when u leave a VM and she don't call back

MrNotebook

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I met this girl one night 5 days prior at a organization's social function and it seemed to go well. We chatted for awhile and she gave me strong IOIs. After about 40 minutes of easy light convo, i asked her if she would like a drink. She asked me many many questions throughout and I only showed interest in getting to know her, not a salivating desire in the least. Most of it was just about discovering her tastes and interests. In fact, there was a plasma TV on the wall and a lot of the time when there was nothing to say I casually gazed at the screen and remained calm. She seemed ok with that behavior. I didn't feign conversation. Essentially, I talked to her with NO underlying motive and played it cool. At one point in the evening I mingled with other folks just to show that I can be ok without her. At that point she drew near to me and we continued onto another set of conversation. Soon after I got her phone number and left the party as I knew no one else and felt that she was interested in me enough. Fast forward 5 days later I give her a call and leave a message on her VM saying I just called to say hi and for her to give me a call back. So far no call from her.

What do I do? Call her again? Text her? Or just wait until I see her next time at the organization's next social or member gathering?

Please advise fellas, thanks.
 

Centaurion

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I say call her again, but don't leave a voice mail. If she doesn't answer or return your previous call, throw out the number and move on to the next chick.

You have other chicks lined up, right?
 

MacAvoy

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I had this great date, I thought everything went well. It started out just as ice cream, we were getting along so well, we went to go check out a beer factory, then had some drinks afterwards. I was like cool, this girl is smart, pretty, has her own business, can understand where I'm coming from.

So I call to set up the next date, got VM, not usual, so I left a message. No callback.

Guess what if she felt the same way about me, she would have returned the call. Take the hint, she's not interested. I never said boo to her again. Guess what, she never contacted me again either, why? Because she obviously wasn't interested. So I just called up a new girl.

Why do you want to chase a girl who doesn't like you that much?
 

TruthTeller

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Don't leave a message on the voicemail next time. Trust me it works everytime. She will hit you up within 3 weeks. (if the date went well). Girls do that all the time.
 

thedeparted

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3 weeks? That is BS. Telling a guy to wait three weeks for a call is really shltty advice. You flush the number and forget the girl.
 

AlanB

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Don't flush it too hastily though; I did that and the girl ended up texting to apologise because she had been away. It looks like that one still might be a valid lead now. Maybe give it a week and then delete.

If this woman is part of an organisation that you attend meetings for, you can always approach her again next time you see her. I wouldn't mention the voicemail though.
 

TruthTeller

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thedeparted said:
3 weeks? That is BS. Telling a guy to wait three weeks for a call is really shltty advice. You flush the number and forget the girl.


I wasn't telling him to wait 3 weeks. I said she will probably call him within 3 weeks. Meanwhile he can do his thing and chill with other chics. You guys just love to cut off a chic real quick.

Plus he left a message on her voicemail, don't leave a message, if she doesnt pick up, then text her and thats it. Don't pursue anymore, she will get back to you eventually

Its sad but thats how it goes, thats why settling down to me will take hard work and dedication to find out if she is the one for you.
 

thedeparted

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I agree, no VM. I just never had a girl get back to me three weeks later. Never. In 34 years. And if you think that will happen you may sit around by your phone like a girl hoping it will ring. That is why you flush the # and move on. If, by some miracle, she does call three weeks later -- fine. It's a nice surprise. The point is not to get into the wrong mindset, that's all.
 

tsmith2334

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Keep the number, who cares. Just take it easy at this point and don't stress it. You might want to wait until you see her again, or you could try one more phone call. I wouldn't leave another voice mail though. Texting isn't a bad idea except she could leave you hanging unintentionally, it's hard to know when she'll recieve the text. Calling is more direct. Either way, it's not the end of the world.
 

Mr. Me

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You can't expect a woman to call you back, especially if you're not dating her. Don't leave messages, as it puts you, as you now know, out of control, dependent on her to make the callback.

When you get VM, just leave a BRIEF message saying you called, and that's it. No "I'd like to take you out this Saturday" or "call me back!" or "I was calling because...". Just an upbeat: "Hey, it's Mr. Notebook! Sorry I didn't catch you in. Later!" She shouldn't even get the hint if you intend to call back or not. Then don't call back for another week. Try at 10 at night on a Sunday or a work night, when odds are they'll be home. If you still get VM, maybe she's screening her calls, maybe she's not interested, maybe she can't pick up the phone. Then leave your number. If you don't hear back, throw her number out.

P.S. And DON'T text! You wanna speak to a real LIVE person.
 

MrNotebook

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AlanB said:
Don't flush it too hastily though; I did that and the girl ended up texting to apologise because she had been away.
This is exactly what happened. She text'd be back apologizing becasue she was away on career/business affairs and said "she will call me tomorrow".

At this point do I text her back acknowledging her or remain silent and see if she calls me tomorrow?
 

Mr. Me

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I vote for be silent and see what she does, and you sure don't want to give the impression that all you've been doing is hanging out waiting to jump on her returning a call, do you? Her text doesn't warrant a reply anyhow.

I get the feeling she won't call.
 

PlayToWin

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Give us an update please if she does or doesnt call tommorrow, because obviously there are contrasting views here.
 

tsmith2334

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MrNotebook said:
This is exactly what happened. She text'd be back apologizing becasue she was away on career/business affairs and said "she will call me tomorrow".

At this point do I text her back acknowledging her or remain silent and see if she calls me tomorrow?
Remaining silent is basically playing a game this point. If that's the kind of thing she goes for, she's not worth it. Be up front with her. Just contact her when/ if you feel like it, don't worry about impressing her by being aloof and doing it on her schedule. Obviously try not calling her three times a day, but just iniate contact when you feel comfortable doing it. She'll respond.
 

