OK. I think I'm seeing a pattern here. I'm boring. When I'm trying to be fun fun and social, I'm still boring. Great. I'm hopeless.
Life can be a real bytch, can't it?
Women are more attracted to certain kinds of dispositions than to others. That's just the way it is. If you've been one way your entire life, it's a bit much to think that you can just negate all that with a couple of attempts at humor and social joviality. If that's all you think it requires, you're way wrong.
I'm trying to be fun and social and great, but how in trhe hell am I supposed to be able to show these girls how great I a if they just won't let me? I can try to tell them but it's just me telling them, if they could just SEE it, instead of blowing me off or ignoring me..
Do you really think you can convince someone that you are -- you really, really are -- a fun and great guy by
telling them? A popular quote says something like "what [or was it "who"?] you are shouts at me so loudly I can't hear what you're saying!"
Women tend to size up your "social potential" pretty quickly. So quickly that by the time you get around to "telling" them about how great you are, or "dhv-ing", as it's known around here, they've got formed an opinion of you that's desperately difficult to shake. If they size you up as "boring" or of questionable social value, you're pretty much done for, and there's really not much you could say in a brief 2 minute convo that might change any of that.
That's why when, in your example, you were trying to involve the women that were with those guys you were talking about beer with in the conversation they weren't interested. They're not there to talk about beer or to talk about anything really. If they've already decided they're not interested in you,
as a man, "involving them in the conversation" will achieve virtually nothing, even if they do engage in it for reasons of politeness. They
do wanna meet guys, but the actual topic of conversation really has very little to do with it. Every now and again you can get "lucky" and talk about something she has some interest in discussing, and then the girl seems to "light up" for a bit, but as soon as that topic is exhausted, the convo and her interest in you fizzle and you quickly find yourself out on your azz again.
The reason is, for you, "being fun and social" is something you have to "do", it's not who you "are". I don't mean who you are in some essential way. I mean in the sense of the set of beliefs and values that you hold that allow you to interpret reality around you in a certain way; these, in turn, affect the way you act and speak, and hence the way you are perceived by others.
I'll give you a personal example. I'm generally someone who does make a favorable impression on people (guys and girls both). In the last few months, I went through a mini-crisis (now resolved, I think). During this time, my mindset was so altered from what it normally is that it greatly affected my disposition and behavior. People picked up on this, and very quickly, I found that people -- acquaintances and strangers alike -- were responding to me very differently. I was aware that it was happening, and it wasn't to my liking, but because I felt my other concerns were so pressing, I just let it happen and was unwilling to stop what was going on in my mind that was causing such reactions. (A lot of this is subtle stuff, and unless you have a highly developed self-awareness it can pass right by you.) Now that the crisis is over, and I've dealt with those issues, I'm back to my "normal" mindset, and the way I'm being perceived has likewise changed for the better.
Changing isn't easy, because it requires you to challenge your assumptions about the world, about people, about women. And then to accept that the way you've been seeing up till now is likely "wrong". And then to adopt new ways of seeing things, and allowing those new views to filter right through you to the point they affect the way you speak and act. This is completely different from "trying to be fun and social". If you're not willing to challenge your mindset, all you will ever do is "try".
This can be quite difficult to understand until you've experienced it. I'm talking about questioning things that you've never even thought of questioning; things that you've always taken for granted as rock solid facts.
I'm sorry if all this sounds like a great deal of work. But that's just the way it is. Hardly anyone is "socially optimal" naturally, without having to ever work at it at all (though I'm sure there are
some out there who would qualify). But I'd say that most people tend to within a certain range that could be considered "not too far off"; meaning they do have to work at it some, and make some changes, but that it's not a mammoth task. For some people, though, it
is a mammoth undertaking. Just think of some completely socially inept loser you knew in high school; the guy who was the butt of every joke and who no one even minimally respected. Clearly a guy like that has his work cut out for him if he intends to become someone we could consider "socially competent". That's the way life is: for some people, a real struggle.