Why, scientifically-speaking, do nice guys finish last?

CCFCmid

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ok so a really quick brief introduction..... but seriously read up on this stuff guys...


Submissive behaviours are initiated after a perception of defeat (very important to note that it is only a perception! The difference between those who get rejected and can sarge on and those who go all AFC and submissive is that they do not PERCEIVE it as a defeat)

So here's the science... after studying social competition in animals, they observed that when competition between two males occurred the defeated male exhibited submissive depressive behaviours until they could escape the situation. This is called the involuntary defeat strategy (IDS).

The reason this happens... is that it is evolutionarily useful. Imagine I was a small gorilla who saw a bigger gorilla with a banana and thought 'Oh I like that banana, I'm going to take it'.
I would walk over try to take it and get beaten. The IDS kicks in and when I regain consciousness, this time I exhibit submissive no threat signals to the dominant male. If this IDS didn't exist.. then I would get beaten over and over and over again because I would keep competing with a dominant male for the same banana and eventually die and my genes would not survive.

See makes sense!

Problem is we ARE more developed than animals, so social defeat is no longer just about territory, food, mates, etc.

We can experience psychological defeat (where we are beaten to a psychological goal). Examples of this are losing out on a promotion to a colleague, partner getting pregnant if always wanted to not have children, being fired, friend getting hurt when we wanted to keep them safe, etc. etc.

Now apply some of this to how we work in the PU community...

We build up this big social contest to pull women, and then each time we get rejected we perceive it as a defeat (this loops and doubles if we have perceptions of 'entrapment' [e.g. I'm never going to able to pull a girl, no-ones ever going to like me, I'm never going to...]). After a perceived defeat we are hardwired, the HPA axis of the brain, to display submissive behaviours.

We need to work at changing this through changing our viewpoints, thought processes and exposure to 'rejection'.

I'm sure you can all relate to how this works in the opposite way with confidence and willingness to walk away.... it displays to women that you have had many social victories and are of high social rank

That's enough for now I think.
 

Bible_Belt

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That is fascinating. It's stuff we know, but scientifically explained.

I can see what you're talking about just over facebook status updates alone. A friend of mine from high school is just about to literally become a 40 y/o virgin; he's also a literal rocket scientist. Last Friday he posted that his work week was done, and he now had to "face another weekend of miserable loneliness." By contrast, other status updates I see, a lot of them from mma fighters who always have women, say things like "I just farted! And it smells!!! HAHAHAHA."
 

Chamber36

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CCFCmid, Is Subordination and Defeat by Sloman and Gilbert the book you meant to recommend? It's quite expensive.

Do you think a book like The Mating Mind by Geoffrey Miller would be a decent substitute?

I also saw that Mating Intelligence by Geoffrey Miller and Glenn Geher looks very up-to-date one, but these scientific books are really expensive.

Would it be sufficient to start off with "The Mating Mind", or do I the academic books really have more details?

There's also The Red Queen, The Selfish Gene and Sperm Wars, which I haven't read, but I think I understand the basic principles of sexual selection. I'm more interested in the psychological mechanisms of sexual selection.

I basically want the most compiled book with most of the information.

So is Subordination and Defeat by Sloman and Gilbert the best book we could read, or would "The Mating Mind" be sufficient?
 

patrick.de

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do you know where to find price et sloman's publications?
i am a psych student so i might be able to find something in our library but doubt it.
 
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