Why do we have to come up with excuses for not liking women with a high body count?

[Fortune_favors_the_bold]

I guess we all agree that a woman with a high body count generally disgusts most men yet we hear all the possible explanations for that wheter it's the risk for STDs, the inability to bond, sins if you're religious and so on.

But let's be honest...what bothers us the most is the fact that many other men used and threw her away instead of committing or paying the full price for her in terms of economical, social and psychological investment.

What bothers us is the fact that she is a spoiled good basically which many others used for free.

If that wasnt the case you wouldnt be concerned about your sweetheart after years of relationship where no problem with bonding or diseases existed yet you would drop her in a eye beat if you find out she had a train run on her from the high school football team.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

I guess we all agree that a woman with a high body count generally disgusts most men yet we hear all the possible explanations for that wheter it's the risk for STDs, the inability to bond, sins if you're religious and so on.

And then they wonder why women lie about the amount of ex-lovers.

 

[CBear]

I saw the correlations with body count and behaviors/attitude. My 1st relationship had 30, my 2nd had 10+, my 3rd had 3, and my current one had 0. I refused to settle although every single one loved me. I cut it off with all of them. Each one was progressively less crazy and where the first had a mental illness + so many other issues and the second had major daddy issues and narcissistic qualities. The one I'm with now is so appreciative of everything, isn't possessive, doesn't try to control me or change my stubbornness, and there's just a different level of comfort. I would've been happy with just a lower body count but I'm glad that I didn't settle and I encourage all men to not settle as well.

 

[soulforge]

I guess we all agree that a woman with a high body count generally disgusts most men yet we hear all the possible explanations for that wheter it's the risk for STDs, the inability to bond, sins if you're religious and so on.

But let's be honest...what bothers us the most is the fact that many other men used and threw her away instead of committing or paying the full price for her in terms of economical, social and psychological investment.

What bothers us is the fact that she is a spoiled good basically which many others used for free.

If that wasnt the case you wouldnt be concerned about your sweetheart after years of relationship where no problem with bonding or diseases existed yet you would drop her in a eye beat if you find out she had a train run on her from the high school football team.

Some good points here... And yes it is pretty disgusting when a girl has been ran through by the local rugby team.. However the pair bonding part plays a big part in it for me.

Anytime I find out girl has taken 5 penises or more, the chance of her staying in a relationship with me long term is less likely.

Anytime I find out that a girl has had 10 penises or more... I know a breakup down the line with her is pretty much guaranteed.

 

[soulforge]

I saw the correlations with body count and behaviors/attitude. My 1st relationship had 30, my 2nd had 10+, my 3rd had 3, and my current one had 0. I refused to settle although every single one loved me. I cut it off with all of them. Each one was progressively less crazy and where the first had a mental illness + so many other issues and the second had major daddy issues and narcissistic qualities. The one I'm with now is so appreciative of everything, isn't possessive, doesn't try to control me or change my stubbornness, and there's just a different level of comfort. I would've been happy with just a lower body count but I'm glad that I didn't settle and I encourage all men to not settle as well.

I live in the UK.. a body count of 10 by age 21 is hitting the jackpot over here.

 

[soulforge]

I saw the correlations with body count and behaviors/attitude. My 1st relationship had 30, my 2nd had 10+, my 3rd had 3, and my current one had 0. I refused to settle although every single one loved me. I cut it off with all of them. Each one was progressively less crazy and where the first had a mental illness + so many other issues and the second had major daddy issues and narcissistic qualities. The one I'm with now is so appreciative of everything, isn't possessive, doesn't try to control me or change my stubbornness, and there's just a different level of comfort. I would've been happy with just a lower body count but I'm glad that I didn't settle and I encourage all men to not settle as well.

Yup definitely a coralation between Body count and crazy.

One girl I dated, around 18 bodies, was absolutely bat chit.

Another girl recently, age 24 with 12 bodies or more.. major daddy issues and narcissistic traits.

The most easy going and enjoyable relationship I ever had was with a woman who was in a very long relationship, she was with this dude from age 18 onwards and I was the third person she had slept with.

She was stable, easygoing, trustworthy.. The long distance kinda fuked things up.

 

[Dr.Suave]

But let's be honest...what bothers us the most is the fact that many other men used and threw her away instead of committing or paying the full price for her in terms of economical, social and psychological investment.
What bothers us is the fact that she is a spoiled good basically which many others used for free.

This. I agree. Why pay full price (exclusivity or marriage) if others guys got It for free before you met her?

 

[mbc0029]

Non-Exclusivity for me. That way I don't have to worry about it.

Most dudes get stuck in a Relationship-mindset or monogamy, exclusivity mindset. We get stuck in thinking the Old Order of things (Monogamy) is how we're supposed to do it. I think Rollo Tomassi calls it a Monogamy as a Goal state, or something like that.

Pragmatically, if you want anything serious, it's better to let plates spin themselves. The dudes who worry about body count (i've been there), are usually not getting laid or think that their only way to get laid is in an exclusive relationship.

