Wife attempted suicide, what do I do now? Please help

[Speculator E]

way2smart, I was just passing by and read your thread from October. Do you think your wife may have BPD which is Borderline Personality Disorder? It sounds like the same situation I'm in with my gf/ex-gf.

Edit: Here's a link if you're curious:
https://therationalmale.com/2012/01/20/borderline-personality-disorder/

 

[way2smart]

way2smart, I was just passing by and read your thread from October. Do you think your wife may have BPD which is Borderline Personality Disorder? It sounds like the same situation I'm in with my gf/ex-gf.

Edit: Here's a link if you're curious:
https://therationalmale.com/2012/01/20/borderline-personality-disorder/

After reading this, I think she may have BDP.

Doctors' diagnosis was that she has panic disorder and major depression. Another doctor said that she has major depression with psychotic features. But I think BDP maybe it.

She was put on multiple antidepressants and none seemed to have worked, obviously.

I can sum up her behavior below:
She has episodes in one day where she goes from completely happy to completely said and depressed within several hours. She gets mad at me for no reason. For instance when I was leaving for library to study, she got pissed. When I pulled out my phone to check email, she starts thinking that I am cheating. She also gets pissed when I have breakfast on the couch instead of at the table, because she thinks that I am doing that intentionally to piss her off. Other times she is completely happy and fine.

Her last suicide attempt happened because I went outside for 30 minutes after dark, apparently I am not supposed to go out, because she is afraid of being alone after dark.

Does that sound like BDP?

Thanks for your reply btw.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Yep, that's borderline. It's all about abandonment. She has a fear of it, and yet a need for it at the same time. She will never have a healthy, normal relationship. If she makes it to middle age, eventually she will give up on men, and then be able to live something resembling a normal life.

There is no medication that works, only therapy. But one of the symptoms of BPD is being in denial about it, so they will never go to therapy. Among counselors, BPD is the disorder they hate the most. BPD patients are the most difficult to handle.

There's a good book called Stop Walking on Eggshells. It's about living with a BPD person.

There was one prolific poster here on sosuave with a BPD wife. She's in her 40's and had admitted she had BPD and been going to counseling. And the last time he came back to post on sosuave, he mentioned he was now going through a nasty divorce.

Whenever she's mad at you, you become THE WORLD'S WORST PERSON. When she's not mad, you're the greatest guy in the world. That's what makes it sting more when she picks fights and pushes you away.

 

[way2smart]

Yep, that's borderline. It's all about abandonment. She has a fear of it, and yet a need for it at the same time. She will never have a healthy, normal relationship. If she makes it to middle age, eventually she will give up on men, and then be able to live something resembling a normal life.

There is no medication that works, only therapy. But one of the symptoms of BPD is being in denial about it, so they will never go to therapy. Among counselors, BPD is the disorder they hate the most. BPD patients are the most difficult to handle.

There's a good book called Stop Walking on Eggshells. It's about living with a BPD person.

There was one prolific poster here on sosuave with a BPD wife. She's in her 40's and had admitted she had BPD and been going to counseling. And the last time he came back to post on sosuave, he mentioned he was now going through a nasty divorce.

Whenever she's mad at you, you become THE WORLD'S WORST PERSON. When she's not mad, you're the greatest guy in the world. That's what makes it sting more when she picks fights and pushes you away.

Yeah that sounds like her. I guess i will divorce now, before it's too late (we don't have kids). It's a good thing that she is with her parents now. Imagine what would have happened if we were together and I broke the news.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Let her down easy. "Isn't it sad we can't be together?" Hug her and let her cry about it. That's what she wants.

Then about an hour after you leave, she'll start blowing up your phone with the vitriol about how you are the worst person in the world. Tell her you want to still be a part of her life, so she can refuse that, and then feel like the one dumping you.

I tell every guy with a BPD girl, you can keep fvcking her for the rest of your life if that's what you want. You just can't ever commit to her or let her feel like she has you. If you were to divorce her and marry someone else, then she would be happy to be your mistress....forever. She can only love what she doesn't fully have. The problem with you is that she has you, and the only way to get her abandonment fix is to drive you away.

 

[Yewki]

@way2smart dude, you've put up with way too much sh*t.

She had you buy an international plane ticket that one time, at the spur of the moment, so she could leave you and go back to Europe. She can't sleep because of shadows. She can't be left alone. She's freaks out and cries spontaneously. You have to put your phone on silent or she has panic attacks. She's tried to kill herself... three times. And this is just what I've read about.

Despite all your support and paying a 30k bill to get her help, she can't even appreciate you.

You deserve better than this. Ok?

She is ruining your life.

Get. out.

 

[way2smart]

@way2smart dude, you've put up with way too much sh*t.

She had you buy an international plane ticket that one time, at the spur of the moment, so she could leave you and go back to Europe. She can't sleep because of shadows. She can't be left alone. She's freaks out and cries spontaneously. You have to put your phone on silent or she has panic attacks. She's tried to kill herself... three times. And this is just what I've read about.

Despite all your support and paying a 30k bill to get her help, she can't even appreciate you.

You deserve better than this. Ok?

She is ruining your life.

Get. out.

Thank you Yewki

That's exactly what I needed to hear.
I have sent her back home to Europe to her parents, so she is with them now and they can deal with her suicidal behavior. And she is NEVER coming back!

 

[phillies]

Open a life insurance policy.

 

[penkitten]

You can't fix her. If I were your mother or sister, I would plead with you to divorce and move on.

