Why does it feel like I'm constantly being disrespected

[Razor Sharp]

Guys I have this pet scorpion which I am trying to teach some dog tricks. Poor little thing has been through a lot, what with being a natural born killer from the desert, but I try to be patient and understand where she's coming from.

Here's the rub though, little b*tch keeps stinging me and that sh*t hurts like holy hell. I have to go to the hospital every time and it's a huge pain in the ass. I still haven't gotten her to obey the simplest commands like SIT or STAY but I can tell she has a lot of potential - she's just misunderstood.

Can someone here explain to me why it is I keep getting stung? I really do not get this - I treat her really well and shower her with affection. But she keeps trying to poison/kill me. What gives?

Umm, maybe you should get a DOG instead of trying to train a venomous insect? Just sayin

You don't understand man, this is a SPECIAL scorpion. She just needs my help!

*facepalm*

All joking aside you are clearly the person with the problem here. You are an ENABLER of disrespectful behavior, much like a woman is an enabler when she lets a man beat her silly.

Like any good enabler you are also very much in denial about this whole situation. Look at the title of this post for the love of God

Why does it feel like I'm constantly being disrespected

And a quote of yours in this SAME thread

Keep in mind if I thought that she was blatantly disrespecting me she would be gone faster than fat people sitting down.

So let me get this straight - it's okay if she's constantly disrespecting you on a subtle level as long is it doesn't surpass some imaginary blatancy threshold? Do you realize how little f*cking sense this makes?

Guys, every day I paint a huge target on my head and can't understand why people are constantly picking me off. But I guess it's okay as long as they have the sense to do it when I'm not looking.. THAT would be disrespectful.

*double-facepalm*

Look man, I've read your posts so I know that you are not a complete idiot. I'm willing to give you the benefit of the doubt here. Maybe she really is a special scorpion... er girl.

If that's the case and you really want to keep her around you need to reverse the roles. YOU need to be the one going on dubious lunch dates which force HER to rationalize your behavior. SHE is the one who should be counting the minutes until you come home, and texting you every 5 minutes to make sure everything is okay.

Right now it is pretty clear who the b*tch in this relationship is. Also, I don't mean to pick on you here but what is up with you and the L word dog?

I am sick and tired of men proclaiming their love for girls they only been dating for a few months!

It makes me absolutely sick to my stomach how whiny and needy most guys are nowadays.. its f*cking DISGUSTING

1. You do not love her. You barely know her. Get real.
2. Stop telling her that you love her when she is in the middle of doing something you don't like. (It's like giving your dog a treat while it whizzes on your rug)
3. The only thing you love is the uncertainty, you are confusing the intensity of these rollercoaster emotions for love, much like a woman does.
4. You deserve all the suffering you will deal with if you don't walk away before the situation worsens (and it will)

In conclusion, you got some serious issues of your own and have no right "saving" anyone when you can hardly respect or care for yourself.

Recognize and cultivate your own worth man. Draw some personal boundaries and then maybe people won't walk all over you.

 

[cordoncordon]

Very good question, and it shows you're paying attention. The answer is being able and willing to walk away from the bad behavior. The needy jealous chump is hooked, and can't walk away. That's what makes him needy.

It's funny how Mr. Bondage Photographer apologizes (to her) for disrespecting TM for pulling his girlfriend's hair, but then asks her out for lunch (and she says yes). That's just disrespecting him on a whole new level. If this wasn't so pathetic it would be hilarious.

Don't buy into this idea that girls want to put into your head that it's okay for them to be basically dating other guys while they're supposedly exclusive with you. They try to get away with it by trying to shame you into thinking you're a backward jealous clod. Don't buy into this nonsense. Expect more from your women and you just might get it.

My question is why are you seriously dating a girl where you watch some skeevy photog pulling your girls hair while getting ready to shoot some kind of fetish S & M shot. I mean I just can't imagine dating a girl that does that kind of thing for a living. Low class ho. And to see some guy pulling your girls hair, obviously in a sexual way, while you stand there and watch? Twilight zone stuff. It is of a world that I am unfamiliar.

