Why do some people "make it" here at Sosuave and some people don't...your thoughts?

[animal crackers]

Originally posted by Deus ex Pianoforte
Julia Roberts married Lyle Lovett. 'Nuff said. I don't understand why you told him to socialize as a tip though...you sound like those guys that pull a different girl every other night that tell me "You just gotta have CONFIDENCE, man!", or "Why can't you get girls? You just gotta TALK to 'em, dude!". You gotta remember man, just like some people don't have confidence, others don't have the skills to just walk up to people and just start socializing.

Well sometimes I'm downright bad at pickup, I have some girls that just look at me wierd. But what do you mean 'others don't have the skills to just walk up to people and start socializing.' It's not that these other people don't have the 'skills' it's just they're afraid to do it. It's perfectly normal man, everybody is afraid. You just have to do it and then you get better at it. The more you do something the more familiar it is and the better you get at it.

Honestly though, just find like a couple questions and a couple stories to talk about, and then tease the girl for whatever you can find and you're good to go. And while you're going out you can pick up the little things on your own.

Reading is shlt man. Honestly, when it comes down to interacting with people you can't be thinking at all. Just flow, and practice flowing. It's hard to explain really.
Reading = Thinking = Not good for Pickup.
Doing = Active = Alpha Male attractive guy always in action.

It's like you really have to believe that you are a worthwhile person, and that people actually want to listen to the crap that comes out of your mouth. You have to believe that. Just think about all the small successes that you've accomplished all throughout your life, and even write them down.


Everybody has things that somehow they just can't get passed, and the only way to get past them is to do it and realize it's not going to kill you. That it is actually a good thing.

Right now I'm trying to figure out why I can't cold approach at school. It's wierd, I mean I know that nobody will think less of me. But I'm still caught up in the highschool mentality that all the girls will all talk to each other about that dude...(me)

Fvck man. I have to. I will do an approach tomorrow and write a field report, even if it's shlt.


I forgot what I was originally talking about now, but I hope I made some kind of point somewhere in here.

JUST DO IT.


animal crackers

 

[Mr. Delicious]

Originally posted by animal crackers
Are you just really unnattractive or something? I mean like REALLY UGLY?

Fvck man. It's your life, but I'd be pretty depressed if I accepted I'd never be with a girl again. For the record sex in a LTR is the best, especially when you start doing all kinds of kinky shlt to each other.

It's not really THAT hard. Just go out and socialize, socialize, socialize. Work out and be masculine. You will get laid. Period.

I am not ugly at all. I am not very muscular though. Anyway, I used to be pretty shy even though I have always had tons of friends. However I have come a long way. I am now a banker and 95% of my job involves either selling or socializing with others. Right now I feel I am at the peak in my life in being able to comfortably socialize with people. and that really does feel great

With girls though I can socialize with them all day long. However, every girl I ever meet thats worthwile is married, engaged or has a boyfriend. If not the only depth of the girl is she enjoys partying shopping and dancing and THATS IT. (shutters)

I Am sure I will have more random hook ups in my life. Thats the way it always seems to be. Even though I want to have LTRs I am just starting to get the feeling I will never be in a really LTR or get married. I turn 24 in a month and the longest I have dated a girl is 2 months and that was 4 years ago haha.

I dont know its hard to explain in writing exactly what I am talking about.

 

[Carnegie]

Good post BrotherAP!! Ive been on wondering this site for over a year and I havent applied sh*t all...Maybe I got more of inner confidence but I dont think I have improved socially...I really go to get out there. I have alot of knowledge of Djism in my head but I am chicken sh*t to use it. In class (HS) I just sit at the front and dont talk to anyone unless they initatiate the conversation...I have to start making progress. I have to realize that no amount of reading will ever make me a true DJ and that experience is the best teacher of all. I need to get out there and do it..You dont know how many times I have said that in the past months...I have never once gone out and done it...After reading inspiring posts I get so much confidence but the next day I forget what I read and just be my normal self again. Im a quiet, anti social guy. I understand that girls are the same as us guys. I try not to put girls on the pedestal...Oh my god..I just feel like I have learned nothing from this site in the past year..I come here everyday and read but I dont apply this knowledge and I feel llike crap now..I have never kissed a girl before and i am 17. I have had oneitis for a girl for over a year and I havent even talked to her ONCE!! She showed IOIs a year ago and I was head over heels for her yet I never talked to her...Well this halloween,I find out my friend has been talkingto her and is going to take her to prom...I felt like a loser but I realized I havents even spoken to her so Im decided to let her go...I started a journal for self improvement in sept and from now on I will make progress of social things that have happened..things like converstions i have had during the day and such..I find myself ranting about my oneitis in half of the entried I have made in journal...but not no more. I will make social progess!I will talk to people! I just got to go out there and JUST DO IT like animalcrackers said. You dont know how many times I have said stuff like this but I never make it happen. I will not visit this site for the next week because I know I have alot of Dj knowledge in my head. Im using sososuave as a crutch kinda atm...Im gonna go out there and be social!! I have the right mindset, All I need is to be more social! I will write in my journal about social things I did during the day and use my Dj knowledge of how I could have done them better.
This thread really got me thinking. Im the guy that watches things happen when I should be MAKING things happen!!! I gotta make social progress!!! Wish me luck guys. I really want to change!!!!

end of rant..

 

[Q-Pid]

It's very simple.

Those who succeed are the ones who are out in the field putting what they know to the test. These guys put their desires ahead of their ego, and aren't scared to bruise their ego to get what they want.

Those who fail are the ones who know their stuff...but never try it out in the field. They're too damn worried about knocking their ego with a rejection...that they fail anyway.

 

[h2o]

I didn't read any of the other posts, but no need to.

Simple.

It all comes down to one thing: DESIRE
(ever read Think and Grow Rich?)

Either you have it or you don't.

I wasn't even good enough to deserve the "below an AFC" label when I first found this site. I barely had one friend in my last two years of highschool and first year or so of college. I barely even talked to 30 girls my entire time in highschool.

I was keyboard jockey to the maximum back when I first arrived, but I quickly took steps to change. I wanted it that bad. I believed in myself. And now, people from highschool who have ran into me don't even recognize me. They're all like, "wow, you are so social, and outgoing, etc...you have great style" I get tons of compliments on my style from girls, girls have even asked me for fashion tips! When I used to be the most poorly dressed loser who sat in the corner and wouldn't talk to anyone in highschool.

Girls approach me now, and I can approach them with unshakable confidence that makes other guys envious. Haha, look who's on top now.

DESIRE

Yes, it needs emphasis.

How bad do you really want it?

btw, it is worth mentioning that I do not consider myself quite a "ladies man" or "social butterfly" either. But my personality is one that I really never want to be a "social butterfly" and rather keep a somewhat lower profile, stay "mysterious," as some of you like to say. As for being a "ladies man" I can't say I've quite obtained that status either, but I am racking up experiences...just my grain of salt

"Don't stop, get it get it"

 

[jond]

I think a lot of guys here may have things like mild social anxiety disorder.
Reading about 'the game' wont fix that.

 

[karmavsDogma]

not making it, and I know why

I've been on this board for far too long, with little to no success. My problem is I don't go out and try the techniques here. When I do, I have great success. However, every day life and my own insecurity keeps me from being consistent with my approaches. I'm in a cycle now where I think if I get into better shape I'll have more success. I know, honestly, that my body has nothing to do with my success (or lack thereof) with women. However, the more I work out and the more I get in shape, the more confidence I have. That should translate to better success out in the field. Unfortunately, what with bills, expenses, and taking a huge pay cut recently, I don't have as much time or discretionary income to spend chasing ladies in the usual places (bars, clubs, etc.). I'm working on using every day situations to my advantage, but it's a big mental struggle when you're not in a place that's conducive to the whole "pick-up game". But it's a huge mind-f*ck that's holding me back from the success I desire. And I have a feeling a lot of guys (and gals, for that matter) are in the same boat as me.

I will say that I would be stuck even deeper in this rut if it weren't for this site and the other materials I've found through sosuave.com. If you're like me, and you've been reading this for a while and have basically memorized the DJ Bible, I encourage you to get out there and start talking to women. They're people, too. They sh*t and p*ss just like you do. They stink from time to time, and they sweat and eat too much and fart and whatever. They aren't some magical creature from beyond that you have to trick into bed. This is what I tell myself. Sometimes it works, and I get a number or more. Sometimes it doesn't, and I miss opportunities. "Making it" or not depends on your own actions. I certainly hope some of you out there can learn from my mistakes. I hope that someday I will too.

 

[WORKEROUTER]

I just want to hear your opinions on this. If you don't have anything constructive to write, please don't write anything at all.

ALSO, VERY IMPORTANT: If you haven't been in the community for atleast a whole year, please don't reply to this thread. This is a question that needs a longtime perspective.

Please respect these simple wishes. Now to my question:

What sets apart the thousands of guys who have read (watched, listened...) to all the DJ/Seduction material out there, and have NOT made it (=They still have a low success-rate with women), with the few that have made it?

Appearantly, just the information (the "How To":s) aren't enough, the rAFC also needs to have some personality traits. What are these, according to you?

Like I said, I am not looking for any definite answers, just your thoughts...

It's all about the action you decide to take. You ahve to be really willing to take chances. If you don't have the balls to do that, no amount of reading is going to change anything.

