Why not start as friends and go from there?

[Cremasta]

Originally posted by Kourt
simply put, Why not start as friends and go from there?

Yes, absolutely! But if you don't try to 'go from there' by the second date, then you will be stuck as a friend. Make some moves before you develop into a comfortable friendship.

 

[Kourt]

sounds good to me

 

[Life-Trainee]

I considered this strategy once. I made friends with this chick at work. When I asked her out she got shocked as if a thunder has hit her. She gave me some excuse about being in a relationship etc etc.. I never talked to her since.

 

[DreamerZZ35]

Re: Re: Why not start as friends and go from there?

Originally posted by Cremasta
Yes, absolutely! But if you don't try to 'go from there' by the second date, then you will be stuck as a friend. Make some moves before you develop into a comfortable friendship.

Genereally speaking women have two catagories Potential and no way. Freinds (as in just friends) are in the no way catagory. What is triping people up is all of the so called examples of guys who were friends and now are lovers..... what you are missing is she ALWAYS viewed him as a potential. A lot of women who are in relationships wont ACT on that because of the husband or BF... doesnt change the fact that he was ALWAYS in the potential catagory.

When you start things off as a friend you are communicating that YOU don't see her as a lover.... Not exactly the message you want to send...

 

[playfulboy]

haha, exactly, I have friends like that who spend more time with me than they do with their boyfriends...

It can make it hard - I've had a few boyfriends who are jealous of our closeness with this female friend and others. But if a guy sees us being affectionate to each other before he starts dating her, he knows what he's in for and most of those female friends won't put up with an even vaugely jealous boyfriend.

So you two will always be just friends? A single spark could change the whole situation, and yet that will probably never happen?

Will we always be just friends? Who knows. There is a lot of spark, we spend a lot of time together on a social level and now playing in a band together. The only way for the rules to change is for her to decide it's time to be seduced - she knows I would happily "take her on" (she knows she had to win my approval) but I've never pushed the issue.

Last night we went and saw a band together, came back to my place, curled up around each other in bed and chatted.

Her : I think a lot of people tonight thought we were an item.

Me : Does it worry you?

Her : No, but I think it might make it harder for you to find a girlfriend if they think you're with me.

Me : And how about you finding a guy?

Her : There's no-one I've found recently that's up to my standards.

Me : Your standards? What do you have to offer a guy in return - what makes you worth the chase?

Her : -silence- and then change of subject.

I pretty much class that conversation as meaning "I don't even consider you in the equation as far as sexual relationships go."

It's no biggie - I woke up with her beside me, we made ham and cheese croisants and spent the morning snuggling, chatting and drinking coffee.

I would rather a female friend who will be like that for the rest of our lives, than to ever risk screwing it up by attempting to push it beyond friends. Sex is nice, but real intimacy and honesty are priceless.

 

[Duke]

Originally posted by becker
The one time I can see this being successful is when the guy and girl initially are attracted to each other and the "friends" thing is merely a way to facilitate the development of the relationship, sort of like a halfway point in the process of becoming something more serious. While in this "friends" stage, it will be as though both of you are good friends and nothing more, although there will be sexual tension between you and there will also be flirting going on, however innocent it is.

If this is the case, then there will be no problem transitioning between "friends" and "relationship" because it was on its way to happening anyways. Do you see what I mean?

This process will work well if you are both attracted to each other from the start, and as long as she likes being around you, you can nurture the relationship. After all, how the heck do you plan on building the relationship if you can't be around each other enough to really do any building?

You're right, Becker. What you described above is EXACTLY what's going on right now with me.

Friendship as a transitional stage used to build comfort and rapport is A-OK as long as you're both attracted to each other. Avoid AFC mistakes, and you shouldn't be categorized as a "Justfriend.

 

[becker]

Duke, I'm glad to see that you've experienced this also. This is what happened to me the with the first GF that I ever had. She was always just a friend, although there was a bit of tension sometimes, but I never really acknowledged it too much. Then, it just kept building until we were together. Before that though, we were friends, who would talk on the phone all the time (I hated that, BTW, but it was fun talking to her sometimes, and it sort of fueled the tension a bit because she started talking more like she was interested in me, like saying what a sexy voice I have, etc.). I wouldn't recommend the phone thing too much though, probably because I hate talking on the phone. I was with this girl for a year before I had to break it off. As I learned more about her, I discovered that there was no way I'd have anything lasting with her.