And then, after you tell the girl, no more contact with the photog, and she agrees, the said girl then goes and has lunch with him? Double

Honestly if I didn't know TM was a real guy, I would lay a million dollars this was a troll making all of this up. Is TM that desperate to date someone like this? Just wow.

 

[cordoncordon]

*facepalm*

All joking aside you are clearly the person with the problem here. You are an ENABLER of disrespectful behavior, much like a woman is an enabler when she lets a man beat her silly.

Like any good enabler you are also very much in denial about this whole situation. Look at the title of this post for the love of God

Why does it feel like I'm constantly being disrespected

And a quote of yours in this SAME thread



So let me get this straight - it's okay if she's constantly disrespecting you on a subtle level as long is it doesn't surpass some imaginary blatancy threshold? Do you realize how little f*cking sense this makes?



*double-facepalm*

Look man, I've read your posts so I know that you are not a complete idiot. I'm willing to give you the benefit of the doubt here. Maybe she really is a special scorpion... er girl.

If that's the case and you really want to keep her around you need to reverse the roles. YOU need to be the one going on dubious lunch dates which force HER to rationalize your behavior. SHE is the one who should be counting the minutes until you come home, and texting you every 5 minutes to make sure everything is okay.

Right now it is pretty clear who the b*tch in this relationship is. Also, I don't mean to pick on you here but what is up with you and the L word dog?

I am sick and tired of men proclaiming their love for girls they only been dating for a few months!

It makes me absolutely sick to my stomach how whiny and needy most guys are nowadays.. its f*cking DISGUSTING

1. You do not love her. You barely know her. Get real.
2. Stop telling her that you love her when she is in the middle of doing something you don't like. (It's like giving your dog a treat while it whizzes on your rug)
3. The only thing you love is the uncertainty, you are confusing the intensity of these rollercoaster emotions for love, much like a woman does.
4. You deserve all the suffering you will deal with if you don't walk away before the situation worsens (and it will)

In conclusion, you got some serious issues of your own and have no right "saving" anyone when you can hardly respect or care for yourself.

Recognize and cultivate your own worth man. Draw some personal boundaries and then maybe people won't walk all over you.

Yeah I agree, when I read the part where he basically said "I love you, don't do this, I can help you, let me help you!" I cringed. So wrong. Reminded me of a girl who keeps getting beat up by her husband yet won't ever leave him.

I really think, based on what I have read from TM over the years, he very well may have BPD himself. It can happen to men, just not as much. Heckuva nice guy, but some serious issues going on here.

 

[hithard]

I really think, based on what I have read from TM over the years, he very well may have BPD himself. It can happen to men, just not as much. .

Actually it is very common in men as well

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Thunder,
You are a Svxual Masochist,Where do you find these Women from Hell?

 

[romangod]

Seriously TM, you are one F'd up individual. Don't misunderstand me, I think you are a super nice guy, but your need to "save a ho" and to be loved is beyond my comprehension and understanding. You are putting up with things in this relationship that should not even be part of the equation. Why? You should know better.

Sadly, I have to agree with this assessment. TM should know better. Here's the scary part:

I'm a vet of this forum. Through knowledge and experience I know what's good for me and what isn't. I know what works and what doesn't. Thank you for you input guys. I'll keep you posted.

Methinks he doesn't know better.


Cheers!

 

[Kailex]

File this under "The Willing and Conscious White Knight".

TM, your princess IS the dragon you're trying to slay.

 

[Bluntmaster]

I've got 20 bucks that says TM met this girl online.

Am I right?

 

[englishman]

Also I would be very wary of the word 'abused' if the previous boyfriend 'abused' her, how come she wants to go hang out at the mall with him.
And how come she likes to be photographed tied up? It sounds like she was abused and it was all good.

 

[sodamnsmooth]

Could really use some advice guys. My mind is going 100 miles a minute.

Dude... if she's flirting or having someone flirt with her in front of you that is never good. Being your girl she needs to be the first one to draw the line as to what language and behavior is acceptable for other men to use with her. As far as that same dude buying lunch for her.. NO!

What does every guy have on his mind when he buys a girl lunch... or anything?

