When To Cut It Off Or Confront

[joverby]

If your girlfriend (of 3 months) has been becoming increasingly distant, past few days especially. Had plans to chill the other day but when I called she was sleeping apparently, and I only found out because I texted her about 3 hours after that saying goodnight. (By being distant I mean she used to actually text me during the day or call me or return my calls at least, the lack of return is a big red flag.)

Yesterday I called her earlier, she never got back to me all day; so I texted her good night WAY later , she just gave me a "gnight..". she would normally do like a goodnight baby hope you had a good day, blah blah. just out of character for her is all. so i called her right after, talked to her for only a few minutes as i was at a buddies house. made her laugh more than a few times but she didnt talk much, only responded to what i said really.

there has been peroids with us where it goes great then for a day or two she might get all cold on the phone. i'm just really starting to get sick of it. today I called her earlier to see if she wanted to chill. still didnt get back to me. now you will probably just say i'm being a ***** but it's just really out of character for her, she normally would at least text back.

I know there isn't really a "right" answer but what would you do?

1.)Just dump her w/o much of an explanation
2.)Dump her with elaborate explanation
3.)Confront her about it in person, straight up say I noticed you have been this way, why? (probably the least best option I'm sure)
4.)Do something more passive like a letter so I can really elaborate how I feel (I'm sure you guys won't favor this one really either)

But the bottom line is I do like this girl a lot. I realize I am insecure and more recently as she started backing off I started doing a lot of self reflection on thinking of how to fix that, I just wish she could tell me what was up but I know she has a really tough time expressing herself.

 

[The Karate Kid]

Get distant yourself. Either she will come running back apologetic, or she won't, and you will know whats up. Don't confront her or chase her. Counter-productive.

 

[Borknagar]

Just forget about her and go meet other women. Go passive on her as well. Women like that have issues. When a women has a "sudden lack of interest" and it's something you can't figure out as to why, the problem is clearly them.

 

[goldengoose]

tell her you're not feeling it anymore and that you lost interest in her. then let it go. sounds like she has already for you.

 

[bigneil]

I would go No Contact. It's your only chance to restore her interest level.

Sadly, once you feel the interest level slip, it's almost impossible to get it back. This is one of the great tragedies of dating.

At least maintain your pride by cutting her off. Only if she shows high interest level will you ever speak to her again.

 

[mahoney]

1) words like 'confront', 'letter', 'elaborate explanation' - these aren't good things. Have a think about how things like the above are normally received. you 'really like' this girl but all 4 of your suggestions are about dumping her? why? for what reason? she doesnt respond to the constant barrage of texts quickly enough? who could blame her?

2) Didn't we go through this yesterday, you accepted you were texting too much and that you should just be a bit more relaxed - but today you are back posting a very similar thread (why not continue on your old thread) somehow unlearning what you seemed to accept yesterday

You posted asking for advice - got advice - which you accepted - but then the next day post the same thing again. You seem to need people to reply to the same thing repeatedly - and you are doing the same thing with the girl as you are doing with us. constant need for reassurance about the exact same thing. groundhog day!

3) interest level - dudes always make this mistake. you think their interest level is slipping (and maybe it is if you are constantly bombarding them with groundhog day texts - i mean how different are these texts, they all become a bit samey after a while - same as the posts) when really its that the dude gets more intense about it but thinks he has stayed at same level. dude and girl both show an interest level of 6, then dude gets all clingy and needy in space of a couple days and shoots up to 9, girl is still at 6. dude now has an interest level of 3 about the girl but think its that shes lost interest not realizing its him thats massively increased his in a short space of time.


4) really. the texts. stop needing constant text reassurance - almost every thread on the front page of this board is in essence the same. excessive needy texting followed by an attempt to swing to opposite extreme of no-contact like some kind of punishment because girl doesnt respond quickly enough to them all. all with girls they don't even really know that well yet. overwrought irrational needy clingy overserious behavior. And then they wonder why the girl ends up going out with someone a bit more....FUN!

 

[Johnnyventana]

Aside from the hot/cold (big red flag), any other red flags? 3 months is typically when if ****e is going to go down, it does. Curious what other odd behavior you have noticed from her? (p.s. no feelings talk, no confronting.) You can't make someone act normal. You just can't. They do or they don't. All it does it put you in a position of great weakness. badidea.com

 

[Faded Image]

You're girl is a DJ. Out DJ her.

 

[teddy240]

Honestly, you dont like whats happening, its driving you crazy, and you want it "back to the good times." Well your dealing with the "now" not the "past." The only way to salvage anything is just do your own thing. She'll notice it, she'll ask why, and you can say "Just havnt been feeling it." I mean the more you ask why babe why, the more pathetic it is. I went through this, know how I came out on top? I stopped talking to her, and she slithered back. If you put up with bad behavior, you make it easy. If you make a stand and dont put up with bad behavior, you get good behavior. Make sense?

 

[joverby]

I made the mistake of talking to her about it, I wish I would've thought the rationale of not being able to really change how she was acting, not by with just words at least.

She told me it was all good of course but there was a lot of eye darting going on. Hung out with her later after that, after she got out of work and it seemed good.(I actually had a not really giving a **** attitude, in a cool relaxed way and I think she could sense that cause she was being affectionate) But some other flags had to be, seemed to be more secretive about cell & computer about the last week.

IDK I started to talk myself into trying a not give a **** approach because I let her know how I felt (regretably) so if she really cared anyway I would notice. Like I said she seemed legit after we hung out after I talked to her so it's pretty confusing.

 

[RSanders219]

You gotta lose her man. It's tough, but you gotta do it.

 

[joverby]

You gotta lose her man. It's tough, but you gotta do it.

