When a girl never initiates the contact...

LittleBigOne

Don Juan
Joined
Sep 29, 2005
Messages
189
Reaction score
0
Location
Netherlands
When a girl never initiates contact (phone / txt) but does react on your calls and texts and even counteroffers when you set up a date with her while she can't on the moment you suggested, does it means she is having medium interest in you? I don't text her too much, once or twice a week.
THis starts to makes me feel weak and a bit like a begger when i text her again. But on the other hand she is always positive and responds soon when i contact her.
 

LittleBigOne

Don Juan
Joined
Sep 29, 2005
Messages
189
Reaction score
0
Location
Netherlands
Well, she was at my place twice. Once watching film other we cooked together. There was some kino. We see eachother during local nightlife and she keeps around me. But we didn't make out so far. I felt like we were on the edge of making out a few times but i didn't move in. And next week we will see eachother again.
 

jophil28

Master Don Juan
Joined
Nov 18, 2006
Messages
5,216
Reaction score
277
Location
Gold Coast. Aust.
samspade said:
You are on the precipice...very close to being LJBF's if she doesn't already think of you as just a friend. Her interest in you sounds tepid at best, and this is because you have not demonstrated real romantic interest in her. By demonstrate I mean with action: Kino, kissing, escalating.

Watching movies and cooking together at home is dangerous if you haven't set a sexual tone; you're just another girlfriend to her. Texting and phoning (but no asking out on a date) without having even kiss-closed only adds to the problem. You are the supplicant, and she is the arbiter of attention, in your relationship. That needs to switch.

She may still be waiting for you to make your move, but you have to do it soon. I also recommend you cast a wider net so you're not solely focused on this one girl. If you two are out in a group setting, flirt with some other girls in front of her. She can't be the only star in your universe.
I agree, I think that she is waiting for you to signal your romantic or sexual interest before she steps up. A movie at home and mac and cheese is not doing it for you yet. Sounds a little like what two chic best friends might do.
Get her out of the house, music, fun - stir her emotions.
Alternatively, next time you are strirring the pasta sauce, look at her with THAT look, toss that spoon into the sink and pull her forcefully into you and KISS her with NO hestitation. Her reaction will tell you all you need to know.
 

horaholic

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jul 12, 2008
Messages
2,257
Reaction score
79
and if she freaks out and leaves...more spaghetti for you! Or better yet, call another girl over.
 

Mr. Me

Master Don Juan
Joined
Dec 19, 2007
Messages
1,357
Reaction score
84
I disagree with my brethren in that I don't think it's so much a matter that you've not taken the initiative, but that she hasn't: if she wanted to kiss you, she would've been getting her face into your space and sending signals your way. But still...

You wouldn't have to be posting here wondering if she's into you or not, asking other men who don't know her and who were not eyewitnesses to anything going on between the two of you trying to guess what she's thinking if you only just went ahead and gone for a kiss when she was over.

Goes to show you what I've been saying for some time: kino and escalating doesn't do SQUAT if the girl isn't interested in you sufficiently in the first place and wanting it from you. She could just be playing along.

I think also having her hang a couple of times at your place, cooking and watching a film, is a pretty weak thing to do in the early stages of dating. It's much too familiar, too much like an "established relationship" type activity rather than dating... and boring. So most probably her interest is low, not even medium.

That being the case, that she counter offers could be that she's marginally interested as I said, but it could also mean that she has nothing else going on - at the moment - and you're the entertainment for the time being until someone comes along that makes her salivate.

Likewise, her not taking the initiative to call you could be because she's been brought up to think "girls don't call boys they barely know"... but it may also be because maybe you're calling her frequently and she doesn't have to call you. She knows you'll call her soon enough? Give her space to miss you a bit and maybe she'll call, if that's the case. But never depend on a new chick calling you, just in case she's been socially trained not to.

Next date: take her out to something fun, some kind of activity, like rollerblading or shooting pool, that she can get involved in. And then when you drop her off at her place, go for a quick kiss - on the lips. You'll have your answer.
 

WaterTiger

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 3, 2003
Messages
1,719
Reaction score
35
Location
Wine Country, Ca
horaholic said:
and if she freaks out and leaves...more spaghetti for you! Or better yet, call another girl over.

The forever practical Mr. Horaholic!:D
 

trent81

Banned
Joined
May 30, 2009
Messages
409
Reaction score
13
It means she has control of the relationship.
 

Unbridled_Phoenix

Master Don Juan
Joined
Feb 22, 2009
Messages
678
Reaction score
25
LittleBigOne said:
Well, she was at my place twice. Once watching film other we cooked together. There was some kino. We see eachother during local nightlife and she keeps around me. But we didn't make out so far. I felt like we were on the edge of making out a few times but i didn't move in. And next week we will see eachother again.
Her interest in you is cool at best, or she could be a "traditional" chick (the odds are against this). You see her out and about? This is going to be too easy: She needs to see you with other women hanging all over you. I've seen this scenario play out a thousand times, when a chick is on the fence/cool on you, nothing puts a fire under her little ass like seeing you with other chicks. All of a sudden, you've got her where you want her and you are in control.
 

jophil28

Master Don Juan
Joined
Nov 18, 2006
Messages
5,216
Reaction score
277
Location
Gold Coast. Aust.
Unbridled_Phoenix said:
Her interest in you is cool at best, or she could be a "traditional" chick (the odds are against this). You see her out and about? This is going to be too easy: She needs to see you with other women hanging all over you. I've seen this scenario play out a thousand times, when a chick is on the fence/cool on you, nothing puts a fire under her little ass like seeing you with other chicks. All of a sudden, you've got her where you want her and you are in control.
Yep , I agree that if you have an 'iffy' woman in your sights, her seeing you being chased by other women will always increase her interest in you.
Then you could amplify this effect by being distant and unavailable. Women always find men attractive who are popular with other women . When you are 'harder to get' it amps things up even further.
IT is the 'Rock Star' effect...if MIck Jagger was not adored by many and hard to get, he probably could not get a date.
Women want a challenge.
I think that you have also established a little too much comfort with this woman. Cooking and watching DVD's is what LTRs or 'friends' do .
You have removed the need for her to pursue you actively because your together time is almost devoid of anxiety and intrigue .
Your situation is a good case for introducing a little "competition anxiety".
 

LittleBigOne

Don Juan
Joined
Sep 29, 2005
Messages
189
Reaction score
0
Location
Netherlands
Thanks for your opinions guys, they are very clear.

Makes me wonder where it went wrong...
It happened to me so often that i came in too strong and messed it up. With this girl i kept it cool. I opened her up by not chasing her like lot's of other guys do. She got upset a while ago when i didn't call (she was pretty drunk then).
But now it looks i took it too slow! And i am on my way to friendzone hell. Yes, she knows i will call. But what will happen if i don't call, she will lose interest too.
How too show interest without being needy and make her chase me? And i hear people saying 'be a challenge!" But how? When i act like a player while going out and she is there? I think she will loose interest too, well maybe some competition won't do harm.

This becomes a real dillema for me.
 

mrRuckus

Master Don Juan
Joined
Feb 14, 2005
Messages
4,442
Reaction score
87
Dude it doesn't matter that much.

You could have made out with her and then a few days later call her and she wouldn't answer. You have no way of knowing her real interest level. Only the signs of disinterest.
 

countermart

Don Juan
Joined
Feb 27, 2009
Messages
175
Reaction score
16
Location
The edge of destiny
My bet is she is a traditional girl who will not call you, until much deeper into an established relationship. She wants you to chase, go after, and take her. She wants to see that you are the man.

There is nothing wrong with cooking with her, in fact it’s great because the kitchen is usually close to the bedroom.

Half way through desert get up kiss her on the lips, and tell her you taste “chocolaty” or “like strawberry” or whatever you choose for desert and smile your devilish smile, that ought to do it....do not do this during the main course...”you taste like baby beef ”, “you taste like tuna casserole”...does not work!

But better act soon or LJBF is just around the corner.

Two last things, the seduction community is wrong about not making your intentions obvious, you are the guy. You know what you want. Go and get it. That is what she expects, and crash through or crash.

Countermart
 

Jitterbug

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jan 12, 2008
Messages
3,218
Reaction score
142
mrRuckus said:
Dude it doesn't matter that much.

You could have made out with her and then a few days later call her and she wouldn't answer. You have no way of knowing her real interest level. Only the signs of disinterest.
True.

I'd even say that you could've slept with her and it will still be unpredictable.

If a girl allows you to get her to a private location, she wants you to at least kiss her!
 

LittleBigOne

Don Juan
Joined
Sep 29, 2005
Messages
189
Reaction score
0
Location
Netherlands
I decided to step back and not contact her even i feel the urge to contact her. I feel myself far too available. If she wants a challange she can have it. However, my gut feeling says i am not standing on a high position in her priority list. Maybe i am wrong but i think this is better.

Comments or tips are welcome.
 
Joined
Oct 20, 2009
Messages
26
Reaction score
2
LittleBigOne said:
Well, she was at my place twice. Once watching film other we cooked together. There was some kino. We see eachother during local nightlife and she keeps around me. But we didn't make out so far. I felt like we were on the edge of making out a few times but i didn't move in. And next week we will see eachother again.
She was over your place TWICE! And you didn't f*ck her!

It's over. She either thinks you're gay or a p*ssy. You can't recover from this.

Next time squeeze your balls and escalate.

1. Kiss her.
2. Kiss her some more.
3. Show her around your apartment.
4. Lead her to her bedroom.
5. Dry hump her.
6. Kiss her.
7. Take off her pants. (Never use force! If she says no, go back to kissing. Repeat as many times as necessary.
8. Grab a condom.
9. Insert penis into vagina...
 

Never try to read a woman's mind. It is a scary place. Ignore her confusing signals and mixed messages. Assume she is interested in you and act accordingly.

Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.

jophil28

Master Don Juan
Joined
Nov 18, 2006
Messages
5,216
Reaction score
277
Location
Gold Coast. Aust.
LittleBigOne said:
I decided to step back and not contact her even i feel the urge to contact her. I feel myself far too available. If she wants a challange she can have it. However, my gut feeling says i am not standing on a high position in her priority list. Maybe i am wrong but i think this is better.

Comments or tips are welcome.
When you create a high level of COMFORT very early in the relationship you reduce the sexual tension. This is the opposite of what you needed to do. The mere act of sex is largely designed to resolve sexual tension, and sexual tension is driven by anxiety and uncertainty.
By definition, 'comfort' means resolution of apprehension or fear, but paradoxically, those emotions are usually the drivers of sexual desire .
BY playing "house" with her you effectively resolved any sexual tension between you without fukking.. She felt safe and comfortable and any raw sexual urges were mitigated to an extent that you and she lost YOUR way.

Understand how you blundered? However, you would not be the first guy to go that route- the "nice guy who is safe" route.

IF you want to try and rescue this situation do the opposite of what you did last time.
THe sequence posted by the Muscle Expert above will do just fine.
 

Mr. Me

Master Don Juan
Joined
Dec 19, 2007
Messages
1,357
Reaction score
84
>> THe sequence posted by the Muscle Expert above will do just fine. >>

His sequence sounds like exactly like what I used to do when I was 21.

Not for nothing, but in hindsight, it constituted a rather crude attempt to initiate sex.

But then, there were times back then (and since) where the chick voluntarily takes her pants off. And undoes my belt. In those instances, it was mainly about exuding a masculine, dominant sexual presence. You know, the kind where her reaction is to stare at you with that in-a-trance look (that's the best way I can think to describe it)

I guess my point is, a guy doesn't have to keep on feeling her up hoping she'll finally agree to screw.