 

[CBear]

Non-Exclusivity for me. That way I don't have to worry about it.

Most dudes get stuck in a Relationship-mindset or monogamy, exclusivity mindset. We get stuck in thinking the Old Order of things (Monogamy) is how we're supposed to do it. I think Rollo Tomassi calls it a Monogamy as a Goal state, or something like that.

Pragmatically, if you want anything serious, it's better to let plates spin themselves. The dudes who worry about body count (i've been there), are usually not getting laid or think that their only way to get laid is in an exclusive relationship.

Wish I could agree with you on your last statement and I won't toot my own horn so I'd rather mention that I know plenty of guys who absolutely killed it and still do. And yet, there's a universal truth that those who have been bedded more have heavier baggage and there's no denying that by any man that truly knows women. And that was the point that I was making in my initial post. And in understanding that, why would any smart man choose to deal with all the extra trouble and headache that is linear with behavior that led to a higher body count? I worry to tell you that from my experience and understanding others that its moreso the desperate dudes or the ones who DON'T get laid a lot who don't care about body count and are willing to set it aside. But it's also important not to place everyone in a bubble. Some dudes just don't want to be in a relationship and couldn't care less about this sort of thing which is totally fine as long as they don't let their emotions get in the way and end up falling in love with the wrong person.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Here's my thinking:

Women lie about body counts and try to minimize them, at least in my target age group: 40-55 - they know it devalues them in my generation's eyes. The truth is you will never know a woman's actual body count. I don't ask unless, in pillow talk, it comes out, and she asks me mine, which I do not discuss. What I do, though, is say, "How would you like it if I asked you yours? Wouldn't you think I'm prying?" That usually shuts them down hard. The more playful ones will say, "You're a great lover, so I am sure you've had tons!" I then usually say (whether true or not), "Well, you can sure give head, so I, too, will imagine the same thing about you." The discussion, at this point, is usually over.

You can care about body count, and most men do not like the idea of a woman that has been run through.

But the truth is you'll never know the truth, and the ones that admit theirs if it's high usually don't care about upsetting you.

Again, there is no reason to go on and on about body counts when you never know the truth.

 

[Millard Fillmore]

Who said anyone had to make excuses for it?

Non-Exclusivity for me. That way I don't have to worry about it.

Most dudes get stuck in a Relationship-mindset or monogamy, exclusivity mindset. We get stuck in thinking the Old Order of things (Monogamy) is how we're supposed to do it. I think Rollo Tomassi calls it a Monogamy as a Goal state, or something like that.

Pragmatically, if you want anything serious, it's better to let plates spin themselves. The dudes who worry about body count (i've been there), are usually not getting laid or think that their only way to get laid is in an exclusive relationship.

This makes a lot of sense. My personal opinion is that monogamy is not natural, at least people were not meant to be 100% monogamous 100% of the time. It goes against nature IMO.

They say that virginal type women will pair bond more easily. That is probably true. However IME it can just create a different kind of crazy woman. They get way too attached to the point of being stalkerish and possessive. It's the goal of a lot of guys to "settle down" with this type but you'd better be sure she's got some perspective.

I'm not saying a woman with more experience is "better" but that you have to be careful and not just choose a woman only because of low body count. Huge potential for nutso behavior. And if she doesn't have a past that means it might be in her future (and yours).

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

Who said anyone had to make excuses for it?

Exactly.

If you aim solely for women with low body count, you can still find them scurrying around dumpsters.

 

[soulforge]

Here's my thinking:

Women lie about body counts and try to minimize them, at least in my target age group: 40-55 - they know it devalues them in my generation's eyes. The truth is you will never know a woman's actual body count. I don't ask unless, in pillow talk, it comes out, and she asks me mine, which I do not discuss. What I do, though, is say, "How would you like it if I asked you yours? Wouldn't you think I'm prying?" That usually shuts them down hard. The more playful ones will say, "You're a great lover, so I am sure you've had tons!" I then usually say (whether true or not), "Well, you can sure give head, so I, too, will imagine the same thing about you." The discussion, at this point, is usually over.

You can care about body count, and most men do not like the idea of a woman that has been run through.

But the truth is you'll never know the truth, and the ones that admit their if it's high usually don't care about upsetting you.

Again, there is no reason to go on and on about body counts when you never know the truth.

Woman tell on themselves often.. they let things slip on a regular basis.

If you give her enough rope, she will hang herself. If you make her feel like your a very liberal guy, open minded, maybe share a story with her about when you did some wild chit.. Once she is in that comfort zone, she will tell all about her sexual escapades.

Personally if I meet a chick over the age of 30 and she is single. I literally don't care about knowing anything about her body count, it's almost guaranteed she has been ran through.

If I meet a girl between the age 20-26 then I am more intrigued and curious about her body count, as I feel girls that age are more likely better LTR material.

That being said.. I know of girls between ages 18 - 25 who have totally been ran through. You can't win either way.

