Wife screws our only vacation in years with cheating

[Danton1975]

Why do you write like this? "the trust was broken on a moment that it was *really* needed." Just say: "She broke my trust when I really needed it. This tells me you have a hard time confronting.

If you cannot see this, you have a hard life ahead of you. And a good or bad marriage is the least of your problems. Man up, dump her NOW...I mean NOW. You say divorce costs money? Just read how you describe yourself "this is corroding me" How much this costs? A blown artery perhaps and maybe a couple of decades off your life??? Don't be afraid to leave. You will recover from this and be happier. Leave NOW. If you don't I have zero respect for you...zero. 6 years is certainly not a lifetime. When you leave her use the "free" time you'll have to write down all you did wrong in this relationship...and vow to never repeat it. Life has given you a wonderful lesson here but the trick is it's not a lesson if you don't do anything about it

 

[xdreamz]

damn..this story has a serious plot problem. how is a dude gona lose a wife to a nerd? does bill gates pull playboy centerfolds? stick to an original format, poor guy gets the girl thats supposed to be rich dude's wife.

 

[dj_china]

OP, don't act brashly. yes, she disrespected you but all marriages have problems and in order to be successful they need to be worked through. you can't just run at the first sight of trouble. especially a six year marriage, I think deserves a stronger effort at keeping it alive than just filing for divorce at the first sign of trouble. plus this beta is getting married so he will probably disappear from your life. work through the issues you and your wife have -- listen to what she wants and try to accommodate. it's not being beta to drop some computer time and spend more time with her at night, it's being the man she wants to have

 

[Rubirosa]

OP, don't act brashly. yes, she disrespected you but all marriages have problems and in order to be successful they need to be worked through. you can't just run at the first sight of trouble. especially a six year marriage, I think deserves a stronger effort at keeping it alive than just filing for divorce at the first sign of trouble. plus this beta is getting married so he will probably disappear from your life. work through the issues you and your wife have -- listen to what she wants and try to accommodate. it's not being beta to drop some computer time and spend more time with her at night, it's being the man she wants to have

This thread never ceases to amaze me...............
Whether a guy's Alpha,Beta,Zeta.......Whatever. This woman is telling her husband she's in love with someone else. That is what she's TELLING him. Imagine what she's not telling him ? She has let herself be seduced. Whether she has had sex with Brad Pitt or Bill Gates, it doesn't matter. The OP has given up the single life for her, worked his a$$ off, and has been rewarded with heartbreak. If the woman had truly loved her husband she would have been there to make his life happier when he was away from his stressful job. Instead she selfishly looks after herself and her feelings.....This is not "wife" behavior. I can understand the OP wanting to "work things out" because that's an ego defense mechanism to help him ignore the truth, but you guys that are posting on here saying that he needs to work it out need to get a clue. Crap..... He can remarry the B#tch in 10 years if he can't find anything better.

 

[sodbuster]

Studies have shown that the average man gets back to even 2 years after the divorce[about what it took me to get the net worth back]. The average woman? 11 years. Get out now... I have to deal with my ex on a weekly basis because of the kids. Now with college for the oldest.... I had to show her my financials in order for her to fill out the college loan forms[been divorced for 4 years,b1tch doesn't need to know,but the government does].

IF you stay married,read the book "scrwe the bithc" by palladin press. I'm hoping you can rearrange the letters a bit. Tells you how to hide assets,survive a divorce,etc.
For now, lower the limits on/cancel joint cards. Take the cash out of the joint account[put it in your office desk...whatever.Get a card in YOUR name only,billing address at your office. Get a list of stuff you'd like to keep and get it out of the house. You don't want to come home some day and be charged with abuse....given 15 min to get your stuff and get out[police may give you that much]. when you finally get back in your house,you find no furniture,your clothes were "lost by the movers",all your cards maxed out.etc.She's got the cash,got the furniture and got a lawyer. you've got nothing,no place to live, and no way to hire a lawyer....congratulations, you've just had the divorce equivalent of "Pearl Harbor"

 

[HolyG]

thanks for showing us why NOT to get married....

