What trauma has led you to have, or not have, success with women

[BadBoy89]

This correlates to the other post about the elephant in the room, but I’m curious to what kind of trauma the top players with women and non players with women have had in their lives.

I see men with no trauma, and they are terrible with women. Then I see men with tons of trauma, and they are Alphas. It’s also vice versa.

Im nothing compared to the top dogs here, but I’m wondering if my trauma is a lot or if I’m too weak compared to others. So it’s allowed and you don’t mind, please post what kind of trauma you have been through and how it has affected your relationship with women.

 

[Gamisch]

Difficult topic. Hardly ever will a mother have a good influence on a man's future dating life. why? Because tge mother is either:

** too protective. She shelters her son so much, that he can't let his mother go. Exactly, a mommy's boy. Every woman will be compared with his" holy mother ". A man like this needs his mother's approval to continue with a woman, and that obviously is a huge turn off.

On top of this mommy's boys often need a replacement for mama, somebody who knows how to operate a washing machine, how to iron clothes ,make decent food ect.

men like these are destined to be bluepilled beta men. I see it all around me. Men almost 40 still living at home ,or really close to their parents house(like 1or 2 streets away). Still bringing laundry to mommy.

**she is too distant. A man with a loveless mother on the other hand will also create a crooked view on what a woman is. Men like these might chase" the love they've always missed". Tends to happen more when a man is raised by only his mother.

** so is there even a solution? Yes the MAN ofcourse. A mother's upbringing of her son is as strong as the man behind her. A man must lead her and give instructions how to raise a boy to a man. Especially because he will spend less time with him than she will due work ect.

##But unfortunately , most men are beta. So eventually it is STILL the woman whose in charge. And growing up with a beta father might be worst than growing up without one.

For a man its extremely important to have a strong father figure. Without a strong man even the mothers with best intentions will mess up their sons to some degree.

 

[CornbreadFed]

Then I see men with tons of trauma, and they are Alphas.

IDK about this, my friend fits your description and I would call him far from an alpha.

 

[CornbreadFed]

To answer your question OP, I was a forced introvert until I left my hometown. My dad was pretty loud and dominant and overshadowed everyone/gave my sister preferential treatment and I had “the black guy” at a predominantly white suburb. I did start to really learn about myself/improve with women until I left that shvt hole to a more diverse area. And yes it was that bad, my school and college experiences were filled with racism that I simply cannot drop.

 

[RazorRambo24]

I wouldn't think of it as "having a trauma makes you better with women" at all. To discount the plethora of other factors and variables is just foolish. I mean this is a stupid thread, lets be bluntly honest here..

Also, Trauma doesn't always make men more "alpha" . Sometimes trauma ,infact, quite ALOT of the time, trauma can make someone weaker, more victim minded, afraid,timid, sensitive etc. That's because theres alot of diff types of traumas and causes.

To add input and try to relate to the notions you're presenting while discounting the long list of other factors that contributes to what makes good game, I'll share how some of my trauma may have helped with women:
I grew up pretty neglectfully raised.. There was not much compassion, love, in our household very often.. and having adhd and being super hyperactive, when there was love given, I wasn't able to sit still for very long to receive it. So growing up I lacked empathy and was quite selfish and did not understand care, compassion and love.. until much later in life.. I think lackin that sense of care made me less timid when it came to women.. What also helped was I was raised in environments and adhering to cultures that made me believe women were just super dumb.

Traumas I had later in life, made me lose trust in people, be on edge quite a bit, have stress and anxiety, nightmares, adrenal fatigue from my adrenaline always being triggered , especially in my sleep when i had the craziest nightmares/bad dreams. None of that sht helped with women at all but it made me tougher in general.

 

[BeExcellent]

Hmmmm.

My first husband lost his father (military) at age 12 very unexpectedly. Up til then he’d had a very literally Beaver Cleaver loving family. The loss of his father wrecked him, in large part because his grieving mother felt pity for him and rather than having a “this is how life goes sometimes” attitude. She indulged him, quit setting boundaries for him & he drifted. Pity is a terrible thing because it teaches the child to have self pity and act pitiful.

A close friend who is an irascible player was utterly heartbroken when he discovered his wife cheating. He swore never to be so vulnerable and foolish again, and he does not get close to any women. He simply uses them for sex or sex and companionship and moves on. He is empty inside but his assumption that all women are going to betray him if he gets too emotionally close makes it impossible for him to have a meaningful deep relationship. He is a broken man and cannot allow himself to love for fear of getting hurt again.

