Why "Be yourself" is the best advice in the world...and why no one gets it.

[Bvbidd]

Neither do you.

Oh. It's one of those how to feel good about being a loser posts. Disregard the whole thing.

This site is about actually improving how you do with women and actually seeing results in the most socially acceptable way possible. Not trying to trick your mind into bliss.

 

[squirrels]

Oh. It's one of those how to feel good about being a loser posts. Disregard the whole thing.

This site is about actually improving how you do with women and actually seeing results in the most socially acceptable way possible. Not trying to trick your mind into bliss.

I'm not even gonna try to explain it to you. All you have to know is that results with women is just another way to "trick your mind into bliss." If your system of tricks and techniques works to get you into bed with her, then I support it wholeheartedly. This post is for people who want to ascend to the NATURAL Don-Juan level. People who are tired of having to put up a show to get women, only to realize when the show their so-called (really BS) true selves, the women shy away.

I have nothing against the PUA culture. If that's your game, then by all means go out and play it. Personally, though, I'd rather be one of those guys who gets it without trying. Who *****es just flock to by nature, rather than by some elaborate word-game or PUA technique. I've always been a Gunwitch kinda guy...and I've seen it work unbelievably well just embracing your nature and running with it.

It's like Tito Ortiz said in UF3..."Be a world champion...let a woman chase after you." You think I'm a loser? I don't give a ****. I pull.

Do you honestly think that having a "happy mind" does nothing to attract women? You think they dont' see that sh!t and aren't drawn to it? C'mon, man.

 

[typical]

I read this post 2 times to fully understand it, first time I glanced over it quick and blew it off as crap second time I gave it a more deeper reading. Your points have hit alot of nerves, I realize that I never needed this site everything I needed was always here right in me I was just too pvssy to see it, too afraid to try and be that person I always wanted to be.

Don't hate on him give it some real deep thought and then post, waving it away as BS wont do you any good.

Ive spent too much time here theres a person I've hurt whom I have to apologize to then I'm logging off for good, might come back to check that FOREX thread it seems interesting, thank you for the insight.

Maybe I get it maybe I don't time will tell

 

[Ace of Flames]

"Be yourself" on its own is actually the worst advice there is. Its just about the most vague and useless phrase I've ever heard. People use "Be yourself" as a crutch. They use it when they don't have any real or better advice to give.

"Be yourself" doesn't help anyone. The very first thought someone has to that is, "I am myself. People don't like me. Guess there's something wrong with me. Maybe I'm not meant to have friends/girls." I have to say that thinking that way causes major self-esteem issues, and can even lead to suicide. That's right. Saying "Be yourself" and going about your day, thinking that you just helped someone, may have just sent that person off to kill themselves. That's pretty extreme, but it could happen.

What can a person do with "Be yourself"? It doesn't encourage you, it doesn't point out what you need to fix, it doesn't tell you what you're doing right, it doesn't do much of anything. Its questionable if it can even be classified as advice. Its useless.

People need more direct advice. When someone asks "What should I say when she asks me this?", they don't need "Be yourself". They need an idea of something to say!! Did you just miss their question or what?

Now, the first thing I said was "Be yourself on its own is actually the worst advice there is". That's because it can still be a great thing to tell someone, but you have to back it up. You have to say that using canned lines and rehearsed material comes across as fake, and hardly ever works. You have to tell them that they won't always have an example to follow, and that they need to be able to handle it with their own knowledge. There are other things as well.

I vote that we change the phrase to "Be natural". That's really what its meant to mean anyway.

 

[Monkey]

People need more direct advice. When someone asks "What should I say when she asks me this?", they don't need "Be yourself". They need an idea of something to say!! Did you just miss their question or what?

The answer is probably already inside them. They really don't need to be guided by strangers on the net on how to live, breath or how to reply when a girl says something to them.

We were all born with the skills to live, interact and in its most basic form reproduce, problem is we let all the messy bs of life get in the way of that.

