Why do women online agree to a first date then flake?

[Crissco]

You have to set up the date as quick as you can. I plan it for the same day I get the number or the next night to hang out. Like a lot of others said, flakes boil down to options and timing. Online girls have tons of options, there getting messages all the time, that's why you have to stand out. If you have the right timing your in.

Ive messaged girls months prior to sending my second message, and on the first no response, second message, i get a response and number close if not meet up/lay. Or vice versa with girls who fell off but never met up. That is timing.

I noticed if i keep the conversation going throughout the day, I usually somehow screw it up. So i talk for a bit, plan the date, then dont text her untill about 2 hours before the meet up.

If she flakes and gives a legit reason in my mind and plans for a different day no problem, but she has to make it up to me. If she doesnt text me back or pick up my calls that's disrespect and shes done for.

I also noticed summer time is notorious for flakes. Anywhere from fall - beg of spring is the best because its "hibernation period" Summer time girls, again, have more options and more things to do.

 

[Scaramouche]

Hi Zarky,
I think this the best flake of all....few years ago contacted a Nurse,seemed nice,prefaced her profile"I am a confident young Women...."
So we arranged to meet at a Corner coffee shop....I sat at a table on the very corner,ordered a beer....Sat for a little bit,nursing my drink, and the phone rang...."Scarra is that you sitting at the corner table,in a blue shirt""Sure where are you?""I'm sitting in a car 100 yards away watching you in my binoculars""well stay there I'll come up and see you"....Walked up to where she had been...Gone with the wind LOL.

 

[tryst type]

A woman just flaked on me, literally two minutes ago.

We had plans for 8 o'clock tonight

Her: hey ill be with clients tonight and probably won't be done till about 10 so I won't be able to make it unfortunately.

Me: ok, what's your counter offer?

Her: what do you mean?

Me: what other day are you planning to see me?

Her: not until next week, I won't know for sure till I see my schedule on Monday

Me: K

I chalk this up to never going to happen, if she gets in touch ill take it from there but from the info she provided it'd be pointless to even stay in touch for now.

 

[The_flying_dutchman]

Has happened to me 3 times in a row now.

I just don't understand why they respond and agree to the date in the first place.

My answer now is lol whatever and I delete their number and click meet me on dozens of new girls to get fresh talent in.

Women want to keep the option available but don't want to have to commit.

 

[Zarky]

Hi Zarky,
I think this the best flake of all....few years ago contacted a Nurse,seemed nice,prefaced her profile"I am a confident young Women...."
So we arranged to meet at a Corner coffee shop....I sat at a table on the very corner,ordered a beer....Sat for a little bit,nursing my drink, and the phone rang...."Scarra is that you sitting at the corner table,in a blue shirt""Sure where are you?""I'm sitting in a car 100 yards away watching you in my binoculars""well stay there I'll come up and see you"....Walked up to where she had been...Gone with the wind LOL.

LOL wow that's a rough one. Back in '03 was my last really bad flake. I'd set up a date with a woman down in San Diego. This was back when I would drive long distances for sex (no more). This lady was a hottie though. Drove all the way down from LA and she stood me up. Left a nasty voicemail on her machine, never heard from her.

Her: hey ill be with clients tonight and probably won't be done till about 10 so I won't be able to make it unfortunately.

Me: ok, what's your counter offer?

I would never say this. The test is whether she comes up with a counter-offer on her own. If she does, she may still be interested. If she doesn't, she's not. You can't prompt her into it.

 

[Peaks&Valleys]

Her: hey ill be with clients tonight and probably won't be done till about 10 so I won't be able to make it unfortunately.

Me: ok, what's your counter offer?

I would never say this. The test is whether she comes up with a counter-offer on her own. If she does, she may still be interested. If she doesn't, she's not. You can't prompt her into it.

I actually liked that. Balls in her court now, he doesn't have to sit at home wondering if she's going to ask him or does he need to ask her again. Plus he's giving her a chance at that moment, her response wan't the best here, but now he knows her position a little more. She could have responded in a few different ways, I don't think it hurt him any.

 

[Decoy]

I actually liked that. Balls in her court now, he doesn't have to sit at home wondering if she's going to ask him or does he need to ask her again. Plus he's giving her a chance at that moment, her response wan't the best here, but now he knows her position a little more. She could have responded in a few different ways, I don't think it hurt him any.

