Why "The Dating Market" Sucks

[Augustus_McCrae]

BeExcellent,

What you describe sounds like a business transaction. It reeks of "Power Couple".

And it sounds like pretentious horseshiz. I deal with that enough in the business world and have no desire to fill my private life with it.

But, to each his own.

-Augustus-

 

[exhausted]

You're missing the point.

The question is this: WHY BE EXCLUSIVE?

Even if you have a steady LTR.. why is f*cking other women (when you get the opportunity) off the table? Why is it off the table? WHY? This is the one question no one can answer without sounding like a faggot.

Also.. I actually enjoy my "hours" with plates. If I didn't enjoy their company they wouldn't be plates. But why do I need to have just one? Most of my male friends are in LTRs and totally whipped. I see them occasionally. I no longer have an "entourage" to see movies with, hit the bars with, go clubbing with, travel with, etc. So when I want to do one of these activities I just take a plate. But why have just ONE?

I don't cheat because it would make me feel like ****.

I pride myself on being a good guy.
I believe in karma and putting out good energy and vibes.
I believe in having a positive aura around me for myself.
It is fulfilling to have pride and dignity within yourself.
Ive banged enough randoms dont yearn for it if i have a steady girl.
Im also good enough in bed that the sexual connection improves over time and it just gets better as the girl improves in all ways.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

Lots of the men here simply do not have access a.k.a. enough value themselves to attract this kind of woman.

Pretty much the reason for the endless bickering here. If all I have is ten bucks in my wallet the only markets I can afford to buy anything will be low quality markets.

 

[BeExcellent]

BeExcellent,

What you describe sounds like a business transaction. It reeks of "Power Couple".

And it sounds like pretentious horseshiz. I deal with that enough in the business world and have no desire to fill my private life with it.

But, to each his own.

-Augustus-

I respect you quite a lot @Augustus_McCrae and I don't mean to seem snooty. The OP is arrogant in the singular filter through which he assumes his truth is THE truth. The OP is wanting to boil the mysterious, complex and infinitely multivariate dynamic of a two individual relationship between a man and a woman down to a simple minded question. Human relations are never so simple, and although there are trends and patterns there is also randomness and unpredictable factors at play. For the love of God there are happily married and LTR couples around. I know many in fact. With men who are NOT weak. But this doesn't suit the OP's agenda.

My answer on the one hand reflects the myopic nature of the question: What empirical value elements can an LTR provide? Well the power couple angle is a potential real (albiet one dimensional) benefit. My post alludes to more than that but the power couple angle has real potential benefit from a non-subjective view if you pick the right person.

The actual answer to the question:

WHY BE EXCLUSIVE?

I mean the philosophically correct answer to this is simply: BECAUSE.

 

[devilkingx2]

5-10 (average 7.5 hrs) hours a week in plate spinning costs me $1,125 weekly or $58,500 gross or $46,800 net per year in net savings. Going further I leverage commercial financing with 25% deposits, in areas in New York, where my due diligence shows that rents will increase over 300% in the next 20-25 years. Commercial real-estate (5 units+) are valued based on net operating income (rents-expenses), and thus all my R/E holdings in the next 20-25 years will appreciate a minimum of 300%. With 25% deposits on these assets, my rate of return (deposit/appreciation) is 1200% over 20-25 yrs (If anyone needs guidance in these type of plays, PM me).

Bottomline: Perpetual plate spinning costs me $46,800 per year, or $561,600 NPV per year. Plate spinning (for me) is stupid game.

it only costs you money if you take off time that you were going to work to spin plates, and honestly if you're that obsessed with working that you'd spend every waking minute on it if it weren't for the hassle and the bother of getting laid, then not only do you not really need the extra money for anything, but you're not really living in the first place.

as i always used to tell my mom and brother "what good is money if i don't have time to enjoy it?"

 

[TheFixer14]

An LTR with the right woman can do quite a lot for a man. But you need to pick the right woman. The right woman can provide the following:

-Access to her social network and the ability to increase your social and business network, especially if said woman is both hot and smart. A socially adroit alluring woman is a valuable accessory to a man and she knows it.

When you are with a socially adroit woman it garners respect, social proof and credibility to the man. Men love it when every head turns to admire the woman he walks into an event with. Women with that level of social calibration aren't sitting on every bar stool or walking down every street. High value men benefit in having a beautiful, elegant, intelligent woman in his company. She is at once an asset, an accessory and if she is charming, disarming to others. She can gather information for her man he may not otherwise have access to and the information can benefit him.

