Why Women Like To Have You In The Friend Zone.

[QueRico]

Doing some research into the fact that women are into being desired, I came across these posts:

I have a personal problem; I always seek male attention... ever since middle school (I am now in college,) I have always seeked a man, I enjoy having a man there to text me and call me and make me feel WANTED. the odd part is, i don't care if a girl tells me she misses me or loves me, i only feel loved and wanted when a man says it... if for some reason i don't have a guy to talk to, i feel worthless and sad because no guy wants me, so i go searching for another one. what i find odd is, i don't want a relationship right now in my life, but i DO want a guy to be there to talk to me and think about me; i don't know why!!! during a relationship, or whenever i find a new guy, i fall TOO quick and i get attached immediately, during the relationship i always put the guys' needs and wants before mine because i feel like 'if i don't, he'll leave me' i allow guys to ignore me, stand me up, not give me attention, etc... and i still stick around as if i'm some pathetic loser. i know that what i do is wrong, but for some reason I CAN'T STOP. my mom told me that it's because i am insecure and because i still haven't learned how to love myself.. i think she's right because all i do is try to look beautiful wherever i go, for OTHER people, not for myself. i don't know how to love myself, i don't know how to put myself first, help.
http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Am-Addicted-To-Male-Attention/636753

I am 29 years old and the last 15 years of my life have been like a rollercoaster. Its only now, with the help of a fantastic psychologist that I realise I am actually addicted to men, or male attention. Whoever thought that was even possible, or that theres other women out there who have the same problem! Reading some of the other stories, its so uncanny, its like reading an entry from my own mind! I can honestly say that I know how you feel. its horrible to feel so reliant on something, especially a man, to make you happy! But that is how it has been for me. I literally crave the feeling I get when I am attracted to someone and they show some interest in me, or even if im not that attracted to them! It now makes sense to me why I always ended up feeling unsatisfied with my relationships when the honeymoon period finished and how I could go from love to hate in mere minutes. Why I felt I was constantly searching for something else and couldnt just be happy with what I had. I have slept with alot of different men and ben in and out of relationships, which has caused me alot of pain over the years. I just want to meet someone and get married, but I realise I have a lot of work to do before I can do that and be happy. At the centre of all this is my poor self esteem and inability to love myself. Somedays i literally repulse myself because of the way I think, the way i feel or the way i look, its truly horrible. I realise this all has to change in order for me to have a happy fulfilling relationship, but its so hard. I would like to talk to someone who has managed to overcome their addiction, because right now, it seems almost impossible!
http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Am-Addicted-To-Male-Attention/1945621

Wow... And I thought I was the only one... I know how we are feeling is wrong but know that there r other women out there feeling the same way makes me realize we can get help for each other... It's hard really hard. When you r in a constant need of attention from anyone that can give it to you including other men.
I feel so much like you girls that reading your posts scares me more... We all love our partners and husbands more than we realize ... But the passion the rush the feelings we want is constant... I know in my relationship I get that from my husband when his not so tried or when he is home from work... Our sex life is pretty normal although I'd like it to have a little more passion not always in the bedroom boring old married sex...
So reading these post makes me realize there r so many women like us out there maybe there are more... We need to be there for each other the attention we seek is real it's dangerous that's the whole exciting thing about it. It's a craving a drug that we need to get through our boring lives... We need to pin point the times we need it the most. I find in my life I feel it more at night after putting the kids to bed and my husband isnt home... This is every night... It also happens when bored with want I'm doing....
http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Am-Addicted-To-Male-Attention/1923284

I think I am addicted to male attention…

and it is driving me crazy!! I don’t even know what any of you can do to help…I don’t think there is any help anymore! When a guy loves me then I can love myself…and I love loving myself! BUt when they turn away from me…then I am soooo depressed! Arg…i hate it!

http://help.com/post/494033-i-think-i-am-addicted-to-male-atten

No wonder women love AFC's to keep as friends, they provide what they want very much, which is free male attention.

 

[floydb25]

That's why you avoid girls who are insecure, have low self-esteem, abandonment issues, etc. They're desperate to be loved and wanted - even if they have no interest back. If they do - its even worse, because they're needy, clingy, possessive, etc.