 

[Rubirosa]

Bumping for update

 

[Rubirosa]

Bumping for update

 

[dj_china]

This thread never ceases to amaze me...............
Whether a guy's Alpha,Beta,Zeta.......Whatever. This woman is telling her husband she's in love with someone else. That is what she's TELLING him. Imagine what she's not telling him ? She has let herself be seduced. Whether she has had sex with Brad Pitt or Bill Gates, it doesn't matter. The OP has given up the single life for her, worked his a$$ off, and has been rewarded with heartbreak. If the woman had truly loved her husband she would have been there to make his life happier when he was away from his stressful job. Instead she selfishly looks after herself and her feelings.....This is not "wife" behavior. I can understand the OP wanting to "work things out" because that's an ego defense mechanism to help him ignore the truth, but you guys that are posting on here saying that he needs to work it out need to get a clue. Crap..... He can remarry the B#tch in 10 years if he can't find anything better.

marriage is different from a relationship. if my gf did that she'd be out the door in a heartbeat. but there are huge hurdles to getting out of a marriage. also the fact that the wifey still wants to be in the relationship (and not with the other guy ... and is also working to not see him anymore suggests that she wants to make amends).

 

[KingofHearts]

I realized something after leaving my wife: It was the tougher decision to leave her than to stay. She didn't cheat (i'll probably never know for sure though) but she had some dealbreaker issues. When I left, I was worried I did it pre-maturely and sometimes I wondered if I just wasn't strong enough. Now, I know it was a great thing for me to do. Can't say if it was the best thing (who say such absolute things?) but I'm proud of myself for going through what I've been through in the past couple years.

The easy thing to do would have been to accept all her issues and keep the peace. I didn't realize it at the time, but looking back on it, leaving her was definitely the harder thing to do. The tougher thing was to leave, get harrased/stalked by her, lose my apt, move back in with my parents, explain to every nosy judgmental person on why I'm not married anymore and spent the next few months trying to live without constant sex. So I say screw you to anybody who says leaving a woman is the coward way out. The coward's go to move is doing whatever requires the least amount of effort and/or causes the least amount of pain.

In the OP's situation, it sounds like he's awfully close to sticking it out with his wife because that is the easier thing to do. He thinks he's already got enough stress and unstability going on with work. And divorce will only make it worse. And that's probably true. But it doesn't mean he still shouldn't file for divorce. While he's working his ass off at work, making money - she feels a little neglected and runs off with the closest guy available. By the way it doesn't matter if he's beta or not - how could you really know? The way I see it, he's got some balls (nerve) to knowingly sleep with another man's wife, that in itself isn't really a beta thing to do. Doesn't matter all that much anyway.

The big thing is when the OP needed support the most, she went off and jumped in bed with another guy. Seems to be a common thing to happen. But who gives a crap if her needs aren't getting met temporarily because of the Op's long hours. Has she never been single before? Is she really that emotionally void that she can't survive on her own. There's something to be said for a person that can't make themself happy. I don't really understand all the sympathy for the wife that committed adultery. Reverse the roles and tell me that you would blame the women for not fulfilling his needs!

 

[enzoferrari]

Hi, I'm here for an update. I talked with a lawyer about the situation, and I could walk out relatively unharmed. There's two ways: the first is to catch any photographic evidence of cheating. Thanks to our laws, that would grant me the right of divorce wihout granting her any kind of alimony, and would even allow me to sue for emotional damage.

The second one is the shared patrimony. That includes not only everything we built together, but also our debts which are around 15k. So she couldn't ask for alimony because there's a 7,5k debt for each one. This is not a sure as the first possibility, because it relies heavily on the judges evaluation.

So, for now, I'm off to hire a private eye. As a poster said here, better sell the house than my soul, and I just don't trust her anymore. Thanks everyone for listening and sharing your ideas. I feel A LOT better now with all this leverage.

Also, she's been a good wife for now. But one day her cellphone rang, and she took it to the office to answer with a lowered voice. I was at home, but wasn't around for her to see, and could hear she saying "I can't talk" and turning off the phone. I asked who was that, she said no one, I asked again and she said "work".

I think it's now a matter of time.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

It's tough Ferrari but you got brothers here man to help. Go get that private eye.

 

[Rubirosa]

marriage is different from a relationship. if my gf did that she'd be out the door in a heartbeat. but there are huge hurdles to getting out of a marriage. also the fact that the wifey still wants to be in the relationship (and not with the other guy ... and is also working to not see him anymore suggests that she wants to make amends).

