Why does my heart beat fast when I'm about to approach?

Chubbs Peterson

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Originally posted by MysteryWoman:

Personally I'm more likely to be attracted to the guy who comes across as slightly nervous as oppose to being completely relaxed. If a guy is too relaxed and confident, I immeditately percieve him as a womanizer and will reject him.
Whilst if the guy I'm attracted to come across as nervous it seems like a more geniune attraction.
This is kind of interesting. I recall hearing in the past that on occasion, girls think the nervousness is "cute."

Now of course, this admission of nervousness to a girl I approach is anti-thetical to basic DJ pricipals, but I wouldn't be willing to discount it's effectiveness.

My hesitancy to take this as "gospel," however, is because MysteryWoman is only speaking for herself, and not other women.

TO MysteryWoman and the other females on this site: Have you and your girlfriends come to any sort of concensus about this (Guys being nervous on approach as being cute--AND finding that ATTRACTIVE)?




[This message has been edited by Chubbs Peterson (edited 09-08-2002).]
 

david_med@hotmail.com

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Originally posted by Chubbs Peterson:
This is kind of interesting. I recall hearing in the past that on occasion, girls think the nervousness is "cute."

Now of course, this admission of nervousness is anti-thetical to basic DJ pricipals, but I wouldn't be willing to discount it.

My hesitancy to take this as "gospel," however, is because MysteryWoman is only speaking for herself, and not other women.

TO MysteryWoman and the other females on this site: Have you and your girlfriends come to any sort of concensus about this (Guys being nervous on approach as being cute--AND finding that ATTRACTIVE)?


u have to strike a balance between player and nonthreat. why would a girl want to date you when she assumes that youre gonna never speak to her again? its almost like an unspoken rule for women. its good to be more of the badboy once youve already closed the deal in terms of sex etc. but a pure player wont get his foot in the door. thats just bottom line.
 

Chubbs Peterson

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Originally posted by david_med@hotmail.com:

u have to strike a balance between player and nonthreat. why would a girl want to date you when she assumes that youre gonna never speak to her again?
I understand what you're saying. But that almost sounds like you're saying "I am not displaying nervousness therefore she must perceive me as a threat."

Your confidence (or appearance of) shouldn't automatically give HER red flags. You just can't come off with a sense of *entitlement* to her.

Y'know what I'm sayin'?

Anyways...
MysteryWoman and other females, please answer my previous question. Thanks!

[This message has been edited by Chubbs Peterson (edited 09-08-2002).]
 

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It's kind of funny actually. I went sky diving a couple weeks ago, and I was much less nervous when jumping out of the plane than when I make an approach. Former: something that can kill me if something goes wrong. Later: Something that does little to affect my life if something goes wrong. The same thing happens when I try and get up on stage. Wierd. Wish I could reverse that. Ideas?
 

MysteryWoman

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Some women might go for the cool Suave guy, but it doesn't work with me. Nervousness shows vulnerability in a guy, which is very attractive to me. I feel nervous when I'm around a guy I feel extremely attracted to, so I like the same treatment.

But then I am not arguing against the DJ principles on this site about being cool and collected, some women might prefer that.
I don't know what the majority prefer.
 

StellarPKT

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Originally posted by MysteryWoman:

Some women might go for the cool Suave guy, but it doesn't work with me. Nervousness shows vulnerability in a guy, which is very attractive to me. I feel nervous when I'm around a guy I feel extremely attracted to, so I like the same treatment.

But then I am not arguing against the DJ principles on this site about being cool and collected, some women might prefer that.
I don't know what the majority prefer.
I dont really wish to get into an argument here, but I dont believe what MysteryWoman is saying for one minute. You are certainly giving guys the wrong idea if you are saying that vulnerability is attractive. Of course no guy is invincible, but to me being vulnerable is weak and is just not a manly quality/trait. If you really do find this attractive then you are in the extreme minority, maybe 1% of the female population.

And I believe it is a load of crap that you say you reject every guy immediately if they are too confident and relaxed. I could almost guarantee that you have went for a guy like this at least once in your life. Whether you got burnt by this guy and have learned from your mistake is not the issue here. What is really important is that most girls will not be turned off by a guy like this. So please stop giving us the wrong impression.

Im not saying that being nervous is bad, its natrual to experience it when you are doing approaches. I just think its stupid to say that is a bad thing to be totally confident, because its not. Nervousness is a reaction to something that is about to happen, whereas confidence is a mindset about yourself and what you have to offer the world. 2 totally different things.
 

Princess-Spock

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Originally posted by Chubbs Peterson:
TO MysteryWoman and the other females on this site: Have you and your girlfriends come to any sort of concensus about this (Guys being nervous on approach as being cute--AND finding that ATTRACTIVE)?

YES!!