To each his own,

Without a reschedule (even if the excuse was 'legitimate,') I will next them. Dating women and maintaining their interest is already hard as it is. The time and monetary investment you put into it should pay off. A flake without a counter offer should be tossed in the low interest basket (aka trash.) It might be throwing the baby out with the bath water, but pursuing high interest women produces much better results from my experience.

 

[Decoy]

The way I would handle that:

Her: Sorry have to cancel tonight

ME: No worries. Thanks for the heads-up and I'll leave it up to you to text me if/when you ever wanna get together.

Then I delete the number from my contacts list. I will NOT take it any further. Done.

I will try that, absolutely agree on deleting the number...out of sight, out of mind.

My standard response to a flake is - Okay. <---- I feel the period must be there.

 

[Peaks&Valleys]

To each his own,

Without a reschedule (even if the excuse was 'legitimate,') I will next them. Dating women and maintaining their interest is already hard as it is. The time and monetary investment you put into it should pay off. A flake without a counter offer should be tossed in the low interest basket (aka trash.) It might be throwing the baby out with the bath water, but pursuing high interest women produces much better results from my experience.

Dude, some of these chicks are dumb....let me think about this for a second....MOST of them are DUMB. Sometimes you need to tell them they should be making a counter offer. They get offers everyday, online dating? When you have one on the line (fishing line)....real her in. Letting it go and waiting for her to get back to you "sometime" .... is a bad move, like somebody said 1 in 10. Why not take action then? Even if she has all intentions of it at the moment....she will get distracted and forget about you.....as in sales, Espi, call backs are glorified No's. When you have them on the line, take advantage of it.



Her: Sorry I flaked because I'm dumb, we'll talk later about scheduling something...blah blah blah.
You: No, I have these nights free....pick one.

 

[Decoy]

Dude, some of these chicks are dumb....let me think about this for a second....MOST of them are DUMB. Sometimes you need to tell them they should be making a counter offer. They get offers everyday, online dating? When you have one on the line (fishing line)....real her in. Letting it go and waiting for her to get back to you "sometime".... is a bad move. Even if she has all intentions of it at the moment....she will get distracted and forget about you.....as in sales, Espi, call backs are glorified No's. When you have them on the line, take advantage of it.



Her: Sorry I flaked because I'm dumb, we'll talk later about scheduling something...blah blah blah.
You: No, I have these nights free....pick one.

I don't think you have been in sales. Doing everything in your power for the customer = $$$. Doing everything in your power for a chick = masturbation.

Chicks are not DUMB as you say, get that sh!t out of your head. They appear dumb because they are NOT INTERESTED in you. Why should you need to teeelllllll them to make a counteroffer? Because she can't do so on her own? Because you are trying to create interest when there is none? If a chick wants to date you, she will find a way to make that happen. Regardless if she is working 12 hours a day. Regardless if she has to drive 3 hours to see you. If a chick is interested in seeing you, she WILL make that happen. Everything else is just an excuse due to her low interest in you.

If you are trying to build interest after she flaked on you, well...

Maybe?

 

[Peaks&Valleys]

I don't think you have been in sales. Doing everything in your power for the customer = $$$. Doing everything in your power for a chick = masturbation.

Chicks are not DUMB as you say, get that sh!t out of your head. They appear dumb because they are NOT INTERESTED in you. Why should you need to teeelllllll them to make a counteroffer? Because she can't do so on her own? Because you are trying to create interest when there is none? If a chick wants to date you, she will find a way to make that happen. Regardless if she is working 12 hours a day. Regardless if she has to drive 3 hours to see you. If a chick is interested in seeing you, she WILL make that happen. Everything else is just an excuse due to her low interest in you.

If you are trying to build interest after she flaked on you, well...

Maybe?

Aren't we talking about online dating? Before they've even met?

A lot of interest and attraction can be attained through emails and texts....but they still..... haven't even met each other.

The meeting is the key. Sometimes the simple fact of telling them what the fvck to do will be the attraction.

"you know what, I'll be getting some coffee downtown tomorrow around 10, come meet me then."

That's all it takes rookie.

 

[Married Buried]

I haven't been flaked on much once they've agreed to the date as long as the date is not set more than a couple days in advance. But worst of all is to be stood up. You know, when they verify they are coming maybe even 15 to 30 mins before the meet up time but don't show up after you already got to the place.

I had this happen 2 night in a row, Saturday and last night.
I can't remember this happening more than once or so in years. It's straight up psycho behavior. Maybe it's even a new trend. I can even see some dating guru telling women to stand a guy up and see how he responds. That's how retarded some of the advice is out there.