Sure there are some people who will forever be clueless and lack the most basic of social skills, but the majority of us guys ARE already the cool confident beings we want to be.

So instead of struggling and fighting with those natural instincts, sometimes you just have to let go and give yourself a chance to be you...

 

[Ace of Flames]

I'm sorry, but that just doesn't make any sense. Obviously, "giving yourself a chance to be you" hasn't worked for these guys before, so just telling them not to worry and let it flow is the worst advice ever.

I agree that most people have everything they need inside. I agree that society and upbringing, among other things, get in the way. But just telling people to basically "deal with it and be yourself", is stupid. Why not point them in the right direction? Give them the preverbial map to their own abilities? Is that so hard to understand? Some people just need some examples before they can do it themselves.

 

[potheaduniverse]

Squirrel - your post was awesome man, that **** was really on point. Very philosophical and well thought out. I agree 100% with everything you said.

I joined this site because of your orinigal post! I think me and you have very similar ideas on relationships, life and the universe.

However, theres only one thing that I will tell you, is that at the end of your post you mentioned that you ended up crying infront of a girl and spilling your beans. Now, this girl probably doesnt have an interest in being with you.

You were genius up until that point. Why?
A girl is looking for a guy with answers, not questions, about who we are and our role on this Earth. A girl wants to feel comfortable knowing her man has his head on right, and that in the face of adversity, he will be able to tackle any beast.

I agree with you completely on being who you are. Not faking infront of anybody. Just being cool with yourself and your environtment. They dont want a guy who breathes hostility and fear, because then they feel that there will always be a battle which they will have to fight themselves. When in reality, if you are who you are and are 100% comfortable with that, the girl will team up with you and she will feel invincible in the face of adversity, just like you.

Being yourself doesnt necessarily mean exposing all your emotions all at one time, just because you dont agree with the way the universe works sometimes. You gotta just really suck things in sometimes, but still be yourself and apply your knowledge and philosophy in the face of adversity.

Always be your BEST self, and always keep YOUR cool. Nobody likes an emotional wreck. You know this.

Peace. (hit me on the PM!)

 

[Randomer]

Neither do you.

I agree with your whole original post and anyone who *gets it* will I'm sure understand it and actually already believe it but... going your entire life without sex is... ridiculous, lol some stuff works *only* in theory man

 

[typical]

God man he didnt mean that literally bro, most of the guys can go talk to the girl with no problem its after first contact where they screw things up, he means you go out and just be that person you've always wanted to be and things will happen, take sex out of the picture and suddenly you will be having sex.

I tried his advice today and not to brag or anything but I made out with both of my lab partners withn hours of each other then went and nailed my physics lecturer.

In the passed I would have maybe got a date with one of them and maybe gotten somewhere, I used this post only and went out today knowing I'm the best I can be and wow shiat happened.

Yea sure I'm still working myself to be better, but wow results are speaking for them selves, I'm now gonna go meet that chick that LJBF me 2 months ago and 10 bucks says I'll get somewhere LOL.

p.s so much for not coming back here LOL

 

[squirrels]

I'm sorry, but that just doesn't make any sense. Obviously, "giving yourself a chance to be you" hasn't worked for these guys before, so just telling them not to worry and let it flow is the worst advice ever.

I agree that most people have everything they need inside. I agree that society and upbringing, among other things, get in the way. But just telling people to basically "deal with it and be yourself", is stupid. Why not point them in the right direction? Give them the preverbial map to their own abilities? Is that so hard to understand? Some people just need some examples before they can do it themselves.

How are YOU going to tell me how to best be myself? Do you know me?

Pook can tell me how to best be Pook. But finding your own path is part of life. Like I've been saying, no one is here to relieve your anxiety...only to show you a way to free yourself of it.

Like I said, I have no objection to "systems" which you can use to seduce women...AS LONG AS you're seducing women because it's somethign you enjoy and not to just prove you can. Faith in yourself is instrumental.