I'm sorry if it's not what you want to hear.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

I Wrote this at the other forum: Just to let you know, the photographer not only grabbed her hair, but made a comment about her reminding him (fondly) of his ex. He then takes her out to lunch. This doesn't seem like professional photographer behavior to me and he tried to get her to submit to another man (looking in his eyes as well as whispering close).

I'm not stupid. She's taken other pictures, just as kinky, where a photographer didn't do that. He has an agenda.

I made it clear to her (as I disciplined) that he thinks it's okay for him to do these things without acknowledging her Dom. I told her he would have to talk to me first if he wanted to make other plans. He texted her back with "I don't need to talk to him. Forget it."

There are always more respectable photographers out there who don't take liberties.

As I said, maybe I would have let it slide if he didn't keep in constant contact as far as meeting up and taking her out to get personal with her. But no, no man is putting his hands on my sub unless I allow it. I told her if she could not deal with this and I would release her.

She complied.

The people of "that forum have said the complete opposite, and instead of dumping her, to mold her into what I think is suitable or not.

Guys......she a [size=+3]SUB[/size] and she's been that for a while now. (If you don't know, then I suggest looking up BSDM) I made it perfectly clear after spanking the sh!t out of her and almost making her lick the toilet bowl what my rules were. I told her I would "release" her if she didn't comply.

Yes she's had a sordid past. Yes, She's been abused and YES, she doesn't know everything about me yet. When she tells me "what do you want me to do?" It's not a rhetorical question.

Plus I made a decision to be her Dom and it requires a lot of responsibility. She needs training and a mentor, and we're going to work on our strange (strange as F*ck) relationship.

I'm not even going to tell you what I did to her after she disrespected me at a party on Saturday, but it was something 99 percent of you men wouldn't have the balls to do. Not to be insulting, but it was in me. It's not in most.


Here is just ONE (out of many "Doms" on that site) person reaching out to give their input on the situation.

So... where to begin. I appreciate your honest confusion in this situation. It's a natural dilemma that you're in, and believe me I've stood in exactly the same shoes you're standing in now, and walked in them for many years... though many years ago now.

The answer is... you are being disrespected... but not by your girl necessarily... by you. You are the Dominant man. You need to set the tone for respect. You need to respect yourself first and foremost, and then lay down the law.

Honestly... you have every right to dictate who she sees. You're not in a vanilla relationship. "Smothering" is indeed a big part of your role as Dom. She should not be permitted to test herself with other men. She has entered into a relationship where she is to hand over the power to you, and you are to take this power and use it to CONTROL the show. This means you're dictating what she will and will not do based on what is best for the relationship, you, and her.

You are clearly uncomfortable with her involvement with these other men. You must trust your instincts, they are correct and they are telling you something. You can't sit in the passenger seat while she is behind the wheel... she is clearly a masochist and will inevitably drive your relationship into a brick wall head on collision. It's in her nature to instinctively do the wrong thing, thus she needs your control.

It may seem wrong or unhealthy to control a woman like this, we've been programmed by society to allow equality and bla bla bla... but our role as Doms requires us to give ourselves permission to go beyond this and handle business, or be handled.

You may not realize it, but even in the vanilla world... a man does not need to suffer through situations like this at the hand of his woman. You have every right to be very clear with yourself and your woman what you WILL and WILL NOT tolerate in a relationship. It's not good for you to endure this lack of consideration for your feelings. I think the main problem is you are not giving your own feelings enough consideration.

You can't wait for your sub to suddenly realize what is right and change her ways for you. This will never happen. Even if she is to fully understand your feelings about it, she will not respect your manhood if you play the background and allow yourself to be walked on. Women are always testing us to see if we will in fact be walked on... not because they are cruel, but because they need to know that they are with a strong leader, so that they can relax and follow our lead.

We don't want them to learn to lead themselves, and neither do they... especially ones who are self proclaimed "submissive." They need the strong but gentle hand of a truly dominant man.

Think about what dominant means.

This is just the beginning of what I want to tell you my friend... This is just the mentality that you should be soaking in... There is a lot more I have to say about this.

