Why do some people "make it" here at Sosuave and some people don't...your thoughts?

abbas

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I just want to hear your opinions on this. If you don't have anything constructive to write, please don't write anything at all.

ALSO, VERY IMPORTANT: If you haven't been in the community for atleast a whole year, please don't reply to this thread. This is a question that needs a longtime perspective.

Please respect these simple wishes. Now to my question:

What sets apart the thousands of guys who have read (watched, listened...) to all the DJ/Seduction material out there, and have NOT made it (=They still have a low success-rate with women), with the few that have made it?

Appearantly, just the information (the "How To":s) aren't enough, the rAFC also needs to have some personality traits. What are these, according to you?

Like I said, I am not looking for any definite answers, just your thoughts...
 

Bill

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I do have a comment.

What may hold MANY members off the field is that sosuave has soooooo much information to offer... people find it easier, faster to read Bible articles and such, than to get out there and make mistakes (like they should). The irony is, many people know the DJ principles by heart -- but never actually try them out, since they're too busy reading em.

Another thing that seems to cause more problems than it solves, is the fact that people (new members, hence mostly RAFCs) can post threads after threads ranting about how sh!tty their life is, how crushed they felt after their one-itis ditched them, etc. Now I'm not advocating tighter moderation, but people need to know that crying about a problematic situation DOESN'T help. Seeking advice, asking questions, is.

Sadly, I haven't really answered your question in any way conceivable; for that, I write you a love song. However, I will ponder about some kind of thought-out answer and will try to post it till the end of the week.
Peace.

-Bill
 

Gonzalo

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I lurked for about a year before I signed up, and read all the posts and DJ bible, but didn't really try the stuff (I was still "in love" with my oneitis). Then I actually WANTED to go meet girls and find someone better than any old oneitis.

If a guy doesn't really want it, no amount of reading or studying the principles will work. Take a guy who isn't really that bright but is actually willing to go out and so some of the drills, and he will learn much much faster.

G
 

BrotherAP

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Many people who 'made it' came her as well adjusted social beings to begin with - which really should be the definition of average. The average guy has at least some friends, has dated some girls and has some knowledge about dating. The average guy, after finding this site, is often able to complete the puzzle pieces and average becomes amazing. These are the guys who are most likely to make it.

Many of the understandings you need to successfully apply this knowledge is either left out fo the "DJ Bible" completely, or can only be learned through observation and experience, so the people who are lacking these fundamentals of socialization really have a hard time. They are trying to make up for a lifetime of ackwardness that simply cannot be overcome in a few months. If anything, the success of the truly average guys acts a discouragement to these guys because they're expecting the same results in the same time frame.

These 'way below average' guys are the ones that truly need the extensive practice at socializing. They see the field reports about some of us guys who are bringing home HB8s on a weekly basis and they think that they should be able to do that too after simply reading the DJ Bible. They don't realize all of us, even the naturals, had to go through a trek to get to where they are with the ladies.

My first pickup was when I was 15 - a grand total of 5 years before I ever had heard of anything seduction related for men. I met the girl at a concert, looking at my friend when before we even walked in the door saying "Tonight, we are going to meet some girls." I just stood next to her in the crowd, made conversation (hell if I remember what exactly, after that long), and at the end of the night she chased me through a thick crowd and, standing in front of me breathless from the effort, said "You didn't ask me for my number... so I thought, what if we never see each other again?" and wrote it down for me.

By the standards set by this website - and, if you ask me, the bar has been set very low - you'd be tempted to call me a natural. You'd especially say so of my roommates, who have slept with 23 and 25 girls (and they are 18 and 20, respectively) not counting hookups that did not result in sex. I remember, however, when they had girl problems as bad as many of the guys on this site, back as freshman in high school wondering why all the cute girls were uninterested. Even these guys are nothing to write home about. They get frustrated, too.

What these desperate guys coming on here need to realize is that their progess is going to take time, and they will crash and burn in the process. It has been said by so many self-made men that success is just a series of failures proceeded by something that worked, and it's true in this case just as much as anything else. They expect to read a few articles by Pook and then go out and seduce 9's and 10's the next day. It doesn't work like that. Start small - get a phone number or two from a girl you find attractive, even if that means she's a 6.5. Get some dates, get laid, and use that "cloud 9" feeling as your foundation for the confidence to get another girl right then.

