Why are there so many dudes in the PUA/Game community that don't have their sh*t together?

[BPH]

Exactly. Morale of the story, be as attractive as you can, do everything possible to become "hot", practice game and focus on the money for you, for your own financial success, not to peacock to women, leave that your body. Tell them @BPH

I also strongly advocate for learning to cold approach as an extremely valuable skill.

Having all your s*** together but not being able to go up to women is the equivalent of being the most qualified applicant for a job, but never getting hired because you expect THEM to recruit YOU.

Versus being an average applicant, but also the only one that applies.

 

[BaronOfHair]

How?
Does this matter so long as they’re competent?
Although I don’t condone criminality, engaging in it increases attractiveness.

Many people in all professions(Dating Coaches/Men's Gurus more generally)provide their clients with guidance that doesn't said clients reach their goal. That's being inept

 

[sangheilios]

I watched this some time ago. If I recall correctly, this guy was a couch-surfing, substance-addicted, penniless, unemployed bum who got more women than a typical new- and-improved, careermaxxed, gymmaxxed, groommaxxed fella.

To be honest, guys like that appeal to a particular niche of women that are literally female mirror versions of themselves. It's not like these types of guys are landing quality women and depriving decent men of relationships.

 

[sangheilios]

Back in 2012-2015 I use to go out with an PUA guy that I met randomly by chance. He was heavy into a RSD. 5'4,140 pounds hands down one of the best PUA's I have seen infield. However every time we would go out he would literally wear the same shirt(a white button up), and he would take the bus to hit the club if I didn't pick him up. The guy was always broke but always had time to go out, in his defense he was going to college and last I heard from him he got a job as an assistant producer for one of the big local TV stations. He should be making money now. Him wearing the same shirt didn't stop him from getting laid, but honestly I was embarrassed for him because if you only have one shirt that you wear every time you go out, that tells me you're not prioritizing your resources well,

Most guys who get into the PUA community have issues that really don't have to do with women, they think it's about women but the issue may be their confidence, their self-esteem, lack of finances(like most guys) etc. I personally don't have time at my age to go "Sarge" or hit the "Field it's honestly a waste of my time since I have so much work to do and catch up on. As you get older you realize life is short and your energy ain't the same (well for me it ain't) . In 2024 The pua/Gaming community is not what it was 10 years ago.

Out of curiosity, when you say he was one of the "best PUAs" what exactly does that look like? Like if he would hit up a club or some **** what exactly was so advanced about the guy's game?

I always imagine this PUA stuff as a bunch of nonsense that is being pushed online to generate profit from men who may be frustrated with their dating experiences, or lack thereof, and trying to get some sort of results for their efforts.

 

[Manure Spherian]

To be honest, guys like that appeal to a particular niche of women that are literally female mirror versions of themselves. It's not like these types of guys are landing quality women and depriving decent men of relationships.

Yes, you are correct. Likely I’m biased from my own life experience. What I did observe from a very young age, is that although like attracts like, these sort of men had an easier time attracting women similar to them while other men had more difficulty getting women like them. But that was likely due to the former having poor impulse control and fast-life strategies.

 

[sangheilios]

Yes, you are correct. Likely I’m biased from my own life experience. What I did observe from a very young age, is that although like attracts like, these sort of men had an easier time attracting women similar to them while other men had more difficulty getting women like them. But that was likely due to the former having poor impulse control and fast-life strategies.

Here is my take on this.

I think losers, low lifes or whatever you want to call them typically have fairly low standards for themselves and naturally aren't all that selective with their mate choices, friend choices, etc. We could debate all day as to why this is, but they just don't put as much emphasis on finding decent or suitable partners. I'm not referring specifically to looks, this includes personal character traits, behavior, etc. There are a lot of people that fall within this category, so naturally it wouldn't be difficult for such people to find one another.

In contrast, people that hold themselves to higher standards or seeking more out of life tend to be more selective with their mate choices, hell even just social circle/friend choices. It's a reason you'll find that a lot of men that are highly invested in their life pursuit tend to have a social life that is not so great, if they even have one at all. It naturally becomes MORE difficult for these individuals to find suitable matches for themselves. This is a totally different existence from the former example I provided above and will have very different life outcomes.

 

[Solomon]

Out of curiosity, when you say he was one of the "best PUAs" what exactly does that look like? Like if he would hit up a club or some **** what exactly was so advanced about the guy's game?

I always imagine this PUA stuff as a bunch of nonsense that is being pushed online to generate profit from men who may be frustrated with their dating experiences, or lack thereof, and trying to get some sort of results for their efforts.

He looked like a dollar store version of Tom Cruise in the face, his hair was already but wasn't built like Tom though, he was skinny, 140 pounds soaking wet

What made him great? the guy hit the field with a fervor and tenacity that was unmatched, the best way to describe it is, how Lebron James would attack the basket in his prime. Yes he would get blown out a lot, I saw him get rejected a few times but he also would take a girl home every other time we went out, Mostly in the 5s-7s range. Guy just didn't give care, I remember him once dancing with a 6 foot model it was the funniest thing

 

[sangheilios]

He looked like a dollar store version of Tom Cruise in the face, his hair was already but wasn't built like Tom though, he was skinny, 140 pounds soaking wet

What made him great? the guy hit the field with a fervor and tenacity that was unmatched, the best way to describe it is, how Lebron James would attack the basket in his prime. Yes he would get blown out a lot, I saw him get rejected a few times but he also would take a girl home every other time we went out, Mostly in the 5s-7s range. Guy just didn't give care, I remember him once dancing with a 6 foot model it was the funniest thing

So, would you say it was simply because he wasn't really phased by rejections and would just move on to the next like nothing happened? It doesn't sound so much like he had some special secret, it's just that he put a lot of time and effort towards putting himself into situations where he could interact with a lot of women, which allowed him to play a numbers game.

