When a woman plays hard to get...or is it low interest?

[mahoney]

when is this "low interest" displayed?

because if its "inbetween the dates" then i don't see an issue. problem a lot of dudes have (and im not saying this is you necessarily) is they have a good date on, say, tuesday - then maybe there might be another one the saturday of the next week - and both of these are good - but they get worried that there is little or no contact inbetween the two dates - and interpret this as low interest

the important thing should be the physical actual time spent together - don't get hung up on messages inbetween the dates, i wouldn't go looking for constant reassurance here, have a bit of faith that the next date will be fun and good. i think a lot of girls, in this example, enjoy the tues date and the following sat date but don't want to feel obligated that they must be messaging and contacting the whole time inbetween just to reassure you or placate your insecurities (why would they even know you were insecure? and why would you even want to reveal that?)

EDIT: yeah basically reread your initial question and this is exactly what you are doing, and its a very common problem. too focused on texts and messages and frequency of contact "oh noes 3 days without a text maybe she forgot who i am" - even though you will be going out together in 5 days time.

focus on the quality of the contact, and the time actually spent together - not the frequency of the contact. dont be that person that NEEDS a text every day

 

[st_99]

I'm all for a dose of reality when needed, but those are some cynical answers. Basically saying she never liked me, I misread all the textbook indicators of interest, she lied about everything, faked being nervous and flustered, and is only talking to me because I rejected her.

This basically implies that no girl has ever liked me, that even the girls who got really obsessive about me, texting and calling upto 10 times per day only did so because they felt rejected.

It's also suggesting that no situation can be turned around, no mistakes can be fixed because if a girl rejects you it means she doesn't like you and never did?

Come on guys, isn't this just way too negative advice to be giving out? If I didn't have so much confidence in myself I'd be feeling like a total loser right now.

And I have thought the same exact things you did. How can all that be fake? How can someone come across sooo interested and flip in a heartbeat? Its not possible and I should be able to turn around little bumps in the road. I probably just came on too strong or maybe not strong enough or she is shy or whatever. But experience has shown me that yeah, this sht happens and it happens a lot.

Girls that really like you don't put up a million road blocks. But anything is possible, every situation is unique, I'm not saying your situation is a lost cause, I'm just saying keep your expectations way way low.

High expectations over a girl that shows a lot of interest and chemistry is probably my downfall because its not fair to the girl or yourself to put a heavy mental burden onto an early dating situation. It makes you do dumb things but us guys like to lock a good thing down, so to speak.

 

[SoSuaveDude]

This is a very intriguing thread of value. I have recently experienced a similar sequence of events of the OP and am curious why situations like this occur

 

[Jariel]

st_99:

I see exactly where you're coming from mate. I think it's too easy to make excuses for women or only look at advice that you want to hear. That is one of the biggest mistakes I see from guys here. In the past I have chased women who are clearly not interested and I've blown little things out of proportion, only to have my hopes shattered.

Thankfully I'm a bit more grounded in reality now. If I'm being honest with myself, I have been on the verge of oneitis with this girl, which I keep telling myself is crazy, especially so soon. But I also realise this can be a learning experience for me and even if it all falls apart, I want to try and understand.

I am perhaps a bit more optimistic about this situation than many guys would be because a few of my ex-girlfriends acted this way during early dating stages, I was even flaked on and rejected, but eventually turned it around and they lasted...5 years in one case.

Today she's text me 3 times, emailed me and liked a lot of my stuff on Facebook. My little pre-emptive rejection has pushed things in the right direction, but I realise that's no guarantee that I can turn it around. But I am really eager to learn what I can from this.

 

[Jariel]

Update....

I've just come back from her place where I've had one of the best sex sessions of my life. I knew I had a good reason for liking this chick. haha.

She text me last night and again today, and I decided to text back, just a bit of small talk, joking and keeping things light. A sexual innuendo came up and the topic quickly turned to sex. We talked about the last time we had sex, then started discussing sexual fantasies throughout the day. In the end I asked her if she wanted me to make them come true, she invited me round and we ended up fulfilling some of our top fantasies.

This time I made sure not to give any indication of coming on too strong. We had a chat and a joke after and we seemed on great terms, but I made sure I didn't stick around long and will just play it cool from now on.

I still don't know why she went cold, I can only guess, but the textbook push/pull and reverse psychology tactic worked out pretty well, for now anyway.

 

[st_99]

I've just come back from her place where I've had one of the best sex sessions of my life. I knew I had a good reason for liking this chick. haha.

She text me last night and again today, and I decided to text back, just a bit of small talk, joking and keeping things light. A sexual innuendo came up and the topic quickly turned to sex. We talked about the last time we had sex, then started discussing sexual fantasies throughout the day. In the end I asked her if she wanted me to make them come true, she invited me round and we ended up fulfilling some of our top fantasies.

