why have relatinships with girls when you know they won't last?

[jbbrain]

I have a rant, and this rant is directed not only to my current LTR, but to all relationships that are based solely on the present and with no considerations of the future.

Believe me, I'm a big proponent of "living in the now", and enjoying things while they last, but why do we emotionally involve ourselves with girls we know we'll never have anything "substantial" with?

Or am I totally wrong in believing this? Does the magic of the moment necessarily entail mystery? Do we engage in relationships because we never really know where they're going to take us?

Being the ever so reflective don juan that I am, I started thinking long and hard about this tonight. I'm with this girl Ewa, a super sweet and sincere girl who I like very much, and who likes me too. We've been seeing eachother seriously since the beginning of November and we've been living out the essence of "enjoying the moment"..we barely ever discuss the future, but we laugh, we have fun, we have amazing sex, IN THE NOW. We know we're commited to eachother, but it's like we're either too afraid or too comfortable to ever mention anything as frightening as "the future", my future holding this for me:

I'm graduating in about a week, while she still has another year and a half to go. She'll be in school when I plan to go to India in March for a month. After that, I plan to come back home and then fvck off again to Barcelona for about 5 months. All these plans that will most likely NOT INVOLVE HER.

So, I dare ask my fellow DJ's. Why am i with this girl? I know I like her, but how can I honestly let myself become emotionally involved with a person when I know the future means our separation? Do we get ourselves in relationships for the sole purpose of experience? To learn things now that will make things easier for us in the future? Don't you think viewing relationships as simply "experience" discredits them completely? Why on earth should an exclusive commitment to a girl you have strong feelings for NEVER go all the way?

I think we get into relationships for all the wrong reasons. I'm just starting to see now that sharing a relationship with somone else, sharing a bond of intimacy and emotion, is a terribly serious thing. One should not get into them lightly, for your, as well as your woman's, emotions are at stake.

I unfortunately feel that my current LTR will fall under the "experience" category, and it won't be because of internal problems, but rather because of exterior influences..because I'm 22 and I have a life.

Because of this, I question why I'm in a relationship in the first place, and my lack of credible answers honestly makes me sad.

 

[Blurred Elevens]

A consistant, reliable piece of a$$ never hurts. And, oh yeah, your in the comfort zone, you'd nail another girl being in the relationship you're in, why fvck that up? Have yo cake and eat it too!

 

[Aramas]

The purpose of relationships is to learn from the experience and so become more mature, together and better in the sack in the next one

 

[jakethasnake]

jbbrain,


I think circumstantial events (such as moving away) ending relationships are different from relationships that end because of events that are within your control - like fidelity or keeping it fresh. If one cheats in a relationship - you just fvcked up, plain and simple. The events were within your control but you just let it go to hell.


But with being at different points in your lives, such as graduation, re-location, having children, marriage, etc. -- that's just bad timing. You might have been perfect for each other in other circumstances. So don't beat yourself up over it.


Before you move away after graduation, you need to make a decision. You must decide whether or not you want to stay with her even in your absense (and thus stay celibate during your soujourns to India and Spain), or whether to leave her. If you have no confidence that you (and for that matter the both of you - you need to ascertain whether she is willing to put up with the distance for several months) can keep your hands off other boys and girls, then -- you just aren't at the same point in your lives. Move on. It's an uncomfortable situation to be in - being forced by circumstance to make important life-changing decisions - but you have to man-up and do it.

 

[Deadpan]

Why not kill yourself, when you'll just end up dead eventually anyways?

Come on, man, live for the moment.

 

[diplomatic_lies]

Girlfriends allow you to share time with them, and do stuff other than sex.

Its not a sap to do so, but sometimes girlfriends are more comforting.

Do you think one night stands care abuot you?

A girlfriend emotionally supports you. Married men (who dont divorce) live longer than divorced/single men.

 

[madgame]

Man Im feeling you on this one. Of course you could say having a relationship with somebody who you trust and everything is the best thing that can happen to you and you should enjoy the moment and everything, but it kinda makes me sick if I think about it. You get emotionally involved with somebody the two of you grow together you learn to love each other and everythign and boom! then yall break up and ure going through a real bad time. All in all I guess the best thing would be to just enjoy yourself have plenty of one night stands and **** buddies lol and when you're finally willing to settle down to do so with somebody you wanna spend the rest of your life together. But as things always come different that`d probably not work out anyways lol
but at least I think u shouldnt know from the start that ure gonna break up with that person anyways if u get emotionally involved.

 

[JustDoItAlways]

jbb, you have a quite a few posts like this on this girl.

