What to do when your girlfriend starts losing interest in you?

[Maximus Optimus]

Ive been with my girlfriend for 5 years now and she is starting to act like she doesnt care what I do anymore. She doesnt do the the caring things for me anymore either. She is starting to become aloof and she doesnt want sex much either. I can tell the interest is dropping big time. Is there anything I can do to get her interest back in me?

 

[RickTheToad]

Ive been with my girlfriend for 5 years now and she is starting to act like she doesnt care what I do anymore. She doesnt do the the caring things for me anymore either. She is starting to become aloof and she doesnt want sex much either. I can tell the interest is dropping big time. Is there anything I can do to get her interest back in me?

Start doing more spontaneous activities with her. Go to winery’s, trails, picnics, etc. Don't tell her, just take her. That could help reignite the spark.

 

[SirBigBell]

Ive been with my girlfriend for 5 years now and she is starting to act like she doesnt care what I do anymore. She doesnt do the the caring things for me anymore either. She is starting to become aloof and she doesnt want sex much either. I can tell the interest is dropping big time. Is there anything I can do to get her interest back in me?

A woman either loses interest slowly and gradually over time as you grow and evolve in different directions, or loses interest suddenly as a result of higher value orbiters giving her attention.

I have a feeling your girl has lost interest gradually. Most men dont see the signs of this fatigue until the rust has eaten away too much of the foundational pillars for the relationship to be salvageable.

Remember that sometimes women expect us to be mind-readers, and in some cases she can lose interest because she thinks “we've been together 5yrs but he isnt showing signs of wanting to put a ring on it.” The moment this thought takes hold you are pretty much on a slippery slope, as she starts to see the relationship as a waste of her limited biological clock time. She will scan the horizon for your replacement.

Is there enough interest within you to warrant investing effort in salvaging this? Dont hold on to a dead horse because you’re too scared to cash your chips in and cut her loose.

 

[Epimanes]

Exit stage left..... or ... supplicate...

Could try communicating... but ... most ppl in today's world suck at that.

Epi

 

[Maximus Optimus]

A woman either loses interest slowly and gradually over time as you grow and evolve in different directions, or loses interest suddenly as a result of higher value orbiters giving her attention.

I have a feeling your girl has lost interest gradually. Most men dont see the signs of this fatigue until the rust has eaten away too much of the foundational pillars for the relationship to be salvageable.

Remember that sometimes women expect us to be mind-readers, and in some cases she can lose interest because she thinks “we've been together 5yrs but he isnt showing signs of wanting to put a ring on it.” The moment this thought takes hold you are pretty much on a slippery slope, as she starts to see the relationship as a waste of her limited biological clock time. She will scan the horizon for your replacement.

Is there enough interest within you to warrant investing effort in salvaging this? Dont hold on to a dead horse because you’re too scared to cash your chips in and cut her loose.

I have to agree with you that it seems like she is losing interest gradually. Her female best friends wedding is coming up in June so maybe that has something to do with this. She literally doesnt care what I do anymore and most of the time doesnt even look me in the eyes which is weird cause she usually does both.

 

[DonJuanjr]

I think you already know based on what your instincts are telling you.

 

[Alvafe]

Start doing more spontaneous activities with her. Go to winery’s, trails, picnics, etc. Don't tell her, just take her. That could help reignite the spark.

still it will become on only him doing the effort when she does nothing, thing is its something not only one part can do, both need to be interested on this, he could take the initiative and try, but there is great risk in only him doing so and losing any power he could have on hands with her.

we don't know all info for making good guess so in general, if she is not really putting effort its time to replace, hell in 5 year and she is not bugging for marriage or living together more then likely ther eis something wrong with her

 

[Jor-El]

I think you already know based on what your instincts are telling you.

I 2nd this.

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn’t

 

[Billtx49]

Her female best friends wedding is coming up in June so maybe that has something to do with this. She literally doesnt care what I do anymore

More than likely she sees her best friend’s life progressing in the direction she wants hers to go and feels left out socially and with her life. She might already be to the point of lost hope for the two of you.
We need to always be aware of known events in a woman's social orbit because she Will be effected by and think about what her friends do…

 

[deadmasterx]

There are a lot of things that can influence a woman's behaviour to you. I'm gonna give you an example. My girlfriend is always more closed when she's in her parents house. If she's there, we'll have sex 3 times a week, maybe a bit more. When she's somewhere else (my house or hers) we'll do it almost everyday. Not only that, but she's way more attentive, caring and loving when she's not there too. I think that the place just makes her blue.