Any great martial artist will tell you that when you're working with a weapon, you should not treat it as a separate instrument, but as an extension of your arm. You need to believe in yourself first and then project yourself onto the "Don-Juan techniques" which you read about here.

There's no "giving yourself a chance". You can't half-ass believe in yourself, where you give yourself that 50% chance of failure as an "out" for your old way of thinking. You have to BELIEVE it, 100%, even despite failure, that this is something you DESERVE and CAN and WILL do. That generates a lot of doubt in your mind...and you have to acknowledge the doubt, the consequences of being wrong...and STILL choose to believe it.

The best "map" I can give...I've already given. I'm still finding my own way...and every day I realize a little more.

However, theres only one thing that I will tell you, is that at the end of your post you mentioned that you ended up crying infront of a girl and spilling your beans. Now, this girl probably doesnt have an interest in being with you.

You were genius up until that point. Why?

Because I still didn't fully "get it". I had honestly thrown this girl up so high on a pedestal that I couldn't reach her and STILL hadn't figured out the secret of freeing myself from anxiety.

The modern pop-culture image of "love" revolves around generating anxiety and relieving oneself of it. It's a sick way to be and it often leaves us sobbing and paralyzed and bitter. I didn't realize until I finally found the correct attitude again...and the funny thing is that I finally, FINALLY got what she was saying. She hadn't dropped me because she thought I wasn't good enough for her...she had dropped me because SHE felt the SAME anxiety, that SHE wasn't good enough for ME. All the good things in her life and she's still a victim of the same romance-novel anxiety-generating style of love that everyone else feels...the same one that nearly crippled me.

The best thing she ever did for me was to NOT call me when I asked her to. It would've provided the one thing I WANTED more than anything - relief from my worries - and taken away the one thing I NEEDED: the ultimatum of either being destroyed by my feelings, or embracing them and choosing to live my life despite them.

I STILL HURT because of this...but more because of the time lost and feeling like a fool for not realizing the truth and trying to bring her down with me. I had ceased to believe in me...all I believed in was US. But I accept that those feelings are a part of me...and know that they CAN'T control me if I don't LET them.

Revelations come in pieces...never all at once. And just when you think you've got it, you discover a new facet of the same truth.

I was a strong player back then...otherwise I never would've landed her or the other girls in the first place. I made the mistake of returning to the delusion because she couldn't rise up to MY level. Ask 99% of people in the world and they will think that this worry/relief cycle IS what true love is all about. It even WORKS for some. There's something you have to remember about Romeo and Juilet, though. As beautiful as that balcony scene APPEARS to be, in the end, they both end up DEAD.

I tried his advice today and not to brag or anything but I made out with both of my lab partners withn hours of each other then went and nailed my physics lecturer.

Dude...you're my hero. If I had known this kind of **** back in college...I can actually remember two chicks in Chemistry class and a halfway-decent-looking TA that I probably could've done the same thing you did. I missed SO many opportunities there...and probably could've gotten this falling in love/getting back up lesson out of the way a lot sooner.

p.s so much for not coming back here LOL

I still don't really WANT to be here. Actually...part of why I come back sometimes is to get feedback on my own advice. To see if the "truths" I come to are personal, universal, or just bullsh!t. I'm trying to keep my pride in check, though...the fact that I came back here to post this instead of just running with it leads me to believe that my faith in myself, while it IS finally THERE again at least, is still kind of shaky.

 

[Bvbidd]

She hadn't dropped me because she thought I wasn't good enough for her...she had dropped me because SHE felt the SAME anxiety, that SHE wasn't good enough for ME. All the good things in her life and she's still a victim of the same romance-novel anxiety-generating style of love that everyone else feels...the same one that nearly crippled me.

How do you know this?

 

[squirrels]

How do you know this?

Some of the things she said...about sometimes feeling like I thought SHE wasn't good enough for ME. I never was really listening to them before because I was busy feeling guilty and blaming myself for everything.

