When a woman plays hard to get...or is it low interest?

[Jariel]

It's been a while since I've needed to ask advice on a dating situation, but despite my seduction game being on top form I have a real big failing - whenever I start to like a woman beyond sexual attraction, I blow it and I've never been able to keep a woman I really like.

Here's the story....I got talking to a woman on Facebook (friend of a friend), we clicked so well online and on the phone and she asked me to meet. It was a perfect date: conversation flowed, lots of laughs, flirting and sexual tension. When I kissed her she got all flustered, and kept apologised for being really nervous around me and acting "like a schoolgirl with a crush". She's a very independent career woman and told me she never gets like that with anyone and was rather embarrassed. IOIs were all sky high.

She invited me back to her place and we ended up having mad and passionate sex. She kept complimenting me during and after sex and we lay together in bed chatting for a while. She got nervous and flustered again and said I just have an effect on her. When I suggested I get dressed and head off, she insisted I catch a later train so I could stay with her for a bit longer. All good.

We kissed goodbye and on the way home she text me to see if I got home ok and to apologise for various things (that weren't her fault) and said she'd like to see me again.

However, the next day and all week she's been quite aloof with me. Her texts have been friendly, but matter of fact and she's disregarded all my flirtatious comments. If it's low interest, it happened literally overnight (women are like that I guess). In retrospect, her high interest may have made me too comfortable. I returned her compliments, agreed to stay longer, reassured her I'd like to see her again and really didn't put up much of a challenge.

It's also possible she's playing hard to get, perhaps wanting some power back in the situation or regretting she put out so easily. She did keep saying that she hopes I don't think of her as a slvt and assuring me she doesn't just have sex with anyone.

I do like this woman and would like to see her again, but just don't know how to get past the coolness. Do I treat it as low interest and back off? Do I just get to the point and ask her out again?

I have no problems dating, seducing and escalating to sex with women these days, but my failing is when I start to like a woman for more than that. I don't know where I go wrong, but I always seem to blow these situations and it's the one missing aspect of my game I want to understand.

Any insights or wisdom from personal experience would be helpful. Cheers guys.

 

[Quiksilver]

edit:

oops, didn't read enough.

She is probably just embarassed or shy. Some girls experience this weird guilt or embarrassment after getting intimate with a guy. Ease off for awhile, let her collect herself. When she re-initiates contact, be a man.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

Yes, what Quiksilver said.

Sometimes broads that really like you and put out fast, might feel a little embarrased and are worried about what you will think of them. So don't come off as judgmental nor hold it against her that she had good taste and didn't play games with you. When you re-connect, communicate, covertly, just that, and behave normal, knowing that broads do that with you, sleep with you fast, because you are just that kind of guy.

 

[Jariel]

Thanks guys, that sounds like sound advice and good to hear an objective perspective. Appreciated!

 

[Jariel]

I eased off since posting and we had no contact the last few days, but she text me this morning. It was another aloof one though just saying she hopes I had a good weekend. I guess she could've chosen to move on and not text me at all if she wasn't interested, but I just don't know how to respond.

I'm finding it hard to tell if she's being defensive or if this is just a classic sh!t test.

I've decided not to respond and to back off for a while. I went out the weekend and got a number from a hot dance instructor, who also text me today so gonna try and set up a date this week.

 

[BadNews]

She's might be backing off because she feels like she slept with you too soon? She probably is insecure about how interested YOU are, and doesn't want to throw herself out there even more, after already having slept with you.

If I were in your situation I would just ask her out again, what have you got to lose? Be casual/confident about it. Why wouldn't she agree to go out with you again? If you want something you gotta go for it. If she's feeling insecure about how interested you are, backing off is not going to help your cause, and may make her feel regret for having slept with you so quickly? A little bit of reasurance could go a long way, I've seen this time and time again.

Anyways, keep us up to date.

 

[Jariel]

Thanks Badnews, that thought has been crossing my mind a lot and if so it probably didn't help matters that I text her the next day with some dirty talk about wanting to bang her again.

You're probably right and it could be that I'm the one being too defensive here.

 

[women haze]

mmmmm nothing like that intimate high interest connection....You have this in the bag man. Just back off like quicksilver said let her come to you, and don't be so needy and sweet.....

 

[Beowolf]

Do not pursue or reinforce. Remain NC. Let her come to you with high interest again. Hot and cold chicks are a major pain in the ass.

 

[Alex DeLarge]

Just ask her out again, what's the harm in it? It doesn't make you clingy or needy to do this. Like a lot of the posters here said, she probably just thinks she got too intimate too soon.

This happened to me before (Slept with a girl the first night we hungout, she was really into me.) and I did the whole NC thing and didn't actually go with my gut and then the situation got ruined on my part. She lost interest because she thought that I just didn't care about her and she was "Just another girl". When that was not the case at all.

Be straightforward with her, ask her what's up and tell her you'd like to get to know her more. Then schedule an action date during the day that does not end with sex. Unless she wants it bad enough

 

[DonGorgon]

Most times yes... 90% of the time a female over 18 will throw her self on a guy she likes with no problem.. se plays hard tko get when she does not want to be gotten

 

[st_99]

I'm willing to bet she is a total fraud. By that I mean you can go ahead
and disregard all that stuff she said to make you think she had sky high
interest. Its not the case, obviously. Why girls do this, I don't really know, could be a bunch of reasons but, and a lot of people will disagree with me, if you think you may want to date a girl for a little while at least, DO NOT bang her on the first or second or third night. IMO, it only kills interest, almost never ups it.

and I agree with the previous post, when girls consistently play hard to get, its cuz they do not want to be gotten. Similar thing happened to me a few girls ago. Really like her, had great times together, had a lot of fun together, she acted shy saying things like, "i really like being with you", "i'm not good at these sort of things" had sex with her and then she did a complete 180 a day later. Then she continued conact but acted aloof and not like before. Now you tell me how thats possible so quickly? Well, it is and apperently its common.

and yes, i seem to have that problem aslo.. when i show a girl i really like her, she disappears. When I don't care, they care. When you figure it out, let me know.