 

[Manure Spherian]

Here is my take on this.

I think losers, low lifes or whatever you want to call them typically have fairly low standards for themselves and naturally aren't all that selective with their mate choices, friend choices, etc. We could debate all day as to why this is, but they just don't put as much emphasis on finding decent or suitable partners. I'm not referring specifically to looks, this includes personal character traits, behavior, etc. There are a lot of people that fall within this category, so naturally it wouldn't be difficult for such people to find one another.

In contrast, people that hold themselves to higher standards or seeking more out of life tend to be more selective with their mate choices, hell even just social circle/friend choices. It's a reason you'll find that a lot of men that are highly invested in their life pursuit tend to have a social life that is not so great, if they even have one at all. It naturally becomes MORE difficult for these individuals to find suitable matches for themselves. This is a totally different existence from the former example I provided above and will have very different life outcomes.

Yes, you’re correct.

 

[Solomon]

So, would you say it was simply because he wasn't really phased by rejections and would just move on to the next like nothing happened? It doesn't sound so much like he had some special secret, it's just that he put a lot of time and effort towards putting himself into situations where he could interact with a lot of women, which allowed him to play a numbers game.

Yes he played the numbers game, and would plow, plow plow, it takes a lot of energy to do that shyt. If you ever approached 10+ girls in a night you know that shyt gets tiring real quick. As I said he was "The Best PUA" I ever saw not the best gamer. At 5'4 he got rejected a lot but as I mentioned half the nights we would go out, he would be like "Hey Solo I don't need a ride back, I'm going to XXX place"

 

[BPH]

Yes he played the numbers game, and would plow, plow plow, it takes a lot of energy to do that shyt. If you ever approached 10+ girls in a night you know that shyt gets tiring real quick. As I said he was "The Best PUA" I ever saw not the best gamer. At 5'4 he got rejected a lot but as I mentioned half the nights we would go out, he would be like "Hey Solo I don't need a ride back, I'm going to XXX place"

This is the way.

Only problem is finding a place with enough prospects that you're now lowering your standards too much after a couple rejections.

 

[sangheilios]

This is the way.

Only problem is finding a place with enough prospects that you're now lowering your standards too much after a couple rejections.

As @Solomon mentioned, I don't think the overwhelming majority of men would be able to spam approach like that on any sort of regular basis, so it's not even worth considering. I personally can't imagine going out of my way like that and investing that kind of time and energy into it, I'd find it exhausting.

 

[Manure Spherian]

As @Solomon mentioned, I don't think the overwhelming majority of men would be able to spam approach like that on any sort of regular basis, so it's not even worth considering. I personally can't imagine investing that kind of time and energy where I'm going out of my way like that, I'd find it exhausting.

Does anyone here think there must be something driving this behavior other than sexual satisfaction? I do.

 

[sangheilios]

Does anyone here think there must be something driving this behavior other than sexual satisfaction? I do.

Perhaps there is an ego driven thing going on or maybe it's coming from a place of insecurity, fear or missing out or making up for lost time, etc.

 

[The Duke]

Does anyone here think there must be something driving this behavior other than sexual satisfaction? I do.

Thrill of the hunt....it's intoxicating to lower a girls guard, make a connection, and have her eating out of your hand. It's not the sex, it's conquering another human. A litte twisted isn't it? It's a strong prey drive. It's going after what you want and succeeding. It's like a hawk scanning a field for a mouse. He goes after what he wants. Nothing better than winning.

 

[BPH]

As @Solomon mentioned, I don't think the overwhelming majority of men would be able to spam approach like that on any sort of regular basis, so it's not even worth considering. I personally can't imagine going out of my way like that and investing that kind of time and energy into it, I'd find it exhausting.

Well...that's also why the overwhelming majority of men don't get laid much....

It's really not that deep. It's just going up to hot women you see at a bar or while going about your day.

Also I disagree with The Duke. Yeah there's a bit of a "thrill of the hunt" thing, but some of us just like sex and want variety.

 

[sangheilios]

Well...that's also why the overwhelming majority of men don't get laid much....

It's really not that deep. It's just going up to hot women you see at a bar or while going about your day.

Also I disagree with The Duke. Yeah there's a bit of a "thrill of the hunt" thing, but some of us just like sex and want variety.

I get that, but what I'm referring to is the case @Solomon mentioned of the guy literally going out to bars, clubs, etc. and spam approaching like a madman. Most guy really don't have the time or energy for something like this, nor would they even want to lol.

 

[Millard Fillmore]

I know a guy like this. RP to the core with tight game. Sh*t load of debt and a divorce.

Short answer is who cares, he can get laid any time he wants. Unless he asks for help it's not really my problem.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

To be honest, guys like that appeal to a particular niche of women that are literally female mirror versions of themselves. It's not like these types of guys are landing quality women and depriving decent men of relationships.

I'm sure you're the expert here, but I found that many of these women had more like a 'Florence Nightingale' complex, similar to the male 'White Knight' complex. And while those women should maybe choose wiser, many of them get a deep satisfaction from 'repairing broken men'. Doesn't necessarily mean these are low quality women.

 

[handle]

Well, personally, I started meeting more interesting women at more interesting events once I “got my sh*t together.” So I saw little reason to continue doing typical PUA stuff in PUA places. I imagine it’s the same for many others in white collar professions, especially ones with long hours and industry-specific social scenes. I work with designers a lot so on the weekends I’m at gallery openings, fashion shows etc.