Why does it feel like I'm constantly being disrespected

[1 Bad Dude]

I see this is in two sections.

...
And here is another thing to think about. These guys know she's Thunders girl but they still hit on...

Who says they know he's her boyfriend. I doubt the photographer knows.

 

[Onlyliveonce]

Get a gun, kill her and him but spend the rest of your life in prison. Or be happy and dump the skank.

 

[hithard]

What advice would you give me Thunder:
*4 months in relationship

*Girlfriend was abused in her past

*Photographer that is into bondage hits on my girlfriend in front of me and now she is going to lunch with him.

*Has been taken advantage by a photographer before (not enough details)

*Feels the need to have lunch with an ex that abused her.

Leaves me messages like this to excuse going out with another guy

Her: No just lunch. I need to trust myself. I need to not be afraid anymore. As far as shoots go i don't have any planned for the time being


Me:Knowing that he's attracted to you and wants to **** you why would you put yourself in a situation like this?? I don't need you to do that. God...If you feel really uncomfortable call me. Let me know what happens. I love you. :/


Her:Because there will always be ppl like that. I need to be able to handle it. You wont always be there

Am I blinded by love and playing the Captain Saveaho by trying to change her underlying behavior and disrespecting myself by putting up with this $hit?


Not to sure about your choice on this one Thunder.
Things may get better a few more months in. But if you are going to have to chase every guy away that interacts with your GF and then asks her out, then you are in for a headache. It's her sending mixed signals to these guys

Know what you want out of this realationship and stamp your fu.cken claim.

Know she is damaged goods and they are a ****load of work to deal with.

Don't make excuses for her bad behaviour by passing off as being abused previously.

And the pattern will repeat in a few years if you don't maintain a strong frame.

I hope you’re keeping a few other women options on the side, because she is keeping a few guys who would happily be next in line

 

[Colossus]

THUNDER:

I know it's hard to see the forest when you are in the midst of the trees, but that's the great thing about this forum---we can see it clear as day.

You do not have a grip on reality here. You are making excuses for her left and right. You want to give her the benefit of the doubt, but SHE is flagrantly disrespecting YOU by engaging these men. You arent imagining this. Here's a good rule of thumb: if you feel like your girl is disrespecting you, she probably is.

Your post just blew my mind, man. Dump her immediately. I am dead serious. Do not try to "fix" things. It will be painful as hell but once it's over you can begin the road to recovery and hopefully never end up in a relationship like this again.

 

[hithard]

Yeah to add : I'm in the 'dump her' camp. Way to much work IMO
Or if you still feel you don't have the nads for it just yet start setting up other girls so the fall ain't so hard. Maybe get a handle on where you went wrong in picking this one.

 

[Kailex]

Her: Free lunch (she's really REALLY broke and almost homeless)/ a test for myself. I can't be with you if i can't be more assertive. It's not fair to depend on you so much. I know i can do this and be ok

You should have told her that she failed her own test.
Her most assertive move was to say "NO". She doesn't need to go and get a free lunch to test her assertiveness.

Again, she failed her own test and she failed you.

But like others have said, you like it.



This chick has so many red flags that even referees in soccer are saying: OH MY GOD.

I would have nexted her as soon as she said she needed to test herself.
If the situation were reversed, would she have applauded you for wanting to test your assertiveness?

It's ALL bullsh*t.
And what I quoted is just a tiny microcosm of the whole thing. The macro outlook is even WORSE.

This one is DONE.
If after this you stay with her, anything else that comes up is YOUR fault.

 

[guru1000]

if you feel like your girl is disrespecting you, she probably is.

Words to live by.

 

[jophil28]

what do you guys think I should do?

I believe that she is enjoying every minute of being the center of three mens' attention, and I also believe that she is playing her part, skillfully, in sending encouraging signals to all of them. You may not see how she is doing this, but woman always fly under the radar.

I don't particularly want to insult your G/f because I respect you, however her behavior meets the definition of an AW ...it is all about her, isn't it .

 

[Romjuan]

I believe that she is enjoying every minute of being the center of three mens' attention, and I also believe that she is playing her part, skillfully, in sending encouraging signals to all of them. You may not see how she is doing this, but woman always fly under the radar.

I don't particularly want to insult your G/f because I respect you, however her behavior meets the definition of an AW ...it is all about her, isn't it .

Wow, thats very interesting thought. This is pretty intriuging. All three guys have been givin just enough from her to stick around and give her attention...Including the OP. He has just enough rapport or whatever it is she has been dishing to him to keep him around. Never crossed my mind while reading all the other replies. It does seem like a great position for this girl to be in. She has high IL from her current bf, ex bf, and a current photographer.
I hate being in the OPs situation where you have to deal with a girlfriend that loves attention. I understand ALL women need attention so Ive grown to really respect woman that commands attention rather than the girl that seeks attention.

 

[AMDG]

If it gets to a point where my life is heavily affected I'll walk away.

You're wasting time with damaged goods.

 

[jophil28]

I understand ALL women need attention so Ive grown to really respect woman that commands attention rather than the girl that seeks attention.

One aspect of this story floods my brain.
In the past I have been connected with a few "abused" women and without exception they were manipulators and mindgamers. They all had no clue about loyalty, committment, LTR ethics and obligations, or even fundamental morality.
My layman conclusion is this - women who were abused, or grew up in "dysfuctional " homes never had their emotional needs met by their whacked out parents. There was no free flowing supply of acceptance, approval and love, and so in order to acquire these from her parents she learned to "extract" them through a range of manipulative behaviors.
Any kind of attention is better than none.