 

[Delly2000]

IMO it could be so many things. It depends on the girl. I met one off of POF. We kicked it off the first night. She wanted to leave the jazz club we was at and meet her friends to "show me off". I was like...nope. This was our first date and meeting the friends was kinda heavy. So we went to a club of my choice after and we kissed kissed.

I set up a second date and she stood me up. Gave her some space. Told her to come kick it with me. She acted ifffy. So I put my foot down. She ended up coming over. Saying she was sorry for standing me up before. We had sex. She told me I was good. Said she hadn't had sex in months. We both slept like babies. Went to IHOP in the morning. I am thinking this girl realy digs me man. She Texted me during the week asking me whats up. I was cordial but not clingly. Told her I would like to kick it to see a movie. She agreed.

When I called to set up the next date her phone was off. She changed her number. Never heard from her again. I figured maybe soemthing bad happened but She is still on POF(changed her profile) but did not respond to my messages.

So...i think it may be one of two things:

1) I figure she seeing someone or is iffy with someone and u/I was a "mistake" while she was vulnerable...had a fight with her man or something. A mini-rebound. In other words....She faked her interest.

2) Things went too fast for her and she thinks you are a player and would hurt her eventually so she bailing now. She dont think ur serious. U do it to all the girls.

Of the two I am leaning towards the first point.

 

[Jariel]

Thanks for the replies. I went ahead and asked her if she wanted to meet up again. She said yes, she'd like to. However, after her initial friendliness she went straight back to being aloof, to the point of being rude. I ended up cutting the conversation short and telling her I'd drop her a text about meeting up.

Lots of different opinions here which are all appreciated. I have no doubts her interest was high when we met. Even if I dismiss the things she said, her actions spoke volumes, she was clearly very flustered and constantly qualifying herself. But I am thinking Delly could be right about another man in the picture. It's happened before and is probably one of the most common reasons for hot and cold behaviour.

But everything aside, her behaviour has really put me off. Whether it's low interest or tests or defensiveness, I don't care any more. I can't be dealing with it. After ending the call with her I called up the dance instructor I met over the weekend. We really clicked and have arranged to meet up over the weekend. She sent me a very hot picture of herself this morning.

I think this just reminds me of what I already know, that the best way to deal with hot and cold games is to just ignore them and keep playing the field.

 

[st_99]

I called up the dance instructor I met over the weekend..

Yes, the cure to a frustrating girl is to get another girl. Actually, thats not always true, but it goes a long way.

 

[SoSuaveDude]

Yeah. ignore her a bit/NC and let her initiate, and try to find another girl also. I guarantee 80% of the time chicks like this will return. It may take a week or a month, but surely don't wait on her! But idk if im right, but chicks like this are a pain in the arse, and it's virtually impossible to hold a meaningful relationship with them

 

[Jariel]

Interesting development...

I came to the conclusion I don't want to date this chick if she's acting like this so I text her last night and politely told her things are a bit busy at the moment and I'll have to give it a miss. She replied immediately (first time since we met) asking if that means I don't want to see her again.

I replied "I just have a lot going on at the moment. But I had fun and hope there are no hard feelings. x"

It was basically a pre-emptive move on my part, and a bit of elementary reverse psychology.

She replied to this saying she didn't understand because she thought we got on really well and thought I liked her. I went to bed and didn't return her text. This morning she sent me another text, this time quite flirty, referring to us connecting mentally and physically, and suggesting it would be a shame not to do it again <winky face>.

After this change of attitude it occurred to me that I might've (unintentionally) come on too strong and serious when we met and this aloofness is her way of pushing me back, while still keeping me in the picture.

Even though cuddling for hours after sex and the long kiss goodbye were as much her choice as mine, it is pretty full on for a first date and she may have felt like things were getting too serious too soon...and as we all know, that's a sure way to send a woman running (esp independent career types like her).

By pulling back and showing her I can walk away, it shows her I'm not an emotional liability and I believe that can be very reassuring to women during the initial stages of dating.

As for what happens next, I'm just going to back off for a while, continue dating other chicks and take things as they come.

 

[st_99]

I think anytime you reject someone (what you just did to her) you get a snap back effect even if the other person doesn't really like you. Her sudden spark after rejection doesn't lay the ground work for any decent dating situation I don't think. I could be completely wrong but yeah, keep us posted!

 

[DonGorgon]

when she plays hard after a one night lay she is what i cll a 1-F-Ho.. which means she only wants you for a night of sex and nothing more she already has other men for F buddies and boyfriends etc etc..

 

[Jariel]

I'm all for a dose of reality when needed, but those are some cynical answers. Basically saying she never liked me, I misread all the textbook indicators of interest, she lied about everything, faked being nervous and flustered, and is only talking to me because I rejected her.

This basically implies that no girl has ever liked me, that even the girls who got really obsessive about me, texting and calling upto 10 times per day only did so because they felt rejected.

It's also suggesting that no situation can be turned around, no mistakes can be fixed because if a girl rejects you it means she doesn't like you and never did?

Come on guys, isn't this just way too negative advice to be giving out? If I didn't have so much confidence in myself I'd be feeling like a total loser right now.