Thanks for the positive suggestions
@Last of the Alphas
Janelle
She didn't flake on the date.
She did push the date back an hour but she reached out to me in advance and so no harm no foul. Based on her lack of responsiveness over the phone, I was slightly nervous that the conversation wouldn't flow as well and so planned on playing some games at Dave & Busters to break the ice. However, that wasn't even necessary. We didn't play a single game but we managed to have a flowing conversation for 2-3 hours which is a good sign. There were quite a few instances where I made a mental note of something that we both agreed on. I mean, verbally, I have a habit of building rapport by looking for similarities anyways, but with her particularly, quite a few of the topics we sincerely had the same outlook on.
With the average girl, I think we had the kind of date where I could easily establish a follow up date or sit back and wait for the girl to reach out to me, but with Janelle, her communication skills reverted back to mediocre after the date. Her communications (or lack thereof) is still as seemingly indifferent as ever when we are not talking face-to-face. We texted briefly on Monday but I haven't reached out to her since and she definitely hasn't attempted to contact me.
The conundrum is that during the deep conversations we've had, she has hinted that she attempts to be in control emotionally to avoid getting hurt or feeling vulnerable. I actually got the impression that she might overdo this to the point that it inadvertently sabotage current/potential relationships. If this is the case, then mentally, I want to break through that wall and get her to fully open up to me and let her guard down, but at the end of the day, I also know that if she falls for me I probably will not be in a position to catch her. I am not saying that I will **** and forget her, but at the same time, if she falls for me and attempts to pursue an exclusive relationship with me, it will not end well. Then I feel like I might be reaffirming the idea that she should control her emotions because if/when she finally opens up to me, she will end up getting hurt. Kind of a moral dilemma for me personally.
Another potential outcome is that she is interested in me as a person, but not as a partner. We have talked about a lot of stuff, but in retrospect, I may have focused too much on being intellectually stimulating, and not enough on stimulating her senses in other ways, or even just touching more frequently on ideas that she was interested in.
More than likely I will continue to pursue Janelle, but I can feel myself becoming more detached. I used to try and conjure up the right string of words to make her respond to my texts but I feel like our interactions have conditioned me to not put any thought/effort into reaching out to her.
Missy
I went out and had drinks with friends Wednesday night and struggled through the work day on Thursday. When 5pm slowly showed its face, I was ready to head home and crawl into bed but I got a text from Missy asking how my night went. Since she lives nearby, I asked if she was interested in hanging out with me and doing something lowkey and she was game. I met her at her place, dropped off my bag and then we walked downtown looking for a place to grab some food.
It ended up turning into a psuedo insta-date at the bowling alley. We grabbed some food and she bought some shots to get things going. After bowling, we decided to have a night cap at another bar.
I thought the night was going well, and she did too apparently, because as we are leaving the bowling alley, she turns to me and asks:
Missy: Do you wanna just grab a bottle and drink at my place?
Macallik: Yeah we could do that...
Missy: Ok... and you said you work near XYZ right? Do you wanna just go to your place and get a change of clothes and then sleep at my place?
Macallik: That sounds like a plan...
Missy: Ok are you sure? If you don't want to hang out, you can just say no.
Macallik: Trust me. I know how to say no when I want to. I'm down
Anyways fast forward an hour or so. We taking shots and dancing in her living room while listening to music. A few kisses here and there but nothing majeur. She lets me know that she broke up with her boyfriend. Anyways we drink a lot and then eventually retire to the bed. She asks me if I normally sleep in my shirt or not. I can take a hint so I take my shirt off. Same question with my pants and same result by me. We are sitting in bed and I feel like it is just a matter of time until it goes down when all of a sudden she looks startled and gets up and runs to the bathroom covering her mouth. Then she starts puking in the toilet.
If I was sober I'm not quite sure how I'd react to the situation, but I was pretty buzzed and so I essentially took care of her for 30 mins straight. She didn't throw up on herself or anything, but once she stops throwing up and sobers up a little, she strips naked, runs some water and hops in the tub. Of course I drop trow and join her. No hanky panky or anything though because she is still pretty tipsy so we just chill in the tub for a bit.
Eventually we go to the bed and we are hanging out talking on the side of the bed and then after a lull in the conversation, she goes quiet and then starts crying. It starts out as quiet sobs and escalates to strong emotional heaving that ripples through her body. She kept saying how she was a good person and some other things. For some women, I'd take it as a sign of craziness to see something like that, but for her it seemed more cathartic... very human and it is hard for me not to be empathetic in those situations. To me, it was pretty clear that she was still emotionally raw from breaking up with her long distance boyfriend and struggling to understand the shortcomings of their relationship, so I just held her and consoled her until she calmed down.
Anyways, she cleans up and we go to sleep and wake up periodically throughout the night to drink water or rearrange ourselves on the bed. We start fooling around and somehow my **** manages to sneak through the security that is her panties and find its way into her. She was definitely conflicted was pushing me away and pulling me deeper insider her at the same time. After few strokes she worked up the willpower to tell me to stop and then seemed kinda distant. I ask her what's up and she tells me that her ex was the only other guy that she's slept with and so now I am #2 and that is just sinking in with her. I tell her we kinda had sex but not really since she stopped me but I don't push the envelope sexually any more and we go to sleep. Later in the morning, we both are awake and talking from like 6am - 8am with our respective limbs intertwined. Eventually we start fooling around again but this time there is no denying that we have sex (although, I have to admit, it was far from my best sexual performance smh).
By then, I am running late for work so we part ways. On the one hand, I really enjoyed Missy's company and the rawness of her emotions. On the other hand though, I think she has a slight drinking problem where she can't just have one drink if she is drinking, she has to get ****-faced. More importantly (imo) she broke up with her ex because he was not ready for a committed relationship and wanted to sleep with other people. I have to figure out a way to separate myself so that she doesn't expect a relationship from me but at the same time, still enjoys hanging out with me.
. I was a little tipsy so I didn't notice it until after the fact. If I had realized it in the moment, I wouldn't have complained, but I would've busted her balls for giving me a fake number, then see if I can build some rapport/attraction and go for the number again.