Also... please don't act impulsively on any of this... there is a fine art of how to handle your situation and begin to take back the power... there are many ways to do it wrong that can lead to unfortunate outcomes.

Would you like to chat on Gmail to discuss this further? I wish someone could have came along back in the day when I was in your shoes and gave me some solid lessons so that I could have avoided much unnecessary suffering. I'm totally happy to share the lessons with you...

It's a whole 'nuther level of responsibility I've taken on. This isn't just a "vanilla" relationship. I'll let you guys know more later.

 

[SoldMySoul]

SUB

Then you are her DOM, right? If that is correct her behavior is going against the Dom/ Sub role. Unless she is a SUB and you are not into that stuff. That would mean you have no relationship!!! That bondage crowd takes this stuff quite seriously!

TOP/ DOM, whatever you want to call it.

You are into that stuff or you are not! If you are and you are TOP, then she needs punishment... That is how it works if my memory serves me correctly.

I like some crazy things, but this is not my bag and have met women and men into it.

Your story is getting stranger and stranger by the post. You are going to wind up losing your mind over this. You better be prepared to ask yourself this, "Is this bird worth all the $hit I am feeling, dealing with? Is she worth me driving myself crazy? Why am I putting up with this?"

Good luck, and wow!

 

[cordoncordon]

I Wrote this at the other forum: Just to let you know, the photographer not only grabbed her hair, but made a comment about her reminding him (fondly) of his ex. He then takes her out to lunch. This doesn't seem like professional photographer behavior to me and he tried to get her to submit to another man (looking in his eyes as well as whispering close).

I'm not stupid. She's taken other pictures, just as kinky, where a photographer didn't do that. He has an agenda.

I made it clear to her (as I disciplined) that he thinks it's okay for him to do these things without acknowledging her Dom. I told her he would have to talk to me first if he wanted to make other plans. He texted her back with "I don't need to talk to him. Forget it."

There are always more respectable photographers out there who don't take liberties.

As I said, maybe I would have let it slide if he didn't keep in constant contact as far as meeting up and taking her out to get personal with her. But no, no man is putting his hands on my sub unless I allow it. I told her if she could not deal with this and I would release her.

She complied.

The people of "that forum have said the complete opposite, and instead of dumping her, to mold her into what I think is suitable or not.

Guys......she a [size=+3]SUB[/size] and she's been that for a while now. (If you don't know, then I suggest looking up BSDM) I made it perfectly clear after spanking the sh!t out of her and almost making her lick the toilet bowl what my rules were. I told her I would "release" her if she didn't comply.

Yes she's had a sordid past. Yes, She's been abused and YES, she doesn't know everything about me yet. When she tells me "what do you want me to do?" It's not a rhetorical question.

Plus I made a decision to be her Dom and it requires a lot of responsibility. She needs training and a mentor, and we're going to work on our strange (strange as F*ck) relationship.

I'm not even going to tell you what I did to her after she disrespected me at a party on Saturday, but it was something 99 percent of you men wouldn't have the balls to do. Not to be insulting, but it was in me. It's not in most.


Here is just ONE (out of many "Doms" on that site) person reaching out to give their input on the situation.



It's a whole 'nuther level of responsibility I've taken on. This isn't just a "vanilla" relationship. I'll let you guys know more later.

Damn this just goes deeper and deeper. Not only is this girl a fvcked up individual, but our man TM here may even be worse. Why? He actually is "into" this crap. I gotta say, at one point I really respected TM and thought he was one of the few guys on here with a brain. Now? The dude's crazy.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

Cordonx2, thanks for having my back! lol For the record it's not something I'm into, but I really don't have a problem doing it. As I said, it's in me to be ABLE to do it. I came here looking for another perspective. I got it, and it's appreciated.


If it's too much for me to handle then I will release her, despite everything. No, I'm not going to sacrifice my sanity for her.

 

[hithard]

(If you don't know, then I suggest looking up BSDM)

**** you mean


You know it might have helped if you mentioned this little detail at the start.
A lot of the same rules still apply

Act quickly on things you don't like her doing. I mean another guy trying to dom your sub and then ask her out while you're still making up your mind if you like it or not. FUC.KEN ACT quickly decisively that’s the jist of being the dom.
Not
"I don't think I like what you are doing"
Sorry but your conversation on facebook or whatever was weak.

