What to do when your girlfriend starts losing interest in you?

[bat soup]

Ive been with my girlfriend for 5 years now and she is starting to act like she doesnt care what I do anymore. She doesnt do the the caring things for me anymore either. She is starting to become aloof and she doesnt want sex much either. I can tell the interest is dropping big time. Is there anything I can do to get her interest back in me?

Dump her.

 

[ThisIsSparta]

She literally doesnt care what I do anymore and most of the time doesnt even look me in the eyes which is weird cause she usually does both.

*Stop caring what she does, keep your mind on your stuff
*Implement dread game ASAP
*Become mysterious for her again, make her mind work about you and not the other way around
*Always be willing and ready to walk away, make her know indirectly

She lost interest in you and no amount of flowers and fancy dinners is going to fix that.
Its time to step up the game and play hardball.

If she doesnt come around due to competition anxiety, shes gone and you can work on your exit strategy before she starts cheating (if she isnt already).

 

[bat soup]

She'll be interested when she comes home and finds her stuff in boxes.

 

[SW15]

Dump her.

She'll be interested when she comes home and finds her stuff in boxes.

I agree with dumping her. 5 years is a good run. There was an instance in my life (relationship duration much shorter than 5 years) where I felt the relationship was going in the wrong direction. I ended it and she went nuts. She was a bit temperamental anyways. Seeing her stuff in boxes will elicit a passionate, emotional response, which is good. But you can't fold then. The breakup must stick.

 

[rart]

Also OP, a completely different take -

She’s already checked out and is cheating on you. Five years is too long for an LTR to have not progressed into a marriage. Women resent their long term boyfriends usually by year 3. They are just waiting for the next decent opportunity (cvck to ride) at this point.

This. Start looking for a new girlfriend.

 

[Focal core]

She has checkout emotionally, dont listen to advised that you need to reignite the spark for her to come back, thats like my grandma use to say, the more you try the harder she will pull away, at this point you need to dump her.. Taking time for yourself. Look deeper and progress into a whole you that you have been missing for 5 years, your body want this, thats why the relationship fails as you both fails to grow as a couple together (eg. Marriage), intimacy is dead.. No way this could be end well without you dumping her.

 

[SW15]

She’s already checked out and is cheating on you. Five years is too long for an LTR to have not progressed into a marriage. Women resent their long term boyfriends usually by year 3. They are just waiting for the next decent opportunity (cvck to ride) at this point.

I think most relationships have a shelf life of goodness of 5 years. This relationship we are examining here is a 5 year long relationship that was likely only good for 3-3.5 years, proving your point. A lot of 8-12 year long relationships that end up failing (marriage or no marriage) were likely only good for no more than 5 years if both partners are honest with themselves about how things really were.

She may or may not be cheating. It doesn't matter. The relationship has likely run its course and is not salvageable.

I don't think marriage is a good idea for most men now. The incentives for leaving are too favorable for women and too detrimental for men. Men don't get as much out of marriage in the post 1990 era as they did in the old days.

 

[Dash Riprock]

Please shed some light. We need more tough but real world advice that gets results.

The Preemptive Breakup

He's going to get dumped--guaranteed. He's panicking and trying to rapidly increase IL. Getting all sorts of advice about mystery dates, etc. That stuff works in a healthy and/or new relationship but when the woman is losing interest, the ONLY thing you can do is hit the eject button before she dumps you. This way, it's (usually) a shock and awe move that can really pique her interest. BUT, you need to have pair of brass balls and stick to it. Here's where 99% of all men are too chicken s*it to do it. He needs to talk with her and say, "Hey Sally, damn this is hard, but this just isn't working for me anymore. I think you're an awesome person but I need some time to process how a LTR will fit into my life right now. It's not fair to you that I'm not in this 100%. I need some time to process. I hope you understand." I've done this a few times and had the girl blowing up my phone and doing an about face.

Then, stick to what you said for at least 60-90 days. Chances are you'll meet someone new and/or lose attraction for Sally by then. NO CONTACT IS ALLOWED. Got it? She may not give a s*it, but maybe her hamster will spin too. Either way, you don't care. If after 60-90 days, you want to have a chill date, do it, and it's like hitting the reset button--but SHE must reach out, not you, no matter what. Don't be a p*ssy. Got it?

At least this way you preserve you dignity, manhood, and pride, and know you're the one who ended it, which from a psychological perspective, will help your confidence as you find someone who is a better fit.

BUT, my guess is OP will read this and not do it. 99% don't. So for the guys that asked, there you go. Employ the Preemptive Breakup when you sense it coming and take back your power and dignity.

Be well.

~Dash~

 

[Maximus Optimus]

Guys I have a major problem in all of this. Me and her live together and I have a 7 year old son. She takes great care of him and I dont know how I would work and have time cook, to pick him up from school etc. If I dump her then how would I find a new place to live so fast? I have all of my stuff and my sons stuff here.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Guys I have a major problem in all of this. Me and her live together and I have a 7 year old son. She takes great care of him and I dont know how I would work and have time cook, to pick him up from school etc. If I dump her then how would I find a new place to live so fast? I have all of my stuff and my sons stuff here.

