Why men can't detach themselves from dysfunctional relationships?

[corrector]

I'm just glad I am the dumping biches these days and not them dumping me, then going off to ride chad.

When I sense things going sideways, I'm ready to make an exit.

It doesn't matter who dumps who. If she's making things too toxic and you have cause to dump her, or you found out something too shocking about her past, then how is that different if she dumps you over nonsense? It's the same thing. You may as well call it "constructive dumping" when you dump her with cause. (if you quit your job it's called a constuctive dismissal if you feel forced to quit).

 

[jaygreenb]

This applies to me at the moment except it’s just my ego keeping me attached to a dysfunctional woman. 6 months ago I was a different person: trying to get her to change and losing my self. I finally told her I’m done and I’m gonna see other women. I’m doing just that.

It flipped the script and she’s been begging for us to “start over”. I’m checked out but occasionally entertain her on my terms for some s*x and not much else. At this point I can barely stand to be around her long enough for that.

She can’t handle being treated like that (hypocritical yes, and a taste of her own medicine) and she keeps saying she wants to go no contact if this is how it’s gonna be. That really is the best for both of us, but my ego likes her chasing me and likes having her on the hook.

How do you get over your ego and let a chick go?

Would just say be careful you aren't lying to yourself about the illusion of having control. We have all been there but if you did you would leave and close that door for good. If you consider yourself as someone who has morals and integrity, do not sacrifice that in a tit for tat exchange. You just have to sack up and do it, understand if there are a lot of highs and lows you will have withdrawals similar to drugs. Strict no contact, blocked everywhere, workout every day, possibly therapy, do a lot of self improvement. There is no special ego trick, it also probably has to do with some self worth issues and fear

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

My last marriage was highly dysfunctional, I stayed much longer than I should’ve to insure that my children had a nuclear home.

Outcomes for young women are particularly affected by having a strong father in a nuclear family - and I made that sacrifice to insure that.

Everyone has their own reasons for staying longer than they should’ve.

 

[RickPound]

Exactly. Imagine her laughing away together with some new chad-dude while all you are left with are the memories of the nice times you've had together with her.

It ain’t like that. I won’t be pining over her wishing I was the other guy remembering the good times at all - in fact I would feel bad for the other guy. I’m realizing it’s a pure ego thing - she’s hot AF. Throw on a bit of withdrawal from the highs and lows, and there you have hit.

 

[RickPound]

Would just say be careful you aren't lying to yourself about the illusion of having control. We have all been there but if you did you would leave and close that door for good. If you consider yourself as someone who has morals and integrity, do not sacrifice that in a tit for tat exchange. You just have to sack up and do it, understand if there are a lot of highs and lows you will have withdrawals similar to drugs. Strict no contact, blocked everywhere, workout every day, possibly therapy, do a lot of self improvement. There is no special ego trick, it also probably has to do with some self worth issues and fear

This is where the answers are. I just need to dig deeper. I’m close but have more work to do.

 

[Ricky]

have alot to write about this based on my challenges of the last couple of years. Will return back to this thread

 

[BeExcellent]

Two words:

Trauma Bonding.

 

[soulforge]

You guys probably remember me posting on here regarding that Russian chick. Damn that was an example of not able to let go of a dysfunctional relationship.

In my case it was genuinely scarcity mindset, in the sense that she was super hot.

Massive ego thing too. We guys don't want to lose that and no matter how bad things get it how much advice we get, we still cling on to hope for some Change.

I consider myself lucky that I dropped her and walked away after maybe 6-7 months l, some poor guy ends with girls like this for years and even gives her a kid.

 

[soulforge]

Would be great to discuss this topic as this is something that has been on my mind for quite a long time.

I have friends, best friends that actually have relationships. Some of them are 4 years some of them 10 years.

What I see is pure sadness. Arguments all day, no communication, and no sex. Yet they still stay for more.

Are these men dysfunctional? Probably. Are these men insecure and f3ucked up with no choices around them? Probably.

Been there and done that, a 4-year dysfunctional relationship destroyed my mentality, confidence, and my life. Ended it, and moved on. Was it hard? f3uck it was hard. The chick did not want to break up, she was showing up at my house, begging and pleading making things even more dramatic. Once I decided I'm out I was out.

The question here is why all these men don't leave these f3ucked up relationships?

My personal answer is simple.

They can't. They were born and raised in dysfunctional families. They had this pattern growing up and they got used to this environment. This is how I was 7 years ago.

I don't judge them. But I encourage anyone who is in this situation to move on. I did wonders for my energy, confidence, and general quality of life.

My question is, how do they end up together for 4-5 years. Surely if the relationship is that dysfunctional they would be splitting up from time to time.

 

[Learning Curve]

You guys probably remember me posting on here regarding that Russian chick. Damn that was an example of not able to let go of a dysfunctional relationship.