Maybe if these guys who aren't 'making it' had some sort of way to guage their progress even in those grim months before they even manage to get their first kiss then they'd be less discouraged. If only they could say "Yeah, I haven't gotten laid yet - but I talked to that HB9. I never would have done that before." Wingmen can be so important as well. Whenever I need a little bit of a confidence boost for approaching girls, I'll find some guys nearby who seem fun and start talking about girls with them. Then I announce to them that I'm going to talk to a particular girl, and even if I get shot down they always seem to be impressed that I had the balls to do it. Nothing gets me pumping like the pressure of living up to the expectations I myself instilled into other people, and I've made a lot of friends this way. In short, I'm learning because I'm doing. The point is, these guys need to get out there more!

Another thing I might stress is appearance, as it isn't stressed enough. There are a lot of ways you can dress that won't give you any problem with pickups, and then there are a few that are like the kiss of death for fashion mistakes. If you go out looking like a total nerd - parted hair, coke-bottle thick glasses, a work shirt complete with pocket protector, tight highwater slacks pulled up to your belly button and some wal-mart brand running shoes you can bet that you're going to have a hard time with girls no matter how strong your inner confidence is. It's actually ridiculous how much emphasis girls place on appearance - and that doesn't mean genetic looks, either. That means "He's a prep, I like rockers, he's not my type". So find a style the expresses your personality in an alluring way (even if that personality is computers, dungeons and dragons, and obscure anime - which, btw, are all things that my friend who has slept with 25 girls is into). When you look good enough, you don't even need game. It's amazing how that works.

In short, I think that this website really represents an incomplete method for somebody to go from total loser to ladies man. There are things that it simply doesn't teach well, while others simply get underemphasized (or overemphasized). In reality, the "DJ Bible" is nothing but a messy collection of semi-related and often conflicting essays and theories that in no way should be touted as a guide for getting girls. There are some good ideas in there, some bad ideas in their, and some ideas that simply should never be used together (i.e. the mystery method and anti-dump). Since it's up to the visitor to figure all of this out on his own, some simpy never do - and the wbafc becomes a wbasfc (way below average super-frustrated chump) who thinks he should be a DJ by know because he's spent 10,000 hours reading. The problem is that so many of these 'tactics' are based on a larger mindset that cannot be separated from the tactic - and, in fact, the tip would be unnessesary if the person had the mindset down to begin with.

What these people that are struglling - I mean really struggling - need is a step by step guide to going from 'way-below-average' to simply 'average' - in other words, they need to play catch-up before they can even begin to apply the knowledge from this site. They need short term goals that they can feel like they've accomplished so that they don't feel like they're getting nowhere. The bootcamp is a good attempt at this, but from what I've seen it fails more often than not. It is a good try though.

Think about it: if you want to teach a man how to snowboard, what would you do? Would you sit him down in a classroom, and have him read 20 long books on 20 different ways to snowboard - loading him up with termonology and tricks (such as "how to do a 360") when he hasn't even learned how to strap his board on his feet properly yet? No, you might give him a few basic tips, take him out for a day, observe his difficulties, and then give him some more tips as well as let him ask questions about what he had trouble with. He may say "It never occured to me that placing my weight on my downhill edge would cause me to faceplant..." and then learn how to not faceplant, when no amount of reading could have made him understand that as clear as a mouthfull of snow. Maybe after teaching hundreds of students, you could develop a good system to help them learn on their own, trying to answer all questions that they would never think to ask - this is what the site needs. We need to give these struggling newbies a self-learning guide - one that emphasizes practice and small victories. One that throws out some tips and says "Here, try this, and expect this result". Instead of telling them "Be a man! Kill that desperation! Then the most beautiful women will FLOCK to YOU!"

As for the people who simply have no motivation to get out and improve - well, nobody can help a man who wont help himself.

I know I haven't been here for a year... but really, this forum is already almost in the realm of "For Entertainment Purposes Only" as I'm learning everything I need to know just by going out there and doing it on my own. I don't intend to be here when it's been a year since I've registered.