Well. You fvcked up. Don’t live with broads that aren’t your wives. I’ll direct you to my earlier post:

Pull back immediately. Go no contact for 3 days. Then call her up and ask her out on a date. Chances are you’ve been slacking on the romance portion, being a needy male friend with a penis rather than her lover. If she won’t go out with you, pull back even further. Increase space by withdrawing attention.. she will feel it. Hopefully there is enough left in the tank to re-ignite.

Your only option right now is to create space. Act disinterested in her. Occupy yourself. Do this for at least a few days. Don’t touch her, don’t talk to her. She has to come at you. Let her do 100% of the initiating talking and touching, outside of “thank you” when she picks up your son. Pretend this broad is dead. She will sense the shift.

 

[Alvafe]

Guys I have a major problem in all of this. Me and her live together and I have a 7 year old son. She takes great care of him and I dont know how I would work and have time cook, to pick him up from school etc. If I dump her then how would I find a new place to live so fast? I have all of my stuff and my sons stuff here.

who place it is? and for the looks of it you need more a maid then a GF so up to you

 

[Maximus Optimus]

who place it is? and for the looks of it you need more a maid then a GF so up to you

Its both of our place. We go 50/50 on the rent but the rental agreement is in her name. We are renting a house in Texas.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Its both of our place. We go 50/50 on the rent but the rental agreement is in her name. We are renting a house in Texas.

Pack up and get out of there. This is not salvageable.

 

[Modern Man Advice]

Ive been with my girlfriend for 5 years now and she is starting to act like she doesnt care what I do anymore. She doesnt do the the caring things for me anymore either. She is starting to become aloof and she doesnt want sex much either. I can tell the interest is dropping big time. Is there anything I can do to get her interest back in me?

Be unpredictable aka spontaneous. Routine and familiarity are relationship killers.

Also, a big part of it is that you probably are not progressing in life, either physically, financially, professionally, etc, etc. So start becoming a better man, not just for her, but more importantly for yourself.

Also, she probably doesn't think you have options. Meaning, she is the only source of intimacy. And while you expect that in a monogamous relationship, there is nothing more awakening to a woman than sensing her man has options and other women want to be with him. It is called competition anxiety.

In reality, there are many things you can do to improve your situation. But start with those basic/fundamental steps.

Feel free to reach out directly anytime.


Modern Man Advice

 

[Billtx49]

Its both of our place. We go 50/50 on the rent but the rental agreement is in her name. We are renting a house in Texas.

She holds the all legal cards then regarding occupancy. You and son move out or work it out with her. If communication and personal effort doesn’t work, then you have only one option which may possibly have to wait until the end of her lease term for a mutually agreeable ending.
Keep in mind thru out this that she probably has the legal right to kick you off premises if she wants to take it that far…
Lesson learned on cohabitation leases…

 

[Lookatu]

Ive been with my girlfriend for 5 years now and she is starting to act like she doesnt care what I do anymore.

Is there anything I can do to get her interest back in me?

First ask yourself why you've been with her this long and was it/is it for the right reasons?

Then ask yourself what is the end goal with her?

In ltr's, guys can get complacent, lazy, comfortable. These are all comforting things people can easily fall into and not really think about. There is that security aspect for some as well. However, the flipside is you no longer remain desirable as you let yourself go or do stuff that you didn't before or quit doing stuff that attracted her to you in the first place.

All this boils down to is are you right for her and is she right for you? If so, do both of you know about it or have discussed it?

Don't stay together just because you have a kid together or that she's making your life easy by paying 1/2 the rent and maybe doing other domesticated duties for you. That's not a good reason.

 

[bat soup]

I think when you get to this point, the best thing is just to end it. It's not worth salvaging. Surely after 5 years you're starting to get bored of her anyway. Take advantage of the opportunity to boot her out, be free for a while and then find someone else that treats you the way you expect.

 

[Maximus Optimus]

Ive noticed in the past week that she gets disgusted by things that I do that she didnt used to be disgusted by. I forgot to mention that 2 weeks ago she has told me to pull out during sex instead of going in her. Thats unusual for her. She has become really disagreeable this month as well. Have any of you experienced this before where your woman becomes grossed out by you? Thats the best way I can describe it. Why would she be feeling that way?

 

[Barrister]

@Lookatu had a great response earlier this thread.

I can say that this just happened in my last LTR at about the 6-7 month mark. I ended up hanging on for another 2 years in a relationship that was a constant source of irritation to me by employing dread game off and on. It kept her being worried about losing me but overall did not ever get the relationship back to the honeymoon phase levels of investment on her part. It also did not stop her bad behaviors.

My advice and maybe I’m a bit jaded: eject now. In any relationship the person who cares the least has all the power. She cares less than you right now — this is clear. By staying, you are completely at her mercy. Sure, you can use dread game to tip the scales just a bit, but it gets exhausting. I would simply exit.

 

[manfrombelow]

Anyway, this is the case I would deploy what guys here call "Pre-Emptive Breakup" aka dump her FIRST.

Only two outcomes happen:

1/ This ignites her anxiety to make her want to come back and fix things with you, in which case you'll regain your power back.

2/ This does nothing because she doesn't give a damn, which is good because she'd dump you anyway.