All of my female friends (and I) find boyishness VERY appealing in a man, and a boyish man WILL be nervous at first around a woman he likes. (Let me assure you that being boyish does NOT mean that a guy isn't manly; for example, Steve Irwin (the Crocodile Hunter) is virtually bursting with testosterone, but he's also VERY boyish.)

We also see nervousness in a man as a sign of him being a nice guy; mean people are rarely if ever nervous.

Nervousness in the man also provides an instant way for the woman to bond with him emotionally, because she is of course nervous too. If a woman feels that emotional bonding, she's "freed" to feel more sexual towards the man.


I, and at least a majority of my female friends, have always found a totally confident man to be, not just a turn-off, but totally disqualified for further consideration, because a totally confident guy is virtually guaranteed to be one or more of the following:


1) VERY arrogant and/or conceited

2) Totally clueless about what he's got to offer, and how he is perceived (like a mangy, stinking, fleabag dog that runs to you expecting to be petted)

3) A player/PUA

4) Such a great actor that, although he's nervous, he's hiding his nervousness perfectly (and will therefore be able to lie skillfully, AND is probably a sociopath)

5) A genuinely bright and capable guy who has let his track record put him into autopilot to a degree, such that he's out of touch with what he SHOULD be feeling in an uncertain situation... and will be equally unaware of what the woman in his life is feeling (in other words, he's insensitive)


I'm not suggesting that any of you start learning to shake and sweat on cue, I just want to point out that you'll do yourself a disservice with some women if you totally eliminate any signs of nervousness.


Oh, and for those who might wonder if my actions match my words; my husband was VERY nervous when we first met, so much so that he actually blushed alot (in part because I was teasing him to get him to blush more often, hehehehehe). And yes, he's boyish, from his rumpled hair to his freckled knees to his untied shoes.
 

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First of all, PDX, I appreciate you taking the time to talk to LJ about the matter. So I guess it's just something I'm gunna have to deal with. Second of all, just my humble opinion, I don't want to get into some all out argument about it but I don't believe for one second that most women would appreciate a guy being nervous as opposed to a totally confident guy approaching. How much sense does that make? That's like me choosing a sniper to assassinate an enemy and I choose the one that's a little nervous instead of the cool confident one because I find the nervousness cute...Makes a lot of sense (I'm being sarcastic by the way)
 

StellarPKT

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Originally posted by Princess-Spock:

We also see nervousness in a man as a sign of him being a nice guy; mean people are rarely if ever nervous.

And we are always hearing on here about nice guys getting laid all the time and we never hear them whining about "this one girl" that they just have to get so this is a good point you are making here.
 

MysteryWoman

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Stellar

The problem with many of you guys is that you assume that all women are the same.
That why you can't follow every rule on this site. If you don't like what I'm saying go and read Allen Thompson's article on "Are you nervous?".

I still stand by word that I would reject a guy who seems too confident. I'm not saying a complete nervous wreck would turn me on, just a guy who appears to be slightly nervous.
 

StellarPKT

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Originally posted by MysteryWoman:

Stellar

The problem with many of you guys is that you assume that all women are the same.
That why you can't follow every rule on this site. If you don't like what I'm saying go and read Allen Thompson's article on "Are you nervous?".


I agree here to an extent. And I dont follow every rule on this site to the T. Men have to know when to use their own intuition and when to break the rules. But if you know what the MAJORITY of women will go for, then you have a pretty good head start over all the other guys. Usually if you follow the basic guidelines on how to attract a woman, you will succeed. But of course we do not have some magic formula here that will work 100% of the time on every single woman. To think that we do would be foolish.

I still stand by word that I would reject a guy who seems too confident. I'm not saying a complete nervous wreck would turn me on, just a guy who appears to be slightly nervous.
Ok I believe you that you would do this NOW. But the question is have you done it EVERY single time since you have begun liking guys. I think the answer to this would be No. You have probably gone after an overconfident guy at least once in your life. And you probably had a bad experience with that guy/guys that forced you to create standards like this. I doubt many young, inexperienced women have the same views as you. And since many of us here are college aged, I dont want them getting the wrong impression that being extremely confident is necessarily bad. Extreme arrogance on the other hand, is a different story.
 

tome4_DJ

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Princess S and Mystery woman could it be that you like slight nervosness because then you know for shore that that guy likes you and it just makes you feel more secure?
 

david_med@hotmail.com

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ok, im gonna go off on the general sentiment shared on this topic. please, no one take this personal. i speak from tons of field experience, and i have had great success. i would not be recommending something that was bogus.

the problem with guys is that everything has to be justified and perfectly fit the mold of what has been taught to you. well, im here to tell you thats not the case. if u think that you constantly have to "demonstrate confidence" to a girl to win approval you are sadly mistaken.

