Why does my heart beat fast when I'm about to approach?

[StuartScott]

Ok now this is starting to piss me off. I remember when I was just starting to approach chicks on my own, I could see why I would be nervous to pick up chicks but this was like 2 1/2 yers ago. I have enough ecperience not to be nervous but for some dag on reason my heart starts to beat fast when I'm about to do an approach like just today I see a girl at a register and in my mind I'm thinking of a good opener, then my fukking heart starts to beat fast (wtf), I still approached and all went well, I didn't close though (just wasn't the time and place)but im getting pissed. The only solution I have come up with was thinking my heart is beating fast because of something else ya know, i try to trick my mind into thinking it's something else and not me being nervous, but you can only do that so much. Every now and then it affects my speech cuz I'm not calm even though I do a GREAT job of hiding it.

I know I can't be the only one to have this problem. Do ya'll know any drugs I can take to solve this problem like muscle relaxers or something j/k.

 

[SexPDX]

I never goes away, bro. I have been doing this for about 3 years myself and it still happens. It's healthy to feel a little nervous, just know that it goes away. Don't you think that performers are nervous when they go on stage live even though they've done it thousands of times? That's what we are, we are performers. You don't need drugs, for the PUA the chase is the juice.


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- The performer known as Nick

 

[wheelin&dealin]

Try to fire some NLP "anchors" before you approach or think of a time when a HB was totally into you and remember how much of a DJ you were. This should calm you down and boost up your confidence.

 

[Man_with_the_plan]

I'm 24, so I've been doing this for a while. I find the nervousness is a source of energy, which helps me come across as very confident. If you can think of it as an ally instead of trying to suppress it you might have better results.

I don't think drugs are a good idea. You don't want to be attributing your successes (when they come) to drugs, it'll do nothing for your confidence.

 

[StuartScott]

That's a good point PDX, I played HS Basketball and before games I would be nervous also but we warmed up for like a half hour so that helped a little, but I'm just doing pick ups, like think about it, when you talk to a guy, you don't get nervous....you know what, I'm gunna try to trick my mind into thinking the girl is a guy, then.....wait, I've already tried that. I dunno. The only time I'm not nervous is when I'm on a roll, like say I've doe 3 or 4 approaches and closed on say, 2, then I'm on a roll don't feel as nervous. It has to go away sooner or later, ask your friend LJ what he does.


Wheelin, I've tried everything bro, I thought it would eventually go away but the more time you have before your approach, the more you notice your heart beating fast, no matter what you think of. It's not like I have no confidence, it's just that when your heart beats fast even though your calm, you'll feel nervous regardless. Usually it takes that opening line or two to finally calm me down.

I can just imagine what some of the newbies are going through. When I was new to it, I just told myself, "what you've been doing in the past hasn't been working, so you have to try something different, what have you got to lose, just do it." I was still nervous as hell though.

Man_with_a_plan, I was just b/s'ing about the drugs even though sometimes, weed or alcohol puts you in a better mood.

[This message has been edited by StuartScott (edited 09-05-2002).]

[This message has been edited by StuartScott (edited 09-05-2002).]

 

[[A]rtful[DJ]]

Well i know ur joking but actually some drugs such as weed makes it worse. Well for me anyway. Estasy seem to keep you hotter inside but cooler on the outside, however it just fu.cks up your body. Anyways drugs are bad period. Alcohol is a good way to feel confi and relaxed, except you dont want to rely on it all the time.

I guess just practice and practice. Every once in a while i still get nervous and it takes a fair bit of effort to hide it. Especially when i have been out of the scene for too long, it takes a bit of warming up to get me started. Usually when i hit the clubs after a long break i just go around the room greeting 6 and below gals just to get warmed up and boost my confidence. This way when i finally approcah 7 and higher I wont fu.ck up on my "initial contact".

It is a good warm up technique that I usually implement in the club/bar scene. When you have warmed up enough and you balls are bigger there shouldn't be any problem approaching that BH that you had your eyes on all that time while you were warming up.

Like athletes need to warm up on the sidetrack before their run on the main track, we DJ's also need to warm up on easy targets before we get into the real battle with 7 and up HB's

Someone should write up an atricle on DJ's warm up techniques. I think its one of the rules that DJ's should implement in their battle plan.

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They say, things come and go in waves. One time it hits you, then it leaves and then it hits you once more, only to leave you and come back again.

The vicious loop that we exist within, such is life. The dimensions of those waves, is your key to liberation from such loops. Same shi.t different smell. The difference in the smell makes the same **** so much worthwhile.

AT THE END OF THE DAY, “ALL BUT WE HUMANS HAVE IS A PERCEPTION”.