She really has you tied up in knots doesn't she.

Snap out of it now.

 

[dingo23]

Q. >why have relatinships with girls when you know they won't last?

A. Because people are strange creatures.

Why do people smoke when they know it's bad for them?
Why do people pay money to watch a boxing fight when it's broadcast on TV?

The biggest reason why people have relationships with girls when they know it won't last is because of their balls.. Just chop it off and turn GAY! Lets see if you want a relationship with girls anymore

 

[drixsa]

to simply answer your question i think people want relationships becuase it gives them happiness or adds to their happiness.

this is the same reason why people go for ONS or fvck buddies.

i think that a good g-f can add a lot , thus making it a better and more interesting life to live.

 

[jbbrain]

Originally posted by Aramas
The purpose of relationships is to learn from the experience and so become more mature, together and better in the sack in the next one

Apparently, but that's not goign to be my objective in the future. I find it weird that relationships should be deemed a means to an end rather than an end in itself.

When I'm single, I fvck a lot of girls. I'm already great in bed because of it

 

[jbbrain]

Originally posted by jakethasnake
jbbrain,


I think circumstantial events (such as moving away) ending relationships are different from relationships that end because of events that are within your control - like fidelity or keeping it fresh. If one cheats in a relationship - you just fvcked up, plain and simple. The events were within your control but you just let it go to hell.


But with being at different points in your lives, such as graduation, re-location, having children, marriage, etc. -- that's just bad timing. You might have been perfect for each other in other circumstances. So don't beat yourself up over it.


Before you move away after graduation, you need to make a decision. You must decide whether or not you want to stay with her even in your absense (and thus stay celibate during your soujourns to India and Spain), or whether to leave her. If you have no confidence that you (and for that matter the both of you - you need to ascertain whether she is willing to put up with the distance for several months) can keep your hands off other boys and girls, then -- you just aren't at the same point in your lives. Move on. It's an uncomfortable situation to be in - being forced by circumstance to make important life-changing decisions - but you have to man-up and do it.

Thanks for replying Jake-I know when I graduate and go off I will have to make my decision. And I can tell you right now what my decision will be. It'll to be go away and live a life far from her and with toins of other girls. Which is fine. And I understand I have manup to make these decisions (like to leave my girlfriend) but I still dont see my return on my investment if a relationship is considered to be an investment of sorts.

 

[jbbrain]

Originally posted by madgame
Man Im feeling you on this one. Of course you could say having a relationship with somebody who you trust and everything is the best thing that can happen to you and you should enjoy the moment and everything, but it kinda makes me sick if I think about it. You get emotionally involved with somebody the two of you grow together you learn to love each other and everythign and boom! then yall break up and ure going through a real bad time. All in all I guess the best thing would be to just enjoy yourself have plenty of one night stands and **** buddies lol and when you're finally willing to settle down to do so with somebody you wanna spend the rest of your life together. But as things always come different that`d probably not work out anyways lol
but at least I think u shouldnt know from the start that ure gonna break up with that person anyways if u get emotionally involved.

mad game, youre on the exact same page I'm on. But im not goign to break up with this one because of this thinking. It just means that next LTR i get in will be because I KNOW it will go far.

 

[jbbrain]

Originally posted by JustDoItAlways
jbb, you have a quite a few posts like this on this girl.

She really has you tied up in knots doesn't she.

Snap out of it now.

JDIA-

Thanks for the reply dude. I admiot I have been posting a lot about this girl and my thoughts going into this LTR, and its simply because I felt I was in very unchartered waters and didnt feel like I was in my comfort zone-AT ALL. Now I feel a lot better.

Concerning this post, it isnt case specific (as in the girl), or at least it wasnt meant to be. This is for ALL the relationships out there, 99% of them that will go NOWHERE and just leave both people unsatisfied.

Despite all the great replies, I still stand strong on my opinion. What is the point? For love? Fvck man, I have a shyt load of friends and a great family, thats all the love I really need. For sex? When I'm single, I'm having A LOT of sex.

JDIA, you seem to me the type who deep doweasn thinks the same as me. I have no idea how old you are, but something tells me youre single. I wanted to ask you:

In your opinion, what IS the point of being in a relationship with someone when you KNOW it wont last?

 

[ShortyBrown]

J,

Kudos to you BIG TIME for at least being thoughtful regarding her feelings. I think I can relate to what you're thinking-You like her, but you're still only 22. Ya wanna go out and enjoy yourself. Fair enough. You've got your next few months planned out without her. Don't feel guilty about this!!! It's just that you're not as you think. I think that maybe you should have a think about your next move here, and talk to her soon.

