enzoferrari
New Member
- Joined
- Mar 12, 2011
- Messages
- 9
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Hi. I'm still a little shaken, and after reading the forums for a while my story should be familiar to most of you. I really could use some advice.
I'm married for six years now, and we are thinking about having kids. A couple of months ago we had some fights caused by some changes in our life. We moved to a bigger, better house, and that did put us in a financial distress in our life for a month. Also, I got a new job that allowed me to get the bigger house, but the stress increased a lot and I'm in a bad mood more frequently.
We started to have some fights. She even said that she wanted to "get some time alone", to what I responded that if she wanted to be alone then it's divorce, and that I find ridiculous do propose anything else (like me moving out "to see how things work out", and for her "to miss me"). She stayed at home, we had some sex. But for a couple of times I could not think about sex, and was failing at it, to which she said it was devastating. I said that things at work are tough, and it's really hard for me right now (I was afraid to be at the start of a depression and I was afraid I was having a stroke).
Fast forward to two weeks ago, when, finally, after years without a vacation, we decided to travel. We packed up the car and I drove about 700 miles to a nice hotel. The place was great, as the food was, and we had a good time and good sex. It was relaxing.
At the end of the day she looks gloomy. You know, that serious look that girls have when something is going on. I asked what was going on, the she dropped the bomb. She said she had falling in love with someone else, and that was causing her to suffer. She "triple assured" me that nothing happened, that he was married and she never told him anything.
What. The. Frak. I was flabbergasted. I mean, we drove all the way down to a little piece of paradise for this? Who was him? She refused to say, afraid that I was going to beat the crap out of him. She asked me "I screwed our marriage, didn't' I?", to which I said nothing. We drove back home the next day, me pissed off, she trying to be a good wife.
All the way back I was trying to think what to do with this. She works at two jobs, and I was pretty sure who was the guy. He was a nerdy coworker with a fiancee who said some things to my wife, telling her how she was beautiful and how I was a lucky man for having her, and giving my wife gifts out of nowhere. She told me everything when those things happened, even showed me the gifts, to which I gave a smirk and said "aw, that's cute".
At home, after a couple of days trying to making amends, she asked me what I wanted. I told her, bluntly, "I want you to be my wife, stay at home and leave job 2". She was pissed and called her employer to say that she was quitting for personal reasons. The next three days was of anger from her, telling me how sexist I was, how unfair everything was.
We decided to talk to a couple friend of ours, married for longer time. The outcome was this: She said she was lonely because of me at the computer at night, and I said I would look into it to avoid not being with her. I got to know the name of the guy (was exactly who I was thinking), she could keep both jobs. I told her that any male friendships where unacceptable, that she was a married woman and that kind of behavior could not be tolerated, and that she had to cut all contact from that guy. She agreed. A couple of days later she talked to her employer about how work was affecting her marriage, and the employer arranged for contact between her and the guy be reduced to a minimum.
Problem solved, right? Not quite. The next day I demanded her to give me all the gifts she got. I put it in the trash. Later, at dinner, I picked up her cellphone in front of her and started to see the pictures. There was a picture of him. "Are you kidding me?", I said, showing the phone. She said, with lowered eyes, "you can erase it". Back home we had sex, but my mood was ruined until today. I'm angry, and almost crashed the car today. I logged at her user at our computer at home, and deleted any contacts, photos and messages from that guy, and I'm still waiting for her to get home and see her reaction.
Guys, what the heck? I'm really lost at what I should be doing right now. Leaving her alone and going out sounds counterproductive, because of the whole stress-from- the-job thing. I'm feeling insecure and very jealous, and can't stand the idea of her going to work at that place - even with the whole schedule arranged.
Please, I need ideas on how to get a grip on this. I'm feeling like I'm falling apart.
I'm married for six years now, and we are thinking about having kids. A couple of months ago we had some fights caused by some changes in our life. We moved to a bigger, better house, and that did put us in a financial distress in our life for a month. Also, I got a new job that allowed me to get the bigger house, but the stress increased a lot and I'm in a bad mood more frequently.
We started to have some fights. She even said that she wanted to "get some time alone", to what I responded that if she wanted to be alone then it's divorce, and that I find ridiculous do propose anything else (like me moving out "to see how things work out", and for her "to miss me"). She stayed at home, we had some sex. But for a couple of times I could not think about sex, and was failing at it, to which she said it was devastating. I said that things at work are tough, and it's really hard for me right now (I was afraid to be at the start of a depression and I was afraid I was having a stroke).
Fast forward to two weeks ago, when, finally, after years without a vacation, we decided to travel. We packed up the car and I drove about 700 miles to a nice hotel. The place was great, as the food was, and we had a good time and good sex. It was relaxing.
At the end of the day she looks gloomy. You know, that serious look that girls have when something is going on. I asked what was going on, the she dropped the bomb. She said she had falling in love with someone else, and that was causing her to suffer. She "triple assured" me that nothing happened, that he was married and she never told him anything.
What. The. Frak. I was flabbergasted. I mean, we drove all the way down to a little piece of paradise for this? Who was him? She refused to say, afraid that I was going to beat the crap out of him. She asked me "I screwed our marriage, didn't' I?", to which I said nothing. We drove back home the next day, me pissed off, she trying to be a good wife.
All the way back I was trying to think what to do with this. She works at two jobs, and I was pretty sure who was the guy. He was a nerdy coworker with a fiancee who said some things to my wife, telling her how she was beautiful and how I was a lucky man for having her, and giving my wife gifts out of nowhere. She told me everything when those things happened, even showed me the gifts, to which I gave a smirk and said "aw, that's cute".
At home, after a couple of days trying to making amends, she asked me what I wanted. I told her, bluntly, "I want you to be my wife, stay at home and leave job 2". She was pissed and called her employer to say that she was quitting for personal reasons. The next three days was of anger from her, telling me how sexist I was, how unfair everything was.
We decided to talk to a couple friend of ours, married for longer time. The outcome was this: She said she was lonely because of me at the computer at night, and I said I would look into it to avoid not being with her. I got to know the name of the guy (was exactly who I was thinking), she could keep both jobs. I told her that any male friendships where unacceptable, that she was a married woman and that kind of behavior could not be tolerated, and that she had to cut all contact from that guy. She agreed. A couple of days later she talked to her employer about how work was affecting her marriage, and the employer arranged for contact between her and the guy be reduced to a minimum.
Problem solved, right? Not quite. The next day I demanded her to give me all the gifts she got. I put it in the trash. Later, at dinner, I picked up her cellphone in front of her and started to see the pictures. There was a picture of him. "Are you kidding me?", I said, showing the phone. She said, with lowered eyes, "you can erase it". Back home we had sex, but my mood was ruined until today. I'm angry, and almost crashed the car today. I logged at her user at our computer at home, and deleted any contacts, photos and messages from that guy, and I'm still waiting for her to get home and see her reaction.
Guys, what the heck? I'm really lost at what I should be doing right now. Leaving her alone and going out sounds counterproductive, because of the whole stress-from- the-job thing. I'm feeling insecure and very jealous, and can't stand the idea of her going to work at that place - even with the whole schedule arranged.
Please, I need ideas on how to get a grip on this. I'm feeling like I'm falling apart.