They also say, with time things change, people change. One cannot escape the hands of time. You will never know when again you will wake up one morning feeling all eerie. Just to find out you have woken up to the world you have never seen before yet you have lived in it your entire life. So learn to love those shoes that you are in while you are still wearing them for you never know when someone might snatch it away from you.

It is as important to learn to live with those perceptions, as it is to change those perceptions through different stages of life.

Yours truly
<<Artful>>

PS: For me, a DJ is a state of mind fueled by the hunger of reaching new heights of mankind. It is no way a means to sleep with as many women as possible or to cheat on someone who cares for you.

The latter is a player not a DJ.


[This message has been edited by [A]rtful[DJ] (edited 09-05-2002).]

 

[Tantric]

If it's bothering you that much, there is a drug you can take although i don't remember the name.

You can get it at health food stores. It's generally used by doctors to stop their hands from shaking...i don't know EXACTLY what it is it called or what does, but it relaxes you to the point where you feel more in control...

Check out the health food store.

I'm going tomorrow, so if i have time, i'll look it up.

[This message has been edited by Tantric (edited 09-05-2002).]

 

[SexPDX]

StuartScott,

I will talk to LJ for you on this topic when I get a chance, him and I have never discussed it. About weed, I find that being relaxed about PUing is easier with weed but there are other problems with it as well. I am too much in my own reality when I am high and also I have a tendency to let my mouth get away from me.

Mystery and RJ had a recent debate about this on Cliff's email list. I can forward you those emails if you like.

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- The performer known as Nick

 

[Ralph Bellamy]

Originally posted by StuartScott:
my heart starts to beat fast when I'm about to do an approach like just today I see a girl at a register

...Same reason it would if you were to jump out of an airplane or something. Same reason mine did when I found myself bicycling down a hill last week at 50 m.p.h. and no brakes. Part of it is fear, part of it is excitement. It's all adrenaline. Don't ever lose it (at least not the excitement part), just learn to manage it.

[This message has been edited by Ralph Bellamy (edited 09-05-2002).]

 

[StuartScott]

Yeah Tantric tell me about it when you find it. I'm sure it will be prescription though.

Yeah PDX, if you can do that it would be appreciated. My email is Stuart_scott_sportscenter@hotmail.com.

 

[Page]

Originally posted by SexPDX:
I never goes away, bro. I have been doing this for about 3 years myself and it still happens. It's healthy to feel a little nervous, just know that it goes away. Don't you think that performers are nervous when they go on stage live even though they've done it thousands of times? That's what we are, we are performers. You don't need drugs, for the PUA the chase is the juice.

What I have found is that the dj path gets wider and deeper every time oyu walk it. What that means is, getting numbers takes a lot of balls at first, but soon, you will be able to get them and be totally laid back as well. I haven't felt nervous in years. I simply deny myself the capability to feel that particular emotion, and when nervousness is absent, confidence takes it's place.

If you aren't up to that level yet, you could also:

When you see a chick that you want to close, just fvckin do it w/o thinking twice about it. If you think about it, chances are, you'll start spazzing out about it.

[This message has been edited by Page (edited 09-05-2002).]

 

[*new*]

you are young and inexperienced

 

[SexPDX]

Originally posted by Page:

I simply deny myself the capability to feel that particular emotion

I respectfully and strongly disagree with this advice. Attempting to deny yourself ANY emotion is a mistake. You need to also yourself to feel things, but control how those feelings affect you.

Originally posted by Page:

and when nervousness is absent, confidence takes it's place.

Absence of nervousness is not "confidence". Confidence is a genuine belief that you will succeed and IMO nervousness is not necessarily in conflict with such a thing.

Originally posted by *new*:

you are young and inexperienced

Young? Maybe. Inexperienced? With regards to the situation of a approaching a woman, I certainly am not and I don't think the original poster is either from what I have seen of his posts. Quanifiably speaking I have easily approached more women in the last 3 or 4 years cold than many guys will in 15 years of their adult life.

The bottom line is that it doesn't go away but your confidence in how you manage it develops with experience.

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- The performer known as Nick

 

[david_med@hotmail.com]

i didnt really read all the replies, so excuse me if im repeating something here. but here is my 2 cents...

consider it a blessing bro. do you know people take drugs like speed, and all sorts of over the counter amphetamines to feel that way? you gotta embrace it.

its also a sign that the girl youre approaching is WORTH talking to. in other words, shes hot.

everyone gets nervous. in fact, youll probably come off as more genuine if you are a little nervous.

as for my experiences, i'm personally at my best when im genuinely into a girl and not just approaching like some man$lut. i think the key is to probably have balance....

you dont want to be too nervous, but i dont think its good to be tooo layed back, either. i personally love an adrenaline rush....its scary at first, but when u come out alive and successful...you feel so good. thats what its all about.

overall, just enjoy the high. its a free high that your body is producing. and think of how fun it would be number closing, and then going out on a date and still being nervous, and then ending up banging the girl later that nite. adrenaline + hard on = great sex. trust me bro, people kill for that combo....

why doo you think people cheat? its that whole adrenaline/fear factor that adds to the excitement and makes the sex that much better.

enough of my blabbering, i hope u feel my vibe.