BrotherAP Out
 
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SeldomSeen

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RE:

most people who have made it have put in 'WORK' You wont make it if you arent wiling to go out and get your feet wet and put your fears behind you. I know several guys who have all the material in the world yet when they step into the field they just stand around. Hell before I started reading to polish my game I would always go out with a buddy and just start talking to chicks. My buddy was big a chubby and had a great sense of humor, reminded me alot of Chrish Farley but we would go to a bar and if a girl was sitting with a friend and she looked over at us we'd make ourselves comfortable in their booth and start chit chatting away and it usually ended up in a night of entertainment, talking, drinking and more talking and sometimes numbers were exchanged and sometimes they weren't.


Anyway like I said if you have a buddy then there's no reason you should be standing around just talking and not trying to make conversation. Now when I go out alone I control the dance floor and that usually gets me started. I have an attitude that the dance floor is mine and then chicks just start talking to me blah, blah, blah...

so the difference is actually getting out there and putting in work like a salesman and not fearing what reality may bring or being scared of a little social awkwardness. If a girl looks at me weird or says go away or whatever I just remind myself that she doesnt know me and therefore has no effect on my selfesteem!
 

What happens, IN HER MIND, is that she comes to see you as WORTHLESS simply because she hasn't had to INVEST anything in you in order to get you or to keep you.

You were an interesting diversion while she had nothing else to do. But now that someone a little more valuable has come along, someone who expects her to treat him very well, she'll have no problem at all dropping you or demoting you to lowly "friendship" status.

Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.

SeldomSeen

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RE:

LET ME ADD...back in the day when I was too shy to talk to girls I was amazed when a my friend would talk to any woman he saw and sometimes end up with her number or a date for the evening and he wasnt as nice looking as myself but the fact that he didnt care and was bold enough to actually shoot game to a chick got him laid! When you see women out you can sometimes tell the ones that want to be talked to and flirted with.
 

Dapper Swindler

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The reason people fail is obvious. Changing yourself is TOUGH. Saying hello to strangers and approaching women when you've been an AFC you're entire life is TOUGH. It takes a tremendous amount of wilpower. There are very few people who can push themselves to do the bootcamp, very few people who are that serious about changing their lives.
 

flexion_

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I think the single most important thing is to realize that you are the problem. This is the only way you can make change. People who blame events on everyone else never make it.
 

Bill

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Originally posted by flexion_
I think the single most important thing is to realize that you are the problem. This is the only way you can make change. People who blame events on everyone else never make it.
This is true. Once you realize YOU are the problem, and once you accept it, you begin changing. And that's when the enlightment comes.

Oh yeah, and changing a person is hard work. Learning PU lines can't change you, neither can NLPs or other stand-alone techniques. You need to change your view on life -- and I think that's the hard part right there.

-Bill
 

oakraiderz2

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Peace and Quiet

If you currently have too many women chasing you, calling you, harassing you, knocking on your door at 2 o'clock in the morning... then I have the simple solution for you.

Just read my free ebook 22 Rules for Massive Success With Women and do the opposite of what I recommend.

This will quickly drive all women away from you.

And you will be able to relax and to live your life in peace and quiet.

thederekeffect1

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My 2 cents:

1) Some of the men that come onto this site are naturally attractive or naturally have an addicting personality. But they don't realize it. They think their hopeless. Then they come onto a website like this one that screams "we have all the answers", and it gives them motivation to go out there and atleast approach a few women.

For example: I had a friend that was naturally attractive. He was "tall, dark, and handsome". He had a great body (I was sometimes jealous of his muscular physique). Most of all, he was a very interesting person. You'd THINK women would be all over him, but he didn't even lose his virginity until after this year (he's 20) AFTER he came across David DeAngelo's: Double Your Dating. Before the book, he couldn't even talk to a woman. Now it seems like everywhere we go, he's getting phone numbers. All it took was getting the courage to talk to ONE girl and he was a certified P-I-M-P. We went to a strip club once and the ******* got the strippers number before I could even get a lap dance!

2) Some guys don't want to believe that this stuff works. The guys who were raised to be nice guys. Someone here once posted that all women cheat. For a lot of nice guys, that's where the website crosses the lines with their beliefs. Because they don't want to believe it. They want to believe theres a woman out there that's going to be HIS and only HIS if he just gives her everything she wants. So, they call this website bull**** and tell all their female friends about the website. And they laugh together and have a good ole... this isn't going anywhere besides "Let's be friends"... Time. How do you think so many women discover these sites? I'll tell you one thing... Most women don't go on Google.com looking for "how to seduce women".