All of those hot girls who take 50 hours to get ready are deeply insecure and desperate for attention. It's also why they cause drama, play games, mess with other people's lives, talk too much, etc.

 

[Dust 2 Dust]

These stories are the reason why you should never be an orbiter/white knight enabler.

 

[PapiChulo]

All I see is a general unhappiness with themselves and boredom. And they get addicted to that little fix you give them here and there.

 

[st_99]

I don't see anything crazy here. Just girls being girls, nothing out of the ordinary about anything they are writing.

I say don't fight female waves just learn to navigate with them and ultimately get what YOU want out of them.

 

[QueRico]

I don't see anything crazy here. Just girls being girls, nothing out of the ordinary about anything they are writing.

I say don't fight female waves just learn to navigate with them and ultimately get what YOU want out of them.

Don't get me started, just shut up and don't post anymore on this thread. You are too blind to see the great insight. I would continue on to insult you, but it would be a waste of electrons. So please, keep your words to yourself since you cannot seem to contribute anything productive. thank you.

 

[QueRico]

These stories are the reason why you should never be an orbiter/white knight enabler.

Exactly! That's what I was driving at, *****es know how to push the buttons by instinct, while we get caught in the trap of words and contradictions. You must learn to tune them out and learn to read their actions and not their words.

 

[Blue Phoenix]

dont you ever disagree with this dude

 

[QueRico]

dont you ever disagree with this dude

Damn right. Thanks for spelling out, sarcasm or not.

 

[PapiChulo]

I don't see anything crazy here. Just girls being girls, nothing out of the ordinary about anything they are writing.

I say don't fight female waves just learn to navigate with them and ultimately get what YOU want out of them.

That's a great point, could not agree more. Let's just roll with it, instead of fighting it.

 

[f283000]

Why women like to have you in the friend zone? Because it's much easier to say...

"i see you as a friend i'm sorry"

instead of

"I would not f___ you not in a million years even if you were the last guy on earth! I am in no way sexually attracted to you and the only thing i'll ever be of yours is a friend."

 

[Jaylan]

I dunno how some dudes still have trouble grasping the idea that:

Similar Interests + Getting Along Great - Sexual Attraction = Friend Zone

Thats all it is. I used to never think men had a friend zone, but then I met a good buddy of mine last year. We talk about everything candidly, help each other with problems whenever we have them, and we talk about soccer all the time.

I think thats the best part of our friendship and why we bonded quickly. You dont have many football fans in the states, so its great to talk about La Liga and the Premier League with someone who knows their stuff.

There exists no physical attraction between us, and she also comes from a very conservative background. So that would be another reason why us dating wouldnt work.

So basically we exist as friends and receive a mutual benefit. No one is using the other. And tbh I think getting older and wiser has led me to the realization that male-female friendships can be quite beneficial.

Why women like to have you in the friend zone? Because it's much easier to say...

"i see you as a friend i'm sorry"

instead of

"I would not f___ you not in a million years even if you were the last guy on earth! I am in no way sexually attracted to you and the only thing i'll ever be of yours is a friend."

^This as well.

The only reason I am able to tell female friends Ive had that "I dont have a desire to bang you and thats what makes our friendship work so well" is because I know they dont have a desire to bang me.

With girls who have liked me, but I didnt like them, I tell them I see them as a friend, because who the hell wants to be so rude as to hurt someones feelings? I could never smack a girl who likes me in the face by telling her something that would make her feel super unattractive.

And I wouldnt want a girl to do that to me either if I was into her. I know what it means when a girl wants to stay friends, and I leave it as that. And I also wont sit and pretend it didnt feel nice to have the attention and knowing that I had a girl in the palm of my hand. I just dont let it go past the friend stage because I dont lead girls on by kissing them once Ive made myself clear on how I feel.

 

[floydb25]

These stories are the reason why you should never be an orbiter/white knight enabler.

Yes... None of these girls are genuinely victimized, always alone, can never get a break... Their lives aren't oh-so horrible; they don't always have it bad. Most of them just want attention / sympathy; are drama queens, spoiled brats, attention *****s, ungrateful ****s, etc.

 

[Mike32ct]

I have nothing against men and women being friends as long as you both really want to be friends. Actually, my best female friends are ones that I'm NOT attracted to. I love their personalities, but have no interest in hooking up with them. And vice versa.

It's only a problem when a guy gets put in friendzone by a girl he IS attracted to. Then he should bail because he isn't genuinely interested in friendship, and hearing about her F-ing other guys will hurt his confidence. A guy that stays in such an friendzone arrangement while still be attracted to the girl is called an "orbiter."

What is even worse is that as an orbiter, you are probably helping some other dude keep the p*ssy he is currently getting. Allow me to explain...

1. Girl is F-ing some bad boy.

2. S*x with bad boy is hot, but he doesn't give her much attention and affection.

3. She is on the fence about breaking up with him. On one hand, the s*x rocks, but on the other hand, he is not meeting her emotional needs. He's very selfish and distant. In other words, he's a great FWB, but a terrible long term boyfriend.

4. Some nice guy is madly in love with her.

5. She puts the nice guy in friendzone because he doesn't have a ripped body, broad shoulders, height, tattoos, etc. But she lies and says it's because "He's too nice" lol. But she assures him that "He'll make SOME GIRL really happy someday" lol.

6. The nice guy (now orbiter) continues to call and text her regularly and is always there for her.

5. She LOVES the attention and having a shoulder to cry on. This nice guy is now meeting her emotional needs.

6. She decides NOT to break up with the bad boy. While she does get frustrated by lack of attention the bad boy gives her, the attention the nice guy gives her helps to compensate. Thus, THE NICE GUY MAKES THE RELATIONSHIP WITH THE BAD BOY TOLERABLE. The nice guy fills in the "emotional" piece of the relationship that was lacking with the bad boy.

7. She is now complete. She can get d*ck from the bad boy and her girly gossip/b*tching/venting sessions (about what a jerk her bf is) with the nice guy.

Optional Step:

8. The bad boy should THANK the nice guy orbiter for helping to keep his relationship together. Otherwise, he'd eventually lose his "plate" and would have to shop for new p*ss.

 

[Aaron B]

Great post Mike. My experiences and observations back up your assertions.

Another important issue is that women tend to powerfully respond to men who provide them with a wide range of emotions.

The white knight orbiters give her a healthy heaping of the same old excellent treatment most other guys give her. They make her feel good, which is a narrow range of emotions. Sometimes his passive-aggressiveness will cause her to worry that he is mad at her, but that is still a narrow range of emotions. He makes her feel pacified, validated and self-assured. She isn't a loser and here's the proof!

What does the bad boy give her?

The bad boy makes her feel good, bad, happy, sad, excited, terrified, miserable, frustrated, hopeful, uncertain and on and on.

The white knights' typically do themselves a disservice by predicting ahead of time what he thinks she will respond to, then seeking to provide that to her regardless of how she responds to it.

He's decided ahead of time that he will treat her well and with integrity and honor. It sounds good on paper, but he doesn't bother to consider if it will actually be effective for getting her to spread her legs for him.

Contrast that with the bad boy who for whatever reason, either intentionally or accidentally, provides her with what she has proven through her actions that she responds to most powerfully.

This is why a major step of transforming from an AFC to a man who is good with women is understanding how to recognize behaviors that she does not respond powerfully to and eliminating those behaviors, while learning what behaviors she powerfully responds to and providing them for her, whether he wants to or not. Those behaviors she responds to are inconsistent with what a white knight considers proper treatment of a lady! so those behaviors aren't an option for [his treatment of her]. He's not willing to limit his availability or let her know he met a new girl because he's improperly calibrated when it comes to how he thinks she will perceive his actions (instead of just acting then observing her reaction and adjusting accordingly).

 

[tomato]

I have nothing against men and women being friends as long as you both really want to be friends. Actually, my best female friends are ones that I'm NOT attracted to. I love their personalities, but have no interest in hooking up with them. And vice versa.

It's only a problem when a guy gets put in friendzone by a girl he IS attracted to. Then he should bail because he isn't genuinely interested in friendship, and hearing about her F-ing other guys will hurt his confidence. A guy that stays in such an friendzone arrangement while still be attracted to the girl is called an "orbiter."