Of course it's not always something like that, it can also be a phase, something that is going on in her life, her job, her friends getting engaged or marrying (as the gentlemen mentioned above). A series of factors can be influencing a woman's behaviour.

The thing that I must mention is: don't get out of your center, and never stop being loving and caring about her. Why? Because when you change your action towards her she knows that she can change you based on how she acts towards you. The main thing is: if you made a promise to YOURSELF of being a loving, caring and the best boyfriend you can be (do not misundestood it as a bootlicker, being the best you can be has nothing about getting out of your way like a puppy and always doing what she wants) then that's what you're gonna be. Doesn't matter if she' angry, cold on you, whatever. You open her up with your humour and your good mood. It's not always that you can open her up, but it doesn't mean you'll stop doing that.

Now the second thought is: if I should keep on acting on my good, should I pretend as if nothing is happening? Absolutely no. You're a man, your natural gift is solving problems, breaking walls. If you're feeling that she's cold on you for sometime (women usually get cold for one day, two, maybe a week depending on what's going on in a natural way, if it's more than that you should be "worried") you call her, let her sit down by your side, hold her hand and say "Honey, I noticed that you've been a bit cold and distant lately. Is something going on?" and let her talk. Men have a 6th sense on that, we know when there's something wrong with our women. If you know there's something wrong and she doesn't tell you, keep on asking her. Get her to talk. Do not interrupt her, and keep on asking good quality questions. If she's complaining about something you did (which you'll analyse and judge if she's right or if it's something she misunderstood about you), about something in her life, about her friends... doesn't matter. Listen to your woman, let her open her heart for you, let her tell you everything, and when you feel that there's more you can keep on asking, making sure you understand what she means (because she will be expecting you to).

The rules you should always bring for yourself in the relationship are:

1) I won't ever, by any case, change my attitude (unless it's for a better version of myself)
Excellence is an habit, and it's not because she's good that she can change me. It's preferable to breakup (that I recommend on extreme circunstamces such as cheating, infidelity, continuous disrespectful behaviour, etc) than to change yourself. Do not be a puppy, also do not be distant and indifferent to everything about her. Be her man, be her mountain, her stronghold.

2) I'm here to solve problems, not to make them
It also fits in the "do not change your attitude" thing. Changing yourself will always bring more problems than solving them (supposing that you're acting like a good man, not like a weak beta or a sh!t ass "indifferent alpha"). If there's a problem, you solve them. Communication in a relationship is the key. Arguing isn't communicating. You must be able to listen to her, understand her (I didn't mean accepting) what she says and finding solutions for the problems. She's your woman, and she trusts your leadership. If the boat if sinking, they will blame the Captain, not the Sailor.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Ive been with my girlfriend for 5 years now and she is starting to act like she doesnt care what I do anymore. She doesnt do the the caring things for me anymore either. She is starting to become aloof and she doesnt want sex much either. I can tell the interest is dropping big time. Is there anything I can do to get her interest back in me?

Pull back immediately. Go no contact for 3 days. Then call her up and ask her out on a date. Chances are you’ve been slacking on the romance portion, being a needy male friend with a penis rather than her lover. If she won’t go out with you, pull back even further. Increase space by withdrawing attention.. she will feel it. Hopefully there is enough left in the tank to re-ignite.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Ive been with my girlfriend for 5 years now and she is starting to act like she doesnt care what I do anymore.

Also OP, a completely different take -

She’s already checked out and is cheating on you. Five years is too long for an LTR to have not progressed into a marriage. Women resent their long term boyfriends usually by year 3. They are just waiting for the next decent opportunity (cvck to ride) at this point.

 

[Mister_Skinny_Jeanz]

Ive been with my girlfriend for 5 years now and she is starting to act like she doesnt care what I do anymore. She doesnt do the the caring things for me anymore either. She is starting to become aloof and she doesnt want sex much either. I can tell the interest is dropping big time. Is there anything I can do to get her interest back in me?

spit the gum out , it has lost its flavor brother.

 

[Scaramouche]

Hi Max,
Pretty normal behaviour,those of us,it seems so few,who spin plates here,experience it too...When your principle interest seems to flag just ramp up your other activities...After a bit of huffing and puffing they usually step back into line.

 

[Dash Riprock]

Ive been with my girlfriend for 5 years now and she is starting to act like she doesnt care what I do anymore. She doesnt do the the caring things for me anymore either. She is starting to become aloof and she doesnt want sex much either. I can tell the interest is dropping big time. Is there anything I can do to get her interest back in me?