 

[Speculator E]

Thank you Yewki

That's exactly what I needed to hear.
I have sent her back home to Europe to her parents, so she is with them now and they can deal with her suicidal behavior. And she is NEVER coming back!

Way2smart maybe you should think about this. It sounds like you still love her. You are married. Is it really something you want to throw away that easily? A lot of members here think bpd is untreatable but I think most here have poor knowledge of the disorder. If you search for DBT it's the main treatment for bpd if you can get them on it. It may help your wife.

 

[Yewki]

Way2smart maybe you should think about this. It sounds like you still love her. You are married. Is it really something you want to throw away that easily? A lot of members here think bpd is untreatable but I think most here have poor knowledge of the disorder. If you search for DBT it's the main treatment for bpd if you can get them on it. It may help your wife.

The thing with mentally unstable people like this is it doesn't matter how well you care for them, at the end of the day they don't reciprocate all the effort and care you put in. It's a one sided relationship. The OP is living his life with a 100lb anchor chained to him.

He's not throwing away much, just making room in his life for someone actually deserving of his time

 

[way2smart]

The thing with mentally unstable people like this is it doesn't matter how well you care for them, at the end of the day they don't reciprocate all the effort and care you put in. It's a one sided relationship. The OP is living his life with a 100lb anchor chained to him.

He's not throwing away much, just making room in his life for someone actually deserving of his time

I agree. In fact I didn't give up easily. I spent countless of hours of my time and money on different psychiatric doctors, hospitalizations and medications. I have been dealing with this for 6-7 months and I didn't give up immediately.

Unfortunately there's only so much you can do. Unfortunately, we can cannot control the actions of others, that's out of our control.

 

[devilkingx2]

UPDATE:

Eventually, i had her hospitalized twice in a psychiatric hospital, because she tried 2 more suicide attempts.
She is with her parents now and apparently she wants to get back together.

She is still paranoid though, she thinks that I put her in a psychiatric unit intentionally(whatever that means).

I am really tired of all this, but then again it feels morally wrong to divorce a person when she gets mentally ill. But I guess I am looking for reassurance to divorce at this point.

1. she means that you've concocted some sort of diabolical scheme/conspiracy to get her thrown into the nuthouse, you know, despite the fact that she has done things that normally get people thrown in the nuthouse independant of your actions

2. since when did you sign up to be her keeper? would she be your keeper when you need it? let me answer the second one for you, no she wouldn't because if she had succeeded in killing herself she would've intentionally left you alone to suffer, she doesn't care about you, she only cares about escaping the voices

 

[Speculator E]

I agree. In fact I didn't give up easily. I spent countless of hours of my time and money on different psychiatric doctors, hospitalizations and medications. I have been dealing with this for 6-7 months and I didn't give up immediately.

Unfortunately there's only so much you can do. Unfortunately, we can cannot control the actions of others, that's out of our control.

Way2smart, if your wife suddenly got HIV or cancer, would you divorce her? I already told you that DBT is the main treatment for BPD. It was in fact developed specifically for BPD. I'm not sure if you listened.

I understand, you spend a lot of countless hours and resources to help your wife. But you were spending it on dumb things that are not effective on BPD, therefore it didn't work. But it's really your choice. I'm just here to warn you that BPD have crazy pyschotic rage and they will be ruthless in divorce court.

 

[Yewki]

Way2smart, if your wife suddenly got HIV or cancer, would you divorce her?

If his wife got HIV or cancer, but had the grace to continue to be a loving and caring person... that's one thing.

But if she got HIV or cancer, then became extremely bitter and intolerable with no signs of improvement for 6-7 consecutive months... that's on her.

There is a blurred line between how much his wife is at fault for her own mental problems. But I personally believe people like that bear at least some responsibility. People generally have to be held accountable for their actions.

 

[Black Sunshine]

My, prayers are with you... remember..in sickness and health... You don't abandon her. What if the shoe was on the other foot? They are called vows...

 

[Yewki]

remember..in sickness and health... You don't abandon her. What if the shoe was on the other foot? They are called vows...

If you took traditional marriage vows literally, there would never be any situation to justify divorce though

 

[LiveFreeX]

Apart from leaving various weapons and ammo around the house, I don't think there's much else that you can do.

 

[gravityeyelids]

This is so, so difficult. I lived the majority of my life in blissful ignorance of the difficulty of anxiety and depression. Once I came to face it, i'll never be the same again. Prior to that I always saw negative people with anxiety and depression as simply negative people and couldn't understand why they didn't simply make the choice to be happy and not be anxious and depressed. But now i've grown to see that it's not that simple. Sometimes these things can be managed with lifestyle changes, diet, exercise, supplements, cognitive therapy,etc. Sometimes there needs to be external help, and this seems to be one of those cases. This is beyond your control. I know you feel helpless. You need to be sensitive to her situation but you also need to consider yours. If you truly do love this woman and know that you'll do anything, including giving up your time and well-being to help her, than i have nothing but respect and admiration for you. But if you're being true to yourself and feel that she's "holding you back" in a way or making it so that you're unable to live your life, and if you don't think that you want to spend the rest of your life dealing with this, than you need to act accordingly. I dont know how old you are, but chances are you have decades and decades ahead of you. I think that it's only right that you do what you can to help this woman, especially since you care for her. Don't feel obligated to dedicate your life to her if you feel that you must move on and live for yourself.

 

[ChrisFloyd]

OP, I just have something I wonder about this:

1. How was she when you first got to know her?
2. Are you the only one who use this Sosuave's account? By that I mean all the threads created before this by this account were yours also, is that right?

Hope you answer.