MrNotebook

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I'll wait...

Mr. Me said:
I vote for be silent and see what she does, and you sure don't want to give the impression that all you've been doing is hanging out waiting to jump on her returning a call, do you? Her text doesn't warrant a reply anyhow.

I get the feeling she won't call.
I decided that it wasn't a pressing issue that I reply to her text. I also did not want to show as if I were hanging on waiting around desperately. I chose not to reply and see if she would call the next day, which she did not. I don't think not replying to her text is playing games at all, its about giving a woman (and myself) space in the beginning. I feel as if I were to reply to her text that it may transmit "neediness" or desperation on my part.

Instead, I figure I will let it go and unfold naturally and not be phased by it and see her the next time we see each other at a member's meeting or social mixer gathering, without mentioning a thing in behavior or spirit. My prediction is as I show up as natural, clean, carefree, handsome, playful and friendly, she will respond kindly seeing that I'm my own man and at ease, not there because of her or hanging on to "needing" her to like me. We're just two mature adults that happen to enjoy each other's company while at an organization's social gathering. She owes me nothing, I owe her nothing. It's as simple as that. I will avoid putting too much importance over how she is being. I am not in control of her and will avoid placing expectations on her and just let her be.

I honestly think this is simply just a phone test that many women like to play when initially trying to find out what type of man they're dealing with. At this point the next time we "naturally" see each other if she continues to show interest I will then continue to proceed slowly.

If not, well then I guess its her loss.
 

Papermoon

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I would have responded really briefly, because right now for all you know she might be having a conference with her girlfriends debating wether or not your not replying means that you already threw out her number.

But if you're not feeling like it, then you better not do it. Gut feeling is usually the best advisor.
 

MotownMack

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Not saying I haven't been there, but it seems like sometimes you get to point in the "festivities" where you do so much over thinking, it's not fun anymore.

Don't text her back too quickly, maybe a few hours. Anything more than that, it all sorta blends together. But I would do it that day.

Oh, and NOT care more. Like McAvoy said, I've had these dates/conversations that have gone awesome, only to strike out when I thought I hit a home run. You never can tell. All you can do is try to DJ, and hope for the best-and let the chips for where they may.
 

jcap

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w

you are an idiot

1) stop waiting 5 days to call people back,
you stop playing games yourself you idiot.
when you are interested in a girl, don't matter how long, send her a text/call within the day saying hi

2) you have all this stupid rules on should I msg her back, should I look needy, I want to look like a man

you look like a ****ing fag to me right now.


Heres the basic rulebook you should follow

she replies
you reply
you send msg
she doesn't reply, wait a day
then send a reply the next day
she replies back
you reply back


its always
you initiate +1 msg, then wait, if she replies, you always reply back unless its not required.


stop being some nerd trying to analyze useless **** and think you are a man for it

LOL
 

Mr. Me

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My prediction is as I show up as natural, clean, carefree, handsome, playful and friendly, she will respond kindly...
She will respond civilly, but keep in mind that she didn't call you back when she said she would, correct? So, if you want to pursue people that aren't interested in you and don't keep their word and invite more of the same behavior, then you'll engage in a conversation with her when you see her and pursue it. But if you wish to set boundaries as to who gets into your life, and not waste time on low interest women, then you'll just be nice, smile, say "hey, nice to see ya! I'm gonna mingle, catch ya later" and forget about her.

I honestly think this is simply just a phone test
You guys think everything's a test. You misinterpret low interest for tests. Women do this stuff to guys they're not that interested in, but your egos can't accept that so you see it as "I can tell she's interested, but she's testing me".

You guys think that because a woman gives you IOIs for one evening, and hands over her phone number, that she's into you. It could be that all you accomplished was that you entertained her for an evening and stroked her ego. Do you have any idea how many guys they can get to do that? They're not that interested. Their IOIs only indicate that you have a shot maybe, but you really have to see what happens next.

I look at the PUA videos rampant on YouTube, and it's all focused on getting the number as if that's the end all. If she gives you the number, then you're set, she's interested, is the implied message. You never see what happens next, when the PUA tries calling her for a date. She may have given him her number just to get rid of him. But you do read about what happens next here. And what happens often enough is that she doesn't return calls, she doesn't keep dates. Just look at all the threads about flaking!

Then these guys posting here try to figure out what to do next, as if action is needed, but the cow's already out of the barn and the doors are pretty much closed,

I'm surprised when the girls dumps you guys and runs off with another guy and you never hear from her again the rest of your life, that you don't consider that some kind of test too.

People can act like they're interested while they're picking up on things that will turn them off. That's how they do reconnaissance. I was talking to gal pal about this just last night, because she was telling me about a guy who she gave a phone number to, then decided afterwards that he was a loser and when he kept calling her, she was dodging his calls and not returning them.

Then what also fools guys is when the low interest woman agrees to meet them and does, or calls them out of the blue, and they think it's because she must be interested when it's really that she's lonely or the guy she wanted blew her off, and she goes down her list and says, "Oh! Mr. What's-His-Name! He'll take me out if I call him!"

Bottom line is: past the first night and IOIs and phone number given... she does that with lots of guys when she's out. You have to see how she treats you, *over time*, consistently. That she says yes without hesitation to your date invites, that she kisses you, touches you, is happy to be with you, that she eagerly returns your call, looks forward to being with you, over and over again. It's all that behavior she may not do with lots of guys that you watch for.
 

Papermoon

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Mr Me, now honestly, he didn't show that much interest either.

She gave him her number. He waited 5 days to call her. She wasn't there to take the call, and wrote him a text the day after (maybe not even an entire day) to apologize. To which he never answered. For all the girl knows he is the one who's not really interested.
 
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