In my case it was genuinely scarcity mindset, in the sense that she was super hot.

Massive ego thing too. We guys don't want to lose that and no matter how bad things get it how much advice we get, we still cling on to hope for some Change.

I consider myself lucky that I dropped her and walked away after maybe 6-7 months l, some poor guy ends with girls like this for years and even gives her a kid.

Don't be hard on yourself. When a chick is hot, the male insecurity instinct kicks in. (i will not be able to find another one like this) it's normal.

I have this now sometimes, as i'm dating a new chick in my eyes she is a 9. Hot body, smart, funny, and overall package of what I want.

But I'm always trying to detach myself as much as possible from this mindset. She is chasing me most of the time the communication is 80% her 20% me. As long as it stays that way and she gets attached I have nothing to fear and I can gradually increase my interest towards her.

I have been with hot chicks before, let me tell you most of them are f3ucked up. Yes the sex can be good but you end up in a f3ucked up relationship because all you look at is the visual which is normal. We as men are visual creatures.

Give me a hot 10 and I don't care about anything else, but this is why this thread was created. You have to surpass that visual mentality and add the logical sequence to your thinking.

This is the tricky part.

 

[soulforge]

How many of you actually kinda knew from like the very first few dates or first month of dating that she was likely going to be toxic?

Hell I figured mine out after maybe 2 months.. However something I ALWAYS struggle with when it comes to certain chicks.

They half this side which is quite toxic, and this other part that is extremely kind and loving!

My Russian ex was perfect in many ways, but every couple of weeks the ugly toxic part would rear it's head.

I kinda get to the point where i expected that little toxic part of her, in order to enjoy that loving caring part of her.

Seemed like a fair trade, up until the stress and anxiety/ arguments go up a notch.

 

[Learning Curve]

What I have developed is some screening techniques to remove this kind of women from my life.

1. Usually not answering a text right away screens pretty well their reactions. (If she gets butthurt or acts as a dramatic b1tch.)
2. Let her also pay on dates and see how she reacts.
3. Cancel a date on her, tell her something came up, and reschedule for the next day. (this is a good one)
4. Does she roll with your decisions? or she tries to change every single plan everywhere and be over-masculine? (This also screens the woman if she can be in her feminine. I hate masculine women that act as the man of the relationship big-turnoff)

The challenge is they can hide all these traits at the beginning you need to really dig deep if you are serious about the chick.

 

[tightgrp]

Would be great to discuss this topic as this is something that has been on my mind for quite a long time.

I have friends, best friends that actually have relationships. Some of them are 4 years some of them 10 years.

What I see is pure sadness. Arguments all day, no communication, and no sex. Yet they still stay for more.

Are these men dysfunctional? Probably. Are these men insecure and f3ucked up with no choices around them? Probably.

Been there and done that, a 4-year dysfunctional relationship destroyed my mentality, confidence, and my life. Ended it, and moved on. Was it hard? f3uck it was hard. The chick did not want to break up, she was showing up at my house, begging and pleading making things even more dramatic. Once I decided I'm out I was out.

The question here is why all these men don't leave these f3ucked up relationships?

My personal answer is simple.

They can't. They were born and raised in dysfunctional families. They had this pattern growing up and they got used to this environment. This is how I was 7 years ago.

I don't judge them. But I encourage anyone who is in this situation to move on. I did wonders for my energy, confidence, and general quality of life.
[/QU

They are afraid they wont get another relationship. We need to b1tchslap some sense into them.

Sentence 1: Also probably never been alone or without someone significant in their life from the time they were babies.

Sentence 2: Waste of time. Can't fix stupid. Can only fix itself when it's ready to learn.

 

[The Duke]

The two most beautiful girls I've been with were also dysfunctional. I stayed longer than I should have because I was highly attracted to them and there was a good side to them. Also, the really crazy one was also amazing in the bedroom. At the end of the day they had many traits I did like and were good people.

 

[soulforge]

The two most beautiful girls I've been with were also dysfunctional. I stayed longer than I should have because I was highly attracted to them and there was a good side to them. Also, the really crazy one was also amazing in the bedroom. At the end of the day they had many traits I did like and were good people.

That is what makes it difficult. When they have this super sweet caring/loving side... But it's not consistent..

 

[Divorced w 3]

The two most beautiful girls I've been with were also dysfunctional. I stayed longer than I should have because I was highly attracted to them and there was a good side to them. Also, the really crazy one was also amazing in the bedroom. At the end of the day they had many traits I did like and were good people.

Yup. That’s what I’m learning about this one now. She has such a sweet side. But she’s got a screw loose somewhere. We are learning as we go. I’m just not putting my resources in right now or effort like I used to. I’m just going to watch it play out.

 

[IKO69]

Honestly man the hotter a chick is the harder it is to Walk away from her dysfunctionality.