What is even worse is that as an orbiter, you are probably helping some other dude keep the p*ssy he is currently getting. Allow me to explain...

1. Girl is F-ing some bad boy.

2. S*x with bad boy is hot, but he doesn't give her much attention and affection.

3. She is on the fence about breaking up with him. On one hand, the s*x rocks, but on the other hand, he is not meeting her emotional needs. He's very selfish and distant. In other words, he's a great FWB, but a terrible long term boyfriend.

4. Some nice guy is madly in love with her.

5. She puts the nice guy in friendzone because he doesn't have a ripped body, broad shoulders, height, tattoos, etc. But she lies and says it's because "He's too nice" lol. But she assures him that "He'll make SOME GIRL really happy someday" lol.

6. The nice guy (now orbiter) continues to call and text her regularly and is always there for her.

5. She LOVES the attention and having a shoulder to cry on. This nice guy is now meeting her emotional needs.

6. She decides NOT to break up with the bad boy. While she does get frustrated by lack of attention the bad boy gives her, the attention the nice guy gives her helps to compensate. Thus, THE NICE GUY MAKES THE RELATIONSHIP WITH THE BAD BOY TOLERABLE. The nice guy fills in the "emotional" piece of the relationship that was lacking with the bad boy.

7. She is now complete. She can get d*ck from the bad boy and her girly gossip/b*tching/venting sessions (about what a jerk her bf is) with the nice guy.

Optional Step:

8. The bad boy should THANK the nice guy orbiter for helping to keep his relationship together. Otherwise, he'd eventually lose his "plate" and would have to shop for new p*ss.

WOW I wish I had realised this a while back with my gf - I kept discouraging her from talking to her male orbiters because I knew exactly all that they wanted and I thought that was just sick...... But now I realise by cutting them out I drove her in to the arms of new "guy friends which led to the dangers of emotional cheating etc - GOOD POST

 

[kidsmooves]

I don't see anything crazy here. Just girls being girls, nothing out of the ordinary about anything they are writing.

I say don't fight female waves just learn to navigate with them and ultimately get what YOU want out of them.

this

I dunno how some dudes still have trouble grasping the idea that:

Similar Interests + Getting Along Great - Sexual Attraction = Friend Zone

also this

If...
girl & guy: Similar interest + Get along great - sexual attraction = friends
then there's nothing wrong, but if...
girl: Similar interest + Get along great - sexual attraction = friendzone
guy: Similar interest + Get along great + sexual attraction = girl's emotional tampon
then there's definitely something wrong there

 

[Alex DeLarge]

I can have a hot female friend, as long as I never kissed her or done anything else in the bedroom. I'll find them sexy, but can control my desires of making a move. But for those I have, sorry.. But no way!

 

[Maxtro]

Heh, I think men are pretty much the same way.

Why else would a guy spend time with a girl he's not fucking?

It's all the validation and attention.

Also, it's really hard for some men to like themselves when girls don't like them.

Men and women are a lot more similar than some people would like to admit.

 

[Alex DeLarge]

Heh, I think men are pretty much the same way.

Why else would a guy spend time with a girl he's not fucking?

It's all the validation and attention.

Also, it's really hard for some men to like themselves when girls don't like them.

Men and women are a lot more similar than some people would like to admit.

I was actually going to post something along the lines of this.. I find myself having what a lot of these women have, but the other way around. I like female attention, even if it's female friends I'm not banging, it's nice to get a physical touch like a hug, or the smell of their perfume in your presence. I don't really think it's so much a validation thing like "YEAH LOOK AT ME IM THE FVCKIN MAN LOOK AT THESE CHICKS AROUND ME" It's more that I just enjoy their presence and energy.

When I'm not around it, often I feel kinda depressed. I'm trying to move past this.. I think maybe it's the primary cause for one-itis, or perhaps the reason why every woman I date decides to just move on from me. I don't think I'm putting them on a pedestal really, they're just enjoyable to be around.

With all this being said, I'm not doing stupid AFC sh1t like buying flowers, doing favors all the time, or telling them they're beautiful. At the same time, they don't give me any bullsh1t about guys they're dating or ask me to watch chick flicks with them. They know I'm a masculine guy and I'm not into that sh1t.