Fast forward twenty years ....enter Thunder M .

 

[Bible_Belt]

The problem is that she has options, and you don't. Start going on lunch dates with other girls and see how she likes it.

 

[Slickster]

Holy fvck Thunder!

This is a pitiful story to read. To hear you make excuses for her disrespect is just plain sad my friend. You really should know better at this point.

What really makes me cringe is your text conversation with her. It SCREAMS chump being played by a drama queen.

If she disrespects you or her behaviour makes you uncomfortable, you tell her ONCE. Next time it happens she's gone. It's called demanding respect. Without it your relationship is doomed.

You are in a relationship, meanwhile she's still dating.

Iqqi is right. You are disrespecting yourself.

Do the right thing brother.

 

[The Duke]

Perhaps what thunder has posted is not so much "acceptance" of her behavior as it is his ability to relate. He sounds pretty tolerant and open minded and can see the issue from both sides. Nothing wrong with that.

I once had a girlfriend who pulled some of this same stuff and never hid anything from me. I finally came right and told her that I didn't approve. She understood and ceased communication with these other guys. I wouldn't be afraid to tell any girl this. If she is that into you then she'll make the changes to appease you. You aren't asking for anything outlandish. If she doesn't comply then she's not that into you. Good luck.

 

[Slickster]

I have an old friend that I used to sleep with on a somewhat regular basis......

We are just friends now and hang out occasssionally with a group, her current bf is a really cool guy and we go snowboarding together.

Anyways, she told me one day that a former boyfriend who lives about 500 miles away calls her now and then and tries to get her to come visit him or meet him halfway to sex him up.

Me: He knows you have a boyfriend?
Her: Yes, I told him.
Me: So why do you keep answering his phone calls?
Her: I don't want to be rude to him.
Me: Do you think your ex is disrespecting your bf when he continually hits on you?
Her: Yeah.
Me: So you don't want to be rude to your ex, and to avoid being rude, you instead encourage him to disrespect your bf....
Her: I never looked at it that way.


She stopped answering the calls. Well, as far as I know anyways.

Bottom line, if any girl does not recognize this kind of behavior as disrespectful, she is an automatic NEXT.

If she does recognize it as disrespectful, yet refuses to stop, also an automatic NEXT.

My personal belief is that they all know it is bad, yet they do it anyways to see if they can get away with it, just like little children.

Of course they are aware of it. It is all done for attention. If she's in a relationship with you and she still needs attention from her ex or other dudes then it's not really an exclusive relationship is it? Get out or just take a step back and start seeing other women.

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

This girl better have the body and appetite of a pornstar, because everything else about her is painting a picture of a loser. She came from a fvcked up house, she's fvcked up, she's broke, she's ghetto and her genes are inferior with her retarded brother...

She probably sleeps with ******* too.

But what does it say about YOU, OP, that such a girl should be able to cause so much trouble for you?

As far as I'm concerned, this would be a girl that I MIGHT bang a few times and then curtains, and that's assuming she's built like a pornstar.

 

[Bluntmaster]

This is a situation I could see myself in. WTF dude?

 

[ThunderMaverick]

This girl better have the body and appetite of a pornstar, because everything else about her is painting a picture of a loser. She came from a fvcked up house, she's fvcked up, she's broke, she's ghetto and her genes are inferior with her retarded brother...

She probably sleeps with ******* too.

But what does it say about YOU, OP, that such a girl should be able to cause so much trouble for you?

As far as I'm concerned, this would be a girl that I MIGHT bang a few times and then curtains, and that's assuming she's built like a pornstar.

I'm with her because I can empathize with her situation. I'm grew up in a fu<ked up house and I am aware enough on what I need to improve on myself. At 29 I'm still unlearning what was forced on me as a child (abuse, neglect, poverty, etc)

Yes, she's build like a pornstar and f*cks like a pornstar. She has numerous options to be taken care of by a sugar daddy, (she gets constant propositions on a daily bases) but chooses not to. I'm still working on myself and she knows this. She is the same way, that's why I have the patience to correct her when she f*cks up. I've took the necessary measures today and she won't be doing it again.

Maybe if I grew up in a better household and thought people who weren't perfect weren't worthy, then I would totally see it your way. I CHOSE to give her a chance and I am well aware enough to know the consequences. I gave up on another person close to me in my life (didn't care if she lived or died) and she turned out for the better. If I see potential in someone I will be there.

No one is perfect. God, I wish I were.

 

[hithard]

Wish you well with it Thunder. Don't let any problems fester, deal with them straight away in future. Make sure you know what you want and don't use past experiances define who you or the GF is now.

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

This girl better have the body and appetite of a pornstar, because everything else about her is painting a picture of a loser. She came from a fvcked up house, she's fvcked up, she's broke, she's ghetto and her genes are inferior with her retarded brother...

She probably sleeps with ******* too.

But what does it say about YOU, OP, that such a girl should be able to cause so much trouble for you?

As far as I'm concerned, this would be a girl that I MIGHT bang a few times and then curtains, and that's assuming she's built like a pornstar.

She probably sleeps with who?....