 

[Fortune_favors_the_bold]

Woman tell on themselves often.. they let things slip on a regular basis.

If you give her enough rope, she will hang herself. If you make her feel like your a very liberal guy, open minded, maybe share a story with her about when you did some wild chit.. Once she is in that comfort zone, she will tell all about her sexual escapades.

Personally if I meet a chick over the age of 30 and she is single. I literally don't care about knowing anything about her body count, it's almost guaranteed she has been ran through.

If I meet a girl between the age 20-26 then I am more intrigued and curious about her body count, as I feel girls that age are more likely better LTR material.

That being said.. I know of girls between ages 18 - 25 who have totally been ran through. You can't win either way.

Agree.

The only way to get an exact count is either a girl who doesnt care about you and the outcome of being honest or a girl that believes you're a very liberal man who "doesnt care about such things".

But very often even those who ide their numbers will share pieces of info that allow us to get to a kinda accurate evaluation.

 

[soulforge]

Agree.

The only way to get an exact count is either a girl who doesnt care about you and the outcome of being honest or a girl that believes you're a very liberal man who "doesnt care about such things".

But very often even those who ide their numbers will share pieces of info that allow us to get to a kinda accurate evaluation.

If she tells me 10.. I tend to +5 = 15
If she tells me 20.. I tend to +5 = 25

Girls are notorious for not counting that one off hook up she did, or the odd blow job she gave to random dude at a party or night out.

 

[pipeman84]

If that wasnt the case you wouldnt be concerned about your sweetheart after years of relationship where no problem with bonding or diseases existed yet you would drop her in a eye beat if you find out she had a train run on her from the high school football team.

I think that scenario is rarer than being hit by lightning in a city. In other words, a woman who was a slut before she reached legal drinking age won't change drastically later on. And even if by some miracle she did, and acted like the perfect, loving, loyal GF for years, I don't know if it's the train the football team run on her or the dishonesty and her lying by omission that's more disgusting. I think it's the latter.

I think body count matters only when you intend to significantly invest in a woman (LTR, marriage) ... that's when the thought of overpaying for what others got for free comes to mind. That's also the time when her issues that gave her the body count can and will impact you.

 

[Fortune_favors_the_bold]

I think that scenario is rarer than being hit by lightning in a city. In other words, a woman who was a slut before she reached legal drinking age won't change drastically later on. And even if by some miracle she did, and acted like the perfect, loving, loyal GF for years, I don't know if it's the train the football team run on her or the dishonesty and her lying by omission that's more disgusting. I think it's the latter.

I think body count matters only when you intend to significantly invest in a woman (LTR, marriage) ... that's when the thought of overpaying for what others got for free comes to mind. That's also the time when her issues that gave her the body count can and will impact you.

I understand what you mean but disagree on the change part, sure she wont but she will be able to hide.

I saw girls that got nailed from countless men including me and my friends, change clothes, life style and cleaning their facebook profile better than a CSI team.

All the club pics disappeared as much as their girls night out albums while all the bad boys got untagged/unfriended.

It usually happens in their late 20s.

 

[SW15]

I understand what you mean but disagree on the change part, sure she wont but she will be able to hide.

I saw girls that got nailed from countless men including me and my friends, change clothes, life style and cleaning their facebook profile better than a CSI team.

All the club pics disappeared as much as their girls night out albums while all the bad boys got untagged/unfriended.

It usually happens in their late 20s.

I have seen this happen to women around late 20s/early 30s as well. A lot of times women t

I think body count matters only when you intend to significantly invest in a woman (LTR, marriage) ... that's when the thought of overpaying for what others got for free comes to mind. That's also the time when her issues that gave her the body count can and will impact you.

Body count matters most in a legal marriage setting. It can be somewhat relevant in an LTR (exclusive, non-marital situation) as well, but the consequences for a non-marital LTR failing aren't that great without having kids and without living together.

I never ask a woman's body count but behaviors will somewhat give away a body count over the course of an interaction.

 

[Dr.Suave]

I never ask a woman's body count but behaviors will somewhat give away a body count over the course of an interaction.

I didnt want to say it. But I´ve been thinking about that for some time. I call them "tells". Its one of the reasons why I respectfully disagree with the "you will never know the real number anyway" or variants of that.

Edit: There are other reasons. But ime this is not worth discussing on SoSuave. Some guys will never change their mind about this.

 

[pipeman84]

I understand what you mean but disagree on the change part, sure she wont but she will be able to hide.

I saw girls that got nailed from countless men including me and my friends, change clothes, life style and cleaning their facebook profile better than a CSI team.

All the club pics disappeared as much as their girls night out albums while all the bad boys got untagged/unfriended.

It usually happens in their late 20s.

Ok, but all that cleaning up of social media doesn't really accomplish anything, it can only trick a complete stranger in the beginning of their interaction.
From my observations the reformed sluts approach is not to lie about their past/deny that existed (it's particularly hard to do nowadays and moreover they'd have to continuously be on guard) but to acknowledge it and portray themselves as changed women who are not defined by their past.