Other people have said pretty much the same too but I like how you said it. Thanks dude. It's tough as hell but I will resist texting or calling her. IDK I guess I'll just play radio silence for as long as it takes. Or would you just recommend making it easier on both of us and saying the whole it's just not working for me thing.

It sucks because I could tell it could of been a good relationship but I had to be all needy and ****. I can just feel/tell the damage is already done now.

 

[bigneil]

I prefer to just disappear versus proclaiming you are disappearing. That way if you change your mind you don't become the boy who cried wolf.

Pretend you found a much hotter girl - what would you do? You'd just start seeing her and you'd forget about the other one. Make her wonder what you are up to. Then she has to think about you more, which makes her like you more at a subconscious level.

 

[DonJuanit0]

And why don't you just act like a mature person?

I mean, man you discover there is a problem in your LTR, go ahead and learn why the f*ck things have gone this way... Probably it is her way to make you dump her cause she doesn't want to do it by herself! Absolutely logical but you're just ain't doing it? WTF? If she wants to be with you she has to change and if she doesn't you should be man enough to walk away! There is no No Contact game with your LTR! How can this be? It can't! After your brake up it will be a game but before? She might even think you broke up with her unofficially and just find out she is with someone else the same time you think you are together playing games of no contacting!

Grow up and learn what is going on and after that decide what is the best thing to do! Don't just stand there acting like the kid who is pissed off with his classmate and doesn't talk to him!

 

[joverby]

I went no contact yesterday (this is after I talked to her the otherday and spent the night.) And I didn't do it to play a game , I did it because I was/am honestly debating what I wanted to do/pursue it anymore.

But she texted me after she got home from work, at like 1AM so I was passed out. Just saying hope I had a good day, she had to open the store and would call me after work and if I wasn't doing anything I should chill.

I still haven't responded to it yet not sure would like to still go out with her but I don't want to fall in the same trap I got myself in before.

 

[LoneWolf]

you need to chill the fuk out man. you were like me a couple of months ago. i was always thinking and wondering and texting. soon as i stopped she came running to me and started doing the initiating more often. give her some free space and she'll start to miss you. if not, she obviously doesn't like you THAT much or has issues. just cool off, do other things, keep yourself busy.

 

[joverby]

Was just looking for tips moving forward. I realize being really needy like I was is not acceptable and no one likes that and am going to make sure I don't act that way.

That's why I was asking for help moving forward from the text she just sent me. But I think I Know, I'll just text her back and chill out from here.

 

[Chickfight]

Dude, how obvious is it that there's another guy. Keep no contact man. It just shows how needy you are they you've rationalized to text her back after ONE day. She's going to **** you over trust me. This is the time to show her a lesson and demand your respect. No contact, and if she blows up your phone, text her that you don't like how she's been acting and you don't want to see her until she tells you what is going on.

 

[ELMER_GANTRY]

If your girlfriend (of 3 months) has been becoming increasingly distant, past few days especially. Had plans to chill the other day but when I called she was sleeping apparently, and I only found out because I texted her about 3 hours after that saying goodnight. (By being distant I mean she used to actually text me during the day or call me or return my calls at least, the lack of return is a big red flag.)

Yesterday I called her earlier, she never got back to me all day; so I texted her good night WAY later , she just gave me a "gnight..". she would normally do like a goodnight baby hope you had a good day, blah blah. just out of character for her is all. so i called her right after, talked to her for only a few minutes as i was at a buddies house. made her laugh more than a few times but she didnt talk much, only responded to what i said really.

there has been peroids with us where it goes great then for a day or two she might get all cold on the phone. i'm just really starting to get sick of it. today I called her earlier to see if she wanted to chill. still didnt get back to me. now you will probably just say i'm being a ***** but it's just really out of character for her, she normally would at least text back.

I know there isn't really a "right" answer but what would you do?

1.)Just dump her w/o much of an explanation
2.)Dump her with elaborate explanation
3.)Confront her about it in person, straight up say I noticed you have been this way, why? (probably the least best option I'm sure)
4.)Do something more passive like a letter so I can really elaborate how I feel (I'm sure you guys won't favor this one really either)

But the bottom line is I do like this girl a lot. I realize I am insecure and more recently as she started backing off I started doing a lot of self reflection on thinking of how to fix that, I just wish she could tell me what was up but I know she has a really tough time expressing herself.

The end is near my friend, I'm sorry to say. There is no need for an explanation, confrontation, or anything like that. She lost her interest in you, most likely there is another guy on the scene that you are unaware of, and what she is doing now with the distance and lack of communication, is she is planning on dumping you. So if you confront her, she will go into a big spiel about how this isn't working and will dump you. Or she will just say nothing and wait to dump you until she is sure she has the other guy.

I wouldn't mess around with her, she is disrespecting you, showing you lack of attention, ignoring you, when all your doing is trying to be a good boyfriend. That is why you should tell her things aren't working and dump her, before she dumps you.

You should treat her exactly how she treats you. Don't call her or text her. Why should you let her ignore you, and you wait for her to text you hours later with a halfassed text. Don't let her do that to you. If she texts you, you give the same texts as she gives you. You should also start talking to other girls too, because I bet she is talking with another guy. Hell, even let her see you talking to other girls, she might get back into you again. If she gets mad, too bad because she is ignoring you and you want someone who won't ignore you.

Start talking to other girls and you should dump her before she dumps you because she will very soon. If you write a letter she will laugh at you and think less of you as she does now. No need to explain because SHE KNOWS what she is doing to you, it is very obvious. 3 months isn't a long time and you can do better than her. Find a girl who want to be attentive and wants you as a boyfriend, and dump this chick before she does to you.

 

[DMEDFISIK]

Get distant yourself. Problem solved. Get your mind onto other things.