Yeah, it's different. It's a whole new level of commitment. The wife has demonstrated that she's not ready. After a divorce, a man's head clears and he see's things for what they really are. If a man makes the commitment of being with only one woman for the rest of his life, this commitment should be rewarding.

 

[Rubirosa]

Hi, I'm here for an update. I talked with a lawyer about the situation, and I could walk out relatively unharmed. There's two ways: the first is to catch any photographic evidence of cheating. Thanks to our laws, that would grant me the right of divorce wihout granting her any kind of alimony, and would even allow me to sue for emotional damage.

The second one is the shared patrimony. That includes not only everything we built together, but also our debts which are around 15k. So she couldn't ask for alimony because there's a 7,5k debt for each one. This is not a sure as the first possibility, because it relies heavily on the judges evaluation.

So, for now, I'm off to hire a private eye. As a poster said here, better sell the house than my soul, and I just don't trust her anymore. Thanks everyone for listening and sharing your ideas. I feel A LOT better now with all this leverage.

Also, she's been a good wife for now. But one day her cellphone rang, and she took it to the office to answer with a lowered voice. I was at home, but wasn't around for her to see, and could hear she saying "I can't talk" and turning off the phone. I asked who was that, she said no one, I asked again and she said "work".

I think it's now a matter of time.

You're doing the right thing. No kids. Clean Break. ReBoot your life. PM me if you like

 

[penkitten]

i have to chime in.... why would a woman divulge such information of falling in love with some other married man during a vacation with her husband, if nothing ever happened?
honestly, it does not make any sense.

i would put the house on the market. i'd be done with her.

 

[Zarky]

OP should clearly see a professional therapist, not troll for comments from internet denizens.

See a shrink, and a lawyer, real soon. And not necessarily in that order.

 

[x86]

enzoferrari, I am glad to hear things are moving in a positive direction for you. You will be out of the hell hole and on to a better life soon.

Zarky, Gdo danm man. Please read the entire thread before making brash ignorant comments.

 

[Rubirosa]

OP should clearly see a professional therapist, not troll for comments from internet denizens.

See a shrink, and a lawyer, real soon. And not necessarily in that order.

No. The only thing that's wrong with the OP is a stung ego. The best therepy is a having a new chick roll off him all sweaty saying "That was great !". Therepy will simply keep dredging up a past that the OP neeeds to leave behind. I believe that there's a time and place for therepy, but this is not one of those times.
Like I've said before, It hurts now, but as long as the OP keeps moving forward in his life without looking in the rearview mirror, everything will be fine.
I've lived through the pain of divorce. What got me though it was taking vacations to places I always wanted to see, and to put it frankly, screwing lots of new chicks. I was 33 when I got divorced. I felt so old and useless. I had such perimissim for the future. But every year after got better and better.....
I was in Maui last year. I took my favorite girlfriend. We were on the north tropical side of the island. We went for a walk. We ended up in this meadow that sloped down towards the sea. As the Sun and clouds were looking down on us, we did it right there. Afterwards, I looked up at the sky and reflected on the man I had become and how I was enjoying the moment so much. I thought about my divorce...the pain I felt....it seemed like another lifetime I had lived...some obscure chapter. This was my MY THEREPY....not sitting on a sofa complaining to some woman that some other woman had stolen my sense of self worth............

 

[Zarky]

I believe that there's a time and place for therepy, but this is not one of those times.

So he has a cheating wife, financial distress, domestic fights, low sex drive, stress at work, depression, fears of having a stroke, and you don't think he should be seeing a therapist?

Riiiiight.

And it's spelled "therApy." This is the problem with getting advice from anonymous internet denizens.

OP, see a shrink. That's the only rational and responsible advice to be given here.

 

[Rubirosa]

So according to your sig you've been an internet denizen for 15 years ?

For what it's worth, I wasn't knocking your advice, just offering my experience as my best advice. All the symptoms you list are related to this wife and the low self esteem that comes from the emotional distress.....

I know you'll probably pick apart whatever I write, so have fun. My SINCERE intent was (IS) to help the OP with my experience because I've been through a divorce.