance to get together.

oh and no pun intended.. could ya like inform me when you get to the stage of UTTER ANGER and EVIL DEVIOUS PLANS FOR REVENGE ? I'm like kinda passing that stage and I had some very sick plans meh I don't care anymore the pain for her to see me make out with 5 girls on one evening is ... well I dunno it makes me feel good

 

[SexPDX]

Originally posted by kinjo
I'm thinking of purchasing a program at www.doclove.com is it any good?

No.

 

[kinjo]

Opinion please!

Guys,
It has been more than a week since I last contacted her.
I need your opinion please, I'm not really sure what to do about these.

1. A few weeks ago (we broke up already, and me being an AFC) she has these 3 big luggage her of big brother and asked me to drop it off in her fathers place. ( which is in the other city where my family house is and visit often) I said I will deliver them, out of trying to please her at that time. Thinking about it, I feel now that she is using me to get rid of those luggages and she doesnt even thank me for the favor. I'm a bit pissed now. I still have the luggage in my trunk. However, I did say yes to drop it, but have no plans yet to go home and drop the luggage. Should I just fulfill my promise later and deliver it in my free time, or just return the whole luggage (which will fill up her tiny flat) and provide some acceptable excuse?

2. I have a puppy Shih Tzu dog, where she owns 1/5 of it... LMAO
The dog is due for grooming with her a few days ago as she promised, but neither of us initated contact whatsoever. I dont give a damn, I can do it all by myself. Should I pay out the 1/5 to have the dog all by myself, cut her off even more of my life (this will really piss her off, she loves the dog!), or do nothing about it? And why?

3. Is it a good idea to accidently bump into her, but act with a DJ mindset to challenge her? Still have AFC mindset here, but I can do it.

4. I read a thread here about chatolic chicks, quote it add some spices to it and ready to sent it to her. Here it is:
----------------
"Virginity is not loss by getting that little skin in the vagina teared, why not , virginity is lost when you , give yourself to a man in any way and you discover a side of sex. A virgin is a virgin at mind as well. The catholic religion does not say you need to save that little skin before you get married , it says you should marry being a virgin. Any woman who has had sexual participation with another man is not a virgin. She already belong to that man, and she is a ***** when she gives it to another. There goes the saying "All women are *****es"

Sorry... If I'm not the only man for you, then I definitely deserve better...
----------------

If I send this, what it will do?

5. Her Birthday's coming in a few week. I have 2 thingd I thought I can do in mind: send her SMS Happy B'day. or, Do nothing. Which is the best?

 

[TesuqueRed]

1. Fvck it, tell her to come by and pick it up. If she takes forever to pick it up or gives you grief about it, tell her you'll leave it out on the street next trash day if she doesn't come and get it.

2. It's your dog now, don't "buy out" her 1/5 portion. Just keep the dog and don't get into any silly discussion of who owns what portion of it.

3. Very much NOT a good idea. It's over. You blew it. She blew it, or the dog blew it, whatever--the relationship blew up and it's over. Accept it and move on. Thinking up cute little schemes will eventually make you weird and freaky and will scare her--she'll see through any cute little scheme you try to pull. So don't even try.

4. That is freaky and weird and will only drive her further from you. If you're thinking of using stuff like this, then I would think your judgment is off-kilter because of the breakup--so send her no e-mails whatsoever, you'll only hurt yourself more by doing so.

5. Do absolutely nothing. Don't even mention it later if you run into her by accident, even if it is an accident that you run into her.

 

[Ser_i]

tesuqueRed is totaly right about this, sorry to break this for you kinjo but you are no way near over her.


just this post of yours proves all points what an AFC would do.

get a grip of yourself, you are trying to think of situations to get into contact with her.

as tesequeRed said,

call her up, and keep it short.

"hey, I'm kind of bussy right now, but I'm not gonna make it to my parents town, so if you don't wanna see your lugage on the street I suggest you come and pick it up either tomorrow at... (insert time here) or ... 3 days from now at (insert time here)

it's important you don't give her a chance to drag into a discussion on why you are being a D1ck. you don't have time for her so repeat it again and say she'll have 2 chances to pick them up if not.. guess some homeless dude is gonna get lucky.


---Keep us updated ladd, I'm guessing you are in this situation, you are not getting angry while thinking about her and are even able to laugh when people talk about her, but when the moment comes you will freeze up.--