Superficial

-She is restorative to him. How this presents itself will depend based upon an individual man's needs. She will care for him and help him and attend to details in his life that therefore no longer require his time and effort.

Most women don't do this. I've never lived with a woman. But my roommate was telling me about his ex who lived with him. He'd work and pay the rent and she couldn't even cook. She would just always want to go out. Anyway, he came back home from work one day and she asked her to cook. She tried and gave up quickly saying that they should go out eating. Oh and she eventually destroyed his expensive DSLR camera and flat screen T.V.

-Provides depth of connection, sexual fulfillment (this is different from the sex act itself), love, emotional support, companionship and authenticity in his life. The more successful you become the more you value authenticity, or the absence of BS. Shysters are every where wanting to relieve you of your hard earned gains.

Most women only love a man for what they can do for her and how she makes them feel.

--She makes his life more efficient by taking things off his plate so he can concentrate on his life goals, business, creative pursuits, financial pursuits, etc.

One would just get a personal assistant because most women just complicate this. Most women seem to be annoyed by a guy who is working hard if she feels it's at the expense of the attention that is given to her.

-Basically the LTR can add value for a man who understands the time value of money as well as the expansive value of additional mental and social resources that can increase fortunes for the man in question. @guru1000 actually actively screens for this characteristic in a woman. It is rare to find an available alluring woman who has this kind of finesse. Beauty alone is much easier to find.

Tell me, where are these women?

-
Women like this understand the value they bring to the table. The value is without exception more than just looks. They will play "girl game" as some here put it and require investment and patience and perhaps exclusivity before they are willing to share everything they have to offer. They are at a high SMV position.

So, what do they truly offer? If their SMV is high it's all about their looks and sex appeal.

-
Male or female, those with much to offer have much to select from. Male or female, high SMV people do not as a general rule accept "plate" status unless it serves their own agenda to do so. Otherwise they won't accept plate status because they don't need to. I can tell you and some of the high value men around here can tell you, that finding a person who is particularly well matched is unusual. And so warrants more in depth analysis.

I agree with the first part. And while I don't advocate "plate spinning" there is a good chance that a woman wouldn't even known if she is a plate being spun by a good DJ. I agree with your last part too, finding someone who you are on the same wavelength with, be it a woman or even a man is very unusal.

-These are not people whom you simply discard any more than you'd discard a gold coin...unless of course you do not recognize or value the gold coin, but that isn't the gold coin's problem is it? Lots of the men here simply do not have access a.k.a. enough value themselves to attract this kind of woman. Just because a person hasn't experienced it doesn't mean it isn't out there.

Or they simply don't exist.

In other words the man doesn't have enough of his own ambition/goals/passions/agenda to warrant consideration by top women. Top women want to get on board with someone and help him get there. Top women will sacrifice things that would otherwise benefit them to help top men achieve their goals. Nancy Reagan was a great example of this. If a man isn't going anywhere in life the best women don't look twice at him. Why on Earth would they? They have tons of other (better) options! I contend that while the market is certainly slanted generally, it is just fine in the upper eschelons.

Get into the upper eschelons and the market issues are *poof* gone. Just like that.

LMAO. That sounds so elitist. "Top women" as in the same woman that will snort coke off of the club promoter's c0ck? The only women that will sacrifice anything for their men are in anime and Trinity in the Matrix.

And Nancy Reagan? BAHAHAHA. She stuck with him for political reasons. It would have been sh!tty to leave her once successful husband due to his disease.

Basically, almost all of what you said is a fantasy. I'd like to believe all of this. But it isn't reality.

 

[Tenacity]

Just because a person hasn't experienced it doesn't mean it isn't out there.

Excellent post, my own issue is that the high quality woman is akin to a Boxing Promoter looking for the next Floyd Mayweather, or the next Muhammad Ali.....it's like trying to find BigFoot.

Sure she is out there, but I have two choices here:

- I NEXT every woman around me with "decent enough quality" even though she's not the super high quality I want....all in favor of trying to find the one of super high quality.

- Or, I deal with the women that I can get that are "decent enough quality" because there's a GUARANTEE that this woman exists to an extent for me to get her and find her. There's absolutely no Guarantee the super high quality woman exists nor do I truly have a path laid out to find her.

So at 33, do I continue to NEXT every chick and wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, until I find the super high quality woman that I might never find? OR, do I go for "decent enough quality"?

I'm think I'm going for decent enough quality because like I said at the end of the day......these are ONLY WOMEN and women are ONLY going to provide so much value to my life, no matter if it's the super quality woman or the decent enough quality woman. I don't want to put too much time, energy, finances, and mental stress into this than I need to.

