Why not start as friends and go from there?

[Kourt]

simply put, Why not start as friends and go from there?

 

[Gangster Of Love]

Because hot chix don't feel attraction for their "friends." If you go there, you are quickly categorized as one of their girl-friends.

 

[il_duce]

To answer quickly:

Because, once she groups you into the "friends" category, it's very hard for you to get out. Unless her interest level in you was very high from the get-go, don't count on sexing her, ever.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Men are genetically (naturally) designed to pursue women solely for romantic and mating purposes!! This is embedded in your testosterone level as a man and sexual drive!!

 

[ManOMan]

In a perfect world, thats how it would be. In the pre-1920's-50's thats what it was all about

Women were taught to value a guy who was nice, treated them good, was respectable, had honor, etc

somewhere along the lines, the nice guy-friends thing lost its potency & attraction

friends & nice guys became undesireable to women (maybe its the womens sexual revolution, or maybe women were discontent with their lives with the boring frends/nice guy)

Now dont get me wrong, if you have a friend, and there is the right chemistry GO for it, thats a real good thing

but trying to be a womans "friend" initially to get into her pants is more deceptive and undesireable than the proverbial jerk

 

[DankNuggs]

Originally posted by Kourt
simply put, Why not start as friends and go from there?

Because the term "friend" "boyfriend" "FBuddy" or whathaveyou are just LABELS...They are there to infer meaning and boundaries to a relationship....A girl that is seriously considering you wants no boundaries to impede the potential for something to happen....

Any girl serious about you will mention nothing about being 'friends first.' she say this because she wants you to know not to try anything physical with her....

 

[WestCoaster]

Because U.S. women are stupid

American women are so black and white in their thinking. Friendship = nonrelationship and bad. Guy who treats me bad = good.

Trust me, this practice isn't going on at most places around the world.

American women do not understand the depths of friendship, commitment, being there for someone through the good times and bad. That's what a friend is, and I know because I have a lot of friends.

The high divorce rate in this country, IMO, can be blamed on a few things. One being AFCs who do not know what they want in a woman. Two, women who do not understand or value the term "friendship" in a relationship.

Crossing over from the friendship zone to a relationship is near impossible in the U.S. The ones I know who have done it have the strongest relationships of them all.

American women deserve these bad boys they crave.

 

[Life-Trainee]

/\ you're right. I used to live in the Eastern Europe for a while. Women there are completely different. Different values, appoaches etc. People are relatively more mature there as well and know what they want. Although, in the recent years those countries did suffer Westernization. Deconstruction of old values has begun.

 

[myfriendblu]

LOL, because if that actually worked, this forum wouldn't exist. the very fact that this forum does exist and get hundreds of thousands of hits pretty much proves that the friend before GF thing doesn't work.

Again newbie, this is all covered in the bible

 

[Kourt]

meh, thanks. . . I think?

 

[DJ_Dork]

There is no such thing as friends first. If the chemistry wasn't there then nope. Usually two people meet up, find each other interesting.. and then they go together. If you're the shy type of guy that doesn't want to declare "Let's go out on a date" then you'll have to seduce her by using DJ methods. In other words you are forcing her to approach you so it makes it easier. (GIRLS, read this tip.. if you like a guy and he likes you too.. but he's shy about things.. guess what if you were considerate you would be playing the "man role" unfortunately 25% of these non-beotch girls are like this.. the rest require you to be upfront) But all in all.. men are supposed to be doing the approaching.

 

[Walk this Way]

Oh come on, I've traveled a lot in my life, and women are women. DJ tactics appeal to a woman's gut instinct - you can't possibly convince me that something like that changes from place to place.

And sometimes I honestly don't understand the difference between friend, lover, and potential lover. A guy and a girl I know are ALWAYS talking about sex and the guy is making the girl laugh all the time, yet they never take it further. It's a really weird kind of borderline position. You hear of best friends getting happily married yet you also hear of friends who never become lovers.

 

[Sting]

I disagree with the theme running through the responses to the original poster that it's bad to start off as friends. Whether or not it is bad all depends on who does the categorizing as "friends."

As DJ_Dork put it, chemistry is a necessity to taking something beyond the friend stage. However, chemistry is not required on your part, but on hers. Thus, if she is attracted to you, then you have the power to decide whether to put her in the friends category or the "something more" category. If she's attracted to you, her attraction level will likely remain high if you don't do anything that changes her perception of you. This scenario is most common where you are more attractive than her, or where you have something she wants and can't get elsewhere without significant effort on her part.

If or when you decide that you want something more from her, then it's you, not her, that can decide to take her (and therefore yourself) out of the friends zone.

 

[playfulboy]

Oh come on, I've traveled a lot in my life, and women are women. DJ tactics appeal to a woman's gut instinct - you can't possibly convince me that something like that changes from place to place.

Australian women are VERY different to US women. We don't tend to do the dating thing here - we go straight from meeting into relationships. I like very strong willed, independant women, but because they have always needed to chase me rather than the other way around, the relationships have been lots of fun and free of BS. And we tend to become great friends along the way.