This information can be hard for a nice guy to accept.

3) Some men just aren't motivated enough to go out there and get their share of women. They'll read all the articles. Sometimes, they'll even post on here making up their own success storys. But the truth is, they've only tested the site with one or two women... If at all. Their just not motivated enough.

4) The guys who do succeed are the guys who come to this website with an open mind and actually go out there and TRY.
 

bobbob

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Originally posted by BrotherAP
Many people who 'made it' came her as well adjusted social beings to begin with - which really should be the definition of average. The average guy has at least some friends, has dated some girls and has some knowledge about dating. The average guy, after finding this site, is often able to complete the puzzle pieces and average becomes amazing. These are the guys who are most likely to make it.

Many of the understandings you need to successfully apply this knowledge is either left out fo the "DJ Bible" completely, or can only be learned through observation and experience, so the people who are lacking these fundamentals of socialization really have a hard time. They are trying to make up for a lifetime of ackwardness that simply cannot be overcome in a few months. If anything, the success of the truly average guys acts a discouragement to these guys because they're expecting the same results in the same time frame.

These 'way below average' guys are the ones that truly need the extensive practice at socializing. They see the field reports about some of us guys who are bringing home HB8s on a weekly basis and they think that they should be able to do that too after simply reading the DJ Bible. They don't realize all of us, even the naturals, had to go through a trek to get to where they are with the ladies.

My first pickup was when I was 15 - a grand total of 5 years before I ever had heard of anything seduction related for men. I met the girl at a concert, looking at my friend when before we even walked in the door saying "Tonight, we are going to meet some girls." I just stood next to her in the crowd, made conversation (hell if I remember what exactly, after that long), and at the end of the night she chased me through a thick crowd and, standing in front of me breathless from the effort, said "You didn't ask me for my number... so I thought, what if we never see each other again?" and wrote it down for me.

By the standards set by this website - and, if you ask me, the bar has been set very low - you'd be tempted to call me a natural. You'd especially say so of my roommates, who have slept with 23 and 25 girls (and they are 18 and 20, respectively) not counting hookups that did not result in sex. I remember, however, when they had girl problems as bad as many of the guys on this site, back as freshman in high school wondering why all the cute girls were uninterested. Even these guys are nothing to write home about. They get frustrated, too.

What these desperate guys coming on here need to realize is that their progess is going to take time, and they will crash and burn in the process. It has been said by so many self-made men that success is just a series of failures proceeded by something that worked, and it's true in this case just as much as anything else. They expect to read a few articles by Pook and then go out and seduce 9's and 10's the next day. It doesn't work like that. Start small - get a phone number or two from a girl you find attractive, even if that means she's a 6.5. Get some dates, get laid, and use that "cloud 9" feeling as your foundation for the confidence to get another girl right then.

Maybe if these guys who aren't 'making it' had some sort of way to guage their progress even in those grim months before they even manage to get their first kiss then they'd be less discouraged. If only they could say "Yeah, I haven't gotten laid yet - but I talked to that HB9. I never would have done that before." Wingmen can be so important as well. Whenever I need a little bit of a confidence boost for approaching girls, I'll find some guys nearby who seem fun and start talking about girls with them. Then I announce to them that I'm going to talk to a particular girl, and even if I get shot down they always seem to be impressed that I had the balls to do it. Nothing gets me pumping like the pressure of living up to the expectations I myself instilled into other people, and I've made a lot of friends this way. In short, I'm learning because I'm doing. The point is, these guys need to get out there more!

Another thing I might stress is appearance, as it isn't stressed enough. There are a lot of ways you can dress that won't give you any problem with pickups, and then there are a few that are like the kiss of death for fashion mistakes. If you go out looking like a total nerd - parted hair, coke-bottle thick glasses, a work shirt complete with pocket protector, tight highwater slacks pulled up to your belly button and some wal-mart brand running shoes you can bet that you're going to have a hard time with girls no matter how strong your inner confidence is. It's actually ridiculous how much emphasis girls place on appearance - and that doesn't mean genetic looks, either. That means "He's a prep, I like rockers, he's not my type". So find a style the expresses your personality in an alluring way (even if that personality is computers, dungeons and dragons, and obscure anime - which, btw, are all things that my friend who has slept with 25 girls is into). When you look good enough, you don't even need game. It's amazing how that works.

