There's another interpretation to the "nice guy" theory presented in the article above and many others. They confuse cause with effect. In other words, the guy can get away with being "a jerk" or not nice guy, or even mistreat her, because the girl is already in love with him or greatly attached to him. The same thing happens to guys who are similarly attached to a girl (or "oneitis").
"Why Nice Guys Fail with Women"
- Thread starter BigFoot
- Start date
penkitten
Master Don Juan
not exactly.
you must be charming and sweet on us in the begining, but show your jerkiness even then.
you can not wait til later to become the jerk.
does that make sense?
you must be charming and sweet on us in the begining, but show your jerkiness even then.
you can not wait til later to become the jerk.
does that make sense?
penkitten
Master Don Juan
yes!
so when a chick says , you are too nice for me i dont deserve you = means = stand up for yourself pvssy. i dont like that.
and if you are only "acting " nice to later loose it and turn into a jerk because you feel comfortable enough to ... we will tell everyone you turned into an ass hole and dump you.
Good points Penkitten. What i'm saying is
when Dave D. says something like
She did not get that way because of his mistreatment.
when Dave D. says something like
cause and effect have been switched around. The guy can get away with not treating her very well because she's already "gone" on him.
She did not get that way because of his mistreatment.
penkitten
Master Don Juan
thats why they say it nicely.
penkitten
Master Don Juan
but she isnt gonna fall for a totally nice guy either.
penkitten
Master Don Juan
more or less
I hate the term nice guy. I prefer doormat.
I know a guy who is like that: do anything for anyone, won't rock the boat, and will apologize if he has a different opinion than someone else. But inside you can see the frustration with life...you know every night he's wondering why things don't go his way...they should right? He's doing everything for everyone.
...wrong! He's spineless. Instead of standing up for himself, he lays down over the puddles EXPECTING people to PAY HIM BACK after they walk over him....
Do you ever feel you need to pay back the favor for your doormat? No. Its a piece of rug.
When people are doormats, they are rugs. Objects.
I know a guy who is like that: do anything for anyone, won't rock the boat, and will apologize if he has a different opinion than someone else. But inside you can see the frustration with life...you know every night he's wondering why things don't go his way...they should right? He's doing everything for everyone.
...wrong! He's spineless. Instead of standing up for himself, he lays down over the puddles EXPECTING people to PAY HIM BACK after they walk over him....
Do you ever feel you need to pay back the favor for your doormat? No. Its a piece of rug.
When people are doormats, they are rugs. Objects.
penkitten
Master Don Juan
by acting this way, even if he is sincere , it demeans him and ppl see him as a doormat and dont wanna think about long term with someone who wont stand up for himself.
if you cant stand up for yourself, how would you stand up for a chick or a wife or some kids one day?
penkitten
Master Don Juan
its like a subconsious thing, we are not always aware of .
but yes we want a guy to like us and be sweet to us, but we want to see him stand up for himself, with us, with other people etc. we like to see men be leaders or take charge of situations.
act like an adult in these situations at all times.
no cry baby fits.
if you put your foot down , ok but give a reasonable response to as why you are, dont just say "because i said so" cause that is childish.
penkitten
Master Don Juan
ok
its a little hard to describe but i think you got the picture
its a little hard to describe but i think you got the picture
women are vulnerable.
you are a tool women can use to protect themselves.
the more you value this women has the more you will protect her.
she will make herself more of a prize (sexiness) and will seek validation that you are her prize (e.g lots of attention from you, gifts etc)
if she doesn't get this validation she will try harder to make herself the prize. esp if other women are competing for the same protector.
if she finds out later that you are not a good protector she will find a new one.
(nice guy)
a guy who values a women highly but she finds out sooner or later that he is weak. Depending on the women she may find out straight away or it may take years.
(DJ)
a guy who demonstrates that he is a good protector but doesn't value the women highly. Therefor the onus is on the women to make the guy value her.
you are a tool women can use to protect themselves.
the more you value this women has the more you will protect her.
she will make herself more of a prize (sexiness) and will seek validation that you are her prize (e.g lots of attention from you, gifts etc)
if she doesn't get this validation she will try harder to make herself the prize. esp if other women are competing for the same protector.
if she finds out later that you are not a good protector she will find a new one.
(nice guy)
a guy who values a women highly but she finds out sooner or later that he is weak. Depending on the women she may find out straight away or it may take years.
(DJ)
a guy who demonstrates that he is a good protector but doesn't value the women highly. Therefor the onus is on the women to make the guy value her.
penkitten
Master Don Juan
this seems pretty accurate:cheer:
