I agree with all of this Guru, and thank you. Looking back though, I wonder what would have been better:
1. To get to sleep with a super hot girl for 7 months once a week and have to concede to her availability and terms and lack of investment (which is what happened)
2. To get to sleep with her for just a month and not conceded to her availability (which is what may have happened had I stuck to a strong frame)
If girls as hot as this one grew on trees for me, I'd say the latter. But that's not the case for me yet.... I get them from time to time, but not with abundance. There is a cost for #1 though, and that is the brain-scrambling it caused me. I was aware of this and kept telling myself I should be able to keep those emotions in control but ultimately I wasn't and to your exact point, I got sick of that and conceding and dumped. There is also an option 3 I didn't list above, which is the chance that if I stuck to my own strong frame, things would have worked out great.
You mention one form of female investment: her reaching out to you. What other forms of investment do you seek, and are any of them communicated directly - as in, something you overtly request her do?
These hot girls don’t want a doormat. They want someone who is going to stir their ocean of feelings upside down; someone who will reprimand and dominate them; the untamable someone they have to work hard to win. You placed yourself on a silver platter available to her every whim, hence, you never allowed her attraction to grow. Then you dump her because of all of your constant surrenders when in reality it was not her fault, but your own. All you needed to do was to give her space and allow her to reach out. If she never did, then you dismiss her. Otherwise when she reaches out, schedule a date on your terms. If she declined and countered strictly on her availability, you decline and counter on yours. If she declined again, then proceed with, “sorry, seems like you have much on your plate and cannot coordinate while considering my schedule. If that changes in the future, feel Free to reach out. Take care
”
Listen, I agree fully, despite what the Manosphere reiterates as nauseum, that not every girl will touch you the same. I get it and experienced that less than a handful times among close to 1000. But even then, I never gave the girl my balls on a platter as by doing that I would lose part of myself, my self-respect, -value, and -paradigms—the structure of how I rule my life—all of that which would never allow me to concede to such an arrangement. I would rather take my own life than give my balls to another. Dramatic statement made in truth and for emphasis.
To answer your questions:
I utilize one question to determine whether to use overt or silent boundaries: is she aware of what she is doing?
If it’s a question of desire, she is aware of how she feels, so my boundaries are silent. For example, if I want her to reach out more, I don’t tell her that. Instead, I’ll give her space to do that.
If I want her to acquiesce to my schedule as in Your example, I will make it impossible to make plans otherwise. And if it continues and she did not get “it,” then I would dump her overtly as described above.
These are the primary investments, her time and attention for my own (which she earns commensurately with how willing and free she invests).
If I don’t like a specific word, behavior, act, clothing, thinking, or whatever else that she is not aware of, then I go overt. For example, the other day, the girl mentioned in the above post said something derogatory in response to a joke I made. I told her straight and in seriousness, “dont say that again.” She apologized and acknowledged she was out of line.
When they admire you, they will correct and fall in line as troopers. The quickest way to kill that admiration is to surrender your character to their whims.