In short, I think that this website really represents an incomplete method for somebody to go from total loser to ladies man. There are things that it simply doesn't teach well, while others simply get underemphasized (or overemphasized). In reality, the "DJ Bible" is nothing but a messy collection of semi-related and often conflicting essays and theories that in no way should be touted as a guide for getting girls. There are some good ideas in there, some bad ideas in their, and some ideas that simply should never be used together (i.e. the mystery method and anti-dump). Since it's up to the visitor to figure all of this out on his own, some simpy never do - and the wbafc becomes a wbasfc (way below average super-frustrated chump) who thinks he should be a DJ by know because he's spent 10,000 hours reading. The problem is that so many of these 'tactics' are based on a larger mindset that cannot be separated from the tactic - and, in fact, the tip would be unnessesary if the person had the mindset down to begin with.

What these people that are struglling - I mean really struggling - need is a step by step guide to going from 'way-below-average' to simply 'average' - in other words, they need to play catch-up before they can even begin to apply the knowledge from this site. They need short term goals that they can feel like they've accomplished so that they don't feel like they're getting nowhere. The bootcamp is a good attempt at this, but from what I've seen it fails more often than not. It is a good try though.

Think about it: if you want to teach a man how to snowboard, what would you do? Would you sit him down in a classroom, and have him read 20 long books on 20 different ways to snowboard - loading him up with termonology and tricks (such as "how to do a 360") when he hasn't even learned how to strap his board on his feet properly yet? No, you might give him a few basic tips, take him out for a day, observe his difficulties, and then give him some more tips as well as let him ask questions about what he had trouble with. He may say "It never occured to me that placing my weight on my downhill edge would cause me to faceplant..." and then learn how to not faceplant, when no amount of reading could have made him understand that as clear as a mouthfull of snow. Maybe after teaching hundreds of students, you could develop a good system to help them learn on their own, trying to answer all questions that they would never think to ask - this is what the site needs. We need to give these struggling newbies a self-learning guide - one that emphasizes practice and small victories. One that throws out some tips and says "Here, try this, and expect this result". Instead of telling them "Be a man! Kill that desperation! Then the most beautiful women will FLOCK to YOU!"

As for the people who simply have no motivation to get out and improve - well, nobody can help a man who wont help himself.

I know I haven't been here for a year... but really, this forum is already almost in the realm of "For Entertainment Purposes Only" as I'm learning everything I need to know just by going out there and doing it on my own. I don't intend to be here when it's been a year since I've registered.

BrotherAP Out


This might be the best post I've read. You seem like you really have your **** together.

You should post more often, it would benefit this site.
 

booga

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BrotherAP, that was brilliant. I would just like to add one thing: very few people are a total success (100% improvement) or a total failure (0% improvement). Most people lie somewhere in the middle of this continuum.

When someone else posts a lay report w/HB9.5, it's easy to get the mistaken impression that he's at the 100% end and you're at the 0% end. If he told you how much time he put in & how many times he crashed & burned, though, you'd have a more realistic impression.

If you keep a log (like I am doing), you will see that you've probably improved more than you think. That's the same reason why they tell you to write a business plan when you start a business. You become so eager for something to happen that it feels like you're going nowhere, but if you stop to check your progress against the plan, you often find that you're right where you planned on being, and everything is OK.

Try not to think in binary terms like success/failure. Instead think in terms of slow, continuous improvement. Every week, try to do a little better than the previous week. At least, that's what seems to be working for me.
 

tmpgstx

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Hey guys, i'm here to tell ya. The best way to get girls is to have them chasing you. It makes it so much easier. The best way to get them chasing you is to look and feel great while being polite yet indifferent - casually showing interest and then casually not. You really find out who your secret admirers are.
 

Peace and Quiet

If you currently have too many women chasing you, calling you, harassing you, knocking on your door at 2 o'clock in the morning... then I have the simple solution for you.

Just read my free ebook 22 Rules for Massive Success With Women and do the opposite of what I recommend.

This will quickly drive all women away from you.

And you will be able to relax and to live your life in peace and quiet.

\O/

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Originally posted by bobbob
This might be the best post I've read. You seem like you really have your **** together.