the bottom line is that women are smarter than guys. their radar is sharper than ours. now, what i need to make myself clear on is the fact that if you get tooooo hung up on following all these confidence rules etc. (or any rules for that matter), you will almost FOR SURE come off as an arrogant prick. how do i know this? because i experienced this. and i can guarantee that you will not reach your maximum potential. you may find success, but it will not be your TRUE POTENTIAL. you will definately miss out on A LOT of opportunities that could have been worked out had you played the game slightly different.

to make myself clear, i think some things need to be redefined in terms of the rules. i personally will tell you from experience that the "very confident" guy will not get his foot in the door as much as the cool guy who is merely comfortable in his own shoes. im NOT saying that you have to be insecure. im not saying you have to NOT be confident. but confidence is deeper than a mere description. its an aura of comfortability and running with whatever is thrown at you and just enjoying the moment. and THAT is the first step.....that will allow her to slowly bring her guard down. patience my friends.

once, u have her guard down, you can slowly work in your confidence, by increasing and decreasing it based on the type of girl youre dealing with.

yeah, some girls love rough and tough guys, some girls are completely threatened by them; yeah, and most of them have been played by them. it doesnt mean that they dont want that "confident guy" to phuck their brains out, it just means that they are gonna give that guy a harder time and "test" him out a lot more before they let him in the door, because they "think" they are wise....or atleast society tells them that they should learn from their experiences and all that bs.

so im saying if you alter your game whereas you can bypass those tests, you can get in the door A LOT quicker. TRUST ME.

in this discussion, im ONLY talking about letting this chick trust you and allowing her to open up to you. if you dont get to first base, you will never head to 2nd, 3rd or home.

now, as far as nervousness....slight nervousness shows true interest. u think girls cant tell a rehearsed line vs. something genuine? they are smarter than you and i, guys. its all about being GENUINE. im not saying dont be cool and confident, but im saying dont be a programmed computer that is so fixated on following a system.

most guys talk to a girl cuz shes hot and want to tap the skins, but its rare that a guy approaches and is truly interested in genuinely KNOWING the chick. that further allows her to bring her guard down AT FIRST, and it allows the very beginnings of a connection to take place.


in any case, i am merely telling u guys the real deal here. if u agree with me, more power to you. if u dont, i could care less, and good luck to you. ultimately, u have to make a lot of discoveries by trial and error vs. reading theory all the time. happy pu$$y hunting.
 

david_med@hotmail.com

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Originally posted by StuartScott:
Second of all, just my humble opinion, I don't want to get into some all out argument about it but I don't believe for one second that most women would appreciate a guy being nervous as opposed to a totally confident guy approaching. How much sense does that make? That's like me choosing a sniper to assassinate an enemy and I choose the one that's a little nervous instead of the cool confident one because I find the nervousness cute...Makes a lot of sense (I'm being sarcastic by the way)

first of all, believe it. i ALMOST NEVER agree with female logic, but remember...women do the choosing bro, not guys. princess spock did a pretty fair assessment over why not to pick the "supernonnervous" guy over the slighty nervous one.

y dont u just try it out in the field and see what kinda response u get. you will be surprised.

even with my friggin chihuahua, if i slightly make a weird sudden movement, she will totally get paranoid. this is deeper than a male vs female thing, this idea of putting people into a "threatening category" is a animal thing.

especially at a bar or a club....most women feel to some extent that they are in an alley way, and they have some serious guard up. the really successful guys, particularly in that environment are the ones who know how to establish trust.
 

Page

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When you make your approach, JUST BELIEVE IN YOURSELF. Once you can do that, the battle is half won. Remove all doubt from your mind and just do it.
 

Nosferatu

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Originally posted by david_med@hotmail.com:

the bottom line is that women are smarter than guys.
David, I agree with most of your points, but I have to say that I take strong exception to your statement as quoted above. Women certainly USUALLY have a more refined intuition than men, but that is based on an innate ability to process subtle cues and develop a "feeling" about the person. It is not an indication of intelligence.

I myself am far more intelligent than most women I know or meet. In fact, the older I get, the more I realize that women are generally massively retarded in their ability to think rationally. That's of course why all these dj techniques are designed to appeal to their emotions, not their intellect. This site is all about manipulation of the vulnerable (most women), and that is a poor testament to their intelligence. Strategy and tactics, the domains of men, will always win out over emotion, which is the only level that women are able to experience the world. Of course, I'm speaking of the vast majority with all my points. Exceptions to any rule can always be found, but they are usually statistically insignificant.

One could make the argument that there are different kinds of intelligence (ie. emotional vs. rational), but that gets a little contrived.