I KNOW it because it's the human condition. Because everyone I've talked to has had the same set of issues, male or female. That anxiety, especially in matters of romance, is a normal situation. And one who truly transcends it never feels inadequate, never feels like they're "not good enough", only that they may be incompatible or unrefined.

It's really immaterial. Whether she screwed up or not, I know *I* did. What are you trying to prove? You want to feel like you're better than me...fine, if that makes you happy. I don't care. I see this and I know what you're thinking:

This site is about actually improving how you do with women and actually seeing results in the most socially acceptable way possible. Not trying to trick your mind into bliss.

 

[Bvbidd]

I actually belive you now.

If whether we are male or female does not change the fact we are still BOTH HUMAN.

 

[Randomer]

God man he didnt mean that literally bro, most of the guys can go talk to the girl with no problem its after first contact where they screw things up, he means you go out and just be that person you've always wanted to be and things will happen, take sex out of the picture and suddenly you will be having sex.

I dunno, for a lot of people here as i read their posts... it seems like they mess up way before it even comes to thinking about sex... actually if some guys focused more on getting a girl into bed than worrying whether she likes him or not, i'd say he'd have a better chance

Obviously... that's subjective though so feel free to think whatever

 

[rsxtreme]

be yourself, it always works unless your an A1 arsehole to begin with

 

[typical]

I dunno, for a lot of people here as i read their posts... it seems like they mess up way before it even comes to thinking about sex... actually if some guys focused more on getting a girl into bed than worrying whether she likes him or not, i'd say he'd have a better chance

Obviously... that's subjective though so feel free to think whatever

Thats a very very good point they guys here do tend to worry about the whole "does she like me" crap, man listen up guys who cares either she does or she doesnt just go in for the kiss or touch her playfully or whatever. Better to try it out first hand when your with her then not to a thing about it and come back here and post crap about wondering if she likes you or not.

 

[The Juan and only]

"Be yourself" on its own is actually the worst advice there is. Its just about the most vague and useless phrase I've ever heard. People use "Be yourself" as a crutch. They use it when they don't have any real or better advice to give.

"Be yourself" doesn't help anyone. The very first thought someone has to that is, "I am myself. People don't like me. Guess there's something wrong with me. Maybe I'm not meant to have friends/girls." I have to say that thinking that way causes major self-esteem issues, and can even lead to suicide. That's right. Saying "Be yourself" and going about your day, thinking that you just helped someone, may have just sent that person off to kill themselves. That's pretty extreme, but it could happen.

What can a person do with "Be yourself"? It doesn't encourage you, it doesn't point out what you need to fix, it doesn't tell you what you're doing right, it doesn't do much of anything. Its questionable if it can even be classified as advice. Its useless.

People need more direct advice. When someone asks "What should I say when she asks me this?", they don't need "Be yourself". They need an idea of something to say!! Did you just miss their question or what?

Now, the first thing I said was "Be yourself on its own is actually the worst advice there is". That's because it can still be a great thing to tell someone, but you have to back it up. You have to say that using canned lines and rehearsed material comes across as fake, and hardly ever works. You have to tell them that they won't always have an example to follow, and that they need to be able to handle it with their own knowledge. There are other things as well.

I vote that we change the phrase to "Be natural". That's really what its meant to mean anyway.

I'm with Ace of Flames 100%. This is a well thought-out and well written article, alas, it's really just philosophical bullsh!t. It's not particularly helpful,
and simply reeks of "I'm a loser, I dont have to go out and practice with women, cos its all ok....cos i've just had a stupid spur of the moment realisation that means sh!t in reality, but I wanna write 'bout it cos I'm thinker, not a do-er".

This is the kind of thinking that might improve your mood as you write it, but in the end its meaningless advice.

YOU ARE HERE TO IMPROVE YOUR SKILLS WITH WOMEN. Dont kid yourself into thinking there's nothing to learn, and that "being yourself" will get you the girl you always wanted, and that it's easy. NO. Not everyone has good social skills, period. Trying to say they simply need to be themselves, and throw some magic switch to access their true self is PURE folley. Becoming who you desire to be requires effort and that's just the way it is.

