Why do most men start to "degrade" in LTR's?

[Infern0]

Right now I have two friends both in their mid 20s who are going through this.

One of them used to have a really good social life and was pretty sought aftet by girls, had a lot of hobbies etc. He got shacked up with a single mother late last year and since then hes put on a good 30lbs and doesnt do ANYTHING anymore. Literally just sits at home watching tv with her eating junk food.

The other one got with an 18 year old fairly hot girl, he's also gotten fat (and this guy used to be a gym rat) he seems to have kept his social life (mostly because his girlfriend has her own seperate one) but last time i went drinking with him he ended up having drama with her and chasing her all over town (literally running) and this was a dude who was cleaning up on tinder. Also i have to add hs gf started to DM me this week and i ended up having to ignore her because i had a feeling where she was trying to take it and im not going to do thst to a friend. (So his days are numbered in that one)

In the case of the women, they are pretty much the same as they ever were, but the guys have slipped BADLY. Its this sort of thing that terrifies me about getting in an ltr. Both these guys were FAR better off when they were single .

I kind of get it with the one whos with the 18 yo because shes hot (although hes gonna get wrecked because hes dropped below her smv now) but the single mother isnt even good looking (although shes dragged my friend down from a 7/10 to a 5/10 himself now)

 

[Billtx49]

Why do some entrepreneurs have fun growing a business, but then get bored afterwards when the growth has been achieved and it's just day to day routine later. Probably for the same reasons as your friends problems.…

 

[dustmuffin]

They get comfortable and complacent. Same happens to a lot of women when they start packing on the pounds and reveal their true personality.

To make an LTR work you have to continue to be the man that originally attracted the woman. You slip and the s hit starts.

 

[oOh Nasty]

Too much regular sex with the same chick probably lowers your sex drive and desire to work on your SMV. You no longer care too much about keeping in shape or taking risks, not because you're unaware of how important it is, but...because you're bored and have no sexual motivation anymore.

 

[Urbanyst]

I'm not claiming this to be a fact but I believe the female frame is stronger than the male frame and more relentless than the male frame. Allow me to explain my theory.

For starters, women have better physical endurance than men. Men are stronger, but men also gas out faster. I suspect this is also true mentally and emotionally. Men are stronger, but women have more endurance. Women can hold their frame forever, but men eventually gas out and give in. This is why men in LTR are usually more docile, malleable and feminine than single men. However, LTR don't seem to make women more masculine.

The female frame is stronger and over time, men allow themselves to be sucked into it more and more.

I get a lot of crap here for never having a LTR last longer than a year. The fact that men are giving me sh*t about this shows the power of the female frame. It is women who define themselves by their relationships not men. So why would men tell me I'm a failure for not living a more feminine life? Its because they have been sucked into the female frame.

 

[bigneil]

I get a lot of crap here for never having a LTR last longer than a year. The fact that men are giving me sh*t about this shows the power of the female frame. It is women who define themselves by their relationships not men. So why would men tell me I'm a failure for not living a more feminine life? Its because they have been sucked into the female frame.

No, they give you a hard time because you don't have a working example of a girl who couldn't leave you, yet you think you have God's opinion on everything. Did you ever think you might learn something from members who HAVE had a LTR? You're not alone in that regard.

I get my health advice from healthy people and take my relationship advice from people who've had healthy relationships.

 

[Urbanyst]

No, they give you a hard time because you don't have a working example of a girl who couldn't leave you, yet you think you have God's opinion on everything. Did you ever think you might learn something from members who HAVE had a LTR? You're not alone in that regard.

I get my health advice from healthy people and take my relationship advice from people who've had healthy relationships.

Two quick questions for you..

Why do you need a working example of a girl that couldn't leave me?

What does the length of a relationship have to do with how healthy it is?

All of my relationships ended once they became unhealthy in one way or another.

 

[bigneil]

Two quick questions for you..
Why do you need a working example of a girl that couldn't leave me?
What does the length of a relationship have to do with how healthy it is?

All of my relationships ended once they became unhealthy in one way or another.

• When you apply for a job do you ask "Quick question: why do you need a working example of my past job experience?"
• or how about "Why should you care how long it took my last boss to fire me?"
• When you go down on a girl do you ask "Quick question: would you be disappointed if you learned this was my first time?"
• or how about "Why should you care if I've only dated men?"
• When you were in college, did you stand up in class and ask "People, why do you listen to the professor on this subject and not myself?"
• Would you agree that a 10 year marriage is more successful than a 10 week marriage?