Instead, and I think this works w-a-y better: he has to come off like someone she'd want to f@ck.

(And definitely not someone she wants to order dinner from.)

>> Makes me wonder where it went wrong...With this girl I kept it cool. I opened her up by not chasing her... But now it looks I took it too slow! >>

If you really want to believe that then you're forever going to go between being too fast and too slow. Or so you'll think, because it's not that you went too slow.

It's because you didn't do anything.

Except hang out, cook dinner and watch movies.
Like her brother would do with her.

>> But what will happen if I don't call, she will lose interest too.>>

If a chick is interested sufficiently in you, she doesn't lose interest because you don't call. She hopes you'll call. She wonders if you'll call. All that time, she's THINKING of you. If she's thinking of you, that's ramping up her interest.

Just like you're thinking of her all this time and wondering why she doesn't call you back yadda yadda.
Obviously, you're interested and not losing interest.

>> How too show interest without being needy and make her chase me?>>

You ask her out. That's you showing interest without being needy. Done.

A girl will only chase you if she's interested and if you give her the room to chase you.

>> I hear people saying 'be a challenge!" But how? When I act like a player while going out and she is there? I think she will loose interest too, well maybe some competition won't do harm.>>

Being a challenge doesn't really mean to be a player. It's more about being your own man, making your own path, and should you meet a girl, well, you don't detour because of it. You still have things to do and you don't put your things on the back burner because of some girl. IOW, you don't start calling her all the time and thinking about her all the time or bending over backwards for her or dropping your friends for her or trying to get her to like you by not being you, and so, you're not available at the drop of a hat, but instead you fit her in your schedule once in a while because you happen to have a dating life as well, and you don't look to become cozy instant boyfriend material but just have a short, fun date and then it's so long! until next time.

So, sure, if you're out and she's there, you should be busy and having fun and interacting with others. Say hi to her but then go somewhere else for the night if you're going to feel like you have to put on a pony show for her.

But where do you get the idea that she'll lose interest if she sees you out having fun with other girls?

Girls want to have fun.

if she sees other girls having fun with you, that only drives up her seeing you as her ticket to fun times too.

All that said, once you blow it with a girl, there isn't any going back. You've set yourself in her mind as a boring date. No fun.
So it's probably over with this one.
 

jophil28

Master Don Juan
Joined
Nov 18, 2006
Messages
5,216
Reaction score
277
Location
Gold Coast. Aust.
Mr. Me said:
>> THe sequence posted by the Muscle Expert above will do just fine. >>

His sequence sounds like exactly like what I used to do when I was 21.

Not for nothing, but in hindsight, it constituted a rather crude attempt to initiate sex.
Indeed, it is crude for men OUR age , but it is a whole lot better than cooking mac and cheese and watching "Sleepless in Seattle".

I am thinking that the OP is about 21 years old..
 

Mr. Me

Master Don Juan
Joined
Dec 19, 2007
Messages
1,357
Reaction score
84
It's crude at any age. Just like wearing speedos. But that's not the point.

Oh shyt I just realized I'm debating the crudity of speedos with an aussie.
 

jophil28

Master Don Juan
Joined
Nov 18, 2006
Messages
5,216
Reaction score
277
Location
Gold Coast. Aust.
Mr. Me said:
It's crude at any age. Just like wearing speedos. But that's not the point.

Oh shyt I just realized I'm debating the crudity of speedos with an aussie.
Yeah its crude but ,crude or not, that kind of behavior is what 21 year olds do and will probably continue to do because it works for them .
It is kind of like their music. They like it, dance to it and continue to buy it.
It is primitive and crude but it fits their stage of development

Those speedos ? Ha ha .
Where I live they are seem to be compulsory...:down:
 

You essentially upped your VALUE in her eyes by showing her that, if she wants you, she has to at times do things that you like to do. You are SOMETHING after all. You are NOT FREE. If she wants to hang with you, it's going to cost her something — time, effort, money.

Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.

Top