An ex boyfriend of mine (lots of issues) had an emotionally cold, distant neglectful judgemental stern mother. I had same so I of course could relate. He was a terrible womanizer, seeking women’s love & approval. Married his first wife at 19 (the first wife was 37). Mommy issues out the wazoo.

I know men with disapproving fathers. My brother-in-law’s father held my brother-in-law in disdain because he didn’t pursue medical school, despite him earning 300K plus in business and being very successful. The younger brother became the lawyer that Daddy expected and received overt favoritism in that family. My brother-in-law felt as though nothing he does is good enough, huge chip on his shoulder. Makes him unpleasant for my sister to deal with.

I took the line of love my son, but discipline him when necessary and explain to him that he’s got to be his own man and make his own way, that I won’t be there once he’s grown & the chips are down & he’s going to have to make good decisions. This seems to be the right path, love and guide but don’t smother….allow enough room for mistakes he can learn from & let him face consequences of small mistakes so he learns not to make big mistakes. Often I think about what would my dad do; what would my dad advise. I accept my son’s choices for his own life & appreciate that he has the fortitude to make decisions for himself. I’m not going to live forever. Part of my purpose in posts here is a place for my son to read my thoughts and advice for posterity, after I am gone.

 

[corrector]

No real trauma, just not enough good validating experiences, which I guess can be a trauma in and of itself over time. The only worst thing I can remember is that time I visited an escort back in December 2014 and had what seemed as a nervous break-down for a month that had me rattled. I felt this wierd "love-void" and felt I would meet someone on the Humber bike trail. Sometime during the 2015 year, I cold-approached a sexy black lady on the trail, we started chatting and french kissed each other in the parking lot and exchanged numbers.
Well, there is that I guess.

 

[SW15]

My biggest trauma was childhood bullying caused by a poorly conceived parental relocation that impacted by self-esteem greatly. My parents had a very unhealthy relational dynamic in their marriage as well and that marriage ended up failing. That one relocation also contributed to their divorce.

The first relocation was the worst but there were subsequent relocations within childhood, then a few adulthood relocations.

Due to relocations, I never had a social circle capable of arranging dates for me, meaning that I had to either rely upon approaching strangers or technology to find dates and relationships. This has made dating more challenging. Even the most well adjusted man without a social circle is going to find dating more difficult if he's relying upon technology or approaching strangers.

I have been in my current city for an extended period but the damage of the multiple relocations had been done.

In addition to this, I also graduated from my master's level program right as the Great Recession was unfolding and my initial employment prospects coming out of school were crap. Part of a man's SMV is tied into money/status variables and this had impact on my money/status.

 

[Hal9000]

Not really a trauma but the biggest disservice my mother did to me, with regards to women, was raising me to believe women were to be treated differently and to always be a perfect gentleman, etc. I honestly grew up thinking if I was nice, polite and respectful to women it would eventually be appreciated. Having to unlearn all those years of conditioning took a while because as we all know the nice respectful guy has no shot whatsoever with most women, especially young women.

Totally agree with the sentiment that many women raise their sons to be mammas boys which is ironic considering there are few things women despise more. Yet another mind #### our mothers try to do to us all.

 

[SW15]

the biggest disservice my mother did to me, with regards to women, was raising me to believe women were to be treated differently and to always be a perfect gentleman, etc. I honestly grew up thinking if I was nice, polite and respectful to women it would eventually be appreciated. Having to unlearn all those years of conditioning took a while because as we all know the nice respectful guy has no shot whatsoever with most women, especially young women.

Totally agree with the sentiment that many women raise their sons to be mammas boys which is ironic considering there are few things women despise more. Yet another mind #### our mothers try to do to us all.

My mother also did this disservice to me.

My father said some real beta male stuff that I had to unpack later too.

I see men with no trauma, and they are terrible with women.

I have 2 male cousins who observed parents with a healthier marriage than I observed with my parents. Both ended up divorced.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

I've had moderate to severe trauma (no, not sexual), but not going to quantify how bad it is or isn't especially since trauma effects everyone differently depends on when, where, etc. For some people, all it takes is a school bully, for others, war conflict might not even do it. I have a buddy who was more broken from a failed relationship than he was in the military.

Anyway, it certainly rings true that if you don't have good relationships with your parents, naturally your personal relationships probably won't be good either and I can see how it all fits together.

That said I do have very close friendships.

 

[Murk]

I've had lots of trauma, some I've spoken about on here, some will die with me. The main attribute I gained was an ability to connect and disarm people and build emotional connections. I'm very open/honest in real life, humble and vulnerable (kind of how I am on here). That is the only thing I can imagine, that has allowed me to do so well with women. I come across as genuine, because of my trauma I'm good at reading situations and emotions, which some of you will understand, can be a survival mechanism.