A guy and a girl I know are ALWAYS talking about sex and the guy is making the girl laugh all the time, yet they never take it further. It's a really weird kind of borderline position.

My best friend is female, we share all our dirty gossip about fbckbuddies or partners, check out members of the opposite sex together and when we're out in public, people generally think we're an item because we're always so affectionate to each other with hugs, hand-holding and kissing each other (anywhere but the lips).

It's a great situation - a spunky girl that I can ask questions about females to, who raises the IL of other women in the room because she's so affectionate to me and who will share my bed and snuggle up when we've been out late.

It will never turn from friends to lovers, though if it did we would have a rock solid relationship to build on - no secrets, all the BS bypassed through the friendship.

And for all of you who are shouting "don't give away all your secrets, keep some mystery", don't worry, she knows most of my bedroom secrets (and readilly admits to getting wet at some of my stories), but every couple of months she finds out about things I achieved before I met her and sees me constantly achieving new things, so her IL as a friend remains just as high 2 years on there is still a sense that she hasn't even scratched the tip of the iceberg despite knowing lots about me.

A final comment - yes it's hard to move from friendship to lover, but in my opinion, it's essential to make your lover your friend as well if you ever want to build a long-standing relationship - women are humans too.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by Kourt
simply put, Why not start as friends and go from there?

Why not cut to the chase when you come across a woman when the attraction and IL is mutual? What's wrong with intense passion early on?

Just curious...

 

[WestCoaster]

Passion will last for just a little while

If you're madly passionate about each other that's great for a fling but somewhere down the road you better have some similar interests, you must have that friendship aspect which is willing to help a person out when the going is good or bad, and you must have the same temperment.

This hottie I knew in grad school told me she married this guy she was friends with for a year and never looked at him as a lover until late in the game. I said, "Gee, most women I know don't marry their friends."

She gives me this puzzled look like, "What are you talking about?"

Then I remembered: She was from Venuzulea. Different attitudes than the classic American beyotch.

But if you just have passion and get married and 10 years down the road the woman is about as interesting as a doorknob, then you're in trouble.

 

[ScrewIt]

why didnt your post just say....from chemistry to friends??

many idiots and AFC's may have had chemistry w/a girl form the start. but down the line they messed up and the girl started to see them in the light of friendship.

this is where they may consider you not as attractive as she thought she did. hell even as friends its possible for the girl to have a high IL in you. that's how you guys can be the best of friends. but if you want that girl to be yours. then you've gotta make her see you in another light. If hse has high IL in you that's a good sign, the thing that must exist is the chemistry once again.

it's not that easy as all things take time to build, you might have to wait a yr or longer before you guys actually build up chemistry for each other's company.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

If two people can not keep up the passion in their relationship, they should never have become involved beyond friendship. Having similar interests is fine, but without passion the relationship becomes mundane. Then each person starts taking the other for granted. If either of the people have a lack of self control, they may seek the excitement (passion) of another person. Unfortunately that happens more often than not.

 

[becker]

The one time I can see this being successful is when the guy and girl initially are attracted to each other and the "friends" thing is merely a way to facilitate the development of the relationship, sort of like a halfway point in the process of becoming something more serious. While in this "friends" stage, it will be as though both of you are good friends and nothing more, although there will be sexual tension between you and there will also be flirting going on, however innocent it is.

If this is the case, then there will be no problem transitioning between "friends" and "relationship" because it was on its way to happening anyways. Do you see what I mean?

This process will work well if you are both attracted to each other from the start, and as long as she likes being around you, you can nurture the relationship. After all, how the heck do you plan on building the relationship if you can't be around each other enough to really do any building?

 

[Walk this Way]

Originally posted by playfulboy

My best friend is female, we share all our dirty gossip about fbckbuddies or partners, check out members of the opposite sex together and when we're out in public, people generally think we're an item because we're always so affectionate to each other with hugs, hand-holding and kissing each other (anywhere but the lips).

It's a great situation - a spunky girl that I can ask questions about females to, who raises the IL of other women in the room because she's so affectionate to me and who will share my bed and snuggle up when we've been out late.

It will never turn from friends to lovers, though if it did we would have a rock solid relationship to build on - no secrets, all the BS bypassed through the friendship.

And for all of you who are shouting "don't give away all your secrets, keep some mystery", don't worry, she knows most of my bedroom secrets (and readilly admits to getting wet at some of my stories), but every couple of months she finds out about things I achieved before I met her and sees me constantly achieving new things, so her IL as a friend remains just as high 2 years on there is still a sense that she hasn't even scratched the tip of the iceberg despite knowing lots about me.

A final comment - yes it's hard to move from friendship to lover, but in my opinion, it's essential to make your lover your friend as well if you ever want to build a long-standing relationship - women are humans too.

haha, exactly, I have friends like that who spend more time with me than they do with their boyfriends... So you two will always be just friends? A single spark could change the whole situation, and yet that will probably never happen?