 

[LowPlainsDrifter]

It's all about the distance between thought and action...

One of my clients is struggling to make a living... he has thousands of dollars worth of "success" tapes, videos, and books strewn throughout his home... most of them unopened.
My truly wealthy clients, almost to a one, have zero success books, tapes, etc sitting on their bookshelves.

When all is said and done, after hundreds of posts, suggestions, and field reports are read, it still boils down to the person wanting success with women to want it enough to get out there and try.
The "hints" and "tips" are just that - and in fact, filling yourself up with them can serve as a displacement activity, a substitute for going out there and just plain trying.
I don't recall anything I've read on any seduction forum, that told me something I didn't already know consciously or semiconsciously. All those readings did for me (and I suspect for most people too) is bring the ideas fully into conscious thought.

General George Patton said, "A good plan, violently executed, is better than a perfect plan next week."

Just get out there and try.

 

[Jariel]

Some guys get brainwashed into believing one way is the right way and keep trying the same old stuff over and over, and keep failing over and over.

The guys who succeed are the ones who learn from failure and try something new. Eventually they find the path that works best for them.

 

[NHY]

Firstly, I'll admit, I've haven't being following the path of the DJ proper for a whole year, I first came here in 2003 and mostly lurked and did a lot of reading, without much sucess, I did, however, memorise the concept behind this place before I left in mid 2004, I returned in late 2005 but with a more focused mind to succeed.

Ok, what do I think? Well, some people can learn very fast indeed, like it was mentioned in an earlier post, those are the more ' Average ' guys, even before I first found this website, I was already changing myself so that I'd appeared more approching, I had already dropped the old habbit of following oneitis's around in silence as well and dropping any stupid, limiting paradigms ( like not talking to girls who smoked, etc )

I'll admit, my High School years were a failure, mainly due to oneitis and *******s telling everyone and thier dog that I liked such and such a girl! I don't want to even talk about my grads / prom! ( I will say, that I saw it as a scarifice that had to be made in order for me to get in college, yes, I had a hard time as well as a teenager so thats where it came from. )

One that I have gotten from here is indeed, a better inner game, I'm more confident and sure about myself. The really slow part in my case is the outer game, partly due to laziness ( admittedly ) as well as lack of funds and socailness in my home town that doesn't involve sneaking behind bushes, drinking and drugs!

I am making progress, however, like saying Hi to people in the street, it started off with a really faint voice but its getting louder and louder, I can tell you! Talking to new people in college ( like using the enviorment to my advantage, I started talking to a girl I had my eye on for a while when she was printing out assignments, using a lot of paper so I said ' Think of the trees, girl! ' and took it from there! I never had anyone asking ME my name before I ask the girl her name, though. AFCish, maybe but I wouldn't have dreamt of doing only a year ago! )

It can sometimes be a slow and painful process and yes, there are times where I felt like Sh!t because I saw a load of people around kissing and such. I'm nearly 20 ( April 9th is my B - Day ) and I've never had a relationship or being kissed. BUT becuase of the knowledge I aquired here, I'm more accepting of the fact I might be a lifetime bachlaor, hey, at least I won't get ass raped if a marriage went foul! I could relax in my own piece of paradise and travel the world and laugh in the faces of all the girls who rejected me and who now regret it!

My parents probably don't realise the amount of social problems they handed me by constantly drinking, even when they promised not to and leaving me alone, having to stay with my sister, who in turn won't have that problem! I GOT SCREWED! I was shy as it was but that just totally messed me up amd took years to repair! Now, I've being told that because they want to go out on Saturday to some stupid getogether which result in the alochol abuse being reactivated AGAIN, I'll have to babysit instead of going out! Good thing I'm decided to deal with it, one will be renting ' Fight Club ' before they go!

Crap, I hate it the way my posts end up becoming personal, its like all I can talk about, how sh!tty my life has being because I don't know much else in great depth that could hold a conversation!

 

[Juan_Man]

Simple. I think the guys that "make it" are the ones that don't really need any help but they think that they do. This site works as a placebo for them. They think that they are becoming successful based on what they read here but in reality, they are just becoming more assertive and putting themselves out there more. In other words, this site works by the power of suggestion because it jumpstarts them into thinking "hey, this stuff is going to help me out with the ladies."

The ones who do not make it are the ones that completely rely on this site for "tactics" and "tricks" to getting the girl, without relying on their own judgment. Instead of improving their personalities, they try to "create an image" and the women see right through it. The guys who are unsuccessful will be successful the sooner they realize that getting girls is not an exact science with mathematical formulas. Take everything you read here with a discreet eye.

 

[No Bones]

It's very simple.

Those who succeed are the ones who are out in the field putting what they know to the test. These guys put their desires ahead of their ego, and aren't scared to bruise their ego to get what they want.