 

[devilkingx2]

Lots of the men here simply do not have access a.k.a. enough value themselves to attract this kind of woman. Just because a person hasn't experienced it doesn't mean it isn't out there.

so if i were to tell you that dragons are real, you just haven't seen one, but i have, how would you respond?

 

[BeExcellent]

Basically, almost all of what you said is a fantasy. I'd like to believe all of this. But it isn't reality.

And this ^^ is why you'll not find it. You don't think it exists. I can give real life example after example after example. It doesn't matter.

It is not common (and granted it is perhaps less common than in my age bracket even) but it does exist.

so if i were to tell you that dragons are real, you just haven't seen one, but i have, how would you respond?

Fairy tale dragons and good LTR relationships do not correlate to one another. It's not a good analogy. Dragons are false 100% of the time; true 0% of the time. Good LTR relationships are false less than 100% of the time; true greater than 0% of the time.

No human has ever seen a dragon, therefore all dragons (of the fairtale lore sort) are fantasy. In the case of these type relationships millions of them exist, millions of people have seen them. What exact percentage are successful cannot be accurately known. I've stated before that David Bowie and Iman were an excellent example, but there are many others. So it's a phenomena that is well documented and decsribed, as opposed to fairy tale creatures, which are not at all documented or described in real life.

 

[BeExcellent]

Excellent post, my own issue is that the high quality woman is akin to a Boxing Promoter looking for the next Floyd Mayweather, or the next Muhammad Ali.....it's like trying to find BigFoot.

Sure she is out there, but I have two choices here:

- I NEXT every woman around me with "decent enough quality" even though she's not the super high quality I want....all in favor of trying to find the one of super high quality.

- Or, I deal with the women that I can get that are "decent enough quality" because there's a GUARANTEE that this woman exists to an extent for me to get her and find her. There's absolutely no Guarantee the super high quality woman exists nor do I truly have a path laid out to find her.

So at 33, do I continue to NEXT every chick and wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, until I find the super high quality woman that I might never find? OR, do I go for "decent enough quality"?

I'm think I'm going for decent enough quality because like I said at the end of the day......these are ONLY WOMEN and women are ONLY going to provide so much value to my life, no matter if it's the super quality woman or the decent enough quality woman. I don't want to put too much time, energy, finances, and mental stress into this than I need to.

You have a 3rd choice. Find raw material you can work with and develop it. Mayweather wasn't that good on day one. Mad talent, yes, but refined through discipline and training and focus.

Remember from a while back you & I had a discussion about where these women are. They partly develop over time into what you want through personal growth just as we all do. It should be obvious that the better the raw material the better/faster you get the result you want from the development, but you can influence development through your leadership (training/guidance).

Next logical question is OK. How to do that? Keep doing what you are doing to improve yourself and conduct yourself in a way that is true to yourself; repair your own issues you have identified (and as you progress you'll get better at reading intrinsic characteristics in other people).

In short lead and do what is best first and foremost for @Tenacity . I don't have any quarrel with @Poon King or any other poster when he advocates for leadership, autonomy and self development/empowerment. I simply have a divergent perspective as far as definition from some.

Let's say you find a chick who meets most of your criteria but her finances are a hot mess

Aside: (this was me many years ago by the way - my Dad helped me once and then I got right back in the mess. He never helped me again. He let me struggle. I did and I am a financial success as a result of his REFUSAL to further assist me).

You can lead through your actions to model better financial habits and you may improve her through your example (and by NOT giving handouts - handouts dis-empower people). Teach her to fish instead of giving her a fish you caught.

You have to be the judge about how best to invest your time for time is the most valuable asset you possess. Should you seek raw material and try to develop it or should you look for these characteristics after they manifest? Or should you be open to either and thus increase your odds (winner winner!) and then decide about each woman in real time. Only you can determine what is best in your environs.

 

[TheFixer14]

And this ^^ is why you'll not find it. You don't think it exists. I can give real life example after example after example. It doesn't matter.

It is not common (and granted it is perhaps less common than in my age bracket even) but it does exist.[

So why go chasing something that isn't going to happen? It's probably easier to become an NFL player than it is to find the women that you describe.

 

[l_e_g_e_n_d]

Excellent post, my own issue is that the high quality woman is akin to a Boxing Promoter looking for the next Floyd Mayweather, or the next Muhammad Ali.....it's like trying to find BigFoot.

Sure she is out there, but I have two choices here:

- I NEXT every woman around me with "decent enough quality" even though she's not the super high quality I want....all in favor of trying to find the one of super high quality.