-dave

 

[DJinArizona]

You'll get over it with time. I did. Then you'll master getting dates. Then you'll master getting more dates, then you'll master getting laid. Then the next challenge, then the next.

As for me, I started studying this DJ stuff and Doc Love etc about 2 years ago and now I've gotten to the point where I can keep a chick for 3-4 months but that's where the problems start.

Mastering the approach is easy so enjoy it... it's keeping them that's a LOT harder than getting them!

 

[StuartScott]

Couldn't have said it better myself PDX. I'm not inexperienced, it's just that, when I have time to think about an approach, before I do it, my heart starts to beat, but when it's spontaneous like, I'm close to a girl and say "hey, howz it going" I don't get nervous b/c I don't give myself that chance to be, but when I see a girl and am thinking of when to approach, when to get her alone to approach and what not, basically when I see a girl and don't approach right away because of the circumstances, my heart starts to beat fast. Like, say I see a girl in a store and I walk past the store, I'll tell my friend to wait up, cuz I wanna go in the store to talk to her, but I'm looking for the right opportunity (b/c her boss is around or she's with a customer, or something), that's when the nervousness begins, cuz it's giving me time to think. Sometimes it gets to the point where I say to myself "ok this is retarded, why is my heart beating fast" but I can't do $hit about it.

 

[Chocolate Milk]

Originally posted by Man_with_the_plan:
I'm 24, so I've been doing this for a while. I find the nervousness is a source of energy, which helps me come across as very confident. If you can think of it as an ally instead of trying to suppress it you might have better results.
B]

I think the man with the plan has a good point. When people get nervous they do have an energy outlet, such as girls playing with their hair when they talk to you or moving their feet/legs up and down while having them crossed. When this happens to me, I usually keep one hand in my pocket, stick my hand out to shake their's immediately or chewing gum as my personal nervous outlet. Hope that helps..

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Why was Shaft named Shaft? Was it because he WAS the magnitude of a great weapon or HAD one?

 

[MysteryWoman]

Personally I'm more likely to be attracted to the guy who comes across as slightly nervous as oppose to being completely relaxed. If a guy is too relaxed and confident, I immeditately percieve him as a womanizer and will reject him.
Whilst if the guy I'm attracted to come across as nervous it seems like a more geniune attraction.

 

[SexPDX]

I just talked to LJ about this and he says HE himself still feels a little nervous on cold approaches. If a natural PUA of this caliber has the same observations of nervousness in approaches as do Mystery, StuartScott and myself in our collective experience of cold approaches (which would add up to be a lot) I am pretty much sold on the conclusion that it's just going to be somethin1g to which we all have to tell ourselves just "fvck it and deal with it."
But Mystery seems to be failing to convince Ross of this on Cliff's list.

I will say that those who argue against my point of view belief DO present some decent arguments. However, as time goes on the more I feel like those who make such a huge point of themselves not being nervous at all are employing sort of an overcompensating pyschological defense mechanism for the fact that they are EXTREMELY nervous deep down.

Question for MysteryWoman: In your opinion how do women react to a guy in a club who walks approaches them drinking a non-alcoholic beverage and clearly not having drank? I think it makes you appear MUCH more confident that you made the approach sober.

I have been thinking about this lately because when I first started approaching women I back when I was a huge AFC I made the majority of approaches drunk or high. It was kind of funny. Picture a 21-year old AFC who just spent entirely too much money for his age on a Jagaur who comes into an upscale bar with mostly chicks in their late 20's, sucks down 4 Crown Royal Mahattans and goes balls to the walls talking to every chick in the place as if the whole bar doesn't see what his game is. God, I am embarrassed just writing about it (I guess I am NLPing myself, LOL

).

That day winging with Jake Steed on the street was cool mostly because we were sober, the chicks were sober and it was daytime. That adds a whole 'nother demention to the whole experience. Reaching across to another person in the daytime world and the atmosphere that this area has during the day almost seems much more powerful to me now than in the nightlife enviornment.

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- The performer known as Nick

 

[david_med@hotmail.com]

Originally posted by MysteryWoman:

Personally I'm more likely to be attracted to the guy who comes across as slightly nervous as oppose to being completely relaxed. If a guy is too relaxed and confident, I immeditately percieve him as a womanizer and will reject him.
Whilst if the guy I'm attracted to come across as nervous it seems like a more geniune attraction.

guys, this is it right here!! ive come to the same conclusion myself and u dont want to be put in that "player" category. not being nervous at all is not good by ANY MEANs!!

superb post mystery woman!