Those who fail are the ones who know their stuff...but never try it out in the field. They're too damn worried about knocking their ego with a rejection...that they fail anyway.

I really like this post.

 

[Tazman]

I think it depends on what your definition of success is. For myself, i just want a girl that I'm sexually attracted to (doesn't have to be some model looking girl) for sex and companionship, mostly regular sex. I know I can get the sex from certain girls but I don't want to deal with them otherwise. It seems that a down-to-earth, feminine, sexually attractive woman is a rarity and I'm getting fed up with trying to change from being an introverted guy to someone I'm not in order to find it. Some guys say "yeah I used to be shy then I just gained confidence and starting approaching, now I'm a DJ!!!".

I'm sorry, if you are trully a more introverted person you can't just practice being outgoing and suddenly change. There are times when I'm more outgoing but it happens without any effort. When I TRY to become outgoing it just doesn't work because it isn't who I am. People have different temperaments and unfortunately in North America (among other places) introvertedness is a less than advantageous trait to have in the dating world. I can't help it, it takes more time for me than most to open myself up to strangers, been that way my entire life. Then I think to myself, "wow, all this stress just for some *****", and it annoys the hell out of me.

That's life I guess.

 

[Life-Trainee]

Habitually social and outgoing people have much easier time with improving fast. For them it's a matter of switching the game. They got probably the most important factor down.

Whereas people on the lower end of the spectrum have to learn basic social skills first.

For socially inept people it's often a very lonely battle to wage. I don't think people realize what this task comprises of. It involves rejecting negative traits that you are AWARE OF. For some people it means rejecting their entire identities, their egos. Very difficult to do this on your own.

I'm personally having an identity crisis. My life, my profession have all been constructed while under hypnosis of insecurities. I have rejected the past as not me. I'm stuck balancing my profession with the kind of social life I desired to have.

 

[So Many Ways]

What these people that are struglling - I mean really struggling - need is a step by step guide to going from 'way-below-average' to simply 'average' - in other words, they need to play catch-up before they can even begin to apply the knowledge from this site. They need short term goals that they can feel like they've accomplished so that they don't feel like they're getting nowhere. The bootcamp is a good attempt at this, but from what I've seen it fails more often than not. It is a good try though.

I agree. I'm one of those people, one of those people that's way below average and somehow made it to my late 20's without rudimentary social skills and painfully little experience with women. People in that position it's going to take quite a bit longer and much more effort than it would be for someone else who already at least has average social skills and has maybe already had 2 or 3 girlfriends in his life already. Someone in that position already knows the basics and just wants to take his game to a higher level.

I think this site will attract way more people in the former category than the latter.

 

[i am me]

motivation and desire...you get what you put in. its also gotta be said that as u progress and improve, things get harder and easier at the same time. its harder to improve yourself when youre already good at something but u will most likely have a positive attitude to keep pushing you along. i think the ones who really put an effort to START to change their way of thinking are the ones who end up successful (most of the time)

 

[Bourne]

I think this is one of the best threads around.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

It's the difference between winners and losers.

1. Winners never give up. Losers quit the moment things get the slightest bit difficult.
2. Winners make exceptional use of time. Losers waste time doing useless things.
3. Winners plan and map their route to success. Losers consider plans belong to builders and maps belong in glove compartments.
4. Winners take responsibility for all outcomes. Losers prefer to place blame on others.
5. Winners start working on a plan at the earliest opportunity. Losers procrastinate, delay and run out of time.
6. Winners learn from their own mistakes and the experience of others. Losers make the same mistakes over and over again.
7. Winners are pro-active. Losers are re-active.
8. Winners have vision and imagination. Losers are backward looking and lack initiative.
9. Winners encourage and inspire others. Losers criticize and ridicule others.
10. Winners seek information and embrace new knowledge. Losers ignore better methods, concepts and ideas.
11. Winners continually push existing limits and boundaries. Losers feel comfortable operating below their self-imposed ceilings.
12. Winners are inspired to do more to be more. Losers conspire to do less and not be noticed.

 

[saki]

I'm getting fed up with trying to change from being an introverted guy to someone I'm not in order to find it. Some guys say "yeah I used to be shy then I just gained confidence and starting approaching, now I'm a DJ!!!".

I'm sorry, if you are trully a more introverted person you can't just practice being outgoing and suddenly change. There are times when I'm more outgoing but it happens without any effort. When I TRY to become outgoing it just doesn't work because it isn't who I am. People have different temperaments and unfortunately in North America (among other places) introvertedness is a less than advantageous trait to have in the dating world. I can't help it, it takes more time for me than most to open myself up to strangers, been that way my entire life. Then I think to myself, "wow, all this stress just for some *****", and it annoys the hell out of me.

That's life I guess.

You are not alone