- Or, I deal with the women that I can get that are "decent enough quality" because there's a GUARANTEE that this woman exists to an extent for me to get her and find her. There's absolutely no Guarantee the super high quality woman exists nor do I truly have a path laid out to find her.

So at 33, do I continue to NEXT every chick and wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, until I find the super high quality woman that I might never find? OR, do I go for "decent enough quality"?

I'm think I'm going for decent enough quality because like I said at the end of the day......these are ONLY WOMEN and women are ONLY going to provide so much value to my life, no matter if it's the super quality woman or the decent enough quality woman. I don't want to put too much time, energy, finances, and mental stress into this than I need to.

Tenacity, I just got home from a first date. Asian girl, 27 yos, Solid HB8, Cornell MBA, first year out of school starting salary over 200K at a M&A firm. She migrated here from China five years ago, had only one relationship for five years with a guy your age who is a Harvard attorney. She's sweet, old-fashioned and innocent to the extent that her mind has not been that corrupted by feminism (yet). Her parents live in China are filthy rich and her boss is a billionaire (talk about strong networking contact for me). Sounds fictional? I'm not finished.

So I'm sitting down with here chit chatting and she is all in my face--you know when a girl has 200% IL in you and just wants to kiss you. So I kiss her. Afterwards, she turns to me and says, "I have a question for you and I want you to answer me honestly. Why do you like me? I mean, you can have any girl in the world, why me?"

LOL! She didn't even know that she was a diamond herself. So she goes to the bathroom, and at that instant, a girl, solid 9, at the table adjacent to us smiles at me says "Hi." She opens me up. I begin chatting with the girl, but then had to stop when the Asian returned. When we leave the venue, as I'm walking her to a cab, she is so nervous, she walks into a pole. LOL! She's is basically shaking while saying goodbye.

My man, I'm a good-looking guy like you, but these women treat me like a celebrity. No exaggeration. You are ten years my junior. I have always been good with women, but never to this degree. So what's the difference between me at your age and today besides significant financial growth/appreciation? I am more refined, cultured, sophisticated, and charismatic. My style is impeccable (think GQ/James Bond style). I appear as the million-dollar man in my 2-3 piece tailor-made Italian suits. Image is everything.

So what's my point? It does get easier with age if you continue improving. Forget about deadlines and lose the fear of a being the lonely old man. You will attract more, hotter, and better quality girls if you focus on some of the things that you and I have spoken about.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

My belief is tenacity already slayed 5-10 that would fit the role. If the Obamas got married, grew together and supported each other on the road to the whitehouse why would your babe need to be at her peak? Get someone who'll grow with you.

 

[l_e_g_e_n_d]

BeExcellent,

What you describe sounds like a business transaction. It reeks of "Power Couple".

And it sounds like pretentious horseshiz. I deal with that enough in the business world and have no desire to fill my private life with it.

But, to each his own.

-Augustus-

Augustus, any successfully ambitious man would be lucky to meet a woman who thinks like BE. She's a gem among men who are perceptive enough to recognize the value she could bring to a relation. You want a woman who willingly wants to join and support your mission to transcend to new financial heights, yet shows full deferential to your leadership. You want a woman who believes in you and ensures that you are maximizing your gifts and actualizing fully toward your aspirations while concomitantly making you feel and know you are the king of the castle. Such a woman is a gift, the opposite of the spoiled princess who brings nada to the table, respects only herself with the selfish desire for a free meal ticket and long-term plans to take you to the cleaners.

Really, are you nuts?

 

[Augustus_McCrae]

BeExcellent,

I have respect for you too.

And I was hoping for a chance with you after your tryst with Deesade, but looks like you and l_e_g_e_n_d have a budding Romance...

I wasn't balking at the concept of a woman recognizing and valuing a man's integrity and what he brings to the table in all aspects of his life and personality.

The same goes for a man recognizing a woman who is loyal, supportive, intelligent, honest, caring and faithful.

And for the record, I've spun plates, but at heart I'm an LTR kind of guy. Integrity, honesty and loyalty mean everything to me. And if you find a truly caring, loving, honest, loyal woman you would be a fool to discard her.

Note that I've not mentioned money in any of the qualities I've listed above. Yes, money is important. It's a tool to be used. You have to make enough money to pay your bills and put food on the table. But for me, someone's wealth or power mean nothing. I care more about the caliber of a person.

l_e_g_e_n_d, see above.

