Ok, ok, here's my story...
I was 28.
I met this 26 yo girl from ya hooo per sonals.
We dated for about six weeks. She worked as a drug and alcohol counselor.
We would make out and grind on her bed a lot. She would even moan and say things like, "I want you so bad."
I was STILL so naive I didn't literally know what that meant at the time. I thought it just meant she was very attracted to me, NOT "I want you in me."
I mean I wasn't completely clueless. I knew sex was coming soon, but I was stalling because I was nervous about being a virgin.
Finally, she calls me one night...
HB: Mike, what's your deal?
Mike: huh?
HB: when are we gonna, ya know?
Mike: uhhh i don't know soon i guess
<Mike32ct does not recommend you try this weak sh*t game at home lol. This is only for professional losers lol.>
HB: Well Mike, the first step is admitting you have a PROBLEM (ie virginity). The next step is seeing a professional like me for help." LOL
Mike: haha yep
HB: So, we can do this easy way or the hard way. You come over tonight and F me, or I come over your place and rape you. WHAT'S it GONNA BE?
Mike: <The paranoid engineer does quick calculations of the safety factor. Today is Thursday. She gets her period tomorrow on Friday. Tonight is pretty damn low risk of getting her preg. Plus I have those Tro jan extra strength spermicide condoms I ordered by mail a few weeks ago. Ladies and gentlemen, we've been cleared for departure....>
Mike: Ok, let's get together TONIGHT. Let's figure out where. Not at your house because your parents are home though.
<She's living at home while taking grad classes.>
Mike: Meet me at the xyz motel at 7pm.
HB: Ok awesome.
<Arrive at the xyz motel>
Front Desk guy: Welcome to the xyz motel.
Mike: One room for tonight please.
Front Desk guy: Sure. We are quite busy tonight, but we can accomodate you.
Mike: That's good. Why so busy? <Trying to make conversation to distract my nervousness.>
Front Desk guy: Tonight is prom night.
Mike: <OMG!!!!! I'm gonna be losing my virginity on the same night at the same hotel as couples from their high school prom. I'm like ten or 11 years late. Facepalm to the tenth power. Oh well, better late than never.>
Anyway, get to the room. Bang her like 3 times. It was a really good experience. Easy, no pressure, relaxing, fun, etc.
Then I had to do the "walk of shame" and check out at the front desk TWO HOURS later lol.
Mike: <Standing sideways to avoid eye contact> I'm all set with room xyz. I would like check out.
Mike: <Please don't make any comments about our short stay you creepy mofo lol.>
Front desk guy: certainly sir. Thank you for staying at the xyz motel.
Next day.... I get a call from the chick... (This was before texting. People actually talked on the phone lol.)
HB: Hey hot stuff. How are ya?
Mike: Can't complain hon.
HB: Oh yeah, I got my period today.
Mike: <Playing dumb> Oh ok, that's cool. Well I'm at the gym right now, I'll call you later hon.
Mike: <YESSS! Finally got laid AND with NO consequences. Go Mike, it's your birthday!!!>