No single realisation or piece of meaningless philosophy will help change your gut-level, subconscious reactions in "the field". The only way to improve your social skills is to practice in the real world (because that's how your mind works), or perhaps years of meditation. But I dont find the latter to be very appealin'

 

[squirrels]

I'm with Ace of Flames 100%. This is a well thought-out and well written article, alas, it's really just philosophical bullsh!t. It's not particularly helpful,
and simply reeks of "I'm a loser, I dont have to go out and practice with women, cos its all ok....cos i've just had a stupid spur of the moment realisation that means sh!t in reality, but I wanna write 'bout it cos I'm thinker, not a do-er".

This is the kind of thinking that might improve your mood as you write it, but in the end its meaningless advice.

YOU ARE HERE TO IMPROVE YOUR SKILLS WITH WOMEN. Dont kid yourself into thinking there's nothing to learn, and that "being yourself" will get you the girl you always wanted, and that it's easy. NO. Not everyone has good social skills, period. Trying to say they simply need to be themselves, and throw some magic switch to access their true self is PURE folley. Becoming who you desire to be requires effort and that's just the way it is.

No single realisation or piece of meaningless philosophy will help change your gut-level, subconcious reactions in "the field". The only way to improve your social skills is to practice in the real world (because that's how your mind works), or perhaps years of meditation. But I dont find the latter to be very appealin'

There's no "magic switch." Did you read the whole post? It's long...I'm sorry about that.

Being able to believe in yourself doesn't actualize your potential...it just unlocks it. As I said, the actual skill of socializing takes time and practice to refine. And the best way to do that is to actually get OUT there and fail a few times in order to learn what REALLY clicks with the rest of the universe (i.e. the women you want) and what doesn't. You can be told all day and all night what women want, what women don't want, but unless you go out there and DO for yourself, you'll never really get it.

But I already said this:

Three, it requires EXECUTION. We grow stronger from giving of ourselves. It's our human nature to express ourselves on the world, so you must DO it. Knowing it is not enough. An author who knows he can write but never touches pen to paper is no author. A singer who knows he could belt out a beautiful tune but remains silent is no singer. And a pick-up artist who KNOWS that he could seduce and lay the most desireable of women but does not speak to them is no pick-up artist.

Don't think I haven't already done at least a LITTLE preliminary field testing of my "new attitude". I just hope it sticks this time so I can continue to grow.

 

[The Juan and only]

No, to be perfectly honest I didn't read the whole thing at all, It'd say 2/3rds tops. But in light of your recent post, I agree with what you're saying.

Perhaps some people would like slightly more practical advice. And yeah, if your goal was in motivating people to go out and try their hand at being who they desire to be, then I get what you are saying, and a positive mental attitude in this area is certainly the first step.

maybe you should've put a bit more emphasis on actually going out there, as I personally believe the pragmatist will always do better than some thought-junkie, wanking over his latest insight. 'owever, I should read the entire post before I start to comment.


tell you what. I'll read the whole thing then make a much more informed post sometime later on.

 

[squirrels]

No, to be perfectly honest I didn't read the whole thing at all, It'd say 2/3rds tops. But in light of your recent post, I agree with what you're saying.

Perhaps some people would like slightly more practical advice. And yeah, if your goal was in motivating people to go out and try their hand at being who they desire to be, then I get what you are saying, and a positive mental attitude in this area is certainly the first step.

maybe you should've put a bit more emphasis on actually going out there, as I personally believe the pragmatist will always do better than some thought-junkie, wanking over his latest insight. 'owever, I should read the entire post before I start to comment.


tell you what. I'll read the whole thing then make a much more informed post sometime later on.

I'll tell you the truth...sometimes I write these posts out more for me than for other people. It's happening more and more often that I come back here and read something I posted a while ago and find that I need to take my own advice.