I can give you a sure fire method for reigniting her interest in you but 99% of men don't have the balls to do it, so I'm not sure I want to waste my time.

I can sense your desperation in your post. Why do you need her so badly? 5 years is a long time with one woman. What's the worst thing that happens if you break up? These are the questions you should be asking yourself. Nothing is forever.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Ive been with my girlfriend for 5 years now and she is starting to act like she doesnt care what I do anymore. She doesnt do the the caring things for me anymore either. She is starting to become aloof and she doesnt want sex much either. I can tell the interest is dropping big time. Is there anything I can do to get her interest back in me?

It's time to pull away. I know you want her to desire you. You miss the connection, and it creates a "neediness" in the situation. You have to create distance and fill your "neediness" with other activities and other people socially.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I have to agree with you that it seems like she is losing interest gradually. Her female best friends wedding is coming up in June so maybe that has something to do with this. She literally doesnt care what I do anymore and most of the time doesnt even look me in the eyes which is weird cause she usually does both.

Very good observation. Pull away and put your attention on yourself.

 

[DonJuanjr]

I can give you a sure fire method for reigniting her interest in you but 99% of men don't have the balls to do it, so I'm not sure I want to waste my time.

Others might find it useful at some point.

 

[manfrombelow]

I remember behaving exactly like OP's woman when I was around 15-16 years old, towards my mother. I rememeber ceasing all communication with her, not sharing stuff with her anymore, and not staying around her anymore (which forced me to move out).

Why?

Because, I realized my mother, the person who's supposed to love me and LISTEN to my sh!t was totally unable to do that. She said she love me, but every fvcking time I wanted to talk to her about what I thought of her certain way of doing certain things, or when I wanted to tell her that she had a lot of problems on her part, and that she's not as perfect as she thought she was, and she gave me a sh1tty and stupid upbringing which contributed to making me a shy, nervous, and awakward to the outside world, as well as the fact that she had chosen a sh1tty husband to be my sh1ty father which gave me fvcking trauma even until now, she ALWAYS DENIED, INTERRUPTED ME IN THE MIDDLE OF MY SPEECH, THREW TANTRUM at me, AND CRIED like a fvcking psycho (played the victim).

And to make things even worse, the very next day, if she met me at the kitchen or the living room, she'd give me a fvcking BIG SMILE and GREETED me with sweet words as if NOTHING EVER FVCKING HAPPENED THE DAY BEFORE, while I was still hurt and mad at her for not listenning to me. I was always like WTF woman? You killed me emotionally yesterday and now you're smiling at me like the sweetest mother in the world?

I mean, I did not ask her for money or car or **** (she didn't have them to offer me anyway), all I asked of her was FVCKING LISTENING TO ME - and even this she could not fvcking do.

So, finally, I gave up. On the day I officially gave up, I had no more empathy or feeling whatsoever for her. Even if she's dead right before my eyes, maybe I'd flinch a little, but nothing more.

So basically, I stopped caring about my own fvcking mother (and the relationship I had with her) when I had realized how shallow, stupid, irrational, and unable she was in listenning to me - her own fvcking child. She let me down too many times, she made me frustrated too much, so I gave up.

So I suggest OP should take this time to have a strong big deep reflection into himself, to investigate himself to realize if he ever TRULY LISTENED to his woman before?

On top of that, do not try to over-care and go over the top to compensate and lick her boot because that'll only push her farther away from you.

Tell her you want to talk, tell her directly that you know something's not right and you're willing to LISTEN to her to find out why to fix it because you love her and care for this relationship. Good luck. (Sorry for hijacking your post anyway)

 

[Black Widow Void]

Too often, forum members here enjoy placing blame on women. A lot of times, it's warranted, but not always. Sometimes, it's us.

If we do not do 'personal inventory' at times, then we are prone to walking around and creating the same mistakes over and over.

To give an example, I was in a four year relationship that sounds similar to yours. In retrospect, it ended because I became lazy. In other words, she and I became an "old couple."

Like yourself, I started wondering why things seemed to be gradually slipping away. If this is salvageable, you need to recreate the fun, spark and unpredictability that first started her attraction.
But, here's the element that most men in couple-hood seem to forget. You cannot go about this and give off any desperate vibe. If she thinks that you are doing this with the motive of 'buying her attention' you'll sink. Instead, be fun, leave on a high note and then be scarce. You also need to do subtle things that 'communicate' that you are not dependent on her (if she starts getting smug, you pull away etc...)