This time I made sure not to give any indication of coming on too strong. We had a chat and a joke after and we seemed on great terms, but I made sure I didn't stick around long and will just play it cool from now on.

I still don't know why she went cold, I can only guess, but the textbook push/pull and reverse psychology tactic worked out pretty well, for now anyway.

sounds good, looks like your preemptive strike worked like a charm. girls sure are funny.

 

[Zarky]

When a woman plays hard to get...or is it low interest?

Here's my definitive answer to this question:

You'll never know, and it doesn't matter anyway.

The symptoms of "playing hard to get" or "having low interest" are indistinguishable. Either she's playing games with your head, or she's not all that into you. Either is bad. Therefore, don't bother analyzing which one it is, simply leave and find a girl who is both into you and isn't a game-player.

 

[Jariel]

sounds good, looks like your preemptive strike worked like a charm. girls sure are funny.

Ain't that the truth. I don't think we'll ever really understand them. It's the first time I've tried a preemptive strike, but I'll be adding it to the seduction arsenal for future reference.

 

[Jariel]

Just wanted to add another update because things have been going great with this girl since I pre-emptively rejected her.

We've had sex twice since and she contacts me every day, just as friendly and flirty as she was when we first met.

I can only assume that she felt pressured after the first time we met and was worried it was moving too fast. I've slowed things down a lot. When we do talk it's more chit chat and sexual flirtation rather than deep rapport building.

I never did meet up with that dance instructor though. She flaked. :crackup:

 

[st_99]

Nice man, maybe you stumbled upon a winning formula.

Come on strong + tell them you can't see them anymore, sorry = they chase you. haha.

 

[Zunder]

Sounds fishy.

Bit of 'slut defense' on her part going on.
If she is all aloof I'd have to ask "why".

My bet is she often runs the cok carousel gets a high from it, then next morning out comes slut defense mode and acts all nervous then acts aloof because she is ready to try another option.

I say your one of many she's had inside her the past year.
That in itself is not a bad thing - but dont expect commitment from this girl.

Relegate to fvck-buddy status or move on.

 

[TheAsianLoverReturns]

low interest.

If a 10 was into you, you would be all over her.

If a fattie was into you, you would display...


LOW INTEREST

 

[keemojung]

I got exactly the same situation like you Jariel.

Now im thinking abt asking her out the coming Wed. (We got laid on

Sunday and NC since then)

What are your suggestions for me?

What should I do in the next date?

I also thought that im coming too strong on the first night and she

might perceive me like I did not care to lose her.

Im not sure whether she is looking for LTR or just ****-buddy.

But Im okay with either of them.

 

[Jariel]

Nice man, maybe you stumbled upon a winning formula.

Come on strong + tell them you can't see them anymore, sorry = they chase you. haha.

I think it could be. I suppose I've done similar things before that have worked well. I doubt it will materialise interest levels from nothing, but if they're there in the first place and wear off, it could be a good way to recapture them. She's just written me a 500+ word email via her phone and sent me some photos, so far it's looking positive.

 

[Jariel]

I got exactly the same situation like you Jariel.

Now im thinking abt asking her out the coming Wed. (We got laid on

Sunday and NC since then)

What are your suggestions for me?

What should I do in the next date?

I also thought that im coming too strong on the first night and she

might perceive me like I did not care to lose her.

Im not sure whether she is looking for LTR or just ****-buddy.

But Im okay with either of them.

My advice to you would be to focus on her as fvck buddy and nothing more at this stage. Be friendly, enjoy the conversation and have a great time on your date, but try to avoid anything that's too couply/romantic...like lying in bed for hours talking and long kisses goodbye, like I did.

If/when she is ready to pursue a LTR, she will make that decision. So just enjoy yourself, but keep it light hearted.

Ask her for a drink or to the cinema. If she rejects you or says she's busy you could try my preemptive rejection strategy as a last attempt.

 

[keemojung]

My advice to you would be to focus on her as fvck buddy and nothing more at this stage. Be friendly, enjoy the conversation and have a great time on your date, but try to avoid anything that's too couply/romantic...like lying in bed for hours talking and long kisses goodbye, like I did.

If/when she is ready to pursue a LTR, she will make that decision. So just enjoy yourself, but keep it light hearted.

Ask her for a drink or to the cinema. If she rejects you or says she's busy you could try my preemptive rejection strategy as a last attempt.

1. Why did u say I should avoid sth like cuddling in bed for hrs talking?
I think becuz of that I can get to know better.
Also, I actually like to cuddle with girls on bed after we had sex.


2.I am trying to position her as my f-buddy so that I don't lose my coolness. So how do i know if she want to start LTR?

3. I don't know what your preemptive rejection is. Mind explaining it bro?

Thx u