I want to admonish all you RAFC's out there:
Don't buy into this "Women are more intelligent than men" hogwash. It is simply not true and it is one of the main causes of AFCness. Be a man - Walk tall and confident in your own intelligence. NEVER feel inferior to women for any reason. There are many posts in the dj bible reminding us of women's humaness and their imperfections.

We should never apologize for being men, for behaving like men, nor for taking and administering our rightful place in society. We need fewer wuss's in our society and more MEN.

Nosferatu
 

MysteryWoman

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Men are more intelligent than women, what utter crap! You may have had more freedom in the past. But Women are equally intelligent to men. The problem is that many arrogant men who are top intellectuals,think that they know how everything in the world works. However they can't accept that they don't know or understand how women work. And therefore refer to them as being mentally retarded.

Who said that logic is superior than emotions? Can you prove that women can't be logical?

This is dedicated to the post above me, not all the guys on this forum.
 

diplomatic_lies

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I actually agree that some signs of nervousness are good.


If I was to pick a sniper to kill someone, I would pick the most confident, cold, psychopathic, and heartless one.


But I don't think that applies to women. Sure, you need a lot of confidence, but what I think mysterywoman is saying is that men who appear to be the confident, charming people come off as "players" who only look to pick up.

People like to be unique. You don't want to give a woman your number if she goes to every guy in the room and gives her number out freely (unless you just want a root).


Nervousness on your part certainly gives some power to the other party, but unless you are preparing to destroy that person, I don't think giving up a little power hurts, as long as you maintain control on the majority of the power.

Hell, nervousness on the part of the girl will make HER more attractive to me. It shows that she isn't the super-cool type who has no regrets in playing men.
 

StuartScott

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Ok let me rephrase my last answer. I'm gonna change the words up a little though. Depending on the situation, girls do like the guy that is, not nervous, but more sincere in there approach. If a guy comes up to you looking sincere, as in, they look like they want to get to know you, you know, no attitude or whatever, girls do go for that over the guy that acts like he's the $hit and is over the edge confident and stuff, of course this depends a lot on the girl and guy also. But that's all part of the game though, guys know how to act in different situations, but you still won't be able to sell me on the fact that girls like some nervousness when a guy comes up to them, that nervousness reeks of insecurity, like shaking and sweating and stuff like that, if I saw that, I would become nervous myself. I get nervous when I'm sitting in a chair and someone is standing beside me pacing ya know.
 

Nosferatu

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Originally posted by MysteryWoman:

Men are more intelligent than women, what utter crap! You may have had more freedom in the past. But Women are equally intelligent to men. The problem is that many arrogant men who are top intellectuals,think that they know how everything in the world works. However they can't accept that they don't know or understand how women work. And therefore refer to them as being mentally retarded.

Who said that logic is superior than emotions? Can you prove that women can't be logical?

This is dedicated to the post above me, not all the guys on this forum.
Gee, MysteryWoman, you're not much of a mystery at all. In fact, your response was quite predictable. I could have almost predicted it word-for-word.

As a "top intellectual", I become more aware every day of how little I know. This is because I am increasingly able to ask more questions and to see things more microscopically. I would be the last person to say that I know how everything in the world works.

I DO know how women work, though. They primarily do not think rationally. They interpret the world through "feelings". Since feelings in both men and women are highly unstable and unreliable, this explains women's often unpredictable and irrational behaviours.

Now, MW, if your emotional reaction to my post were replaced by good old rational thought, you would see that I stated that women's ability to think rationally is retarded, ie. "impeded" or "not fully developed". This does not mean that women are mentally retarded. Can you see the difference, or are your emotions clouding your ability to understand?

Anyone with a brain knows that emotions are often faulty in premise, and therefore are a poor indicator of reality. I therefore stand by my claim that a rationally thinking human being will generally live more effectively than one who is ruled by emotion. It is important to refrain from squelching all emotion, but acheiving proper balance is a must.

As far as your question, "Can you prove that women can't be logical?", the answer is no, I can't. That is because women can be logical, to a small degree. Why would I attempt to prove that women can't be logical? Oh wait; I see, you misunderstood my last post to mean that women have absolutely no capacity to think logically. Well, go back and read it when you're in a better mood, and you might see what I really wrote. The finer distinctions are, of course, hidden from your perception.

I'll have to look back at your previous posts to find out what in the world a girl like you is doing frequenting these boards. I'd like to see just what the agenda is.

As far as you guys go, I know what you're bombarded with in high school, college, and via the mass media. You are saturated with femminist bs all day and all night long. The reason it affects many of you is that acceptance of these silly ideas is tied to acceptance or rejection by them. It makes you unsure of where you stand.

Don't buy into it! Make no apology for being a man and speaking boldly like a man. I know lots of women who might offer weak objections to what I say on this subject, but it is very clear that each of them respects me specifically because I have the backbone to stand up to them. Try it - you'll like the results.
 
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