A girl flaked on a date last minute via text, gave a vague excuse, and didn’t mention anything about rescheduling.
This shows me that she isn’t concerned about losing my attention, she doesn’t value my time, and spending time with me is not a priority for her (especially since she didn’t suggest another time.)
I didn’t reply to her flaking text and just removed all of my attention at that point. The soft next.
No worries. I can move on. But there’s more to the story.
(She sent a pic a few days later with a street sign that had my username on it. I opened it but didn’t respond.)
After three weeks of radio silence I got the “Where you at?” text from her. I didn’t reply. The next day (yesterday), she tried to FaceTime me. I didn’t answer.
I think she might keep trying to text and call (or even show up at my place), so my question is whether I should respond or just keep ignoring her.
I’ve known her for a long time, but we only started doing stuff together in the past six months.
A few months ago we went bar hopping around town, she came over to my place for the night, we ended up in bed naked. Didn’t technically ****, but we rounded all the other bases.
This matters because she’s also in a long-distance relationship right now. The guy seems like the blue-pilled provider type. Not unusual for a girl to explore that sort of thing when she’s 29.
FWIW, the morality of the situation doesn’t bother me. I don't know what their arrangement is while they are long distance, and I don't ask.
Anyway, even though we joked about it afterward and neither one of us was really surprised to learn the other was attracted to them, I think she might be feeling guilty about what happened (and what almost happened.)
So, she still says yes to going out and hanging out and stuff, but when the actual day comes, she gets cold feet and either leaves early or flakes.
I think she wants to hang out but she knows that if she doesn’t put some space between us or leave early or flake, the unfinished business of the sexual tension between us is just gonna do its thing.
It’s like if we seal the deal, it has to be my fault or it has to just happen unexpectedly. For example, if her dude ever found out about us messing around, she could say she was blackout drunk (she wasn’t) and doesn’t remember it (she does.)
But she wouldn’t have that plausible deniability if she invited me over to her place for the evening, cooked me dinner, and we spent the night watching movies on the couch — which is what this last date was going to be (the one she flaked on).
I think we both want to hook up but it just kinda has to happen unexpectedly so she feels it wasn’t her fault and she doesn’t trigger that slut shaming defense mechanism. Or she's not interested anymore, but our text exchanges and in-person flirtations since then seem to support the idea that she's interested at least to some degree.
Anyhow, now that I’ve removed all of my attention, she’s reaching out.
I don’t want to ruin the opportunity by ignoring her completely and rejecting every attempt she makes, but also don’t want to play myself, slip into low-value behaviors, and end up in the friendzone just giving her attention for nothing in return.
(Also, I’m still approaching other girls, flirting, and getting numbers while this is going on, so while this is a story about one girl, it’s not a oneitis story. I’m not attached to an outcome, but if I can make it happen, great.)
Someone suggested that I should just text “come over” as a reply to any message from her from this point onward. I think that’s an interesting strategy for girls who reach out after repeatedly flaking, but I’m not sure if it would be a good idea for a girl who wants to avoid the slut shaming part of things.
The last part is what to say to the inevitable “why didn’t you respond to any of my messages” question. I think less is more here. Just something like “I’ve been busy” or “been on some new year new me type ****” is better than a confrontation…
…but since I haven’t responded to three of her attempts to message me, if I don’t say something soon, she could get confrontational as well, so there’s that.
Has anyone been through a similar situation?
This shows me that she isn’t concerned about losing my attention, she doesn’t value my time, and spending time with me is not a priority for her (especially since she didn’t suggest another time.)
I didn’t reply to her flaking text and just removed all of my attention at that point. The soft next.
No worries. I can move on. But there’s more to the story.
(She sent a pic a few days later with a street sign that had my username on it. I opened it but didn’t respond.)
After three weeks of radio silence I got the “Where you at?” text from her. I didn’t reply. The next day (yesterday), she tried to FaceTime me. I didn’t answer.
I think she might keep trying to text and call (or even show up at my place), so my question is whether I should respond or just keep ignoring her.
I’ve known her for a long time, but we only started doing stuff together in the past six months.
A few months ago we went bar hopping around town, she came over to my place for the night, we ended up in bed naked. Didn’t technically ****, but we rounded all the other bases.
This matters because she’s also in a long-distance relationship right now. The guy seems like the blue-pilled provider type. Not unusual for a girl to explore that sort of thing when she’s 29.
FWIW, the morality of the situation doesn’t bother me. I don't know what their arrangement is while they are long distance, and I don't ask.
Anyway, even though we joked about it afterward and neither one of us was really surprised to learn the other was attracted to them, I think she might be feeling guilty about what happened (and what almost happened.)
So, she still says yes to going out and hanging out and stuff, but when the actual day comes, she gets cold feet and either leaves early or flakes.
I think she wants to hang out but she knows that if she doesn’t put some space between us or leave early or flake, the unfinished business of the sexual tension between us is just gonna do its thing.
It’s like if we seal the deal, it has to be my fault or it has to just happen unexpectedly. For example, if her dude ever found out about us messing around, she could say she was blackout drunk (she wasn’t) and doesn’t remember it (she does.)
But she wouldn’t have that plausible deniability if she invited me over to her place for the evening, cooked me dinner, and we spent the night watching movies on the couch — which is what this last date was going to be (the one she flaked on).
I think we both want to hook up but it just kinda has to happen unexpectedly so she feels it wasn’t her fault and she doesn’t trigger that slut shaming defense mechanism. Or she's not interested anymore, but our text exchanges and in-person flirtations since then seem to support the idea that she's interested at least to some degree.
Anyhow, now that I’ve removed all of my attention, she’s reaching out.
I don’t want to ruin the opportunity by ignoring her completely and rejecting every attempt she makes, but also don’t want to play myself, slip into low-value behaviors, and end up in the friendzone just giving her attention for nothing in return.
(Also, I’m still approaching other girls, flirting, and getting numbers while this is going on, so while this is a story about one girl, it’s not a oneitis story. I’m not attached to an outcome, but if I can make it happen, great.)
Someone suggested that I should just text “come over” as a reply to any message from her from this point onward. I think that’s an interesting strategy for girls who reach out after repeatedly flaking, but I’m not sure if it would be a good idea for a girl who wants to avoid the slut shaming part of things.
The last part is what to say to the inevitable “why didn’t you respond to any of my messages” question. I think less is more here. Just something like “I’ve been busy” or “been on some new year new me type ****” is better than a confrontation…
…but since I haven’t responded to three of her attempts to message me, if I don’t say something soon, she could get confrontational as well, so there’s that.
Has anyone been through a similar situation?