It's a lotta work Sorry but damaged goods are damaged goods. It's a lot of work.

Strong Frame You might have the smacking down pat but mentally you’re still a ways off. I'd take that mentoring if you want to be in the **** brigade because it's not a learn with her experience. You Know, she learns. IMO you're still doing a lot of weak $hit through unconscious action

There’s still game in this type of BS and if it ain't tight then someone else will simply take her away.
Good luck with it.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

**** you mean


You know it might have helped if you mentioned this little detail at the start.
A lot of the same rules still apply

Act quickly on things you don't like her doing. I mean another guy trying to dom your sub and then ask her out while you're still making up your mind if you like it or not. FUC.KEN ACT quickly decisively that’s the jist of being the dom.
Not
"I don't think I like what you are doing"
Sorry but your conversation on facebook or whatever was weak.

It's a lotta work Sorry but damaged goods are damaged goods. It's a lot of work.

Strong Frame You might have the smacking down pat but mentally you’re still a ways off. I'd take that mentoring if you want to be in the **** brigade because it's not a learn with her experience. You Know, she learns. IMO you're still doing a lot of weak $hit through unconscious action

There’s still game in this type of BS and if it ain't tight then someone else will simply take her away.
Good luck with it.

Thanks, I'm actually getting a LOT of Doms who are reaching out and want to discuss "mentoring" me. It's kinda overwhelming, but I can do it. I was actually surprised at the support. They've been there.

You're right also, I should have been more upfront with my dislikes, and I could have ended this sh!t weeks ago. I will (and have) since then acted swiftly.

Hithard, I'm assuming by your name you've had some experience with this?

 

[hithard]

Thanks, I'm actually getting a LOT of Doms who are reaching out and want to discuss "mentoring" me. It's kinda overwhelming, but I can do it. I was actually surprised at the support. They've been there.

You're right also, I should have been more upfront with my dislikes, and I could have ended this sh!t weeks ago. I will (and have) since then acted swiftly.

Hithard, I'm assuming by your name you've had some experience with this?

Funny just how many damaged 10s are into this kinda scene. Being a Dom involves taking all those loony chicks and dominating them with your will. You more or less have to be their medication so they stay on path. There are a lot of girls with one toe in the water with **** that are not really sub. Just like the whole fake lesbian thing, good dumb girls trying to be bad for the sake of a rep:yawn:

One thing to remember is that your frame has to dominate their crazy at all times. That means seeing all those small signs of trouble and dealing with it before they start to snowball. Discipline is just one part of it, having a strong mind, being intuitive and extremely strong will at all times IMO is a must. Fake it till you make it does not work you need to internalize this stuff or you can smell it a mile off. Never say you are learning with her. It's like being the head of whatever group, you need to know how to deal with the situation. Indecision is not a word that should be in your vocabulary

Sorry rushed post heading out

 

[jophil28]

Aside from the fact that this is a deviant practice, and by definition unhealthy, you are falling into the trap of believing that if you acquire the knowledge and adopt the behavior of a member of this 'group' , then you can create a 'relationship' with her.

However, in so doing you have violated one of our most significant DJ directives.

" A woman joins a man's life, not the other way around."

Trouble ahead TM.

 

[NewMan]

a lot is happening - interesting stuff.

I just wonder what would make the OP bring this kind of drama into his life.

Then I know the answer.

The s#x.

It's always the same - the crazy ones are the best lay's.

Just don't think you can turn these women into GF/Wife/live in material.

It'll end ugly, it always does.

 

[IronStar]

Thundermaverick,

Would have helped if you'd dropped this in the first post? Personally that whole scene isnt my bag, I wouldnt have even replied as its out of my own personal experience - I'd run a country mile if I met a bird like yours.

One thing I do know: Do this & she is your responsibility, you dont get to mess up here or walk away without consequences.

And by consequences I dont mean drunken text messages at 3am.

Good luck TM. If you can make it work for you & her, chances are she's safer with you anyway.