And no, I don't wear 2-3 piece tailor made Italian suits. I'm a mere commoner who settles for Joseph Bank off the rack travelers shirts. And I drive a 2012 Camry. Oh, and the woman I'm seeing has a Masters Degree and only makes 50K.

I am, however, a good-looking guy like you. (Regular sunglasses, not wayfarers...)

-Augustus-

 

[bigneil]

Men need to stay in top shape and find girls when they are still 19 or 20. Then, hold them at arm's length through their most selfish years (21 and 22) and wait until they reach 23. Don't see them too often so you don't lose the attraction. Then, you will be one of the few who knew her before she became jaded (or hopefully you prevent that from happening). At that age they are ready for a commitment, especially with a man they have loved for a long time. Also, you will really know her by then and can decide if she is relationship material. These types of relationships can be the best in my experience, as long as you never try to control her.

 

[Solomon]

Men need to stay in top shape and find girls when they are still 19 or 20. Then, hold them at arm's length through their most selfish years (21 and 22) and wait until they reach 23. Don't see them too often so you don't lose the attraction. Then, you will be one of the few who knew her before she became jaded (or hopefully you prevent that from happening). At that age they are ready for a commitment, especially with a man they have loved for a long time. Also, you will really know her by then and can decide if she is relationship material. These types of relationships can be the best in my experience, as long as you never try to control her.

whats your advice for getting rid of the gut neil?

 

[BeTheChange]

whats your advice for getting rid of the gut neil?

Eat less and exercise more....

 

[Augustus_McCrae]

Tenacity, I just got home from a first date. Asian girl, 27 yos, Solid HB8, Cornell MBA, first year out of school starting salary over 200K at a M&A firm. She migrated here from China five years ago, had only one relationship for five years with a guy your age who is a Harvard attorney. She's sweet, old-fashioned and innocent to the extent that her mind has not been that corrupted by feminism (yet). Her parents live in China are filthy rich and her boss is a billionaire (talk about strong networking contact for me). Sounds fictional? I'm not finished.

So I'm sitting down with here chit chatting and she is all in my face--you know when a girl has 200% IL in you and just wants to kiss you. So I kiss her. Afterwards, she turns to me and says, "I have a question for you and I want you to answer me honestly. Why do you like me? I mean, you can have any girl in the world, why me?"

LOL! She didn't even know that she was a diamond herself. So she goes to the bathroom, and at that instant, a girl, solid 9, at the table adjacent to us smiles at me says "Hi." She opens me up. I begin chatting with the girl, but then had to stop when the Asian returned. When we leave the venue, as I'm walking her to a cab, she is so nervous, she walks into a pole. LOL! She's is basically shaking while saying goodbye.

My man, I'm a good-looking guy like you, but these women treat me like a celebrity. No exaggeration. You are ten years my junior. I have always been good with women, but never to this degree. So what's the difference between me at your age and today besides significant financial growth/appreciation? I am more refined, cultured, sophisticated, and charismatic. My style is impeccable (think GQ/James Bond style). I appear as the million-dollar man in my 2-3 piece tailor-made Italian suits. Image is everything.

So what's my point? It does get easier with age if you continue improving. Forget about deadlines and lose the fear of a being the lonely old man. You will attract more, hotter, and better quality girls if you focus on some of the things that you and I have spoken about.

"Her parents live in China are filthy rich and her boss is a billionaire"

"These women treat me like a celebrity"

"I am more refined, cultured, sophisticated, and charismatic"

"My style is impeccable.."

"I appear as the million-dollar man..."

I'm so... Impressed.

-Augustus-

 

[BeTheChange]

Augustus, any successfully ambitious man would be lucky to meet a woman who thinks like BE. She's a gem among men who are perceptive enough to recognize the value she could bring to a relation. You want a woman who willingly wants to join and support your mission to transcend to new financial heights, yet shows full deferential to your leadership. You want a woman who believes in you and ensures that you are maximizing your gifts and actualizing fully toward your aspirations while concomitantly making you feel and know you are the king of the castle. Such a woman is a gift, the opposite of the spoiled princess who brings nada to the table, respects only herself with the selfish desire for a free meal ticket and long-term plans to take you to the cleaners.

Really, are you nuts?

And yet with all your wealth, power and good looks you haven't managed to lock down such a woman...

Ever think your expectations might not be grounded in reality? (How BeExcellent claims she behaves doesn't count, especially given she is divorced)

I know plenty of women who can talk sweet words of honey about how dedicated they are, but the truth is very different. Come back to us when you've been married to this unicorn for 10 years. I'm not interested in stories. Give us reality or nothing at all.