Why do chicks go hot and cold?

Jariel

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Whether it's someone you're seeing casually, a 1st date or a long term relationship, pretty much all women go hot and cold at some point. It's something I've never been able to understand and it messes with the heads of most guys at some point.

But I just wanted to open a discussion thread on the subject and see what you guys think. Why do women go hot and cold? And how do you deal with it?

I've always found the best way to deal with it is to mirror their behaviour. When they go cold, you do the same and back off. If you keep pestering them or pushing to find out what's wrong, then they'll usually back off even more, often to the point of no return.

As for why women turn hot and cold, this is still a mystery to me. They are, by nature, erratic and indecisive I guess and follow their emotions rather than logic.

I had an extreme case of hot and cold about 6 months ago. I met this hot chick and swapped numbers. Suddenly I was getting texts and calls from her every couple of hours. Eventually I agreed to go on a date with her. It went exceptionally well, she was into me in a big way and our kiss goodnight was full on.

Ten minutes after parting ways, she text me and then called me to say how great our time together was, that I got her so hot and bothered and she wanted to know when she could see me again. When she got home she wrote on my Facebook wall about it and announced on her wall what a great date she had and how excited she was to see me again. Next day, same behaviour, said she'd had dreams about me and had been thinking about our kiss all day. She seemed obsessed and I was starting to have second thoughts. For the next few days, she wouldn't leave me alone. She invited me over to her house, but then backed off saying it was too soon and she wanted to take things slow. We arranged another date, but when the day came round she cancelled. I heard nothing for a week so I text her to see if she was ok, but no reply and I never heard from her again.

Of course, I moved on and didn't waste my time, but it still makes me wonder what went on in her head to change so dramatically...and that goes for all chicks who behave that way.

Maybe it's best to get the insight of a woman, but thought I'd open this up for discussion anyway.
 

Ease

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We know why they do, we know how to treat it.

The real question is how to prevent it.
 

badboyjmm

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You can't pinpoint a explanation about something out of yourself. So you just gotta learn how to deal with this hot and cold, so you don't lose time and effort when you got be dealing with some other girls
 

texasguy

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it happens!

I met a girl who initially said she "wasn't ready" for anything, then saw her again, and she was all over me. We went out on a date, had a great time. Had great phone conversations after that, then out of the blue, she went totally psycho on me and texted me not to contact her again, and said she "just can't"
Then I left her alone, and she sent me a "closure" text saying I'm too into myself, never talked about her- which wasn't true. I responded with a vicious text back and told her NOT to contact ME.

I don't know why women are wired this way, but they are. When a girl starts this crap with you- don't try to win her back. It will be the same grief all over again. Let her GO!!! there are soooo many women out there, why put up with nonsense from 1??

No matter how hot you think she is, there are plenty of women out there hotter who will probably be a lot less trouble.

If they tell you about their neuroses up front and the fact they are seeing a shrink multiple times a week- RUN- you won't change her, trust me.

If she has deep seated issues from her past, she will take it out on you once she gets comfortable enough.

Stay confident, and don't put up with crap. You don't have to.
 

GS750

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they blow hot and cold because they are used to guys putting up with it and falling all over themselves trying to get with her, putting up with her bullsh*t. First sign of hot/cold behavior...next her. Maybe she'll come back and behave. Maybe not. Save yourself the headaches.
 

synergy1

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I think they go cold because someone better entered the picture and they are focusing their short attention span on them. Women have more options than men at all times, even in a relationship. One can only divest themselves so much, and in the case of trying to get with a new-ish chick, she will be playing all of her options very quickly.

I really have no good solution to this. Either be the best guy in the room, so to speak, or just play the numbers game.
 

Building_and_Loan

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Jariel said:
Whether it's someone you're seeing casually, a 1st date or a long term relationship, pretty much all women go hot and cold at some point. It's something I've never been able to understand and it messes with the heads of most guys at some point.

But I just wanted to open a discussion thread on the subject and see what you guys think. Why do women go hot and cold? And how do you deal with it?

I've always found the best way to deal with it is to mirror their behaviour. When they go cold, you do the same and back off. If you keep pestering them or pushing to find out what's wrong, then they'll usually back off even more, often to the point of no return.

As for why women turn hot and cold, this is still a mystery to me. They are, by nature, erratic and indecisive I guess and follow their emotions rather than logic.

I had an extreme case of hot and cold about 6 months ago. I met this hot chick and swapped numbers. Suddenly I was getting texts and calls from her every couple of hours. Eventually I agreed to go on a date with her. It went exceptionally well, she was into me in a big way and our kiss goodnight was full on.

Ten minutes after parting ways, she text me and then called me to say how great our time together was, that I got her so hot and bothered and she wanted to know when she could see me again. When she got home she wrote on my Facebook wall about it and announced on her wall what a great date she had and how excited she was to see me again. Next day, same behaviour, said she'd had dreams about me and had been thinking about our kiss all day. She seemed obsessed and I was starting to have second thoughts. For the next few days, she wouldn't leave me alone. She invited me over to her house, but then backed off saying it was too soon and she wanted to take things slow. We arranged another date, but when the day came round she cancelled. I heard nothing for a week so I text her to see if she was ok, but no reply and I never heard from her again.

Of course, I moved on and didn't waste my time, but it still makes me wonder what went on in her head to change so dramatically...and that goes for all chicks who behave that way.

Maybe it's best to get the insight of a woman, but thought I'd open this up for discussion anyway.
No offense man but that girl sounds batsh*t crazy, I think she did you a favor by backing off, you dodged a bullet.
 

UK-JS

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haha! I don't believe this, this sounds so similar to my situation (check out my thread, you may notice how similar it is) in a way but it was slightly different.... she did all the running in the end, was keen on me and complimentary then suddenly decides to say she didn't like what we did the other night and puts me in my place by telling me she doesn't want a relationship!

It sounds like we are going through the same anguish!
 
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