I was very introverted and shy until 21/22 years old and then a complete reversal up until the present day.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

I was a geeky, nerdy, awkward teenager in HS. Not attractive. My GF saw my HS pic & said I was an ‘ugly duckling’. Basically an incel. Needless to say was traumatizing.

 

[BadBoy89]

Well I guess I can give my story:

- Family fled our home country due to violence, political upheaval when I was young, gov’t took all our possessions / money.
- Very abusive mom, emotionally and physically.
- At 8, to have girls like me, wanted to join sports but no money.
- At 13, to have girls like me, went to school dance, racists threw dust in my eyes on purpose. By luck friend was there, otherwise would have been blind
- At 17, to have girls like me, had nose job. Surgical laser made deep scar on my face for 5 years.
- At 32, my sister in law pushed brother off of a balcony 21 stories up. She didn’t call the police until next day. Lied about the whole thing. Police and courts said she was innocent because she was 26 and decent looking. She sold all his possessions. Got married week after, and pregnant 2 weeks after.
- Ex girlfriend recorded me on the phone to try to sue for $5,000,000, I caught on and sent all her stuff to her friends house 720 miles away.

PUA sites have the guy, who has slept with thousands of women, say “her words don‘t matter“ and “treat all women as silly and cute.”

Be strong men.

 

[SargeMaximus]

My brother who gets laid with hotties is a mommas boy. I’m a rebel who my mom tries to treat as a child yet I don’t get laid nearly as much

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

I am the victim of narcissistic abuse.

It doesn't get any more traumatizing than that.

 

[Fortune_favors_the_bold]

Well I guess I can give my story:

- Family fled our home country due to violence, political upheaval when I was young, gov’t took all our possessions / money.
- Very abusive mom, emotionally and physically.
- At 8, to have girls like me, wanted to join sports but no money.
- At 13, to have girls like me, went to school dance, racists threw dust in my eyes on purpose. By luck friend was there, otherwise would have been blind
- At 17, to have girls like me, had nose job. Surgical laser made deep scar on my face for 5 years.
- At 32, my sister in law pushed brother off of a balcony 21 stories up. She didn’t call the police until next day. Lied about the whole thing. Police and courts said she was innocent because she was 26 and decent looking. She sold all his possessions. Got married week after, and pregnant 2 weeks after.
- Ex girlfriend recorded me on the phone to try to sue for $5,000,000, I caught on and sent all her stuff to her friends house 720 miles away.

PUA sites have the guy, who has slept with thousands of women, say “her words don‘t matter“ and “treat all women as silly and cute.”

Be strong men.

Many would have gone postal for much less...I feel your pain bro.

I am the victim of narcissistic abuse.

It doesn't get any more traumatizing than that.

Girlfriends or family? how?

 

[BillyPilgrim]

A good demonstrative example of trauma is the Gallagher brother from Oasis. The brothers' dad would beat Noel and the older brother Paul but not Liam, who was 5 and 7 years younger than his brothers.

What is the cause of Noel and Liam Gallagher's feud?

The sibling rivalry between Oasis' Liam and Noel Gallagher is legendary. But where did it all start?

faroutmagazine.co.uk

From the article:

Liam discussed the day his mother decided to finally leave her husband, taking the boys with her: “I was about seven when my mam left my dad. He was out all the time, fighting, beating my mam up, beating Noel and Paul up,” he said. “Never touched me, though. Then, one night, while he was out, my mam got her brothers round, got all our gear in a truck, left him a mattress, and we went off to our new house.”

It's pretty obvious who got beat in the pic above. These bros conquered the world together, but haven't been on speaking terms in years. Needless to say, the one who didn't get beat has the more attractive vibe to women.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Interesting topic. Well, my father emotionally and physically abused the living crap out of all of us and to this day acknowledges absolutely none of it, while devoting all of his attention and resources to his new wife and her family, but at least he goes to church every morning. My mother was also abandoned by her mother at 18 after he father died from alcohol and if you couldn’t guess, she’s just the sweetest most lovely emotionally distant, non communicative woman you’ve ever known.

I think as far as it has affected me, it left me super raw and super irritated and with an indeterminable spirit. I also have an uncanny ability to socially manipulate probably as a defense mechanism growing up which helps in the night game. I’m an avid reader of philosophy and self improvement and when I find a topic I really enjoy I immerse in it. Not sure if that helps.

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

Girlfriends or family? how?

Wife.

I think the narcissist spouse is the worse kind.