If a girl flakes, lets me know within a reasonable amount of time in advance, then I just shrug it off and move on. If a girl stands me up, I neg her hard and call her a psycho and move on. I want to make it clear to her immediately that she is sh!t and I'm done.

I am amazed you are still dealing with American women. How much can you take before you say **** them once and for all? There was a point I stopped chasing them altogether. I simply only chased the foreign chics.

 

[sigma335]

Espi spitting that online dating knowledge. Everything you're saying is spot on, never tried suggesting a date on the first message, will give it a shot. Also I've been using pof(until they deleted my account) with good success, lately okc(only 2 lays and tons of messages that go nowhere). Just created a match account to see if I get any winks before joining(without disclosing my income).

 

[Zunder]

A woman just flaked on me, literally two minutes ago.

We had plans for 8 o'clock tonight

Her: hey ill be with clients tonight and probably won't be done till about 10 so I won't be able to make it unfortunately.

Me: ok, what's your counter offer?

Her: what do you mean?

Me: what other day are you planning to see me?

Her: not until next week, I won't know for sure till I see my schedule on Monday

Me: K

I chalk this up to never going to happen, if she gets in touch ill take it from there but from the info she provided it'd be pointless to even stay in touch for now.

Her: hey ill be with clients tonight and probably won't be done till about 10 so I won't be able to make it unfortunately.

You: who is this?

 

[Scormus]

Her: hey ill be with clients tonight and probably won't be done till about 10 so I won't be able to make it unfortunately.

You: who is this?

Lol thats awesome.

Last response I made to a flake was "lol ok whatever" and I fired it back within 15 seconds.

 

[AAAgent]

it's all about rapport and getting their hamster spinning. All the flakes i've had after getting the number are because i didn't build enough rapport. When i spent 20-30 (i normally talk for 5-10 and get the number and eject) minutes hanging out or even the whole night talking to a chick i approached always ended up more successful.

Online is the same thing. I got a date and she flaked. You need to get them comfortable which is alot easier over the phone but i'm not an advocate of online dating.

 

[The Duke]

Had a first date with a girl that went pretty well except for the fact she showed up 1hr late and blamed it on traffic!

Planned a second date 2wks later, and thats when she got all flakey. We had originally planned to meet saturday evening. She had been out with her girlfriends drinking that afternoon and about 15 minutes before our date she texted to say she drank too much and wouldn't be able to make it. I told her to just forget it. This put her hamster wheel into overdrive and she went crazy with the texts. I ignored her texts and then she offered to meet me if her girlfriends could come with her. I said only if they are hot and she would need to send me a pic. A few minutes later I get a pic and 2 of them are pretty good looking. So I told her my buddies and me were hanging out at Bar XYZ and she could stop in.

Well, her and her girls never showed up. This time her excuse was she was tired and her girls made her go somewhere else.

Around 3am I get a text from her telling me how she was sorry we couldn't meet and her girlfriends made her go somewhere else. She asked if we could talk. I called her up and proceeded to rip her a$$. After 5minutes of me calling her out & ripping her a$$ she hung up.

She wakes up at 9 that morning and calls to tell me she was sorry and that I said some really mean things to her.

Moral of the story.........don't even converse with girls like this. At the first sign of flakery eliminate her. All I was really looking for was sechs with her but she was too much trouble for that.

This girl was your typical wannabee model/attention w_h_o_rE who spent all her time in the high end luxury bars, came from a broken home, and had a daddy that was still paying her bills at age 27.

 

[Colossus]

^ I sincerely hope you never let that happen again! An HOUR late?! Wanting to bring her friends?! Bro.

That's why I have a one flake = done policy.

 

[Scormus]

I always ask for the date up front.

A couple of times a girl would claim she wouldn't come out because my brazenness put her off, but my read is if they liked me they would go out with me and claiming my directness turned them off is a lame ******** excuse.

A few of the girls who did come out commented that they liked my direct approach.

Bottom line I don't think any amount of chat beforehand helps. You are either in or out and by chatting too much you are wasting your time.

 

[The Duke]

Colussus- lol, yeah that was a couple years ago. I went thru a lot of girls to figure this game out. I am thankful for all the schitty experiences like that one. Eventually you reach a point where you can predict a flake before it even happens.


There is no perfect recipe of do's and don'ts. Each girl is different and she might be one way one day and different the next. Its about calibrating to the situation and girl to achieve success. At least that was always how I handled it. Don't try and analyze it too much. Just go with the flow.