There is no second place trophy in dating. You just admitted all of your relationships became unhealthy and you never made it through a whole year (which is sort of the standard heartbeat of the solar system as seen from Earth).

So on one hand you say your experience doesn't matter, and on the other hand you want to dismiss any working examples of experiences other members have provided.

 

[LoneStar]

When you let yourself go it is usually due to low self-esteem and a negative outlook on your life in general. Or, you just don't give a damn anymore.

 

[El Payaso]

They get comfortable.

 

[Billtx49]

They get comfortable.

Yes, if a man does not keep a challenge to accomplish in front of him at all times, he gets comfortable and complacent, or what some call lazy.
Finish a decent challenge, get a new one, but also keep the smaller maintenance issues.
The original question tells me that OP's friends only big challenge on their radar may have been to get their women. The second guy probably also viewed fitness as a challenge, but once he achieved it he didn't transfer it to a maintenance issue.
They both probably failed to find new replacement challenges.

If getting into a LTR is viewed by the man as a challenge, then the transferred maintence issue during one is keeping your own life, or one you get the 'you've changed' talk.

 

[ubercat]

Fitness should b easy. Do a team sport. Thought of letting the guys down keeps u hard at it and it gives u your own space. Other important principle is have it in place b4 the g/f. Basic psych it's much harder to take something off a dude.

 

[englishman]

I dont know... but I've just seen it happen to a good friend. He was kind of all against LTR,s and now he's in a 2 years relationship. He never posts stuff on facebook anymore its all his girlfriend posting pics of him and her. He's sort of lost his edge too and become this passive teddy bear. Frightening to see

 

[Infern0]

Yes, if a man does not keep a challenge to accomplish in front of him at all times, he gets comfortable and complacent, or what some call lazy.
Finish a decent challenge, get a new one, but also keep the smaller maintenance issues.
The original question tells me that OP's friends only big challenge on their radar may have been to get their women. The second guy probably also viewed fitness as a challenge, but once he achieved it he didn't transfer it to a maintenance issue.
They both probably failed to find new replacement challenges.

If getting into a LTR is viewed by the man as a challenge, then the transferred maintence issue during one is keeping your own life, or one you get the 'you've changed' talk.

I was real dissapointed with the second guy. He wasnt fully red pill but he was getting there. We used to joke about stuff like:

When you get a girlfriend she tries to stop you going to the gym so you spend all your time on her so you get fat and she doesnt have to worry about you cheating, then she leaves you for some shredded dude so now you have no girl and cant get another one because you are fat, then when you get back in shape she comes back to you.

That was something he actually said.

And now hes fat and his girlfriend is scoping out monkey branches.

Its like man......

 

[Billtx49]

I was real dissapointed with the second guy. He wasnt fully red pill but he was getting there. We used to joke about stuff like:

When you get a girlfriend she tries to stop you going to the gym so you spend all your time on her so you get fat and she doesnt have to worry about you cheating, then she leaves you for some shredded dude so now you have no girl and cant get another one because you are fat, then when you get back in shape she comes back to you.

That was something he actually said.

And now hes fat and his girlfriend is scoping out monkey branches.

Its like man......

We have to be emotionally strong also. Men that are not seem to enter into some kind of mental poon blind state in a LTR.
If we lose both physical and emotional shape, 100% chance we lose the woman.
We have to be strong physically, mentally, and emotionally. Emotional weakness can easily take down the other two.
It can be a woman's biggest strength and a mans biggest weakness.

 

[devilkingx2]

because you believe that the game is over and you can relax, when the truth is that you're still playing the same game, just with higher stakes

 

[Infern0]

We have to be emotionally strong also. Men that are not seem to enter into some kind of mental poon blind state in a LTR.
If we lose both physical and emotional shape, 100% chance we lose the woman.
We have to be strong physically, mentally, and emotionally. Emotional weakness can easily take down the other two.
It can be a woman's biggest strength and a mans biggest weakness.

I do agree. I also think losing that emotional/mental strength is what causes them to stop going to the gym etc.

Its like the war isnt won because you won a battle.

 

[devilkingx2]

Would you agree that a 10 year marriage is more successful than a 10 week marriage?

probably not, it's not like you can divorce at any time.

 

[bigneil]

The mental gymnastics members do here makes them remind me of Hillary supporters.

 

[Konada]

Complacency. You'll always have to re-seduce your woman on every date.