Good Luck.

 

[iqqi]

sometimes you just meet an individual that you want to make part of your life. it may not be a part that stretches on forever, but it will still be a part of your life.

sometimes you meet an individual that brings out the best in you. these people may not be ours forever, but the experience helps define you and shape you. some people you choose to be shaped by.

life is a collage of memories. pick the ones you want to take with you. don't leave an experience of another being behind just because it is not yours forever. neither is your body, or your life.

sometimes people come into our lives who are special enough to give a part of ourselves to. in return you'll always have a part of them. and this helps define you as a spirit.

nothing is forever, don't let that stop you.

 

[wheelin&dealin]

Originally posted by jbbrain
but why do we emotionally involve ourselves with girls we know we'll never have anything "substantial" with?

Don't get emotionally involved with girls. Don't fall in love, and don't get obsessed over them. When you get emotionally involved in a relationship, you're screwed! Keep you're emotions at bay and enjoy the time you spend with them but never fall in love. When you fall in love, you're whole life will revolve around that one person and you will not be able to move on.

 

[Señor Fingers]

Originally posted by jbbrain
Concerning this post, it isnt case specific (as in the girl), or at least it wasnt meant to be. This is for ALL the relationships out there, 99% of them that will go NOWHERE and just leave both people unsatisfied.

Wow. What a fatalistic view...

To say that nearly all of them go nowhere is depressing!

Even the relationships that I once thought were a waste of my time served their purpose in my life. The experience gave me a deeper understanding of myself and what I want (or DONT want) in a relationship.

Its all a lesson!

Absolutes can often hold us back, so I really try not to use terms like "always" "never" or "99.999999%" to describe the future.

Why? Because self-fulfilling prophecy is a B!TCH, thats why!

Just relax and enjoy the giddy insecurity of it all.

Nothing is a sure bet, but this is what makes life EXCITING!

On the other hand, realize that balance is also important. Getting emotionally involved is actually a beautiful thing, as long as you dont let it CONSUME you and take away from your focus in life.

You...do...have a focus right?

Getting serious

Just remember that it should never get "serious"
I really hate that term..."Oh we are serious now"
Sounds like an ominous medical condition.

The people I know who are in successful relationships dont take themselves or each other all that seriously. If you guys met my sister and her husband you would be taking notes on C&F because they are constantly busting on each other and keeping things light. After 12 years of marriage, they have no choice!

Falling in Love

This is another phrase that bugs me. If something falls, it usually gets shattered into a million pieces...The very term suggests an inevitable breakup! I think we should try to "rise into love" inspiring each other to new heights! This is my litmus test of a real woman. Someone who pushes and inspires me to be more than what I already am. She has high expectations of me, not for her sake..but for my own.

The only sad part of this whole picture is how rare this woman is.

I admit, the main reason I learned to pickup is not so much to be a male slut (although that can be fun..), but to increase the odds of finding my sweet little muse...(sigh)

 

[madgame]

Dont get me wrong jbb. If I had a crush on some girl right now and could get with her I'd do it too and Id definetly not break up with a g/f cause of that pessimistic mindset I have. You could also say well whats the point in having a wife some day when you know that youre gonna die anyways. I just try to not be tied down during the next few months, years whateva have a couple of one night stands and then finally get into a relationship with someone that I wanna marry some day. That would be like the perfect way of dealing with my feelings towards women and love and everything, but Ill probably get infatuated with some girl and get into a relationship sooner than I wish right now and break up with her a couple of months or years later

De toute facon, j'ai vu que té de Montréal...dis-moi stp, c quoi un "lascard" ? jentends ce mot dans tant de sons mais jpeux pas le trouver dans mon dictionnaire

paix mdrr

 

[jbbrain]

Everybody,

Thanks for the replies. I know that my thinking is a little jaded. Deep down I know my main purpose in life is to live IN THE NOW and enjoy every day. This is especially important because not much in life is certain, but one certainty we do have is the uncertainty of tomorrow. I also know deep down most things in life aren't forever, and it's the desire to believe the opposite that makes us miserable.

Regardless, I just found it depressing that I'm turning a whole new leaf in my life, and as this can be very exciting, it also means I have to leave behind some things I wish I could have for a while. It's disheartening to know some relationship I'm in now will one day be only a distant memory..experience as some ppl label it..

But such is life, and I have to be realistic about it. I know that by not using conventional reasoning is to defy the life we have been given.

Thanks for the insights.