You should post more often, it would benefit this site.
I totally agree! One of the best replies i've read on this site. You really should post more often BrotherAP. More "naturals" should reply instead of just KBJ's.

I can relate to what you are writing. Even though I don't concider myself a natural, I tried things in the field long before I knew of this site and long before I even thought about that there were actually specific things you could do to attract women. I just thought some had it, some don't. And I crashed and burned until i figured out what worked...

Then I lost it, found this site, and now I'm trying to get it back with great improvement. Still a loong way to go, but with more posts like yours I'll be well on my way :)
 

Mr. Delicious

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I came to this site a few years ago (I lurked for a long time before I joined). I learned many many things. At one point in my life about 2 years ago I really really began applying the techniques in real life. It worked somewhat temporarily. I was able to hook up with about 4-5 girls in a period of three months. However, after the summer ended and i went back to college I wasnt able to apply any of it.

About 6 months later I finally lost my virginity and then did it with a 2nd girl a couple of months later. these experiences for me were absolutely horrible. I felt sex was completely overrated and didnt even care if i ever did it again. since then I have become completely lazy when it comes to girls. I dont even really try much anymore. I feel the effort and risks outweigh the benefits. I am starting to feel like I am going to be single for the rest of my life and I am becoming more acceptable of this. I would like a girlfriend but I have a really weird feeling inside that I am not meant to ever get married. I dont know.
 

ketostix

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Yeah great post BrotherAP.

Many people who 'made it' came her as well adjusted social beings to begin with - which really should be the definition of average. The average guy has at least some friends, has dated some girls and has some knowledge about dating.
This is key. I've never seen anyone really go from batting total zero to success no matter how much they studied and read, especially anyone over say 25. However, I have seen people get some success with a lot of effort just relying on their natural inclinations and not techniques.

No one has the answer for what will attract women or can tell anyone the key to success for that person. I think guys like Pvssy-eater are looking for a magical answer for attracting women that just can't be found. But the younger guys, have youth and time on their side.

Hey guys, i'm here to tell ya. The best way to get girls is to have them chasing you. It makes it so much easier. The best way to get them chasing you is to look and feel great while being polite yet indifferent - casually showing interest and then casually not. You really find out who your secret admirers are.
I think this is great advice, not necessarily the easiest to pull off. but it's a good way to shotgun approach many girls and get you in their sights, without coming off desperate and needy and such.
 

Brak86

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Like other people have said above, it is very hard to change. Even I, an aspiring DJ who incessently keeps motivating himself to change, sometimes have trouble going up to that girl or hitting on a certain goal. To be sucessful one has to be so damn comitted and he has to take the pain of failure with a grain of salt. Not only this, but he has to realize and be able to pick out his improvements. A lot of times guys (i ashamedly admit that i too do this), see other guys who easily pull in broads and, in turn, we aspiring DJs get crushed. We seem to look past our gradual improvements and get dejected. The fact is, most people are not tough enough to change. Most people cannot do this because it is hard. And the longer one waits, the harder it gets.
 

animal crackers

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Project Chicago
Originally posted by Mr. Delicious
I came to this site a few years ago (I lurked for a long time before I joined). I learned many many things. At one point in my life about 2 years ago I really really began applying the techniques in real life. It worked somewhat temporarily. I was able to hook up with about 4-5 girls in a period of three months. However, after the summer ended and i went back to college I wasnt able to apply any of it.

About 6 months later I finally lost my virginity and then did it with a 2nd girl a couple of months later. these experiences for me were absolutely horrible. I felt sex was completely overrated and didnt even care if i ever did it again. since then I have become completely lazy when it comes to girls. I dont even really try much anymore. I feel the effort and risks outweigh the benefits. I am starting to feel like I am going to be single for the rest of my life and I am becoming more acceptable of this. I would like a girlfriend but I have a really weird feeling inside that I am not meant to ever get married. I dont know.

Are you just really unnattractive or something? I mean like REALLY UGLY?

Fvck man. It's your life, but I'd be pretty depressed if I accepted I'd never be with a girl again. For the record sex in a LTR is the best, especially when you start doing all kinds of kinky shlt to each other.

It's not really THAT hard. Just go out and socialize, socialize, socialize. Work out and be masculine. You will get laid. Period.



animal crackers


ps. BrotherAP ~ right on
 
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