For most average men, landing and getting into a relationship with a hottie is like winning the fukin lottery. It happens very very rarely.

Once you got that hot chick, your always in a scarcity mindset,. because you know you ain't getting a baddie again for a really long time.

It's mostly down to a lack of options and us men are extremely territorial creatures.

We know for a fact that if we dump this toxic chick, within weeks she will be riding some new dik who is probably the bigger and better deal. And probably fuks her better too.

These thoughts stop us from giving up on a chick. We live in hope that things will somehow get better.

Man I have experienced this quite recently. I'm a 47 year old man, dating a 24 year old hot super slim body Russian chick.

Bro I know I ain't getting that kinda baddie again, especially that kinda age unless I become millionaire. Letting go of chicks like that is damn difficult

Many women are replaceable, even hot one's. There's not a shortage of them - If you did it once, you can do it again (finding another hot one). You should never compromise your principles because of *****. The f*cking you are getting now isn't going to be worth the feeling of being f*cked later when it goes to **** (and probably results in you being the one heartbroken after getting dumped) --- the issue when you start letting things slide because of ***** is undoubtedly you are no longer on your A game. You don't check her when she does things that you previously said you didn't tolerate (she understands and is aware of all this) and she knows she just has to wag her vag in front of you and she can get out of practically anything. Not only does she begin to resent and lose respect for you over time over how she's able to manipulate you, but if she's toxic to begin with, it just draws out her worst/creates more drama.

I too have made the above mistake when I was younger. I did not know better, but in almost ever case I was able to find someone better and just as attractive (if not more). I've dumped a few gf's who got testy and tried to complicate things. A lot of times it left their head spinning and they couldn't believe it.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Many women are replaceable, even hot one's. There's not a shortage of them - If you did it once, you can do it again (finding another hot one). You should never compromise your principles because of *****. The f*cking you are getting now isn't going to be worth the feeling of being f*cked later when it goes to **** (and probably results in you being the one heartbroken after getting dumped) --- the issue when you start letting things slide because of ***** is undoubtedly you are no longer on your A game. You don't check her when she does things that you previously said you didn't tolerate (she understands and is aware of all this) and she knows she just has to wag her vag in front of you and she can get out of practically anything. Not only does she begin to resent and lose respect for you over time over how she's able to manipulate you, but if she's toxic to begin with, it just draws out her worst/creates more drama.

I too have made the above mistake when I was younger. I did not know better, but in almost ever case I was able to find someone better and just as attractive (if not more). I've dumped a few gf's who got testy and tried to complicate things. A lot of times it left their head spinning and they couldn't believe it.

I literally found this place after a major case of ONEItis mid divorce and man has it been an oasis.

 

[soulforge]

Many women are replaceable, even hot one's. There's not a shortage of them - If you did it once, you can do it again (finding another hot one). You should never compromise your principles because of *****. The f*cking you are getting now isn't going to be worth the feeling of being f*cked later when it goes to **** (and probably results in you being the one heartbroken after getting dumped) --- the issue when you start letting things slide because of ***** is undoubtedly you are no longer on your A game. You don't check her when she does things that you previously said you didn't tolerate (she understands and is aware of all this) and she knows she just has to wag her vag in front of you and she can get out of practically anything. Not only does she begin to resent and lose respect for you over time over how she's able to manipulate you, but if she's toxic to begin with, it just draws out her worst/creates more drama.

I too have made the above mistake when I was younger. I did not know better, but in almost ever case I was able to find someone better and just as attractive (if not more). I've dumped a few gf's who got testy and tried to complicate things. A lot of times it left their head spinning and they couldn't believe it.

You make a fair point. I'm actually smashing better quality chicks (looks wise) now in my 40s than when I was younger, and I'm in better shape too than even in my 30s.

You are absolutely right about letting things/incidents slide with chicks. If she plays up, check her once, maybe twice, if it continues she must go.

I know personally I'm a little more lenient with the hotter chicks, but even then 3 strikes and they are out.

Some chicks are pretty toxic from the get go, like from the starting line, my Russian ex was pretty much hard work from Day One.

And yeh I have her one too many chance, but she's old news now. I'm just glad I didn't get her pregnant as she was 24 years old and wanting to have children.

 

[IKO69]

You make a fair point. I'm actually smashing better quality chicks (looks wise) now in my 40s than when I was younger, and I'm in better shape too than even in my 30s.

You are absolutely right about letting things/incidents slide with chicks. If she plays up, check her once, maybe twice, if it continues she must go.

I know personally I'm a little more lenient with the hotter chicks, but even then 3 strikes and they are out.

Some chicks are pretty toxic from the get go, like from the starting line, my Russian ex was pretty much hard work from Day One.

And yeh I have her one too many chance, but she's old news now. I'm just glad I didn't get her pregnant as she was 24 years old and wanting to have children.

That's good man. Sounds like you know what you are doing.